<p>[ February 18, 2002: Message edited by: eyes_wide_shut ]</p>

ok, a large proportion of your discussions are trying to convince me or yourself that you are sure that your H loves you, even though the does
not show you the same respect. . . .<p>OK, i can buy the MLC and letting him find himself, but then you need to work on yourself, which means work on your weaknesses, work on your knowledge base, reading becomes a very immportant part of that. . .<p>learn to dig deep in personal history to understand how people who have certain traits have learned OR were not taught those traits byt their family of origin. . .<p>alot of problems are completely understandable by either being taught by observation in the family of origin, or by not being taught, and the negative or lack of positive encouragement shows up as the default. . .<p>good luck. . .<p>there are tons of good books,
read as many as you can , and not just once, its interesting to read the first time, and learning to read again. . .<p>i would also suggest "If the buddha married" by Charlotte Kasl. . . <p>also an excellent read on how to properly behavoe towards a spouse. . .<p>wiftty

ews...I am sorry if my action to "wait" on divorce has dissapointed you. <p>snl...AAArrrrggghhhh....plz don't apologize, you must do what YOU think best, we (everyone here) are just resources, to be used [or abused on occassion [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ] as you see fit...good luck.

I just want to say one thing.....
Marriage is a COMMITMENT... not a feeling. Yes gaining and having love is the ultimate goal in any relationship, especially in marriage, but there are times when love is not there. Anyone who has been married for a length of time knows that love is subject, at times, to wavering. I know that for right now, I am having a very hard time loving my H. He is going through a period in his life that is painful for both himself and I. But, I am COMMITTED to staying here and being here for him. I will not be his victim, but I will help if I can. I have been tempted to go off and be alone or to be with someone else, but have not and will not follow through on the temptation because I know I am COMMITTED to my H. I made a vow to stay and see it through our marriage and believe me, he has given me many, many reasons to not want to stay. And I am sure my H has not always loved me either, but he is COMMITTED to staying. He and I do not play games with infidelity. That is a line we are both COMMITTED to not crossing. It is a DECISION we have made, not a feeling. So, I believe that if we wait for our feelings to change to suit our relationship, then we are doomed to fail. Sometimes, we need to just stick it out and wait and see and pray and hope and seek help...but to run off, be unfaithful, seek self pleasures at our mates expense and claim that it is all just a mid-life crisis or some such thing...is just a way to make excuses for being emotionally immature and irresponsible. Like I said before...where is the real repentance...the desire your H has to seek and ask forgiveness for hurting you??? Real repentance and remorse?? I haven't seen nor heard that yet? Am I missing something?

<p>[ February 18, 2002: Message edited by: frstrtd ]</p>

Well,<p>This is my last post on this page. Frstrd you are correct marriage IS a COMMITMENT. you are right about it all! <p>My H is a good man, good hearted, morral, and loving and WAS committed. I do not know where he is right now. I thought I did as of last night and I was so happy. But right now I am so sad I can't think or function. I married him and never ever would have thought he would let his mind shut out his heart. What I mean is that he thinks he can't recover from what he did so he chooses to run away??? That is just not him.
I do know I can no longer confide in anyone. I am shutting everyone and everything out. <p>I am so distraught. Last night we had dinner, it was very nice. He brought me a flower and some wine, then we went to dinner, it was very nice. We came back home to watch a movie. Well it had a love story attached to it and I could tell he was not comfortable. He sat next to me and held my hand tight. Then he got up for a second to go into the kitchen and I said maybe you should leave now? He asked me to come by him, so I did, he got very emotional and held me tight. Said "what, we are going to watch a love story, I am then suposed to kiss you goodnight and leave. You are my wife, I don't want to date you." I said I am not the one who is leaving at the end. He got more emotional and said he had to go. he ran out I started to cry. He called me less than an hour later. Told me how sorry he was for leaving and freaking out. that he realized he loved me and was so sorry for the past year. Told me I had to have felt it when he held me. I said I did. He told me That he wrote a letter about it and was going to send it to me today. I want that man back. In a 45 minute phone cll he is the man who showed remorse for the last year, the man who told me how he loved me and how he had so much love in his heart for me, the man who told me to stop pushing him away like he had asked before, he wanted my love in return, the man who told me he would no longer threaten our marriage, he now knows he wants it, the man who said he has missed me and us since he left and does not want to be alone ever again. he then said he would call me this AM, told me again he loved me and hung up. Not once did I cry or beg him for these things. I did not call him and ask for these things, nor did I show that I needed it. He did it on his own. I was prepaired to let him finalize his feelings this wek alone, but at that point I knew he was coming home. I called who is my best friend right now and told her all about what he said. We cried together, she said she knew he felt this way she saw it in him on Sat. Night. These are the friends he went out with. Today....well this moring he was still that man, sent me an e-mail saying he again was sorry for the quick goodbye and that he just wanted to move forward. That dinner was wonderful and I should forget how he left after that. This afternoon he was not that man anymore. Needless to say I am floored. Nothing you guys say can help me through this. I am committed to him. I can only say I want the man back who called me last night and poured his heart out to me. I am holding on to the man I know and will give him a little more time. After all...all we have is time.<p>Thanks for listening everyone.<p>Michelle<p>PS: I do not want any replies or comments. Just know that I have a true heart and am thankful for all of you.<p>We need spell check on this site!!!!<p>[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: eyes_wide_shut ]</p>

Hi Michelle...<p>What an emotional roller coaster... have you ever read that note by BrambleRose called "detaching with love?" She wrote it in May of last year... very powerful. It's information that comes from Alcoholics Anonymous. I think it can be used for MLC situations as well. <p>Nice to talk with you today, though briefly...<p>Please, let's get together for dinner this week sometime!<p>Ciao,
Nicole