To be fair, this must include OM!<p>OM#1<p>1. age---late 30's early 40's
2. education--none, put into army instead of jail.
3. birth order-
4. parents--
5. how met---volunteer emt's together, OM was just divorced after being found sleeping with a student of his (he is a body sculptor weight lifter) and was looking for a cheap place to lift weights, seduced my X into working out with him.
6. did they know this was a married person--yes
7.anything about the time in ones life-- X was receiving her 20th year teaching award, and started the MLC. . .
8 work-- firefighter, army medic/emt
9.abuse --
10. have you had contact with OP--- met him when the EA started, then they went underground.
11 anything else that may give somelight on this person -- he had friends who had girlfriends on the side, and the whole EMT group were barely HS educated, marginally employed, lots of cheating going around. . . in the entire group, including the police officers who the emts worked with. . . <p>--------------------
OM #2<p>1. age---late 30's
2. education-- high school
3. birth order-
4. parents--
5. how met--- X is a teacher, OM is a maintenance man at the school. . .
6. did they know this was a married person--yes, though separated.
7.anything about the time in ones life-- after five months of her emotional and verbal abuse, and refusal to work on marriage in any way, and she asked me not to move in with her into her new house, employer provided, she was set free. . . .
8 work-- maintenance staff member
9.abuse --
10. have you had contact with OP--- no, but the anti-tom
11 anything else that may give somelight on this person -- single guy, says he does not like kids, had a pop up trailer camper that X really wanted. . . has a dog. . . is taller than me, and X said that she always wanted to marry a taller man. . . <p>probably not very bright, and she can manipulate him around as she wants. non athletic, reformed smoker, drinks alot, works with his hands. . . likes to camp in pop up trailers. . . not big into intellectual conversation. . . <p>yeah, they are a much better fit than we were,
although it sure screws up the kids. . . .
to replace a highly educated parent, highly motivated, athletic one with an anti-tom, . . .
kids don't look at school the same way any more. . <p>my kids will be forever screwed up . . . <p>tom

Gee, I shouldn't even be up writing this... I was going to lay down (headache) but then I got an asthma attack and can't lay down... sheesh... so... here I am.<p>Okay, I have passed this thread about a dozen times, every time thinking how I would get 5 OW of my ex's into this... then I just decided... well, sadly, since I was an OW myself once, I would answer for me, so here goes:<p>
1.age---40 when started<p>2. education--Two year college degree - AA<p>3.birth order--1st child<p>4.parents--married 38yrs<p>5.how met---at work<p>6.did they know this was a married person--the OM was in a long-term relationship, I was married, both knew<p>7.anything about the time in ones life--the story is so long and drawn out~ midlife crisis, began to lose weight (was 300 pounds prior), several crisis surrounding, inc. son with disabilities, (then)H with panic attacks which were thought to be heart attacks, me with depression...<p>8 work--trained students with disabilties to use adaptive software and hardware<p>9.abuse, of any kind, in background -- sexually abused at 9, (then)H verbally/emotionally/slight physcial abuse<p>
10. have you had contact with OP---haven't laid eyes on him for a year. But stayed at the job for 18 months while trying to save marriage. Note to all: Don't do that. It doesn't work. <p>11 anything else that may give somelight on this person -- This person (me) hated herself and wanted to die afterwards. It ended up being one hop in the sack and then reality hit. No matter what my (then)H had done, or would do, it doesn't condone an affair. I was wrong, it was wrong, and I'll never, ever cheat again. It was the biggest mistake of my life.

SEF,
This is a great place to vent. BOY! You H is In deep FOG!!!!! I just don't get it. Is he going to marry her? Does he think he will have a great life with her? Raise her kids? I'm so very sorry, truly sorry.
Thanks for the post. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Betradeand desperate,
How long were you married and how long did you know him before you got married. I'm amazed at the amount of stories where there is NO reguard for the spouse and kids by the WS. I guess that's why they call it "the fog". I know that you are in such pain and I am sorry for that. Thanks for your post.
You said that she stoped singing for him, what does this mean?

Dear Marry,
"How long were you married and how long did you know him before you got married."
All these data are in my signature (amazing how one's life can be put in few lines)
"
You said that she stoped singing for him"
You know english is not my mothertongue.
OW was a singer in the best group in our State in singing a special sort of folk songs.
She is cause of that so famous in our city+her way of living.
Now she does nothing, about house, garden, has no kids of her own and even my OD from last week lives with me. So she lives in 3 floor house (former mine) alone with my ex serving probably only for sex. Oh, I almost forgot: she paints something (new Rembrandt Maybee?)<p>Yes I am still in pain cause I love him so much and know that deep inside he is very hurt, especially now when his daughter whom he adores is gone from him (them), so I hope maybe the time is coming , when he'l start coming slowly out of the fog.
Wish you best

When I find the time,
Sounds like she likes the "bad boy" thing. She may get tired of this though. It must be a read heart ache to see your kids in this enviroment. Do you see them much? Can you get them to live with you?
The "moose brain worm theory" applies here!<p>Thanks for your post and stay with us>

OK, profile of OM...<p>1.age---26 (but communicated for 3 years before)<p>2. education--in college when started, now finished - enrolled in tech sthool to get near my wife<p>3.birth order--3rd of 4 sons. 2nd son died somehow leaving behind a wife and child.<p>4.parents--married 30+ yrs (I think)<p>5.how met---on line, email list<p>6.did they know this was a married person-- We weren't married when OM met my W, but he definitely knew that we got married. W lied to him - telling him the marriage was "just on paper."<p>7.anything about the time in ones life-- I don't think so. OM never had a girlfriend.<p>8 work-- never worked - student.<p>9.abuse, of any kind, in background - don't know.<p>10. have you had contact with OP--- Yes, I emailed him, he said he would leave her alone. I called him. I found them on the beach at 1am - apparently the first day that they met in person -and tried to choke him. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>11 anything else that may give somelight on this person - OM is much younger than me - much closer to W's age. Also he speaks Russian which is her primary language. Also, OM has always been interested in Arabic or middle eastern people - especially moslems which he imagined that he could convert to Christianity. He wanted to be a missionary. My W was born in Afghanistan (tho she is Christian).

nyneve,
I'm so blown away by haw many first childern there are. I had this theory about 2nd children. Oh well.
You were also in a very troubling time in your life which seems to be standard on this survey.
I'm just curious, 300lb, how much did you loose, how did you do it and have you been able to keep it off? This is a whole other thread but I just wanted to know.
Thanks for responding.