I stayed in the same school district when I moved out, and that's the only way I think overnights during the school year could work.<p>Our agreement specifies alternating holidays, that phone calls in or out will never be refused, and one week (i.e., 9 days) vacation during the summer.<p>We have a staggered schedule (Tu, Fri-9 p.m Sunday, Wed-Th) and will stick to it during the summer. During the school year, I pick them up from school at 3 p.m. on my days, and drop them off at school in the morning. On her days, they ride the bus home. During summer the switchover will be at 5 or 6 p.m. My wife has given her daycare center a detailed summer schedule, and is getting some type of price break. I don't know the details. When I have the kids here, I stay home from work and then work longer hours on other days.<p>I think one week would be too long away from the kids, except for vacation.<p>I don't know if your H, or his parents, can do this over the long term, living 25 miles apart.<p>Our agreement states that any disputes will be settled in this same county. It might be hard for you to get a clause allowing you to move far away. Rather than fight that issue now, you might be better off waiting until the time comes. If he or his parents are tired of the custody rotation by then, he might be more amenable to your moving far away.<p>- Tom

My EXh and I have 4 children, and luckily for us we live in the same town (By choice I stay here for the kids) We have a 50 - 50 split. He has the kids from Wednesday, Thurs & Friday's and alternate Saturdays. And I have them Sun, Mon & Tues and alternate Saturdays. This is 4 days per week 1 week and 3 days the next week.
It is working for us.<p>Ally

BUMP!
I'm still polling for other "parenting time" arrangements.

I just have to post what NOT to do - don't wait until the day before to plan the next day - or try and plan week by week - or even try to plan month by month and have WH want to change everything.<p>I should have had the court dictate a schedule because what WH proposed - which is we decided monthly based on his work scheudle(which revolves around his whims) is not working.<p>I personally like this schedule because my chilod counselors say that the younger kids should not go any more than 3 days without seeing the other parent.<p>M- Mom
T- Mom
W- Dad
TH-Dad
F- Mom
S- Mom
Sun-Mom
M-Dad
T-Dad
W-Mom
TH-Mom
F-Dad
S-Dad
Sun-Dad<p>However, during the school year it could be hectic for the children going back and forth from house to house.<p>An alternate arrangement could be every other week - but ONLY if the other parent could see the kids during the week say- Tues. and Thurs.<p>It's tough to have young kids during a divorce, but they need both parents on a regular basis as much as you both can allow - and stand.<p>K

GIIC,
I didn't know that you were doing 50/50 custody. Since you were a SAHM where do they go on days when their father has them.<p>We have a potential distance thing going. I plan to live 25 miles away from H. I don't like this alternating. H dropped off the girls this morning and they didn't want to get in the car to go to daycare, they wanted to stay home. They are very clingy lately. I asked H in a letter to provide his child care proposal and told him my lawyer suggested we work it out between us without getting the lawyers involved.

On those days, your H should drop them at daycare rather than the house.<p>- Tom

I have our S every weekend. One weekend I have him friday night to sunday night, and the next from saturday night to sunday night. When we first separated prior to D she was living with her parents and since Grandma does daycare we agreed that she would have him during the week. Since she's moved out, I've been thinking of asking for a few weeknights, but haven't done it yet. <p>The kicker is there's an OC involved. I've volunteered to have both kids when I have our S, but that would mean that OC would come with us to my parents at Thanksgiving. I think it has to be all or nothing, so far it's nothing. I hesitate to separate this kids any more than they already are. <p>I don't see my S nearly as much as I want, but I'm not sure what to do about it. My ex says that this is what I wanted (by getting divorced). Well, like the commercial says, "Not exactly".

Newly- Technically we have "shared custody" which is not exactly 50/50 - it's turning out to be more like 8-10 nights and 10-15 days that XH has them and then I have the rest. We try to give each one of us two weekends.<p>We are trying to work around his work schedule, and I won't go any more than 3 days away from kids - counselor's recommendation for the younger one at least. <p>One week on and one week off is popular, but not advisable for the kids because they do need to see both parents as frequently as they can and for some parents - like my XH if it's not mandated in the court order, he won't do it - so if you had evey other week you would want to put somehting in there like a few hours in the middle of the week or on Tues, and Thurs., for the other parent to see the kids.<p>Also phone calls by a child to a parent are usually unrestricted and a right of first refusal clause is also popular - which means the other parent gets first dibs to watch kids before you call a babysitter. And you can even modify that clause to say only if you will be gone for more than 4 hours do you have to call the other parent - or something like that. The other parent doesn't have to agree to do it, but they at least get asked.<p>Some suggestions to help with the children are at the other parent's house- a picture of you that they can take, and maybe a tape with you reading a favorite story or singing a favorite song that they can play if they miss you.<p>This is the hardest part to work out - custody of the kids. I too have been looking for an acceptable way to do it, but everyone says it's up to you. Some every other week arrangements are to switch on Sundays or on Wednesdays or Thursdays. <p>Let us know what you decide. K

Hi newly......
Just a hello from someone else from Hunterdon. Wondering where in Hunterdon....
Feel free to email instead of posting here if you want to. ohmygoddesss@aol.com

Hunterdon is the finest county in NJ. That's where my beautiful marital home was, before my WW nixed that. I was near the Round Valley Reservoir. Beuatiful area, poison ivy and lyme disease each spring, but it was great. I went to the Univ of Vermont and my friends from there who visited us said how much it looked like Vermont.<p>Oh well, hope ya'll are able to stay there, if you get D'd, that is, and I hope that doesn't happen.<p>Jay

Let's get together in Hunterdon. I'm almost in Mercer County, but work at I-78 Exit 24.
We could get together in Flemington.
Anyone up for June 8th? There's a new Applebee's on Rt. 31. Please suggest times.

Newly,<p>I'd love to go to Flemington on June 8th, I'll have a chance to drive by the old homestead.<p>My email is jaybays@yahoo.com<p>Let's hear from some more!