Thank you, Thorned Rose...<p>Last January (2001), I was praying and reading my Bible one night. It had been a year since my H has left and I had finally put away all the pictures, etc. of him and made the decision that it was over. I just knew it was over and time to move on.<p>As I was reading, I got up to get a glass of water and left my Bible just laying on the edge of the bed. When I came back, I accidently knocked it and it flopped on the floor, open to Isaiah 54. I started reading and the tears just flowed.<p>I don't have kids. My STBXH was the only man I ever loved. That chapter seemed like it was written for me and me alone. I actually had it framed and it still hangs on my bedroom wall.<p>I know that God loves me and I love Him. I know that He is in my life and watching over me. I know I can trust Him with my future, my hopes, etc. But that's about all I know. The rest is just a bit fuzzy for now. <p>I guess that reminding myself of what I do know, will have to be enough for now. <p>Thanks for sharing.
Aloha,
Ms.O

Thanks, Okieman.<p>So very well said. You're right when you say God might say...<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>"You would not understand even if I told you."<hr></blockquote><p>So that is where I am. I don't understand, yet I guess I am will to still trust. It's hard. It feels like I've been let down. But it's really all I can do for now.<p>Thanks.
Aloha,
Ms.O

Whenever I start to ask 'why??' of God, I remember Job. If anyone was deserving of God's blessings it was Job, yet he was tried so severely. And we all know God's answer when Job questioned Him as to WHY?? 'Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding.' In the New Testament we see such proof of God's love for us (Jesus), so when I combine these two things I know this: God is sovereign, and has power beyond my understanding, and He loves me with all His might. This comforts me, and helps me to give control to God instead of trying to have it for myself.<p>What I have learned out of this sorry situation is to trust God even more, to give my sorrow to Him and say 'you deal with it, I'm too weak and cannot go on'. And you know, He always has been there beside me, giving me strength. I have grown so much closer to God, which is surely a good thing. I also remember that this life on earth does not last forever, I will one day (and it could happen at any moment) be eternally happy in Heaven. For me, knowing that there is an end to my misery, makes it more endurable.<p>My husband has free will, and I'm sure God is sorrowful over my husband's sinful behaviour. God wants our love and obedience voluntarily, my husband has decided not to give it. Jesus knows what it's like to be betrayed, remember Judas betraying our Lord with a kiss. God has been betrayed so often by His chosen people, His pain comes through so strongly at times in the bible. I've been rambling I know, I hope it doesn't sound too disjointed! <p>Evensong

No, it does make sense. Thank you.<p>My daily devotional yesterday was about Job and used the verse "Tho He slay me, yet will I praise Him."<p>I guess there are just so many things we don't/can't know and will never understand. Yes, His ways are higher than mine, that's for darn sure!!<p>Thanks.
Aloha,
Ms.O

Ms. O,<p>I am glad that it reminded you of something God shared with you before..as He wanted to remind you of what He's said before..He is our husband..our provider..<p>I wish I could say I have always delighted in the ways of the Lord and remained faithful to Him over the years..but..I can not..I was not blest in growing up in a Christian home..with loving parents..and have faced many struggles in my lifetime..and I still ask...WHY?? and even as the words come to mind..I know that God has a purpose..for it.<p>I used to wonder why was I sexually,emotionally, mentally, verbally abused? Why didn't God do something to make it stop? Why didn't he allow my dad to be killed in Vietnam during the war?? but looking back..I can see why..<p>It's made me who I am today..and as I have been healing from the past abuses and learning through the pain of my life..and sharing this growth and understanding w/ others who have also been through ,who have yet to go through,and others who have had family members go through it..and they are trying to understand them..God has used me to help them..had I not been through the pain..I wouldn't be able to understand the pain they are/will going through..and God couldn't use me to help them..<p>I know because I have seen first hand in the lives of even my own family/friends how the changes I have gone through in the healing have affected them..they have seen me have the strength and courage in Christ..to heal..and they have begun taking those steps as well..my stbh hasn't..(he's still looking for the bottle to give comfort) but..my bestfriend since childhood was watching me..and it gave her the strength to leave a violent husband, who put her in the hospital a couple times, she wore the physical scars I carried internally..and w/ that..her sister was also able to find the strength to leave her abusive husband..and begin healing emotionally..
I was recently able to confront my dad about how his actions hurt me emotionally..had he died in Vietnam..that wouldn't have been possible..and my dad's relationship w/ my siblings have also been strained over the years..I was also able to share w/ him how his actions affected them..and he's now working to mend those as well..<p>So, was what I went through for naught? I used to wonder..but now..I can see where God used it for good..For His purpose..<p>just as my mom having cancer..it brought my brother back to Christ..w/ his family..and then my cousin and her husband followed them to Christ..<p>We don't know who is watching us as we go through these struggles..but, as we look back we may see
these things..but, we may not even realize others who we have not met are watching..and won't know till we get to Heaven..and you never know who you may meet in the future who you may be able to help through such a time as this..when they go through it..

Thanks Thorned Rose,<p>What you say is right on. I've finally come to another point of peace on this, this week, thanks to you all here on this board. <p>I know I can't know and won't know all the whys. All I do know is that He loves me and has a plan for me.<p>So for now, I'm haning onto that. I've told Him all my fears, feelings, hopes, dreams, etc. Now I just have to (once again) let Him hold them.<p>Thanks again and have a great weekend.<p>Aloha,
Ms.O

The replies to this thread have helped me as well.<p>I've just come back from church; I was in the process of taking off my tie when this thread popped into my head...<p>The topic of today's message was a mature faith; following the path without knowing the details..a good message..<p>Because although I'm learning alot about many things, more than I have in years..<p>At the end of the day, my prayers for my family..<p>My wife committed adultry,for quite a while in a public way, has a new man , new house, etc.<p>I live without..house, family, money, a mate, and I had been on my knees many times praying for the family..<p>And I am a good man and husband.. y'know, not just ok; or "passable".. <p>
And I gotta wonder what the message is here...<p>And what is the path to follow.. this is not a homage to fear or really questioning his goodness.. I have been blessed..<p>But at the end of the day, I tried very hard to do the right thing in every way and lost everything. <p>
Dan<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Family Man ]</p>

Ms. O.,<p> As I have posted my responses to you..it's like they just come out..and as I read over them and the others..it makes me realize how much "I" have grown also..although sometimes..I struggle as well
wondering..WHY? and wondering..is this really the
right thing for me? And I look back over my journals, and see..some "things" haven't changed
AT ALL!!! But, even though some of the 'things'
(circumstances) haven't changed..I HAVE!!<p>Sometimes I wonder if I even have a small bit of faith even the size of that little mustard seed..
but then I am usually 'looking' at the problems..
and not keeping my eyes on Christ..but sometimes
the problems seem to mount up and begin to overwhelm us..because we are looking at them..and not Christ..so I guess our real struggle is in trying NOT to look at the problems..but always
looking to Christ..<p>just know..Your not alone in your struggles..we all have them..and I'm glad that "we" are "all"
here for each other..and can learn and grow together..and share our struggles w/ each other..
makes is not so bad to know that others also struggle the same way..(which is really why we are
to share our burdens, so that we know were not
alone) I think thats how more ppl in our lives should be..especially within our churches...so that we can learn and struggle and depend on each other more..

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Family Man:
<strong>And I gotta wonder what the message is here...<p>And what is the path to follow.. this is not a homage to fear or really questioning his goodness.. I have been blessed..<p>But at the end of the day, I tried very hard to do the right thing in every way and lost everything.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I hear ya, Family Man. I guess that's why they call Christianity an upside-down kingdom! Sometimes it just doesn't make sense.<p>My pastor's sermon yesterday also talked about all the things God is doing within us that we can't see, of feel, or recognize. We just have to have faith that God is working within us, regardless of the circumstances. <p>I still don't really understand or feel all that much more "full of faith" but I am going to go ahead and just stand on my faith and on His word. It's all I can do, even if it doesn't make sense to me right now.<p>Keep the faith,
Aloha,
Ms.O

It has strengthened my faith in God, and prompted me to take a very hard look at some of the Christian "assumptions" I had. I

I can understand how you feel.I'm having a hard time with my faith right now also.My husbaand and I were arguing a while ago.I told him that I felt so lost and confused.I don't feel wanted and loved either.I just sat and cryed because I don't know what to do.All I want is to be happy.Everything feels like its falling down around me.I'm a divorced mother of aboy 9 and a girl remarried to a divorced father of two girls ages 9 and 7.I love his kids like my own.He doen't think I do.It just hurts so much.With him not thinking I love his girls and me not thinking he loves my kidos.Our bills are messed up.My checking account is messed up.Everything bad is happening.WHY? I go to church and I pray.I love the lord.Sometimes I feel like the lord was telling me not to marry my husband,butI didn't listen.I really need some advice rightnow

I'm so sorry for how you are feeling. I don't really know what to tell you to do, except go to the main www.marriagebuilders.com site and read about the love bank, and all of Dr. Harley's concepts to help restore your marriage. <p>By the way, even if you did disobey God by marrying your husband (which I'm not saying you did), there is forgiveness. You can be forgiven for disobeying and then ask Him to take what may have been your mistake and turn it around for His glory.<p>Have you and your H considered counseling? Is your H a Christian?<p>Keep the faith,
Aloha,
Ms.O

Mrs. O,<p> I can only tell you my opinion and what I believe. We are only human and it is natural for us to occassionaly doubt God, he knows this will happen, but He also wants us to trust and go to Him more and more.
I know my marriage was messed up by both my husband and myself, I can't change that now, but I can let God change me into the woman He wants me to be.The divorce was final 2/5/01. Almost a year now and I still refer to him as my husband, and he always will be. I am willing to remain single if my marriage isn't restored. I have asked my husband for forgiveness in my part of the break up and we are friends.
Personally, because of this I am closer to the Lord and I believe if I hadn't idolized my husband instead of God, I would still be married today. God must come first in our lives, if we want God's best and I was guilty of idolizing my hubby. He was first priority on my list. I have learned so much through all this and yes it hurt, but it happened for a reason, now I am just waiting for God to show me what is next in my life. I still pray for a reconciliation with my hubby, and I do believe the Lord will do it when I am the person I am suppose to be and I am only worshipping Him. Gotta have faith. What else do we have without it? My life is better than it was before I was saved, so I am sticking with God.
I didn't intend to preach and pray I haven't offended you, I just wanted to give you my feelings on this. I am an email away.
Morriggs
morriggs@yahoo.com

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:17 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

MsO,<p>got the following in my email this morning it was part of a longer article but thought this hit the point. If you liked this here is the link to the site that will show you today articles and others. http://www.heartlight.org/<p>You know maybe I need to read this everyday & not just hit delete, when I do read they usually hit home & make me feel better & closer to God. It is nice to know that we are not the only ones who question, wonder & feel that we have lost something.<p>Disappointment Turns To Joy, by Tom Norvell<p>
Like most children in our area I was disappointed when I awoke to
realize that the predictions of two to four inches of snow was not
going to happen. Every weather forecaster in our area agreed, "We will
get snow!" Apprehensive, but hopeful, I went to bed expecting to see
the ground covered by the white stuff the next morning. Instead, we had
rain. A little snow. But, a far cry from two to four inches. No
accumulation. No cancellations. No snow men. Not even a snow ball
fight.<p>Being disappointed because it did not snow is one thing. I have learned
(or hope I am learning) to deal with it. By the end of the day I am
usually fine. However, other disappointments are not so easy to handle.<p> * Your team has been winning all season. They have a real chance to
win the championship. They only need to win one more game. As the
clock ticks down toward the end of the game your team has the lead.
Then, at the last second the other team scores. It's over.<p> * You've been sick of your job for years. You think you are finally
getting your chance. You've prayed for the opportunity. You're
confident. Then, you get the call, "You didn't get the job."<p> * You've dealt with the disease. You've followed the doctor's orders.
You've rested. You've taken your medicine. You've prayed. But, then
you hear the doctor say, "It's back."<p> * You've prayed all your life for a Godly mate. You think you have
found her. The relationship is progressing nicely. Then, out of the
blue, she tells you, "It's over."<p>Your hopes are gone. Your dreams have faded. What
might have been, will not be. What do you do? How do you deal with the
disappointment?<p>When those following Jesus faced their great disappointment and saw
their dreams dying on the cross, they were confused and afraid, but...
they waited....
they hoped...
they prayed...
they listened...
they opened their eyes...
they opened their hearts...
they saw Jesus...
they believed...
...their disappointment turned to joy.<p>I cannot promise that if you follow these steps you'll wake up tomorrow
and find your neighborhood covered in snow. However, if you look for
Jesus in your disappointment, I do promise that your disappointment
will eventually turn to joy. Their story makes sure it will be our
story, too. Don't let disappointment defeat you.<p>Keep hope alive in your heart!<p>---------
Copyright (c) 2002, Tom Norvell <tnorvell@aol.com>. Used by
permission. "A Norvell Note" is a weekly email message from Tom
Norvell. Check it out! <http://anorvellnote.faithsite.com>

Thank you Morrigs, Laura Lee and Sing,<p>I am doing better with the faith thing this week. Thank you each one so much for sharing what you did. <p>Still don't "feel" or "see" God much, but am walking in faith that He is still in control. I did realized one thing....I HAVE to believe. I tried to stop and even act like there wasn't a God for a day or two, but I can't do it. It was waaaaaay too depressing. <p>So for now, I hang on and just walk by faith, not by sight.<p>Thanks again,
Ms.O