Dave,<p>I like your combination plan A and B, it sounds like it is working to your advantage.<p>IMHO I would stay with that strategy, unless you see something in your spouse to move back into a full press plan B.<p>I'm happy to hear that you are making progress, stay the course. <p>I blew my plan A, didn't follow it well at all. I wish I had one more chance to work on a Hard Plan A, but that won't happen I'm pretty sure of it.<p>If you WS thinks you need to move out of State to make your marriage work, then I would make the move. <p>It's not that hard to find a comparable job, it's hard to find a comparable W. <p>It sounds like there is an addiction there, so I would make the move if need be, and not chance a relapse of what has happened to date. But before you do make the move, make darn sure your W is fully committed to you, and your marriage.<p>Things sound promising, keep up the good work.<p>Wallace

Hi Dave.<p>I'm glad that you seem to be doing well and that your WW seems to be getting fed up with OM. But I would still caution you in not taking anything she says to you, seriously. She has not shown any sign that she wants to come back to work on the marriage.<p>Your divorce hearing is less than three months away and I hope that you are prepared to follow thru if your WW still shows no signs of wanting to rebuild the marriage. If she does, then great because that means that the recovery can begin.<p>Good luck and God bless.<p>Joe

Thanks Joe.. WS came home from her weekend in VA at her sisters... she stopped by my house to let me see the kids, she told me she wants to work on the marriage, is willing to go to MC, that she has ended it with OM for good, OM continues to call but she does not answer, she will get her numbers changed. She gave me alot of "if".. if we can work this out I would like to go back to work, if we can work this out I would like to move out of this neighborhood.. if we can work it out can we go to NY for Christmas, etc.. Everythings seemed very postitive, I told her that we need to take things very slow and that I need some time to decide and for her to prove that it is really over with OM this time, she understood. We agreed that we could do one family event a week for now - church. We also agreed that if we work it out that we need to let God be a bigger part of our marriage than we did in the past.<p>I am still going to do a modified Plan B for now, I am not going to be overly optimistic and be her safety net, i want to show her that she needs to prove some things to me first...<p> I am starting to feel a litter better about things....
Take care,
Dave

Hey Dave,
Modified Plan B or even back to Plan A sounds good. You don't want to sound too standoffish or she may wilt and go back to om.<p>She needs a safe place and that can be you. Avoid smothering and LBs.<p>Hang in!<p>Bob

davepr,<p>Things are sounding better for you but then again she has come back before only to leave again. <p>My question for you is if things are going to work out for both of you, what does she need to do/prove while you are in Plan B. Since there is little/no communication, how/what is she supposed to do according to Plan B/your plan B letter so you can take her back, switch to Plan A, and work on rebuilding etc...?

First, she needs to prove that she will have no contact with OM, the last 2 times she ran back to OM within a few weeks and defended him the entire time. While I cannot predict that she will not run back to him, she has a totally different attitude this time towards OM. I am much more comfortable that she will not go back to OM. Not sure we can work things out yet but I don't believe that OM will be a factor this time, but it is too early to tell.<p>Step 2, she needs to be willing to come back under my conditions - IC, MC, etc.<p>I will switch to Plan A once I am comfortable that OM/A is dead, for that I need some more time.<p>How things any better with you aanast2?

I see that you no longer have the 'divorce pending in August' on your signature, have you withdrawn the divorce petition?<p>I know it's hard to answer this question since you haven't come to that bridge yet, but what will you do if she does another 2-3week comeback and then goes back to OM?<p>Joe

Hi Joe, In NC, you have to live apart for 1 year in order to file for divorce. We also have a legal seperation, therefore on Aug 04 either of us can file for divorce, fairly simple process since we
have the legal seperation and child custody orders signed by a judge. If she moves back home prior to Aug 04 it screws everything up. If she goes back to OM or starts another relationship between now and Aug 04, I am prepared to file. <p>Things are going fairly well right now... I am trying not to get my hopes up too high and I have been down this road before..<p>Take care,
Dave

Sounds pretty exciting Davepr!<p>When me and H started talking reconciliation (for the gazillionth time) last time. We both read the Harleys principles and I outlined boundaries to help rebuild trust...to help me catch him doing something right... like:<p>No more going out with the guys to sportsbars (that use to be where he use to "say" he was going)<p>Full access to voicemail, email - all passwords.<p>to call when he is leaving work - so I could gage his time to be home to leave no room for stopping by OW.<p>to be accountable to me for all his time/schedules.<p>And the biggy "no contact" letter. <p>Hopefully, this will give you a place to start.<p>You sound good!!

dave,<p>please keep us posted. not only about your confidence growing that she really is done with OM but also if she agrees to your other terms.<p>while I hate to get your hopes up (especially because you've been let down more than once) it does seem that things are getting better at this point. I think going slow is good as well as remembering that the point of Plan A was for WS to have a safe place to go when the affair died a natural death.<p>as for me, I don't know. My wife has moved back to her parents so I see her less. I'm still doing Plan A but trying to let her call me. For more details check out my on-going post in Plan A/B:<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=30&t=001238&p=<p>I would appreciate your feedback.<p>Thanks.