<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by thinker:
He stated to me that he is going to do what he wants, and no lawyer is going to tell him what to do. How do I handle that? <hr></blockquote><p>YOU don't handle it in any way. LET YOUR LAWYER DO IT.<p>Thinker, <p>You're doing it again. Let go of ANYTHING to do wtih SNL. Why are you talking to him at ALL? <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>You guys, SNl said that many of you thought what he said was right. That many of you looked to him for advice. That many of you respected his words. That many of you disagreed with him, and found him to be right. Not much I could say about that.<hr></blockquote><p>And this matters to you HOW? Who gives a crap if any of us thought he had some good advice? <p>I'll tell ya thinker, you are gonna have to get a grip!<p>SNL is NOTHING but an almost-ex-husband acting like a poop right now. RISE ABOVE THIS, TAKE THE HIGH ROAD, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!<p>[ May 10, 2002: Message edited by: new_beginning ]</p>

Thinker,<p>Like Sheryl said why are YOU even talking to SNL.<p>When my STBX left me or is it moved me or whatever you want to call it last June when he want to talk about any of the mess, I refused. I told him I just couldn't talk about it then to email & then I would deal with it. <p>We have had very few conversations about any of this mess. When we meet which is several times a wk because of the boys; we are very civil with each other. There are few times when we have to discuss something in person, usually something to deal with the boys. We do most everything through email.<p>I try to have as little to do with him as I can. NOt for him but for me. I don't need to talk him. At first it hurt, now I just don't want to have anything to do with him.<p>YOu keep talking about the money he spent. All WS spend money on the OP, be thankful it was just 7k. Some states have means that at least part of that money might be recovered. <p>I have to say I didn't agree with Snl very often but he had some points. <p>I wish YOU BOTH peace.

thinker,
I know Sheryl chastised you for harping on SNL too much. While I agree with her, I'm also glad that you did because I haven't been up to speed with your story. My gosh, what a mess woman! If nothing else, your blood pressure must be skyrocketing! All that stress, plus the physical pain of your injury contributes to elevated blood pressure. Your living conditions sound downright abominable. I don't know about you, but my surroundings affect me greatly. And the mold! Get rid of that mold!!! Rip the walls out! Is there any house insurance? File a claim if you do. And speaking of filing, did you report the physical abuse to the police? Perhaps you've already addressed this on another thread, but I try to spend less time here these days as my productivity in my real life increases. <p>I see a lot of similarities between my H and SNL. Thankfully, I don't know the pain of an affair, but my former Mr Fixitman was allowing our home to fall into a shambles. After five years of the patio door needing new rollers, I replaced them myself first thing after he moved out. Expectations of our H's MUST be reduced to ZERO AT BEST if we are to find any peace! You sound seriously depressed and for heaven's sake, who wouldn't be in your shoes???? <p>I agree with Sheryl that focusing on all the things SNL *hasn't* done in the last 7 years around your house is digging a deeper rut. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth! Turn your eyes upward. Look for a way out, and that way out does NOT include SNL! He's keeping you down, thinker. Your house took several years to reach its present state. It won't be restored overnight. I know it's hard to let go of the dream you could have a functional marriage with SNL. Sounds like he could use some antidepressants too. But his self care is up to him. I went through the same thing with my H. He's less than fully functional and getting worse. I paved a path a mile wide for him to get counselling at the veteran center. He went there twice and never returned. Breaks my heart that he'd rather live in abject poverty than seek the help he needs so much. I have seen with my very own eyes how a veteran paves a path toward homelessness. How sad is that? <p>I look at this way... I can shoulder responsibilities that belong to him, and then get blamed for the flawed results. Or, I can detach, limit my exposure to him, limit his ability to cause me emotional pain, and get my own life back on track. I believe the ONLY way I might ever reach him is to life peacefully, happily, prosperously, and hope that he will follow. Focusing on things he's done, or even things you've done to contribute to this situation, is digging a deeper rut. It may not seem possible to climb out of the bad spot you're in. I feel the same way about my situation too, and my problems are limited to financial difficulties! I just can't really know what you're going through, but everyone's rock bottom looks a little different. <p>I really feel for you thinker. God gave us free will, which includes consequences for some of the choices we make. SNL is really missing the boat when it comes to being the leader of your family, and the consequences will fall on your entire family if you keep your eyes focused on him. One thing to be held higher than your allegiance to your marriage is your allegiance to God. You have the power within you to be the leader of your family where SNL has failed. Lift your heart up to God and ask him to reveal all the things that don't belong there. Ask him for the courage, the strength, the wisdom and the grace needed to pull out of this mire of muck you're in. I will be praying this for you too. Geez. I really didn't know all this was happening to you. {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

Yes, the abuse was mentioned, but I was told just recently to take the paper work to the police department, the police that came out to the house. I will do that when I get home, will be home late tomorrow. SNL is asking me to forget my lawyer and to have a mediation. I have been thinking about that, and I am going to talk to my lawyer. I am not sure about this mediation thing, don't really know what it is about, SNL is more versed in law stuff than I. So I am going to talk to the one who is looking out for me, my lawyer. And I know that I am the only one who is protecting me now! Been talking to someone else, and it finally hit me, SNL doesn't care about me, I need to care about me. Yes I am severely depressed, on Anti-D and SNl needs to be on Anti-D. So I did do one step, I finally realized that I am a human, a good human, a caring human, a loving woman, a wonderful mother that really cares about their kids, yes I was not the perfect mother, I loved to do things for my husband, and I love animals. I know that I will continue to do these things, but now it is different, I am the keeper of my body and soul. I am the ONLY one who is going to protect me from violence, coercing, manipulation, and distrust. God is helping me, through prayer and talking to someone else. I have listened to all you have said here, and have placed it in the back of my computer in my head. I needed someone to talk to in voice that was gentle in voice, gentle in mind, gentle in caring, and it took hold in my mind, a very little baby step. But a step in the right direction. <p>SNL is free to leave, to do whatever he wants. I only want to talk to him through e-mail in the next week or so. Then maybe we can talk on the phone only. No visits to each other, no coming over to my house, and I will just go to the barn over at the house he is in (his mothers house that is being renovated) to help take care of the horses, and have time talking and caring for animals. I love animals, and care deeply about animals, and that is the way I was created by God. I love people, I love children, and will do something in that effect about children. <p>I don't know if this is a phase or what. But who knows maybe tomorrow, I will feel like suicide. There is the thought that I would love the plane that I am going to be transported by tomorrow crashing, that is true in my heart. And if it happens, I really don't care. I know I made one baby step, and that is a good step. But the thought of ending my life is strong too. I just want it to be fast, and my kids taken care of properly. So I will see how I feel tomorrow. I usually hate flying, but this time it is different. Well, I guess I have to go now, going to see the big horse event of the night. Then going out to dinner with trainer and his lovely wife. <p>Will try to get back on the MB Monday. Tomorrow big day, packing, horseshowing, and somehow getting to the airport, Looks like I have to take a Marta Bus to the airport with one stop to get another connection. This should be good for a laugh! To get to the airport by vehicle service from hotel will cost $45. Can't afford to spend that much. Anyways, if I don't make my flight just will sit at the airport and wait till next flight. Gives me more time to think and hopefully not cry. Will see you all Monday. Please, I really mean Thank you to all of you! This is hard!

Thinker,<p>Just to let you know, I sent you a quick email...I will try to write you more later. I've had a busy day and just got home.<p>Take care,<p>ANNA