Hi Is This A Bad Dream,
I know exactly how you feel about your spouse.
I too did the very same... trusted... financial... and knowing what I know now. It's something that I'm not sure I could ever get past all of the garbage that has been thrown out at me... even if my WW would want to get back. It just tears at your very soul.
Once trust is gone, it is very difficult to gain that back... even if they are remorseful and truly want forgiveness. My WW would never ever let her pride stoop to that level.
Well I'm going to wish you an early happy birthday, and I hope you have a good one, I'm sure you deserve it.
My son's birthday is this Sunday.
I have to get with him to see what he wants, and wants to do.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi you guys,
No I didn't tell H of plans. He is being a perfect gentleman right now and I am taking this time to rest my brain and put it on the back burner for now. I haven't changed my mind, however, I just need a break from thinking about it all. Besides, he doesn't seem to be a threat to anyone at this point. I've been so busy at work, I don't have the time to put into it right now. I don't put too much stock into the fact that things are good, as it's happened before. I'll just wait and see what happens. I've put up with it for nearly 22 years a few more days or weeks won't matter. He's been decent for 2 days in a row!! I'm am standing my ground and not slipping back into the mode of feeling guilty for not feeling any different.

I am working on myself, for myself, and I feel good about myself.

Work is kind of crazy for me. I suppose if I did this sec. bit all the time, I would be used to it and not quite so overwhelmed. I did meet my deadlines for some reports tho. It wont be so bad now because I'll just do what I can till the real sec. gets back from vacation and she will do what I don't get finished. I adore my boss, actually my boss' boss and don't mind going an extra mile for her. She has turned out to be the best friend I have ever had, besides being an excellent boss.
I am truly thankful for my job because I love going to work and I get along with my superiors.
It doesn't pay that much,( although sufficient) but considering I stayed home to raise my kids all these years and have only been back in the work force for 4 years, I am grateful for it.

Is This a Bad Dream.....
Have a wonderful Birthday!

You do something nice for youself too, you too Wallace, do something nice for yourself! Do you guys read much? I have found it to be a great escape to get lost in a book. It seems like everytime I start a new one, it has something in it that really ministers to me at that time, even Daniele Steel! Reading has really been instrumental in helping me to view life in a positive manner again. It's amazing that our outlook on life can mold us into a fulfilled person so much more than circumstances.

Just in case this board goes out of order again, Happy 4th of July!!
Free

Hi you guys,
No I didn't tell H of plans. He is being a perfect gentleman right now and I am taking this time to rest my brain and put it on the back burner for now. I haven't changed my mind, however, I just need a break from thinking about it all. Besides, he doesn't seem to be a threat to anyone at this point. I've been so busy at work, I don't have the time to put into it right now. I don't put too much stock into the fact that things are good, as it's happened before. I'll just wait and see what happens. I've put up with it for nearly 22 years a few more days or weeks won't matter. He's been decent for 2 days in a row!! I'm am standing my ground and not slipping back into the mode of feeling guilty for not feeling any different.

I am working on myself, for myself, and I feel good about myself.

Work is kind of crazy for me. I suppose if I did this sec. bit all the time, I would be used to it and not quite so overwhelmed. I did meet my deadlines for some reports tho. It wont be so bad now because I'll just do what I can till the real sec. gets back from vacation and she will do what I don't get finished. I adore my boss, actually my boss' boss and don't mind going an extra mile for her. She has turned out to be the best friend I have ever had, besides being an excellent boss.
I am truly thankful for my job because I love going to work and I get along with my superiors.
It doesn't pay that much,( although sufficient) but considering I stayed home to raise my kids all these years and have only been back in the work force for 4 years, I am grateful for it.

Is This a Bad Dream.....
Have a wonderful Birthday!

You do something nice for youself too, you too Wallace, do something nice for yourself! Do you guys read much? I have found it to be a great escape to get lost in a book. It seems like everytime I start a new one, it has something in it that really ministers to me at that time, even Daniele Steel! Reading has really been instrumental in helping me to view life in a positive manner again. It's amazing that our outlook on life can mold us into a fulfilled person so much more than circumstances.

Just in case this board goes out of order again, Happy 4th of July!!
Free

Hello All -

Thanks for the B-Day greetings. This B-Day will be very different than last year. We went to a fireworks display last year and had a picnic. When we were leaving after fireworks, WH took it upon himself to be the police and try and correct some teenagers that were messing around in a car. He made me so mad that I actually got out of the truck and started walking. D was so embarassed by his actions that she got out too. Told him after it happened that I didn't care for him endagering us in his little game and told him thanks for the B-Day gift. Won't have those hassles this year at least.

Wallace - Any word from your WW about the procedures for the DV? I've been following your other thread a little. My WH is too proud as well to admit that he was wrong in this whole thing. I have already admitted that I had a role in our problems but I was willing to work on it. He didn't even give me a chance to work on it with him. He was/still is to into the OW. I have decided that I will do my financial part of the DV and I have a rough draft of the Parenting Plan done. I will write up the Seperation Agreement however, he is going to have to do that. I just wonder if I didn't push him into filing. I sometimes think that I should have just ignored him and had a little contact as necessary with him until he realized that the relationship with OW isn't going to be based on anything but dishonesty. After all, they both cheated on their S's what makes them think that they wouldn't do that to each other.

Free - Why do you suppose he has turned around suddenly? I found that I would think that things were improving between us and then I would find out that he was feeding me more lies and of course I believed him. Even now when he talks to me about being a part of my life, I wonder how much of that is true or what he is trying to get out of me. I just wish that I could see him for the person that he is and not the one that he is trying to be. He should have been in the movies.
Ha <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I have tried to read books, but I have a hard time sometimes because I like historical romances and most of the time they have a happy ending and I wonder where my happy ending is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Take care and everyone relax this weekend. Have a wonder 4th <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi All,
Free Indeed,
I'm glad you are working on yourself, I need to do that as well.
Glad to hear that work is going well for you, that always helps... at least that is going in your favor.
It's always good to be able to clear the brain cells. I need to work on that one as well. I have so much on my plate, I don't know which way to turn next... but oh well.
Hope your home situation stays as good as you are saying... that always helps.
To answer your question about reading a book... my mind is so frazzled I can barely watch T.V. for more than a couple seconds.
Stay the course.
Is This A Bad Dream,
I have no movement at all concerning WW on my "D". If you have been following my thread, then you know my plight.
Sounds like your last 4th was a doozy. Hope you have a better one this year.
Your "H" sounds a lot like my WW. That's too bad... I feel your pain if in fact that is the case.
In my case I did get another chance... only thing was, I didn't realize I had an "A" going on right under my nose and I didn't catch it at the time. As I have stated many times before, my Plan A was horrible. Had I known what I know now it probably would of been different (my Plan A). But I can't go back and redo it, so I have to move forward.
Well I hope all of you and your love ones have a very happy 4th of July.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi again,
Man, I am so beat but I feel good mentally so it's a good trade off.
Well, I know a little better where H stands. Last night when I went to bed, there was a card on my pillow. It said a lot about how our relationship is in a storm right now, how he doesn't know what the future holds but just wanted me to know how much he cherrishes the memories ( he must not have the same memories that I do) and he does love me. It was all in the card, he didn't write any of it, but I'm sure it must reflect his feelings. S said he watched him reading cards and buy it. So, I thanked him for the card and now I have an open door to discuss with him how I have been feeling and we'll go from there. I know he is sincere, I just don't know how long it will last this time. Something does seem different this time tho. Can't explain it. At this point I have no expectations nor do I really know what to do. I've spent all of this time trying to get over him and now it seems he's back. Now I am just going to enjoy the good and not make any decisions till I see how things are going to go, see how I feel and if I can even have romatic feelings for him again. I still feel at peace, oddly enough. I wish I could figure out how to pass that on to others. My circumstances don't seem to affect how I feel inside as far as having that inner peace. I'm not really certain how I obtained it, I just know when I gave up on us and let it go, the peace came.

I can say, for me at least, that inner peace is so much more valuable to me than any of my circumstances, good or bad.

Peace to you,
Free

Hey Free -
Do you have an update for us? Hopefully things moved along in the matter in which you wanted them to. Forgive my bad memory but, did your H have an A? and if so is OW out of picture now? I'm glad that you have no expectations. I wish I could get to that point and also wish that I could quit taking this one day at a time. Would like to just be able to plan where I will be living, etc. even next month. I am a real planner and part of me thinks that my WH is enjoying this because he knows that about me. Take care, hope you had a good long weekend.

Wallace - any update on your situation. I know that WW was going to mountains this weekend. My WH was supposed to be gone till Thurs on a raft trip and then either Mtn. biking or camping this weekend. Drove by his Apt. yesterday morning on my way to bank and noticed that his windows were open. Now tell me would you leave for a week/wkend and leave your windows open, even if you are on the 3rd floor? Just makes me realize that he is still not remotely sane at this point. Didn't say anything to the kids as I don't want them to know that he might be in town and doesn't want to see them over the long weekend. Pretty sad <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Just another thing that I can shake my head at.

Free Indeed, Is This A Bad Dream,
Hope everyone had a good 4th of July.
I have been away from the boards for a while... had to clear the head a little... not sure if it's any clearer.
Free Indeed... Sounds like you might be softening up a little bit there. I understand what you have been going through so I know how you must be feeling now. Go with your gut feel and your inner voice.
Let God lead your path.
Oh, by the way...if you decide to give up any of that inner peace, I could use a little of it.
Is This A Bad Dream... I wonder if your "H" really went out of town? It is a little odd that he would leave his window open. I have seen people leave their windows open up that high though... especially if it's real hot out. It's been hot here, so who is to know what is running through his head.
I'm not sure if STBXW went to the mountains with OM... she probably did.
My sons Birthday was yesterday, and she didn't call to wish him a happy birthday (we didn't expect here to). MIL, stopped over and stayed a whole 5 min. and gave my son a gift.
I didn't bother asking her about my STBXW, I just told her that since her address is same as MIL, that last known legal adress that my WW had listed... WW would be getting court papers for the next hearing date sometime this week.
She told me she was just going to put return to sender on it, that I couldn't continue with the "D" until she was served. I told her that I didn't think she needed to be there, one way or the other, but I could be wrong.
Had a good 4th, so that was good.
Hope everyone had a good holiday.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi all. Still in the land of the living (barely). Started to have some woman health problems last week & have felt miserable since then. I will see the doctor on Wednesday. God, I hope H didnt give me the gift that no one wants!! I hope its just older age approaching or too much caffeine or stress!!

Anyhow, nothing new. Spending lots of time with friends lately - kids birthday parties & all. Spent 4th with friends having potluck & set off fireworks in the pm. It was nice. Babysat on Saturday. I think I've had my fill after several hours of Nickelodeon on in the background!! A week ago, I was late at a friends (female) house. H knew where I was cause he was with her husband for a while. I stayed the night as it was too late to drive home. Got home the next evening. H never came home that night! What a child! I stayed out Sat night so he doesnt come home Sunday night!! But he knew exactly where I was cause us gals left the guys after midnight!! I am so annoyed by that!! Of course never an explanation.

He never showed up at their party. But the next day chowed down on some left over grillings I had left in the fridge! He was piddling around in garage. I asked if he liked them. Looked at me funny & says " I ate them didnt I". I asked why he didnt come to party & he snaps "I had my own plans, I don't owe you any explanations of anything" I said "Huh" and closed the door. He snaps "Whats the huh about? Yeah, I screwed her, is that what you think?". I told him well, why dont you hurry up and get that apartment then? He says "THIS IS MY HOUSE" Then I needed to leave & his motorcycle was in the way. He tells me if I'm feeling better, why dont I mow the lawn! Yelling at me about how I back out the car "If you hit the car, you'll see what will happen"!! I said, "well, its MY car anyway" (in both names, but for a year now he refers to it as MY car, and the truck as HIS truck. Again with the "This is my house" and tells me "I can throw you out anytime". I told him go ahead and try then, that I wasn't afraid of him anymore. GRRR.

The next day he snaps at me cause I was going out again (still feeling bad healthwise but sitting around friends instead). Tells me I need to clean the house!! (Its all his clothes, tools & paperwork lying around all over, not my stuff). I ignored that. He mumbled something about "before . . ." and didnt finish. (Before what???). Later mumbled something about him buying me out or me buying him out. Now, he knows damn well I can never afford to buy him out. I want the house much more than he does. I'll be damned if I take a small profit & let him buy me out!! No way am I gonna let OW move into MY house with him when HE wanted out in the first place. I am so mad. I did not say any of that to him though, he just goes off on a tirade.

Yesterday, I was not feeling good & stayed at home. He was out & about of course. Was surprised to see me home when he came back in evening. Seemed to be in a better mood then. (what, he wants the "little woman" at home in her place??? Hmmm??)
My mind just spins most days. No sign of anything from him aabout wanting a marriage or me. This is totally dead right now. ANd he doesnt seem to care. If he wants to go, why the heck doesnt he? WHy torure me? Did he only come back for the house afterall? Wah!! I need a vacation!! But have nowhere to go and no time to take it! Vent!

Hi guys,
Just in for a quick update. Wallace, you are probably right about softening a little. I don't have a clue what I'm doing or want. I need to see my C again. I just get so tired of trying to figure this mess out that it makes my brain hurt. I think it's about time H and I sit down and have a long talk. I am prepared to tell him how I feel about everything, including the fact that I went so far as to see an atty. I am prepared to give him ONE more chance, even tho I'm not sure that's what I want, I am just so tired of thinking about it. If H decides he wants this chance , he will have a tough row to hoe. This may not even be fair or reasistic, but if he wants this to work, he has no more room for abuse of any kind, and he will act as though this chance means something to him, and he will have to accept the fact that for right now, he should have no expectations from me. It is going to take me a while to learn to love him again, and I'm not even sure it will happen. I am making him no promises that I can't keep. If he wants it bad enough he will be able to do this. Then we will go from there.

Is This A Bad Dream,
Yes he had A. You might say OW is out of the picture but not really. Since it was a family member, and she is still in this family. She is an adult now !! She is not an issue with me and really never has been. He's the one who cheated on me, not her. I have had problems with my feelings with OW tho that he didn't have A with, but let them lean all over him, sit with him at our kids ball games when I was at work and act like a cat in heat every time she got close to him. He figured since he was not activily pursueing her, he was doing nothing wrong. I finally gave up on that situation over a year ago and told him fine, if you want to let her do that to you, then go right ahead and I'll start doing what ever it is that makes me feel good. Of course, I never did anything, but he thought that I might. I see that person everday at work, but you know what? It doesn't do a thing to me. Either I have really let go, or really have my feelings locked up. I think I have really let go. But back to the softening thing, I AM A SUCKER!

Wallace, I think my peace of mind comes partially from feeling like I am in control of my situation at this point. I haven't filed, and I don't need him for anything. I don't need him to cooperate or sign anything or show up to court at this point. I think that is one reason I am dragging my feet about doing it. Right now I still have options, whether I choose to use them or not, they are still there. I think when I get to the point you are at now, I will be searching for that peace of mind again. It's hard to have peace when we are depending on someone else and they don't cooperate. I have cnfidence that you too, will have peace again.

Well, after reading my post, I have to wonder if it's the pounding headache talking or if I'm loosing it!

Take Care,
Free

Hi All,
Free Indeed... It's tough to take a hard line when things are going well in your "M". You need to listen to your "inner voice" and go with your gut feel on this one.
Have you and your "H" taken the EN's questionaire yet? If you have, then both of you should have a pretty good idea of what you need to be workiing on. It seems Free, that somewhere down there, you may truly want to keep your "M" in place, but only if it is better. Maybe if you and your "H" can work on meeting each other's EN together... you maybe able to salvage your "M" and have your Love Bank's start filling back up again... just a thought.
Against the Wind... It sounds like you need to somehow get some lines of communication going with your "H". It is tough living in "Limbo" like you are.
I am assuming that you have worked a good Plan A.
I noticed something in your post. You indicated that your "H" was in a good mood when he came home and saw that you were there.
I think if you Plan A well enough, and not go out... even if he goes out and does his thing, you might start seeing some different results. I could be way off base on this, but it appears that you are both trying to make each other jealous... in order to try to get the other spouse's attention. let me know if I'm off target on this one.
Is This A Bad Dream... Hope you are hanging in there, let us know how you are making out.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Wallace,
I think I need psychiatric intervention! I am having trouble distinguishing between what I want and taking all the facts and doing what is engrained in me as the right or fair thing to do.
Just because he is trying, does that mean that I owe him a chance? I don't hate him, but right now I really don't want him to even touch me. He waited too long. I begged him to please not lie and do the things that I explained to him would kill my feelings for him and he did them anyway. I warned him that someday he would do those things one too many times and I would turn away for good. I don't know if it's part of his control theory, or if he just didn't get it till it was too late. Then I tell myself, there is no one else in my life right now maybe I should give him a chance. It just took me soooo long to become as strong as I am now and I went through hell to get here, I am not going to give up any ground I've gained (meaning getting stronger and liking who I am) and I don't want to have to fight him to be who I am. My personal feeling at this point are; I still don't want to cause him undue (or is it?) pain and suffering, but on the other hand I can't go back like nothing ever happened. This leaves two options as far as I can see. We either go our seperate ways or just start over. The problem with starting over is, I would never pick anyone like him again to get close enough to to allow myself to fall in love. This overnight turnaround he did also scares me. I don't think people can change that drastically overnight. You can change your behavior for periods of time when you stand to lose big time if you don't but does that change the person? How long before he gets tired of playing charades and decides to be the real him again? And if he could change why did he wait till now, why not while I was trying to tell him how I felt. I still see it as part of his control tactics. I took away his control when I no longer cared if he lied to me or what he did. It no longer mattered. Now that it no longer matters, he is changing into the person he whould have been then, considerate, helpful loving and kind. He has done this before and about the time I let my guard down and relax in the relationship, out of the blue...Here it comes again.

It helps so much writing these things down because I am beginning to understand why I feel the way I do now.

I don't read a lot on these boards anymore because it tends to over load my brain. What is your status as of now? Has there been any progress? If it's already posted can you guide me to it?

Anyway, that's where I'm at right now. I do see a long talk for H and myself in near future. I'm just afraid I'm not the same person anymore, which I view as a good thing, to make it in this relationship. Only 2 short years ago I would have been ecstatic with these changes. But I am older and wiser now and it is all a little to late.

Take Care,
Free

Hello All -
ATW - Hope you are feeling better. Why did you have to wait until Wends to see Dr.? Hang in there and I think Wallace has a point about your lines of communication. You also need to really look at how important the house is to you. At first I thought that I had to keep the house. Most of it was my thinking that it gave stability to the kids. When I asked S about how he felt about selling the house, his first question was "Will I go to the same school?" I realized that they weren't as attached to the house as I was and there are a lot of memories there that I struggle with sometimes. D is in college so she is only home on occasional weekends and this summer. I'm at the point that I probably would do better if we sold the house. I can't keep up the maintenance, etc. anyway and can't afford the house payment or to hire someone to do the maintenance for me. I think you need to ask yourself why do you want the house and would it be easier without it. I'm not recommending that you move out, but I just think that you really need to weigh the good with the bad here.

Free - Thanks for bringing me up to speed. Glad things are to a point where you are putting the ball in his court, so to speak. Also think that you will be happy either way that it turns out. You do need to draw the line in the sand and let him know under no circumstances will you accept him crossing it. Hang in there and good luck.

Wallace - read on your other thread that the lawyers are sending DV papers to MIL's house. (last known address). Don't quite know how to handle communication with IL's at this point so I have just ignored them. My kids are old enough that if they want to go and see them they can call and go over or WH could take them over when they are visiting with him (Yeah - Fat chance). He broke those ties last October and don't know that he has contact with them as of yet. Feel so bad for your S that his mother didn't even call him on his B-Day. That must be hard for him. For the life of me I can't imagine not calling my child on their B-Day. Glad that you had some time away with friends and the kids this Holiday. Mine was uneventful, but that was o.k. with me. STBXH is supposed to come over this evening. However, I haven't heard from him since last Thursday so have no idea if that is still his plans or not. We are supposed to go over the parenting plan, etc.

I have been running through my head the last couple of days what I'm going to say to him. "Thanks for calling me on my B-Day, good to know that you want to be my friend but you can't acknowledge my B-Day."
"Was she (OW) really worth all this? You've lost everything but I guess that doesn't matter to you."
I know, I shouldn't and probably won't say these things to him, but I'm sooooo tempted. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Have a great day and hang tough.

Hi All,
Free Indeed,
With the kind of things that we have going on in our lives... you need a good therapist.
If your gut feel, or "Inner Voice" is telling you to sit down with your "H", then you might as well get it over with asap.
Only you can answer the question about how you feel about your "H".
If you already know the outcome of trying to make your "M" work... knowing that it isn't going to happen... then you have already answered your question of what you truly need to do.
Like you... I know what I would of really liked to see happen with my situation (besides her not having mutiple A's), but it is not meant to be.
In your heart, you will know when the time is right to move forward no matter which direction you decide to proceed with.
Is This A Bad Dream,
I have ceased all communications with any of my IL's... and anybody that may be in communication with WW.
WW should be gettting final court hearing papers in the next couple of days... it could get interesting, then on the other hand... maybe not.
Good luck with your meeting with your "H", hope it goes well.
My children at this point in time don't care if they ever see their Mother ever again, because of the way she has conducted herself. You know, I can't blame them either... WW has done a lot of damage, it's going to take years for her to recover from all the damage she has dealt out to our family.
Here is my take on the house issue.
Initially I wanted our home, to keep some sort of a normal lifestyle pattern. But as the time goes by, it really does not have the importance as it did.
There are a lot of triggers to bring back memories... both good and bad.
So if we keep the house... we will change it all up, and if we don't keep it... then we won't have to worry about it.
It will be a sad day for sure, no matter how it shakes down.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi everyone -
Just an update - STBXH came over last night and we started going over issues regarding the DV. Gave him the parenting plan to look over. Told him this is a draft. Gave him a list of things that I want in the Seperation Agreement. Of course he had a couple sticking points, told him we would work through them.

Once again he lied straight to my face. Asked him about the extra job that he was supposed to start this week and now tells me that he has an interview this week. The story last time was that he was waiting for them to call and let him know when to start. Now he's back to the interview process??? He is getting so bad a lying that he doesn't even remember what his first lie was.

Went over CS worksheets. He wanted to use an estimate of what he will make this year. Told him that I think the state will use a three year average. Asked why I didn't use a 3 year average for my income. I know what my income is going to be this year. I'm salary and getting steady paychecks. He hasn't gotten a paycheck in 6 weeks and tells me last night that we may have to file bankruptcy because of the company. Great, that means I won't be able to buy anything for 7 years <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Went through some stuff that I had cleaned out from the basement and asked him if he wanted to keep, toss out, or have me try and sell at the garage sale. Actually told me that I could take what I make off his stuff and apply it to what he owes me. Get this he actually told me that I don't have to be totally honest with what I sell it for. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> OH MY GOD. My response was "Of course I'm going to be honest". Wanted to add, I'm not like you and lie to people all the time.

He was getting ready to leave and I know I shouldn't have done this but it felt so good afterwords. I asked him "So was this all worth it". Asked me "Why did you have to ask that?" Told him "I just want to know was it worth it?" Of course he stormed out and started blaming me for everything. Told him that he wasn't going to blame me for this, this was his fault and I can't fight his demons for him. He told me that this wasn't his fault and my response was "I didn't make you stray, you strayed on your own. You can't blame me for that". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Felt a little guilty afterwords but got over that soon. I hope that it made him really think about this. Tried to tell me that he was just going to thank me for handling this as an adult!! until I asked that questions. Hate tell him but, I have been the only adult in this relationship for a while he just doesn't realize what he had, and when he does, it's going to be toooooo late <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Everyone hang in there. I'm still taking it day-by-day.

Is This A Bad Dream,
It is amazing how the WS's just continue to lie.
They tell so many lies that they can't keep up with all the garbage they have thrown out there to cover their tracks. It is a definite pattern that most WS's take.
It is also true that when you are dealing with most WS's that there is only one true adult that is handling everything.
My IC told me yesterday, that when you are dealing with a WS, it's the same as dealing with a 2 or 3 year old... I think there is a lot of truth to that.
I would love the chance to ask my STBXW, "Well was it all worth it"? I already know what she would say, but I would just love the opportunity to ask it, just once.
Hang in there, it has to get better sooner or later.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

<small>[ July 10, 2002, 11:02 AM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Thanks Wallace - you hang in there too. I agree with your IC they are like 2 and 3 year olds. I'm done raising our two kids past this age and don't really want to have to hold someone elses hand. Guess we do what we have to. I hope that we don't have to file bankruptcy, because that would mean that I wouldn't be able to buy something else. He actually asked if I thought I would qualify for the house that we have now. Told him I might qualify but I can't make the house payments by myself so that is a moot point. I go and see my IC this Friday, can't wait to get her take on all this. Just want this to all be done and over with so that I can move on and find some one else eventually.

Is This A Bad Dream,
When you are talking about filing bankruptcy, are you talking about a personal bankruptcy or bankrupting the business?
My WW went out and filed a full blown personal chapter 13 bankruptcy which I was unaware of. She did this to ruin my credit, after she maxed out her credit cards as well as mine.
It jumped over onto my credit report because I was an authorized signer on some of her credit cards, which I was unaware of as well.
I am still fighting with all of that, to try and restore my credit.
What I am getting at, is be very careful about you or your H filing bankruptcy at this particular time... it could turn into a real mess.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Wallace -
This is a bit complicated but I will try and explain. When STBXH started his business with partner a few years back. Business partners wife and myself each owned 26% of the company and the guys owned 24% of the company. We all signed papers at the beginning to personally guarantee loans for the business. The bankruptcy that he is referring to is for the company, but since we signed papers as personal guarantors we may have to file personal bankruptcy as well. He tells me that this should all be figured out by the end of the month (July). We will see how much he drags his feet on this one. We are supposed to go to court for preliminary DV hearing in August. If things aren't figured out by then we will have to postpone.

I guess the thing that bothers me so much about this is that I just want to walk away. I don't want anything from the business, if they can get it back on it's feet they might be able to actually start making money. That is a big IF though. I just want to be able to plan on something for once and not be waiting for his to figure out what he is doing with his life before I can. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Thanks for the advise and hang in there.

Is This A Bad Dream,
I understand what you are saying... I had a business for 13yrs.. I closed it down 5 yrs ago, because STBXW, who was the head accountant was embezzeling money from it. I may start it back up again after the "D" is over and I see how I land after it is all said and done with.
Did you consult your attorneys on this? They may have some good advice to give you as far as protecting yourself. If you can avoid the bankruptcy, by all means do it.
I didn't file bankruptcy, and I had an outstanding credit rating until STBXW filed bankruptcy on her side. It's a mess that I'm going to be fighting against for awhile.
Stay Strong!
Wallace