Well Sheesh!!!<p>I could not figure out why my stbx would jump down my throat lately when I'd ask him something in such a nice way. Just like asking him to if he could please try harder to be on time, and then he screams at me with such rage...I thought he must be screaming at me out of his own guilt...Well, this morning I find out it basically had nothing to do with that, his resentment was building over something else...<p>Here's his email,

I couldn't understand why you wouldn't answer my emails on the birthday party until I just found out your emails were being delivered to a folder that wasn't displayed on my outlook bar. If you're ears were burning I apologize. Its now on my outlook bar so I'll see your reply's. I'm getting ready to reload the system because its become too full of bugs. Sorry for any ill feelings because I thought you were ignoring me on issues that were important to me.
<p>Wow! Resentment built in him over a misunderstanding. Looking back at my emails he hasn't been getting my messages for the last few weeks. I noticed he'd write me and ask me a question about a meeting at the children's school and I'd respond. On one email he sent me a few weeks ago, he said something about "Since you refuse to something so important...", I wrote him back and said I did respond and here's the info again...He wasn't getting any of these. At one point I even made a comment to someone that he must be mad at me because he's not responding to important emails I am sending regarding the kids. I just said, "Oh well, it'll be more peaceful." It's almost funny thinking back now, because he'd write me, I'd respond and answer the question, and then I wouldn't get an answer back to my question...I thought it was strange and think, "How rude."<p>You just never know!<p>ANNA<p>[ February 09, 2002: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</p>

Anna it is control. I have the same problem with my stbxH. He is late quite a few times. Talking with the counselor he liked, it is one of the aspects of a controller. They hate to be told to do anything, they hate for someone to tell them they are wrong in being late, or whatever. This is a classic controller. I know, I am dealing with one all the time. Also, controllers, have a problem with showing anger. I have heard H cuss so much, it is scarey. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Not anymore to say, except hold on the reins so tight. What kind of horse are you riding, the Arabian is more high-strung, hold on tight. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

Well, Anna, I'm happy you guys were able to work that out..and find out WHAT the problem is..
and it's also good that he did apologize..for displacing his anger about the e-mail responses..<p>And it's actually normal that resentments build on
misunderstandings..Thats how they are usually built..one misunderstanding after another..and never talking about and working through them..so don't be so hard on yourself..or him in this case [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] but, he still needs to be on time when he picks the kids up..or at least have the common decency to call and let them know he's running late...

Anna just try to remember that you can't change him, not even to ask him to be on time, he will rebel even more - yes he is like child. Just reckon that he will always be 35 minutes late, if he says he will be there at 6:00 tell the kids he will be there at 6:30. That way they won't stress if he is late, and they would be pleasantly surprised if he is on time and think that he is early [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] , if you can do this not for you or XH but for the kids. Try not to let XH get to you because he knows he can. It really is about control! When I read your posts I am happy that my XH and I didn't have kids because I think he'd pretty much be the same! Also if by 6:00 he has not arrived, make them a sandwich if they are hungry, and if that spoils their appetite for whatever XH has planned then too bad... Maybe he will learn through mistakes, but he is not going to take any advice from you... (too thick skinned..)<p>Just my 2 cents...<p>Pantha