AD, I really appreciated your responses to my situation the other night... and now I have read a bit on yours... I am very tired as I am working 2 jobs right now to catch up on finacial problems because of the seperation...<p>Anyway... I strongly believe in marriage. I do not know all the details about what led to your seperation- but it sounds to me like your plan a'ing went well the other night. It doesn't sound like being a doormat to me... it sounds like she still needs space and you are at the same time giving her love and concern... I really like to have someone care about gas in my car and whether or not I have enough air in my tires... we girls tend to forget about those things...<p>I am sure your w appreciated your loving concern... I do not think it is being a total dorrmat to be nice and loving.. hey that is probably how you got her to marry you in the first place... I believe in plan a, it has worked best for me so far... I still have trouble plan a'ing as my spouse, as you so eloquently termed it, throws stones at me... hopefully your w is not doing that... <p>From what I read it sounds you have been kind and loving and supportive, and she went off and had the a... and wanted to forget her rages, etc.??? Right? Maybe a little on track!? As another female rager... I can say... what would really help me recover and grow from my mistakes would be for my H to say he forgives me and knows I do not want to do these things I did- and that I have worked hard to stop all this... and am still doing so.... <p>I do not like to beg, and did a lot of that in the beginning... as I believed my spouses accusations that he left due to my mistakes... but that really isn't true... we may have grown apart due to some of my mistakes, but also his... it takes two to grow apart and it takes two to grow together... <p>But if you love your wife, value your marriage vows, have a beautiful baby... and the chance to make things work again... I say do everything you can to make things better.<p>True love is patient kind and loving. I go to the bible for my definitions, and this is what I try my hardest to practice. Prayer works. There is a great book out there The Power of the Praying Wife.. when I focus on praying for my H and our marriage and his life... things really do turn around... I went to a christian book store and bought my H a book on prayers about marriage... I really wanted to keep it, but I gave it to him... thank goodness he has been receptive.<p>I am heartbroken... I think he threw away the his needs, her needs book i gave him.... right after the bad incident at the bar.... I found out tonight he threw it away when I asked if he had read it...<p>Anyway... don't go so far as to feel like a doormat, but do all the loving kind gestures and things you can for her... every chance you get. Show her you love her... show her you forgive her. (Now can I do this too??) I have a hard time not telling my H how much he has hurt me in this affair.. even though he insists that he tried to do it with the ow, and he physically couldn't quite do it... due to his real attraction to me... I can talk on this on another thread...<p>I am sure your wives talking about divorce hurts alot... if you want to save the marriage.. I asked my H to try for 90 days of counseling to see and explore what things would be like if we saved the marriage and grew closer etc... and what things would be like if we divorced, although I hate to use the d word...<p>Anyway.. we are working on it... we still have not made it to the first counseling appt. and I cant wait... I need a guided discussion with him so we can deal with some issues that really need guidance ... <p>Anyway, I will include you in my prayers, I believe in marriage as a sacred union before God. There are several good christian websites out there, such as one you might search under restore marriage... etc.. I really like the unity of the support there for marriage...<p>Yes, I agree with several of these peoples posts... sorry sadnlonely.. but your posts kind of bothered me too... I guess you are just on a different wavelink than some of us who want to build our marriages.. that is the name of this site isn't it? marriage builders.com??? it sounds like snl doesn't care about commitment of what a marriage is supposed to be, a lifetime commitment... maybe if snl doesn't have kids it might be different... I believe in family. There are very few divorces in my family, quite a few on my husbands side.. I think that is a big difference between us...<p>Anyway.... where would many of us be.... if our parents, grandparents, etc... had just divorced each other and ran off? I am for a sense of real family... I think working through differences is a big part of marriage... committment and decision to stay and be committed to each other is a big part of the marriage... You must give give give to have a good marriage, GO PLan A!<p>
Thanks again and goodnight.. I am sleepy and have to get up early and go to work. I hope your w starts to see how lucky she is AD.<p>lisa [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
