Anna,<P>I really don't think you need to defend yourself for being here. Reading through the posts. Lurking and listening and sometimes offering advice. I have noticed that you are a strength that reaches through all the forums and holds out a hand of kindness.<P>Right now for many of us, all we need is a shoulder for a few mintues so we can go back and put one foot in front of the other with working on our marriages.<P>For those that have moved beyond Plan A and Plan B you have been there to offer compassion,understanding, hugs and all around general support.<P>For me and I am sure for others, you presence here at MB is something that is looked forward to.<P>Chin up, don't let someone that is unhappy in their marriage take out their hostilites on you. YOU are not the cause of their pain.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ANNA}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>-KAT-

Whoa guys and gals!!<P>Although I have been in the shoes of someone who's feelings have been hurt, I think you're off on this one. <P>I **think** the comment was meant for for anyone who's come on the site and NOT Plan A'd (and/or B'd)and doesn't care to try MB principles... and let's be honest, if someone comes on <B>Marriage BUILDERS</B> and says they hate their spouse and doesn't even try to use the concepts to save their marriage, I think a fair question to be asked is, "If you aren't willing to try the concepts espoused here, why ARE you here?"...<P>Anna, I've been where you are right at this moment. I've been asked to LEAVE A THREAD... seriously. I've been misunderstood, and I've been slammed from here to there... I understand... <P>But, for YOUR sanity, reread what was written and I think you'll see that it was not meant for you.

Nyneve and Kat,<P>Thanks guys, just ultra sensitive tonight. Divorce and pmsing just doesn't go good together.<P>Take care,<P>ANNA

Nyevene,<BR>You could very well be right, and maybe I am looking to put some displaced hostility at the moment and trying to blame it on others.<P>Just posted on my own thread "Input Please"<P>So any toes I stepped on, I am very sorry.<P>-Kat-

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Originally posted by Nyneve:<P>I **think** the comment was meant for for anyone who's come on the site and NOT Plan A'd (and/or B'd)and doesn't care to try MB principles... and let's be honest, if someone comes on Marriage BUILDERS</B> and says they hate their spouse and doesn't even try to use the concepts to save their marriage, I think a fair question to be asked is, "If you aren't willing to try the concepts espoused here, why ARE you here?"...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Sheryl,<P>I can agree with what you are saying, if you are saying persons can come here and apply the principles in different way. To say there is only one way to apply the principle and that's through your current marriage only is wrong. I don't hate my spouse, but I didn't come here to save my marriage, I came here to better myself. I came here in hopes of making my next marriage a good marriage. I don't think the moderators or the Dr.s here would ever question a persons intentions, if they were trying to better themselves, just because they are not plan Aing or Bing at this time. So if they don't question it, then what gives us the right to question it? Do we know better who should or shouldn't be here than they do? There has only ever been one person I have ever wondered why they were here, and that's because I could see that person intentionally trying to start arguments, but you know something, maybe something that person reads may some day rub off on this person and make them a better person. I am not judge and jury for anybody on MB that is trying to better themselves for whatever reason they may have for coming here.<P>Take care and thanks for your comments,<P>ANNA<p>[ October 16, 2001: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]

Anna,<P>Fixing you a cup of Camomile tea. Is not a good night for any of us I think.<P>Don't you sometimes wish we could all just sit around a table and talk???????<P>-Kat-

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cinderella:<BR><STRONG>If you have no interest in Plan A or Plan B, or working on anything, why are you here?</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Dear Cinderella,<P>My wife left me for another man and she is never returning.....where should I go?<BR> <BR>I thought Divorced/Divorcing was a good place, but I see little room to apply Plan A or B in my situation. I havent been able to speak to her since last Sept. I wish I could plan A her or Plan B her.....but I cant do anything to her.....Id still like to stay here though.<P>Take care<P>Randy

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Anna2000:<BR><STRONG> I don't hate my spouse, but I didn't come here to save my marriage, I came here to better myself. I came here in hopes of making my next marriage a good marriage. I don't think the moderators or the Dr.s here would ever question a persons intentions, if they were trying to better themselves, just because they are not plan Aing or Bing at this time. So if they don't question it, then what gives us the right to question it? <BR></STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi Anna,<P>Let me tell you where I'm coming from:<P>Remember, I am one of those obnoxious old-timers who came before there was a divorce section, tried like heck to save my (past)marriage, and hung around because my friends are here...<P>You're right, I am not suppose to judge... but... when someone says they have no desire to work on their marriage, I do wonder why they're here. That's just me, questioning, because I'm nosey, and because I really do wonder how anyone who doesn't want to work on their marriage ends up on a marriage building site.<P>That said, remember that a whole bunch of us were working hard on our marriages for a long time (some still are, like Chris) before there was a divorce board here... this section was created for those who couldn't save their marriages... and I never was thrilled with the addition, even though I was one of those who could not save my marriage. <P>The fact that someone might come here while in the midst of a divorce and find support is great, because we all need support. And the fact that you (or anyone else, including me) wants to use the concepts on your next marriage (I am!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]) is wonderful too...<P>I would never say someone is not welcome here (well, except those who trash the concepts and come here only to hurt others)...<P>Hope this makes sense.<p>[ October 16, 2001: Message edited by: Nyneve ]

Hey... I'm with Billbailey...<P>we need a new topic section... there is no turning back the clock on the mess I was in/or what I'm presently in now....<P>ex-h is a liar, thief and a cheat !!<BR>I tried the Plan a stuff and nothing... he thought all therapists were "robbers"..."we're their meal ticket"<BR>I even had him talk to Steve H... nothing... He had NO interest in working on the marriage... I never knew he was unhappy until he met his London Whore....<BR>He told her that he was unhappy with the marriage... I asked him why he told her, a stranger and not me... he said "I didn't want to hurt you feelings"... so was this suppose to be easier... I was thrown in the garbage like and old used pair of tennis shoes...he's a PIG<P>I hope he gets mad cow disease from the *****<BR>Enough Said<P>scoick

I know what it feels like. <P>My x had an EA with my sister early in our marriage. When he had EA two or three, he decided it was over. Wanted me to go to counseling so that the counselor could tell me there was life after divorce. X was hitting on women at the gym before he left home.<P>He never wanted to work on his marriage. Never discovered he wasn't God's gift to the world. Has married another woman now and I still maintain that the next time he becomes loudly verbally abusive to me, I will call the police. <P>But, thanks to this place, I honestly hope he and new wife have a wonderful marriage. That is the best thing for my children. <P>Now I will tell you why I actually, finally filed for a divorce. When I had worked so hard on me and on trying to do what I could for marriage that I ended up in the doctor's office having an EKG because my heart would pound and race at times when I was doing nothing and I was only 8 heartbeats a minute away from tachycardia, I knew it was time for it to be over. That my health depended on it - my LIFE depended on it.

Hi,<BR>I think we are all here for different reasons. Some like me have been coming to MB for along time now. First it was because of my EXH infidelity, then it was the recovery board, then infidelity again now its been the divorce board for the last 1 1/2 years. This site has helped me through alot. Without everyone I met here and all I learned here I would not be the person I am now. We all also interpet MB our own way. I can say that after going through this I don't always agree on the plan A plan B.<BR>Not all marriages can be saved. Some are doomed for failure and I think that is where the divorce board is needed. For support to those who have come to realize that their marriages are over but need all the love and support one can get. For me now its the dating thing. I know that I can come here and get some good sound advice. I tell you guys things I can't tell anyone else. <BR>I just feel that sometimes the MB is taken out of contet. We are all here to help ourselves and others.<P>JIll

Anna,<P>the plan C = "run like hell"<BR>suggests trying to abdicate responsibility for one's own situation. A ws tends to run away from their perceived problems, only to have them resurface again later in life.<P>Plan B is no contact, but not running away from your problems, as your plan C suggests.<P>I suggest that cyberspace is free for everyone, but just the same, anyone can comment, whether you like it or not, and since everyone's audience is unlimited, it only makes sense that mathematically, you can't agree with everyone, and you will piss someone off eventually, but those are the odds of cyber space.<P>you can do a better job of communication so that people don't misunderstand you, if you choose. however, since there is a theme here, there is an unwritten expectation that most of the time that the principles are followed and supported. it is an expectation, not a requirement.<P>my opinion of your posting did not go up with that Plan C comment, but then again, i don't really know you.<P>WIFTTy

A thanks from Anna,<P>I want to thank everyone for their kind words. As I stated on this thread, sometimes I feel a little like an outsider for not being on plan A or B with my current husband. Your post made me feel welcome at MB and you don't know how much I appreciate that through this horrible time in my life.<P>You guys know my situation from all my many post, and most know I have went through 17 years of emotional and physical abuse. It's nice to be free of that abuse, but it hurts so deeply inside that my marriage can't be saved, as I am sure each of us here knows that pain too well. I <I>never</I> wanted to be known as a "divorced person". I think that's one of many reasons why I tried 17 years to save my marriage. <P>Thanks again,<P>ANNA

Only have 5 minutes but have to say 2 things:<P>1. Sorry Randy. Thats also my stbx's name and I'm pretty sure I couldn't handle that!<P>2. I'm going to have to limit my time here and at Divorce Busters, etc., because I'm still so much in the grieving process - and keep going into denial - and humiliating myself by begging him to consider counseling, to slow down the divorce. I have promised myself that if I ever get that feeling again I'm going for a very, very long walk until it goes away. My marriage is so completely over - heck, it's been over 10 years but I was just informed! He doesn't want me and it's too humiliating to still want and love him. But then, I've only had a month to adjust to this - he's been "leaving" me for 10 years. No wonder he has no emotional involvement! And I'm sure his new girlfriend helps, too. It's just that all the talk about Aing and Bing is keeping me stuck in that grief process and I desperately want to get out of it and on with my life. I guess I'll come back and look for "Moving On", if it happens, but I can't keep getting sucked into the idea that my marriage has a chance.<P>Sorry that was so long. <BR>So, Randy,..., what's your middle name?! teehee

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mitzi:<BR><STRONG>Hey all!<P>I was married to one of those sociopaths that sad-n-lonely speaks of. <P>I was married to him for too long but I stuck it out because of my vows and my children. Even when he left I went thru a plan A. I did this for me. I felt better about myself as a human being. He imposed a sort of plan B since I don't have to see him. He doesn't see our kids but maybe 2x a year. Rarely calls either. So, when I see him, I still do a plan A on my kids behalf. I want to show them that although he hurt me for so many years, I can still be civil towards him. I'm not trying to win him back, just trying to make myself feel good. <P>The process of MB is one that can help you come out of a terrible mess as a survivor. And you will have no regrets. <P>Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<P>[ October 14, 2001: Message edited by: Mitzi ]</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Dear Mitzi,<BR>It takes a special person to rise above the BS and do the right thing! I read some of your posts and feel your pain, its a terrible thing when someone literally destroys your life if you allow them to. To be strong and come to a site such as this is great and will help in the long run with the support of so many good people here. I invite you to come into discussion with us on the character & morals thread under general questions II anytime as I like you posts and opinion. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Tom,<P>Me, a strong person?? Well, maybe stronger than what I used to be. Right now, I'm surviving! LOL But Thank you! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <P>I don't post much anymore but sometimes go thru phases of posting alot and then not posting at all. I even left for a whole month (WOW!) but couldn't stay away any longer! LOL<P>Most of the posts that tell A LOT more about my situaton are in the Read-Only section. I went back and re-read them a few times and was shocked at how bad they sounded! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <P>I did post to your thread at GQ. It's a great topic! <P>Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]