(((((((JACKY)))))))))<P><BR>I was just about finished typing a nice long return to you when I got disconnected. ARGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>I just can't re-type that right now so just know that I and many others here love you and will be with throughout this whole ordeal.<P>Please take care of yourself and those kids need you so much right now. I know it's late there so please try and get some sleep.<P>I'll talk with you more tomorrow.<P>Extra Hugs, Many Thoughts, & Deep Prayers from KANSAS<P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

Mike, why does NLP have nothing to do with it....she can tell him to react a certain way in EVERY situation...and she is likely to know ALL the situations since she has been divorced three time...he is not responding like he usually would, and I am just so sure she is coaching him.

Thanks Bill.<P>How cam I sleep though? My life just ended, and he DOESN'T care.<P>I am in absolute turmoil....I hate him for imposing this life on me while he has just gone from one f*** to another. Oh he knows it's hard for me, would;'t be this way in Oz, blah, blah, blah, but TOUGH cookies Jack, you lose. He CANNOT SEE HIMSELF. How rediculous he would seem to everyone we know. That's how I see it, I'm sorry if I offend.<P>17 years....he doesn't even care what this is doing to the kids....the HURT in Sam's eyes tonight when he told me about HER. I hate HIM for that...hurting my babies.<P>Well the other day he said he wished I hated him...he got his wish.

Your life, as you know it, has <B>changed...not ended.</B> You understand with great clarity the total lack of control that you have in where it has gone, and seems to be going. You feel totally rejected, used, and disillusioned. I am sorry that you feel that way, too Jacky. I am sorry that your H is lost to you now, I am. I don't want you to go too far in blaming yourself, or hating OW. She had gotten, and will continue to get, her due. I know that this is no consolation to you now, but it eventually helped me to realize that OM, and his whole family did not single me out, they singled <B>her</B> out, and took her from me at a time that my position was weak. (You know, only committed for life, and with 4 kids, etc.) This is neither the first, nor the last time these people here, or those there will do this. We got caught, Jacky...we got caught by the iniquity of Man. God does not want you to suffer, and you know that he hates divorce. You are going through the Valley of the Shadow of Death...but, the operative words are <B>going through</B>. You won't be here for long, and certainly not forever. I still have to let her go <B>every day</B>, its hard...I know.<P>NLP has nothing to do with manipulating people, and taking things from them that are rightfully theirs. It is not about brain-washing people into acting against their best interests. NLP, in fact, can only be useful to you..the results are what transform your life, not the process.<P>Where's that e-mail I asked you for? ^ mtblake@netexpress.net

I just emailed you Mike, but I'd better take Bill's advice and try to sleep. So I won't see your reply until tomorrow. Now that means about 2am your time if I look for it at 9am.<P>I am sorry I am so, so flat...I know lots of you have been where I am tonight, and you know what it feels like.

Jacky,<P>I am sooooo sorry. You are exactly where I was yesterday. I was looking for a tree to run into. The pain you feel right now is unbearable. All you want is for the pain to end and end RIGHT NOW!! I know!! But hang in there, as Scarlet O'Hara says in "Gone with the Wind." Tomorrow is another day!! You have every right to feel how you feel. I am glad to know that your kids really, really need you. They would be forever lost and hurt without you. Put your love and attention to them. I wish we all here could take away the pain for you. My heart breaks for you and for all of us that have to go through this awful, awful place. You are loved, even if you don't know all of our faces and all of our names. There are no words that can take away the pain, but we have all been there. Some of us longer than others. I pray that God will send his angels to watch and protect you tonight. That they will wrap their wings around you and help bring peace to your heart, mind and soul.<P>Love,<BR>Tina

Hi Jacky,<P>I've never posted to you before, but believe me, I know where you are.<P>It's the most soul-destroying, gut wrenching thing you will ever go through. But you will get through it. You will. You have to believe that. I did, and so will you.<P>I think your post got to me because of the way you can't believe your h could do this. I was in the same boat 2 years ago. Never ever did I believe for one second that the kind gentle loving man I married could do that. He did.<P>The relationship with his first OW lasted only 6 months, and then he saw her for the fruit loop she is. Now he's just moved in with his 5th gf since we broke up - someone I used to work with 10 years ago that he thought was a sl*t at the time..... Go figure...... I can't.....<P>I know exactly what you are experiencing where the children are concerned. I have 2 gorgeous girls that I thank God for every day. They are the light of my life. It's too early to say to you that you have to deal with this, you are in too much pain. And I know that feeling sooo well - where the children are concerned.<BR>But my Mum said something to me one day. She said "Jo, this will kill you if you don't accept it." Now bear in mind this was about 10 months into his relationship with latest gf, who spends a lot of time with my girls. makes me sick thinking of it even now. But guess what, we have to accept it. We have no control over it. Especially here in Australia. Yep, I'm here too. I'm in Brisbane. Probably another reason why your post got to me. We lived in Melbourne for 11 years and I loved it. I only left when all this happened, to come home to be with my family who live up here. They saved me and got me through it. I'm glad you're moving to be with your family. You need them right now, and they will support you unconditionally which is what you need.<P>Another thing you said, about his family not believing what has happened. Oh boy, are you married into the same family that I was.... This (our story) is all my fault, as I wasn't working hard enough on my marriage..... They didn't believe he had an affair, and of course he never told the truth. They haven't spoken to me since the day I told them I was leaving Melb. Charming hey. I'm only saying this to you so you can maybe have an insight of how they may behave. It blows my mind that they believe I could take their grandchildren away for no reason!!! Anyway, their problem.<P>When you come home, I'm happy to give you my email address or phone number in case you need to talk to someone who has been there and done that! A phone number that it won't cost the earth to ring!!! And someone who has been exactly where you are BUT SURVIVED. You will too. Keep hanging on to that, and believing it.<P>I've made such a great friend of one of the girls from MB, but I've never spoken to her on the phone. We only email and send cards etc. She lives in the States which makes it a bit prohibitive. Not so in our case!!<P>Take care of you and your babies, and remember, things all turn out the way they should. I believe that completely.<P>If you want my email address now, its bonnet2@bigpond.com<P>I'm heading down to Melbourne mid Sept for a few days also, keep that in mind if you want to talk.<P>I wish I could wave a magic wand for you, to make everything ok for you. All I can keep saying is that you will get through this. Somehow, you will.<P>Take care, and know that people out there do care for you.<P>Jo

Jacky, I am speechless. I cannot believe how foolish and self-destructive your H has been. I doubt anything I say will be comforting, but I'll try.<P>You have not been stupid. You have done everything in your power to save your marriage, so you can hold your head high. He doesn't want it? Anyone with any sense will say he's a fool, and anyone who doesn't say he's a fool, you don't care about. <P>Please get rid of those self-destructive thoughts you're having- "I want to die" "My life has ended" - and start imagining a better future. To start with, a future without the pain you're feeling now, without the stress of loving an undeserving man. You'll be back in Austrailia among family and friends- stepping off the plane will be like taking your first deep breath in months. <P>You don't want to die, Jacky- if you die, he'll raise your kids. <BR>

Thank you everyone for listening to the ramblings of a broken heart.<P>Bonnet, I knew you were from Australia, picked it up somewhere.<P>Little misundersanding about his family....they won't believe that someone as good, kind and loving as him would do this...get the idea now? It is 100% out of character. I was lying in bed today and I decided that I don't even like him now...maybe that's a firt step to my healing.<P>dabigtrain...thank you too, and Bill if I haven't already. I am very grateful for everyone's good wishes and prayers.<P>It's a new day, but I'm still intent on booking those tickets...and getting out of here...<P>Until yesterday, I was going to pack up the house...situation is that some of the stuff is ours, the rest belongs to the house. I WAS going to separate it for him as a Plan A thing...so when he goes to Mozambique he would find it easy to sort through. He wouldn't know what's ours or theirs. But now he has forced me out the door fast, there isn't time, and I don't want to anyway. Love to see how he handle that when the time comes.<P>He's in ga-ga land...the impact of what he's don won't hit him for a very long time. I don't care.<P>

Jacky:<P>I am so sorry! I know how hard you tried and wanted to believe the best would come of things. Perhaps the best is coming of things. Once you get home, you may sleep better and eat better. Your stress level will go down and you will be happier. It may take time, but you are strong. <P>My thoughts and prayers are with you!<P>Michelle

Just sitting here thinking about the talk we had on the phone last night...<P>I recalled he said to me "Jack, I knew you'd be hurt by all of this, but you'll get over it." What a condescending, patronising thing to say :MAD:.<P>I feel some comfort in the fact that I don't have to try any more...I know that's not MB style, but I'm Plan B'ing now anyway, and that means no contact, so no meeting his needs. The miniscule bit of love I feel for him today would disappear if I saw just ONE more of his distant looks my way.

Michelle,<P>No, everything has not gone as I hoped, but whether it's just because I feel so dead inside now, or shock, or relief that I'm feeling I just don't know. <P>I do know that he has reduced my self esteem to nil. I'm going to work hard at that when I get home.<P>My mum always says, when one door closes, another opens. I hope so.