H calls at 10:20 tonight. <p>Catches me already asleep and wants to know what is wrong? Like another poster here, I hate that ?.<p>He says from the tone of my message that I am taking the lawyer thing the wrong way. Says that I'm the one who told him to get a lawyer. That nothing had changed, the agreement was still like it was, he was not fighting anything.<p>In my sleeply state, I blew Plan B again, I guess. I talked too much. I told him most of what the note had said. I told him that his actions spoke louder than words and that I just couldn't do this anymore. He tried to turn things around by saying that I want him to open up and share how he feels but when he does, I use it against him. <p>I just said that I could be telling the kids I loved them and beating the he!! out of them at the same time. Which would they beleive? The words or the action?<p>As I said I was half asleep and don't remember everything I said but I did say he had to make a decision that either I was in his life or I was not. <p>He has to be on his job at 10:45 so time was short. I asked him again what his plans were for the kids. He wants to pick them up at the house ( so he can see me). He says if you want to, you can go with us. FOG!!!!<p>I said, no I can't. Don't you get this. It is not about what I want. It is about me not being willing to share you with another woman any longer. <p>Times up..Gotta go.... Now I'm wide awake and mad at myself all over again. <p>PP

((((((((((PP))))))
You are too close to this to see what the rest of us see. You REALLY have a shot at this if you could MAKE your self stick to plan B. He is using you to get his assurance that you are still his. Please read what PLAN B is all about.
He knows all the stuff you are telling him, writing him. He KNOWS, accept this.
Have you read the SAA book. He will never respect you untill you respect yourself.<p>Plan B could give you some time to regroup and find out how you are. It could give you some time to stand back and see what you are doing to yourself. <p>I can see that all your friends here are on your cheerleading team. They see that you really do have a chance at a touch down, but you keep intercepting it!

I know, I know.... and I appreciate the support and I depend on everyone's opinion's here just to help alleviate my "blinders".<p>I am much too close. I have self esteem problems that make me think I'm less than desireable to other men. I love and want my H and hate that I can't be the one he loves. I know it all depends on him. I know I can walk away having done everything possible to save my marriage. I just haven't accepted in my heart that it is over, even though I obviously see my H is doing nothing to change the situation. I see the truth but it still doesn't sink in. I don't know why I've been able to block out the OW's existance even though I know the truth. Denial I guess. If I was to ever see my H and her together, I might could get angry enough to give up on him. I just don't want to bear that pain.<p>Anyway, thanks for listening and for the support.<p>Happy Halloween. Be careful out there!!!<p>PP

bringing this topic back from the dead for a friend of mine who recently rejoined us here.<p>This post pretty much still sums up how things are for me. I am still lousy at Plan B. H is still coming by and in house every morning even if I have kids ready. He is asking if he can help empty trash into a new bag, unstop sink that flows real slow, etc, etc. <p>The last 3 visits he has started the hugging thing again and I don't mean little token hugs. I have to almost physically break away because he acts as if he doesn't want to let go. He even asked me once if it was ok if he could hug me and I said no but he did it anyway.<p>He looks at me as if he is so sad but refuses to try again. <p>He is still driving me nuts...... I know I should have listened and been strong in my plan B but I am so scared. I know that is not the point of Plan B so I am really confused.<p>Nothing really changed with court because he is still letting OW sleep at house with him and kids there on weekends. I don't want to spend the money to get the proof because it doesn't really matter but I'm furious that he thinks he is above the law.<p>He is above respecting me and my boundaries and he isn't even respecting the judge's orders either. <p>I hate this and wish it was over but I don't suppose anything will change until I turn on him with the anger and resentment I have been surpressing. <p>Thanks for listening. I might seem like a lost cause, but I am open to all opinions. PP

PP ~ my dear - we teach others how to respect and treat us.<p>Your actions and your words are just as disconnected as your H's are.<p>He is disrespecting your boundaries because you let him. Its YOUR responsibility to protect and RESPECT yourself by protecting your boundaries. When you don't respect yourself, it says loud and clear to your H: "I don't expect ME to respect or love ME, so I don't expect you to either."<p>There is only one person you should be "pleasing" right now, and that is yourself.<p>When you allow fear to rule your decisions, and your actions to be motivated by manipulation and control...when you put your needs beneath your H's...you simply tell him that you aren't deserving of his love or anyone elses.