<BR>on some ignorant folks posting on a thread about whether it was okay to hit women or not ... YES ... read it again because that IS what I said ...<P>so here goes my second and final response on that thread:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Again, if I must ... <B>It is not right for a man to hit a woman in anger in any circumstance. It is not right for a woman to hit a man in anger in any circumstance.</B><P>If I hear something to the effect of ''it's okay if the b!tch deserves it'' one more time I will have to make an effort not to puke on my keyboard.<P>After the first time ... <I>I love you and I swear I'll never do it again.</I><BR>After the second time ... <I>I've never done it before you. I'll never do it again.</I><BR>After the third time ... <I>I'll never do it again. You're the only one I've ever loved enough to get this angry with.</I><BR>After the tenth time ... <I>I'll get help. I won't do it again. I promise. But you shouldn't have pushed my buttons. Why did you keep nagging me when you knew I was getting mad?</I><BR>After the twentieth time ... <I>You need help! You keep making me do it! You want to leave? You'll never find someone that treats you as good as I do!</I><BR>After the thirtieth time ... <I>Go ahead, call the cops! We'll both be dead before they get here!</I><P>Do I need to go on? CLASSIC, CLASSIC cases of abusers or potential abusers mouthing off here on this thread. What the he!! makes it right to hit a woman or a man - if they take the first swing? Give me a break. Be the better person.<P>Or, sink to that level, pond slime. Makes no matter anyway if the b!tch had it comin' to her.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>I'm starting to think *I* might need anger management classes as well. I get very heated about the subject!!<BR>

TLC,<P>You just hit my favorite topic. You are absolutely right that no one has a right to raise a hand to another in anger. End of story.<P>Now, I'm going to take it a step further for you guys. It doesn't matter if she made you angry, and it doesn't really matter if she slapped you first, you still don't have a right to raise your hand in anger, and legally you damn well better not. The courts don't have any problem at all distinguishing between the insult of a slap from a woman and a bone crushing punch delivered with the upper body strength of a man. And they won't hesititate to fix you up with with a room that has cast iron wallpaper. If things get to the point where a blow is going to be struck, you have only once chance, get out of there, get away from her and let things cool down.<P>If you don't, your case will wind up in family court. Of the last one hundred spousal abuse cases the judge heard, 97 of them will be women beaten and injured by men who have no visable injury themselves. Three will be cases where a woman injured a man, most often involving a weapon. Do you really think the judge will hear or try your case based on its own merits?<P>Nothing can justify one spouse hitting another. And guys, we have to accept the responsibility to take whatever steps are necessary, including leaving the home, to make sure that spousal assualts don't occur. Ignor this advice at your own peril.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper<P><BR>

T-L-C<P>I'm not sure what thread you are speaking of, but have you thought about contacting the system administrator or monitor. I'm pretty sure they will ban anyone from the forum who is posting anything advocating spousal abuse under any circumstances.<P>Just a thought.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper

<BR>In case it is not clear (sometimes I think things more clearly than I type them *g*) this thread is NOT on the MB forums. The moderators of the board in question don't remove much of anything. It's not a relationship-oriented board either. Just a place where people sound off and more oriented to the politically incorrect.

I have to jump in on this thread because I think it is really important. First, I totally agree that it is never okay for one spouse to hit another in anger. Second, I love your scenario there, T-L-C, it is SO right on!! <P>But most importantly of all, I have the sad duty to remind you two, and everyone, that it is not only MEN who are responsible to not hit their spouse. There are lots of women out there who can deliver a heck of a blow with a fist. So, just a gentle reminder: NO WOMAN HAS THE RIGHT TO HIT HER HUSBAND EITHER. Unfortunately, there a lots of men who suffer the pain of being hit by their wives at home, and yet it is unmanly to be beaten up by a woman and hit by a woman--so they just keep quiet. <P>So, you great women, you are responsible for your own anger management too. You can not "slap" your husband's in anger, or kick them. Just like we keep telling the guys, take responsibility for your own choices--and choose to walk away. Choose to take a time out. Choose to talk about it safely before there is a big blow up. But BE RESPONSIBLE. He did not "make" you angry--you did not stop yourself when you felt the anger rising. <P>Okay, climbing down off my soapbox now. I'm only 4ft. 10in., so it's more like a jump! (splat) (picking myself up) There. Just a reminder!<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

TLC<P>I almost posted this past week about my best friend who is being abused. WHat you said about the first time, second time, etc, is all classic to her case. I couldnt' post and ask questions cuz she'll have a fit if she saw me post this (she knows I post here and thinks I'm crazy for telling the world my problems).<P>So please, what thread was this/ I would like to read the info, and I also don't know what to do to help her. I told her to leave him, she said no and she will not talk to me again if I bring it up again, and I love her , and have for over 15 years. So instead I get calls every so often to take pics of bruises , broken bones and blood, to hear that she's done for good, to her being back with him. Now he hates me for staying there for her, and I cant' go see her, or he'll beat the crap out of me too! I'm not exagerating here. <P>An interesting comment she made... emotional abuse that us as BS goes thru, put our scars on the inside, so its not as easy to point fingers, she said if I had physical signs of the abuse I endured for the past 5 years, I'd look like something out of a horror movie. She had valid point but still, he could kill her, this is no exageration.<P>Sorry for the ramble just point me to the direction of the thread or let me know if you know, how I can help her best.<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>

Oh TLC, your post was right on the money! No one should have the right to hit another. <P>I've spent a lot of time recently learning about abuse, found out my stbx had actually taken fists to my daughter. Learned how awful he was with screaming, yelling, and hitting both girls when I wasn't around, just more so on the older daughter. <P>I, myself, wasn't hit by stbx; but as Dana said in her post, the damage done emotionally, verbally and mentally would be a devastating picture. Now I am dealing with stbx's attorney who tells me that I am not abused and should be shamed for taking time from someone who really was abused. I'm still dealing with the kids and my own emotional scars, but have to say it is easier since there is no contact and stbx doesn't hang out across the street 10 to 20 hours a week any more.<P>Abuse is an awful thing; born out of anger, frustration, and apathy. I wonder is the latest acts of terrorism will cause anyone to think before they strike out at another person? For it is in any of us who have some thought of violence or hatred to contribute to abuse, it takes strength of character to step away from it all.<P>Lori<BR>

<BR>Dana,<P>I emailed you at the address you gave me a while back. Don't know if it's your old or new one! <BR>