Jilly,<P>The only way to tell if this is Love, is TIME.<P>After my divorce I was so desperately in love with the first man I dated. He was seperated and going through a divorce also. <BR>He drove 150 miles through a snow storm to bring me a rose...now how romantic can you get.<P>I almost felt I couldn't breathe if he wasn't beside me.<P>Well that was 9 years ago, it burned itself out very quickly (with hind sight I see this)<P>I was devastated. I almost think more then I was at the end of my marriage. With my marriage I had years to accept that it wasn't right. With this man I only had a short while of very HIGH emotions.<P>I really think that we are soooo starved for love and attention when we finally divorce. That when we meet someone that Looks at us "that way" and reaches for our hearts, we just melt.<P>Take care Jilly.<P>Hugsssssss and prayers to you<P>-Kat-

Kat,<BR>I couldn't agree more. I just wish my heart would believe it to. You know this isn't teenage times anymore. if we go through with this we have to be sure. There is to many little lives involved here and that is what scarey. I'm scared to let him go, but I'm scared to keep this up. I know there is no easy answers and I'm not asking for any I guess this is just a safe place for me to vent my frusterations.<P>Jill

Jilly,<P>Girl, you have the strength to do what you need to do. You need to look deep inside you again and find that strength. I'd tell him to back off and not call you or see you for awhile, if he doesn't do it, it would pretty much show you he will not respect you on other things in the future either. <P>I know there are no guarantees even if he gets his head on straight, I just think he really needs a breather away from you in order for him to get his head clear to make the choices he really wants to make. If you don't do this I think this relationship will be on very shaky ground. <P>Take care,<P>ANNA

Anna, <BR>Again I agree but I'm just as bad. I have to find the strength to just let him go for awhile. <P>I sometimes think part of this is just my pride. I have been fighting women for men now the last 3 years and I'm sick of it. <P>I worked really hard on my marriage after my E 1st affair. I got him back and tried to rebuild what we once had. That woman left everything for him. At the time I couldn't understand it but I do more now. <P>The 2OW I just let her have him. I was tired of the fight. I lost everything I had worked for all those years, my house,my car ect. <BR>They are now married, unhappily I believe.<P>Now this with BF. If it had been him that had cheated and divorced her I wouldn't for one be with him but for two stand in their way for reconciliation. But I know for a fact that she had numerouse affairs on him. She treated him terribly because she could. She had the upper hand because he loves his kids and she got custody. So if he wants to continue to see them everyday he has to play by her rules. He can have them as long as it suits her. But if she gets a buck up than the kids are gone. I've talked to alot of his friends and they all tell me the same story. <P>Now there is me. I treat him good and she knows she may no longer have control over him so now she tells him she loves him ect. So I can't blame him but yet I can. He needs to stand up for himself. But than again does he risk losing his kids for me? I can see where he is coming from. <P>His one friend told me I'm the best thing that could have happened to him but yet probably the worst to. <BR>I guess I tend to agree.<P>JIll

Jilly,<P>If he doesn't stop it now, he won't if you guys marry either. Then you will spend around 18 miserable years dying inside because he still lets her control him. You will be miserable, this happiness and in love feeling will be gone, and what will remain is bitterness for the control she has over your husband. I can see the conflict now!<P>I hear what you are saying. You don't want to let this woman who cheated on her ex have him without a fight. Well, you may be the best thing for him, but right now it looks to me like he is still really struggling between the love for you and the love for his children. His children sure mean an awful lot to him. I would almost bet enough for him to possibly try again with this "witch". Also, I am not sure he is totally over this woman. Some people just go back for more and more, no matter how much they get hurt.<P>So let's say you do your best and you fight, you win, you get him. Did he make this decision with a clear head? Did you really win or just delaying the inevitable? What did you win? Again, I'd say, you won a man who's exwife controls his every move. I wouldn't call that a very good win.<P>Geez, I feel like the worse pessimist in the world right now. I just see so many red flags in this relationship.<P>I hope whatever decision you make, you will be happy.<P>OHHHHH, almost forgot. When's the date with the other guy to the antique car show? I can't wait to hear about how it went.<P>C'ya,<P>ANNA<P>P.S.<P>I have a friend who wants to try to match make me with a guy who's suppose to be a great father, very, very nice, and a widower. I am going to hold off until the divorce but I'm kind of looking forward to getting back in their and dating as soon as possible! I figure even if we don't have sparks, I may just meet a great friend who likes going out and just having fun as friends. I've been thinking I really need to develop friendships with men right now, more than even romance. I think being friends with men may help me to trust again.<P>Thinking about it now! Ya know you are taking advice from a woman who can't even trust men! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Makes me wonder if my advice isn't clouded.

I have a book recommendation on dating. <P><B>"If the Buddha Dated" by Charlotte Kasl</B><P>It's a wonderful book. I wholeheartedly recommend it. It came well recommended and has been read by a number of old timers here - some of whom you may remember and some you may not.

Anna,<BR>Everything you just said I have said to myself over and over. Like I have said before my head says this isn't going to fly but my heart is hurting and so far my heart is winning. Except for the ex wife there is still alot of complications in our way. So why am I fighting so hard for this I don't know. To much Irish blood in me I guess. <P>All I know is that I'll get what I deserve if I keep this up. I am a big girl and I know the consequences of my decision. Maybe we will end up being happy together. Maybe this will all turn out and we will have a good life. (ya right and benladen is the pope.)No just kidding I just don't know what to think anymore. I'm glad we do live an hour apart from eachother so we have our space to work this out. I just need to quit dwelling on this for now and be happy in knowing that he does love me. That I am a desirable person and can be loved. <P>As far as my other date it is Sat. My heart is not in it right now but I'll try anyway. <P>I'm glad u are getting that dating urge again. When it is right to start dating again u will know.<P><BR>JIll