<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Renae:
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A pastor I met with said, in my case, where my spouse was acting like a nonbeliever, I am not bound. I'm not sure that is the way God looks at it. And as long as I'm not convinced, when in doubt--don't, huh? Plus,I've been taught too long against remarriage, that if you separate or divorce, you remain unmarried. But this makes me so sad, that I will never have the marriage I so dream of!!! [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote><p>__<p>Dear Renae, <p>It is impressive that you recognize your need to follow your conscience.<p> See Romans 2: 12-16. <p>You are not convinced that re-marriage is right. You are in doubt that re-marriage is morally acceptable.<p>You desire God's will. You want to go to Heaven. You wish to avoid immorality.<p>But, your conscience is UNCERTAIN. Even after praying about it?<p>And you would like a chance to marry again, if it were acceptable to God.<p>You long for true companionship, emotional nurturing, & intimacy; but are willing to seek those things only in morally acceptable ways.<p>Can you fulfill the healthy feminine longings in your heart through a new marriage?<p>How can you resolve your UNCERTAINTY about the morality of re-marriage in your case? <p>How can you set acceptable goals to meet your desires?<p>How can you move forward and heal if you are UNCERTAIN about your possible choices? <p>
EVALUATE YOUR CONCIENCE!!<p>1. Your childhood upbringing from your family regards re-marriage as WRONG.<p>2. Your pastor says re-marriage, in your case, is NOT WRONG.<p>3. Your prayers left you are uncertain...? So that means NO...?<p>4. Your church teaching says......? Does your pastor represent the teaching of your religion. Or would another pastor in your denomination have a differing teaching? Did you ask for other pastor's opinions? Are they all the same? Which one is right? Which one represents the Truth?<p>5. Your Bible speaks negatively about re-marrriage, except for porneia; that it makes you an adultress. What is this exception, porneia? <p> Who decides the meaning; who interprets the Bible?<p>Can you interpret it for yourself? You don't feel knowlegeable about this...? What if your interpretaion is the wrong one? How will you know? <p>There is so much disagreement amongst Scripture scholars, denominations, and good Christians? Your parent's values instilled over your lifetime conflict with your pastor's advice now.<p>Yet, you must move FORWARD. You have evaluated your conscience, and are still confused; so now WHAT?<p>How does ONE FORM a CERTAIN JUDGMENT of their CONSCIENCE out of an UNCERTAIN JUDGEMENT?<p>FORM YOUR CONSCIENCE!!<p>HOW does one form one's conscience?<p>EDUCATE, INFORM, and ENLIGHTEN your CONSCIENCE!<p>FIND OUT what is true and good!<p>But HOW?<p>The WORD of GOD is the light for our path.<p>The WITNESS and ADVICE of competent people.<p>The HELP of the HOLY SPIRIT.<p>But you already tried that, and your'e still doubtful.<p>And, be GUIDED by the authoritative teaching of the Church.<p>I belong to a Church that has an authoritative teaching structure. These authoritative teachings guide my moral decisions. I can have CERTAINTY that these authoritative teachings are NOT IN ERROR. <p>So if I am uncertain, I consult the teaching Magisterium of my church and then I can be CERTAIN. <p>I approached the teaching and governing authority of my church regarding my marriage crisis. The Marriage Tribunal resolved my uncertainty about separating from my abusive WH. They gave me a decree approving the separation and GRANTING APPROVAL for A CIVIL DIVORCE!<p>After the divorce, this same Tribunal will receive an application for an annulment inquiry. After a lengthy investigation, a determination is made.<p> They will decide, whether I had a valid marriage (permanent and binding), or whether what appeared to be a marriage was in fact INVALID (or porneia) from the beginning. <p>It can declare that the marriage wasn't ever validly contracted on the wedding day; it's called a declaration of nullity. This is an annulment--the marriage is null--- it wasn't a marriage from the beginning.<p>Now, my conscience is INFORMED and I am at PEACE.
I have a certain authority to assist me in the finding the TRUTH.<p>The CERTAIN JUDGMENT of my conscience is obeyed, as it must, and I am in God's will.<p>The Marriage Tribunal ministers this authority to ALL people of all faiths. Anyone may apply for an annulment inquiry in the archdiocese in which they reside. <p> It is a process of healing offered to the whole world to defend the SANCTITY of all marriages, by releasing those hurting people in invalid marriages. To God's glory, it binds a couple for life to a valid marriage.<p>Stay true to your conscience!<p>[ March 17, 2002: Message edited by: newstartj ]<p>[ March 17, 2002: Message edited by: newstartj ]</p>

Renae,
Thank you for the scripture referring to hardness of heart. I found MB when looking for divorce information. Whatever I was reading filled me with such dread that I ended up finding MB to try and salvage things. That was nearly two years ago. Along the way I started praying and reading the Bible. Like Annavon, I have a longstanding term of celibacy too, not by my choice but his. I too have struggled with the passages where divorce is allowed, wondering if it really applies to me. Without question, my H has a hardness of heart, and for whatever reason chooses to recoil from intimacy. I will read that passage tonight. Thank you. Also, a big thumbs up to newstartj for the great information. I hate to think what turmoil preceded the lessons you've learned, newstartj. <p>I'm on weekend #7 of separation. I kept a pretty low profile the first month, loving every minute of newfound solitude. I was totally drained and required a lot of rest. Now I'm ready to be more social, and yesterday I experienced my new "status" for the first time around friends I see just once a month. People I know well were given the news of separation. Others who asked about my H were told he's participating with a different group that day. I don't travel far to find the limit of my composure! Revealing too much yesterday would have reduced me to a blubbering pool of jello. Small steps all the way. Plus, I learned an important lesson. I am dangerous! My sexuality has been in a coma for such a long time, and now it's reawakening. I found myself having very inappropriate thoughts about a married man. Given some time alone, that man could've made me melt in five minutes! Well, I hope not, but it's a very vulnerable time, and I didn't fully appreciate the meaning of vulnerability until yesterday. <p>So, take heart, Renae. Not only do you need to protect yourself against your H, you need to protect yourself from everyday, ordinary things! LOL Seriously though, despite the financial uncertainty of separation, you will find the restoration of your emotional health to be worth far more than anything money can buy. I remember reading your thread in OT. You've been through the wringer. Be gentle with yourself. Be firm with your H. You will be in my prayers every day.

Big hugs to you all!!!....wow such wonderful things shared!!.... Just when I was feeling alone, I find dear friends--you!!! <p>I wish I had time right now to fully respond, but I just popped in to "check" what was here and God is so good to bring you all here!!!... especially today. I was at H's church because I'd ordered a bouquet for the table by the pulpit in memory of H's mother. It was so strange to act like "family" on the surface and nobody knows of the divorce going on!!!!!....
H's dad was so happy I was back at church and took us all out to dinner. He obviously has no idea about H divorcing me!!! During the service, I found it quite unusual that the associate pastor mentioned "love your wife!"....it was like God is still trying to knock on H's heart, while H was sitting there in a posture of prayer!!...
Yet he walks out of church no different!!<p>Our last therapist e-mailed and said "Sorry to hear you have been served by H. The man doesn't realize what he is giving up. He will regret this decision for the rest of his days....I can
promise him that!!! If you get a chance....please call me tomorrow. Hope you are resting in the Lord as you go through this troubling time. Keep
crying and keep trusting in Him."<p>Friends, I'm really pulled in my conscience also about the legal thing. To let the law go full force and give the kids and I all we deserve or to draw a line somewhere of compromise in grace. <p>God help me and all of us walk a day at a time!!!....<p>Thanks so much to all of you!!!....