Hi all.
Gosh, Free, I think I'd be locked up for beating up my H if I went thru those "Poltergeist" years! How horrible. Its too hard to let go of hurts that big. Nothing new on my end, I guess I'll be living in Limbo indefinately! Trying to stay busy, but sometimes feel like I must be limiting myself in life because I still wonder what H would think or fear any response/conflict from him. There hasn't been any conflict. . just not anything. Theres a body on my family room floor at night! Though he did actually come to a friends party the other day, after ignoring them all for almost a year, especially these last 6 months. I had told him he was invited & asked him to come. I about fell down with shock when I saw him walking in! But we did not sit together or talk hardly at all to each other. He did his thing, I did mine. How sad.<p>Wallace
So is there any way you can prove fraud with the bank at least? Did she open her own account at that time & deposit the cash there?? Can you subpoena the bank records at that time?<p>Is there any way her lack of response could be considered lack of caring how things do & be accepted as a default to your petition for divorce & set you free.<p>The whole thing is wrotten. OW did that to her ex-H when they got divorced!! She racked up $ 9-14,000 debt (taking my H to lunch/dinner etc, long weekends, trashy lingerie. . the works) and her ex-H got dumped with it! No wonder she didnt ask for maintenance! But I think he foolishly left her name on the mortgage/loan on their house. Poor guy. Are you sure the judge would vote to screw you over financially? She abandoned you & family & committed fraud. <p>Where's the genie in a bottle when you need one?

Hi ATW,

I think I need more that a genie in a bottle, to straighten my mess out, but I guess it couldn't hurt.

My bank already knows that fraud and forgery were committed by my WW. They contend that since she is still my W, and we are not D., then she can access a personal account. So I'm going to the court house this Thursday and filing suit against them. I think without question they will lose. If they do, then they have to pay all the money back plus any court costs, and possibly attorney's fees.
You never know how these things will swing when you are dealing in the kind of mess I have going.

In my State, you can't file for abandonement according to my attorneys. Irreconcilable differences only, no matter what they have done.. I live in Colorado, not a good place to file for D. Plus the courts are backed way up in the D courts. It must be in the air all these D's... with all the smoke filled air.

The attorneys have already stated to me if we walk into the courts without an agreement we are going to end up paying her half of everything I have earned. She will get half the debt, but she will be rewarded for heractions make no mistake about and come out with a nice monetary gain.

So we stall, and hope we can locate her and then give her a court order to show up for the hearing. If she doesn't show up then, it will go 60/40, isn't that great? She should get nothing by default, but it doesn't work that way here.

So, who knows what will happen... it's really starting to wear me down.

I feel for you though in your situation. I don't know if I could handle that type of situation.Of course you never know what you are willing to put up with until you are confronted with it yourself, so who knows how I would react.

I'm sure you have your plan A in full swing.

I'm not in real good shape to give any advice at the moment, so hang tuff, and hope for the better.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace,
I don't even know what to say. I think words are pretty useless right now. I don't even know what the laws are where I live but I getting ready to find out!<p>Like I said earlier, we don't have a ton of debt or assets so I can't stand to lose much, or gain much wxcept my freedom.<p>I wish there was any kind of encouragement I could offer that would really help, but I'm at a loss. This is going to sound TOTALLY un-christian but sometimes I think a lot of problems could be solved if................never mind, I erased it, I would probably get arrested or kicked off here at the least if I said what I was going to!!<p>Prayers going up for you.
Free<p>
Against The Wind<p>Yeah, I have decided I was crazy like H said but not for the same reason he said. I look back now (and that is just a very small portion of what's gone on) and wonder WHY??? I stayed. I was bent on making this marriage work, I forgave, never forgot, although I am free from the pain of the things I mentioned. That post was the first time I had ever openly talked about some of those things. I made it my mission to get through anything and I was challenged to the max. It was like Satan was there saying ok you got through that one, let's see if you can handle this. Somewhere along the way I lost my sense, anlong with myself. I am reclaiming both, and I gotta say, "It feels good" I am making progress, but it has been a long time coming and in baby steps. At least now, I refuse to back track, I may be moving slowly, but I am moving and in the right direction. I need to refresh my memory on your situation. I have read so much stuff on the boards I have some of them mixed up I think.<p>Wallace,
I think we had some of CO. smoke roll in the other night. We have a huge fire of our own going own, but I really think it came down thru NM all the way to us. We have an entire town about to be lost to the fire. It is really sad.<p>Well, you guys take care of youselves and find something to hang on to until better days are here. I know when I came crashing down the other day, nothing anyone said seemed to help other than knowing they cared, but all the caring in the world can't change some situations and what you need is some relief from this grief. I truly hope you get is soon.<p>Free

Hi Free,

Well I went and took one of those anti-D, that the IC gave me. I'm feeling pretty out of it.
I'll say one thing, is does take the edge off of everything. So we will see if we can roll with this and see what happens.

I'll get through this mess. Not too sure what kind of shape I'm going to be when I come out of it, but we are going to find out.

I Know that it is hard to come up with anything of encouragement when it comes to legal stuff... it's a mess and I'm just going to have to figure a way trhough it.

It doesn't surprise me that you may be getting some smoke from our fires here. It's pretty bad up here. Don'tyou have some fires going on over in your neck of the woods?

Sounds like you are gearing up to go down the path of the big D as well. Hang on, it gets good once it starts rolling.

Stay in touch.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Good day to you,
Yep, we have fires, last night over 300,000 acres had burned and about 200 houses. If nature doesn't help out we are goin to lose a whole town, Show Low. It was the largest Ponderosa pine forest but it's gone now.<p>Yep, I'm heading for the big D. My H is pretty much on the hostile side today. He is into door slamming and ignoring anything I say to him. It's like he is that other person again. I am so sick of it. but the ball is beginning to roll. I think he may have a program on this comp. where he can track where I go etc so will leave out the details at this point.
Have a good day,as good as you can at least.
Free

Hey Wallace - I too live in CO (Denver to be exact). I am just starting the DV process and have put the ball in WH's court. He stated last week that he was going to come over and we could discuss stuff for the DV tonight. Haven't heard a word from him for right at a week. I'm sure he doesn't even know where to start. I have read up on the majority of stuff and could make him pay in temporary orders but you can't get blood from a turnip as they say.<p>Free Indeed - My parents live in AZ and have friends that summer in Show Low/Pinetop area. I'm sure that if WH does come over tonight he will be in the hostile mood as well. When things aren't going your way and they continue to spiral down that makes it even worse. What's really bad is that I think he thought things would get better once he left and he continued relationship with OW. Surprise...<p>Hang tough guys and take care.
[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

It's a small world. <p>Yep it is. I too live in Denver.<p>We have the ball in the STBXW's court as well. We are going to make her spend some of her money. At least your talking with your S, mine is to inmature to surface, to discuss anything.
I don't want to be married to her anymore... you reach a point of no return and I'm there. I just want to get it over with.
She can't even do that with any sort of decency.<p>Well, I'm going to wait till after the 4th of July and then I'm going to kick this thing into high gear so I can get on with my life.<p>Stay Strong!<p>Wallace

You go for it Wallace, I will be in your cheering section!
Free

thanks Free Indeed,<p>Maybe once this thing is over with I'll find some Inner Peace.<p>I can only pray that God gives me the peace I'm looking for.<p>Stay Strong!<p>Wallace

Good morninig,
I don't have much to say, except situation here continues to deteriorate. H seems to be on the edge of blowing a cork. I think he is getting a clue that I am finished even tho I have not not officailly told him. I have told him, but he thinks I'm joking. Hopfully by Fri. I will know more about what I'm doing. I don't know if he is depressed because things are not good between us or because I wont "mind" him. It doesn't seem to cause any waves if we arn't communicating in any way, but if he tells me to do something and I don't then he gets extremly angry. I was actually afraid of him a couple nights ago. When he gets like that, his face contorts and the look in his eyes is wicked. Oh, well totally irrelevant at this point.
Hope today proves to be productive for all of us on our mission!
Free [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Good morning,

I talked with my SIL last night on the phone for a little bit. She and her H, are getting a D as well... imagine that... it must run in the family.

Anyway, SIL didn't have anything real positve to say. She also is contending she has not heard from WW. BIL came over last night and stayed the night. He has told a completely different story. He told me that my SIL has been in touch with WW and knows about all of the wonderfulness my WW is throwing out there

He also said that she was still having her fun time.

I'm starting to waiver a little about pushing this D. Not to try to salvage the M, but to try to hang on to my family's house. As I stated before, that has always been one of my main goals... keeping the house without having to pay WW any additional money.
I'll probably still keep pushing ahead though with the D, and take my chances.

What do you think your H will do when you hit him with the big D. You better be careful, by what you have been saying with his bad temper and all, it could get ugly.

Hope your day goes well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Good morning all -
Are you all sitting down? H actually had papers ready for me to sign and get notorized. We actually had a very productive conversation last night. I still lost my composure, cried <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> but that is just me. <p>He told me more than once that I looked nice. Asked if I had lost weight. Actually asked if I was seeing/dating anyone. Told him No. Afterwords I wish I would have replied that I'm still married and didn't feel it was right to date someone when you are married. Asked why I got defensive about it, and I told him because it really isn't any of his business. <p>Gave me the old story about money and how he doesn't have any at this point. Told me that he is going to interview for 2 part-time jobs and if he can he will work both of them and his full-time job. My response was when are you going to see S? His was when am I going to sleep? Skipped over that and told him that I didn't want S to stay at his apt. without him there. He agreed. <p>Told him that I just wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Tired of not knowing what is going to happen. He asked about the DV? Told him no, I don't have a problem with the DV because I still care about you but I don't love you anymore. I think that hit him like a ton of bricks. Didn't do it to scare him back. I am ready to move on with my life.<p>Told him that he wasn't the man that I married and I wouldn't have a relationship with the man that he has become. Told him that I still care about his physical/mental well being and want to be his friend but I didn't want to be married to him anymore. <p>Talked about the kids and some things that we need to address with them. Talked about Child Support and this is really the only thing that kind of burned me. He put his income as $12,000 less per year than what was on his W-2 from last year. The amount that he will have to pay won't even cover food for a 15 year old boy. He stated that we will work on that. Told him that I would start working on a parenting plan. (Mandatory in CO).<p>Talked about the house and the fact that anything that I rent that is big enough for S and I will be close to what I'm paying for mortgage. But also told him that I couldn't afford to buy him out so will probably sell the house. Beginning to think that is what is supposed to happen. <p>Wallace - I hope that you get to keep the house for the kids sake. I assume that your SIL is your wife's sister? Just remember that blood is thicker than water and of course they are going to take WW's side. I think that my IL's would still do anything to help WH and he hasn't spoken to them in almost a year and doesn't acknowledge B-Day's, or Mother or Father's Day. I started thinking about it last night and I have to say that I would do it for my S or D if I had the ability also. That is just part of being a blood relative. You are very nice to let BIL stay with you. You are going through enough on your own so be careful about how much you get involved with his mess. Stay strong and take care of yourself.<p>FI -
Please be very careful about your H's temper. My H had bad temper when we first got married and luckily grew out of it. The only area that he grew up in. Ha [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Do you have someone that you can stay with if things get out of control? I thought he wanted a DV, has this changed? Take care and as I said be very careful.

Hi Wallace,<p>I don't have a clue how he will react. That is my biggest concern at this time. It could go either way. He may be happy to get out or he may blow that cork spoken of earllier. That's why I want to speak with atty. before I tell him anything. Of course he is acting very smug, and I really think he may have a program on this comp. to track where I've been and what I've said. He may already know more than I realize but it really doesn't matter at this point. If he gets irrational, I will get a RO. Even tho this is just an order, I suppose he could still break it. I think at this point he is more concerned with his image (to others) than he would be to have his way. I talked w/MIL last night,she knows how everything is and even tho she loves her son, she knows he needs help and is totally supportive of my choice to get out. She told me once that I should have left him the night he was being an idiot driving w/2yrold in car. He stopped the car, I got out to stand away from him, and he drove off and left me in the middle of nowhere, in the pitch black dark, 7 mo pregnant. He feels justified because he only went about 1/2 mile but he made me walk to him. <p>You know, all of these years, I have forgiven him for every offense, and tried to put it out of my mind to keep working on having a good life w/him. It was last year, when things just wouldn't relent that I decided to try and remember everything he has ever done to me. I don't know if this was good or bad, but it helped me to see a pattern of abuse that, prior to that, I had refused to acknowledge.<p>I am having a really good day so far today, as far as my outlook stands. H & I just had 2 days off together and it was very trying. He works day shift, and this week I work evening shift. Next week both on days. I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, I hope it's not a train!<p>This is all going to make us into stronger better people Wallace. I know it's difficult about the house and I really hope you can work that out to you benefit and that of your kids.<p>I hope I get to keep mine too. Mainly for the kids. After they all leave home it wouldn't be as big a deal, but I would like for them to have someplace to come home to later in life. But on the other hand,I don't plan on staying here once my D graduates in 4 years anyway. <p>When I start loosing my peace, I turn my focus back to God and seeking his will for my life and it seems to bring back to that peaceful place. It just seems so clear in my spirit what I have to do. Now that I figured out feeling bad for H, really had to do with me more than him, I have been able to work through that also.
Life can be good, we just have to get past some of this quagmire we are going through.
Hang tough, you'll make it!
Free

Is This a Bad Dream,<p>I don't know if H has a clue about a DV. I have not told him that I am going to file. He can't be happy here the way he is acting. I'm certainly not happy here. We have never really discussed getting a DV. At times of anger he has told me I need to leave and the other night he told D and I that we need to leave, and I told him we were not going anywhere, he was abusive in every sense of the word and he would be the one leaving.<p>As stated in above post, I am beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel, hope it's not a train!
Take care, have a good day
Free

Hi All,


Is This A Bad Dream,

I'm sorry to hear about what just happened [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Maybe I read this part wrong, but if he has no money to help contibute to the household. How can he afford to get D papers drawn up for you to sign? Sounds like there is more going on there in that department.

Yes, you are going to have to take a parenting class. I guess they figure you need to learn how to be a parent all over again. I take mine next month,. I was suppose to take it a long time ago, but no one informed me of it until way late in the game.

With the price of housing out here, you can't get an apartment for a decent price. It's cheaper to stay in your home. My house payment equals about the same cost as a decent 3 bedroom apartment. I have had my home for 22 yrs. and we added on to it, doubling it's size.

I hate apartments too!

I'm sorry to hear of your situation as it progresses. I will say a prayer for you.

Put it in the hands of the Lord, let him lead your path to the point he wants to take you.


Free Indeed,

When do you plan on unhatching your plan? I would prepare and brace yourself when you decide to do it.

You might be right, he may already know all about it. It's not that hard to set up a program on your computer to monitor every keystroke you make... so he may very well know something is up to this point already.

Sometimes you get backed into a corner and left with little choice but to pull out all the stops and go for it.

I know your determined to move on, and based on what I've read in your posts, you every reason to go for it.

Stay Strong!

Wallace<p>[ June 26, 2002: Message edited by: Wallace ]</p>

Hey Wallace -
Just re-read my post and I guess I kind of rambled there. WH actually talked about asking his parents for $$ that is why I was talking about blood is thicker than water. Also we are just starting the ball rolling and as long as we both have no problems with what the other is requesting we both have decided to have a lawyer review the papers prior to filing but we will not have one before that. I don't want this to get nasty and hopefully we can work on this together like adults and get it taken care of. We are still approaching everything one day at a time, but like I said I still don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I agree with you Free, I hope it isn't a train when I do finally see it. <p>WH actually told me that he didn't want any of my 401K, he owns company, another reason why he isn't getting any money. Company is ready to fold. The hole is bigger and bigger each day that he is digging himself into. Anyway, about the 401K's he said that I will need those later and told him maybe not. He asked what that was supposed to mean and I told him that maybe I would find me a rich one the next time. We both kind of laughed. <p>One of the problems about finding a place to live is that S is Sophmore in HS and wants to graduate from same school. I am planning on putting in papers that neither one of the parents will move more than 10 miles from the HS. WH has S 2 weeknights a week and on Sunday. He takes him to school when he it is in session and he rides the bus from our house the other days. WH has a one bedroom however so S sleeps on the fold out couch on the nights he is there. I need to get at least a 2 bdrm. D is Sophmore in College and comes home occasionally druing the school year on weekends and she is home right now for the summer. Need to figure out where she can sleep and keep her junk when she comes home at these times. I am going to try and get condo or townhome with a garage so that I don't have to have storage fees on top of rent. We have been in our house 16 years so I know what your talking about. I am dreading having to clean up all the stuff that we have in the crawl space/basement and 2 sheds. Was thinking about getting some stuff pulled out this weekend and have WH look at it next week and decide if he wants to throw, sell at garage sale, or keep.<p>Today I actually feel sad more than anything. Just never imagined myself in this position but then again I never thought he would turn into the man that he has. There is a little relief. Hoping it will get easier as we go along. Hang in there Wallace. You know the old saying "Every dog has their day". I always add "I just hope I'm around on that day"!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

hi all, nothing new. Same old, same old. Busy with the FT & PT job. Its too hot to do anything outside on my evenings I have off. In limbo.<p>Just a dream: About the $12,000 lie. He has to disclose the right income. Your lawyer can make him produce the W'2s. Do you have a copy of this? Did you preeviously do taxes jointly? There is something initially that both parties fill out (petitioner and respondent separately) regarding assets & all - How much in checking, savings etc? Salary? Debt? Retirement? all that. Dont let him escape that one!

Is this A Bad Dream,

I reread your post, it all becomes clear now.

My MIL is doing the same, you are right about the blood is thicker, I just didn't imagine that it would be as thick as mud.

My MIL is involved so thick, while she stands there and tells everyone "I'm not getting involved". Lies all lies... I know where my STBXW got here lying trait from... her mother.

My BIL told me she is buying my WW new furniture for her apartment... etc... but MIL is not going to get involved. She also has contends to everyone that she has not spoken to her since she left according to her. They have become a very sad and pathetic group of people.

I would be careful about both of you using the same attorney for your D... not a good.
idea. It is probably cheaper that way, but watch out if things start to fall apart.

I have the same problem with my D16 not wanting to move. She would like to finish school in the same one she has been attending. I am trying to make that part happen. But it is not looking too good.

Ahhhhh, the joys of the big "D".


Against the Wind,

I know your still in limbo there, anything shaking at all; good, bad, or indifferent?

Stay Strong!

Wallace


p.s. You're right about every dog has it's day. The question is, will that day come soon enough?<p>[ June 26, 2002: Message edited by: Wallace ]</p>

Good Morning All:<p>I know he will have to produce the information for the courts so I'm not too worried about it. I have a copy of last years tax return, and also gave him a copy so he will have to fess up soon. Was going to stipulate in the CS papers that income be reviewed on a yearly basis. What do you guys think? Problem is that this year he claims that he has made only 1/4 of what he made last year and the year is already 1/2 over. I just want him to take the responsibility that he has and that may be the hard part. <p>Called on a couple of different places for rent in the neighborhood. They are cheaper than the house payment and on top of that I wouldn't have the worries that I have at the house. S mows the lawn but can't expect him do the other maintenance for the entire house. Actually WH was very nice about resetting the sprinkler system the other night (water restrictions). I didn't ask he asked and took care of it for me. Don't think that will continue after the DV is final.<p>Also was thinking about putting in the parenting plan that neither parent can move further than 10 miles from High School that S attends until he graduates. I want to ensure that when WH has S at his house next school year that he won't have an excuse to not make classes. H does not live in bus route area and S will not be permitted to drive to school next year. What do you guys think about that one? Don't know if he will go for it or not but thought I might try it.<p>Funny that my WH would think that his parents would help him. When we were dating and prior to our marriage his Step Father and him went to fists and WH moved out and lived on his own for his Sr. year of HS. Things have always been a little weird with them. WH tried to blame them for part of his behavior (of course didn't tell them that). Has a Step B from Mothers second marriage (current marriage)that can do no wrong and the other 3 boys are not treated on the same level. Told him once that he may not like what his Parents do or did but they are still his parents. I just don't understand how he could feel that way about them or his brothers for that matter. Starting to wonder if it is something in their family. Oldest brother has been married 3 times and when he turned 40 started running around on his wife. He lost everything that he had and was living in the gutter practically before he met his present wife. The second wife was trying to get her kids back from Mexico (where her X had taken them) and they actually were thinking about going down and stealing them back. My IL's actually gave them money to support this plan. Stupid!!<p>We are trying to do the DV on our own and both know that we will have to give on some things. I will pick the Lawyer to review final papers prior to submitting to courts. He already said that he would pay for the review. That was a surprise? Hopefully we won't have any issues that we have to settle but we both have agreed to go to a mediator if that occurs. I guess I can count my lucky stars that we can still be friends and handle this like adults. When I read all the other horror stories on these boards, I am lucky.<p>Take care and have a good day. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Is This A Bad Dream,

During my discovery phase, I had to submit my last three months worth of pay check stubs and they had to be current (mandatory). Also the last 3 years of Fed and state tax returns as well as all 401k info and the last 3 bank statements (checking, savings,etc.) all had to be within the last 3 months (mandatory).

We are still wating for STBXW to submit anything. To date she has not submitted one thing.

You can request that they review CS based on the last 3 years worth of income. They will look at it, but If they will rule on it based on the last three years I can't say.

Parenting plan you have worked up sounds good as well.

It makes things easier when you have a S that is at least willing to cooperate with you in spite of everything else going on.

Regarding all the horror stories on these boards, I think mine is in that catagory.

Stay Strong!

Wallace