Free -
You deserved that day yesterday and like you said the housework was waiting for your when you got home. I hope that you take time for yourself. We all need to do that every now and then. We deserve to be taken care of as much as our families. Listen to me, I should practice what I preach sometimes. I have tried to really be better about this. Today I went to a Football game with a GF. Told her on the way over that I had no idea what D's plans were for this weekend or I would have taken her. Told her that I decided that I was going to take care of me and if she wants to see me than she will learn to give more notice. I thought her plans were to head back to school on Saturday. She ended up staying with a GF last night and I came home and fixed dinner and she left after we ate together this evening. No idea that she was going to stay that long. It was great to have her here, especially since S was at EXH's this weekend.

I do have something that is bothering me about ExH. Wondered if you guys can give me some ideas on how to handle? I have requested numerous times copies of loan papers that I signed as gaurantor for EXH's company. He is planning on filing for Bankruptcy for the company and has told me that I will have to file to protect myself from having to pay this loan since I signed as gaurantor. He will not give me copies of these papers. I told him that I wanted them by 10/4 and of course still do not have a copy of them. What I don't get is why he is doing this. I have told him that I am seeking my own lawyer for the bankruptcy since we are DVd I feel it is a conflict of interest.

I have given him copies of everything that he has requested and what was required by the courts. On Friday I went to the courts and got a certified copy of the decree so that I could get the ball rolling on the 401K money that he is receiving. This should be complete by Tuesday of this next week at the latest.

Why does he not think it is necessary to give me the information to protect myself? I have requested copies of other things in the past and never recieved them either. I just don't know what to do to get him to understand that these are things that he should be cooperating on. Any suggestions?

Just another hole in the road as Free stated.

Is this a Bad Dream

ITABD I don't think he thinks it is unnecessary to give you these, it's just a way for him to show his control in your life. See if your lawyer will write him a letter demanding them, tell him you will take leagal action if you don't recieve them. Be sure and list everything you need when you make your request. I don't know if it will work, but it is worth a try.

My S starts therapy on his knee today. I won't be going because I have to work but H is off today so I suppose he will take him. ITABD....do you have email? Some things I would like to talk more freely about but since someone reads this site now I don't want to you do and don't mind emailing let me know. If you prefer not to then that's ok too.

Hey I gotta get ready for work so I'll check back when I get home tonight.

It is fun to just go do something for fun isn't it!

Wallace hope you are ok. Prayers for you.
Free

Free -
Yes I have e-mail. If you give me your address I will be more than happy to talk with you off of the boards. I would have my address in the signature line but I have a very uncommon last name and my e-mail address includes it.

Don't know if you remember or not, but we didn't use lawyers for our DV. We filed the papers jointly and worked out all the agreements between the two of us. I think that is why I am so baffeled some times on why he handles some things this way. I was thinking about e-mailing him and letting him know that I have done everything that was expected of me and I need this information to protect myself and the kids. Really didn't want to include the kids in this but he is giving me little choice. I know that he is stalling as long as he can before filing the bankruptcy because his original plan was to use the money from my 401K and buy a house.

I know this is the last way that he has control over me. That is why it makes me so angry that he is pulling this stuff. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

When I made him give me the house keys, he lost a little control.
When I sold the house, he lost a lot of control.
When the divorce was final, he lost all control except for this little piece of paper.
I never thought he was such a control freak when I was married to him.

Some one suggested that I contact my bankruptcy lawyer and have them contact his lawyer for the copies. I wanted to go to my first appt. with lawyer with all papers in hand and a list of questions so that I can keep the costs down as much as possible.

I hope thearpy goes well for S today. Sounds like this is a long road to recovery. Take care.

<small>[ October 07, 2002, 07:43 PM: Message edited by: Free Again ]</small>

Hey Free -
Just click on the little piece of paper and pencil on the post that you want to edit and you can delete the entire post of just parts of it.

ITABD

Hi All,
I've been away from the boards for a few days.
I find that I have to clear the head from time to time, but I'm back now.
Free...
One thing that I learned in my divorce groups as well as in my Church groups is that while you are going through all this you need to keep God as your number one focus and hand all of this over to him.
I at first didn't do that while going through all my trials and tribulations, but over time I learned to get myself out of the middle of everything and do just exactly that.
It's easier said than done, but try handing it over to the Lord and pray.
Let the Lord handle it for you... give it to the Lord.
It worked for me and it continues to work for me to this day.
Without doing that, I'm not sure I would of been as far as I am both mentally and physically.
ITABD...
I would seriously consider hiring a bankruptcy attorney. What you are about to enter into is going to have far reaching effects for sometime to come so you want to minimize the impact as best you can.
I wouldn't try doing it yourself, unless you are absolutely sure you know all the ramifications associated with it.
Your "ex" not cooperating isn't helping things as well.
My STBXW filed with an attorney without me knowing about it, and it jumped over onto my credit after it was all said and done with.
My attorney is still trying to untangle the mess she created.
My "FJ" day is on the 22nd of this month... I'm worried because we are walking in with no agreement still. No contact with STBXW for almost 6 months now, so it's going to be like a crap shoot.
My OD has been calling the house everynight and speaking with my YD16.
She mover in with BF, and said she was getting along well.
She hasn't asked to speak with me, but I'm sure that will change in time.
Hang in there all, it's rough at the moment, but in time it will get better.
There is a saying that they use in our Divorce group... it goes something like this.
"You can go through this ordeal in pain, or you can go through this ordeal in excrutiating pain... it's your choice.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hey Wallace -
I know how you feel. Free and I were IMing last night and we both said that sometimes you just have to step away for a while and recollect your thoughts. I find that sometimes this board lifts me up and other times it makes me more depressed.
I will never forget, one time I was reading a post under General Questions and someone was asking everyones opinion on whether her H was cheating on her. This post could have been written by me and I just had to close out and walk away. I know not every H that did the things that my EXH did are cheating on their W's but it was just too similar. The thing was, I didn't really see any of it until after the A was out in the open and then you start remembering the lies and excuses.

I know it is scary going into court and not having any type of agreement made up. I assume that you don't think that you WW is going to show up. I'm sure the judge will take that into consideration. When we went for our final hearing on the 30th of Sept. we were the first couple to go up to the judge and walk through our parenting plan/seperation agreement, etc. Before we got started though the judge was asking who was here, etc. One lady said her name and she asked if her husband was going to be there. Her reply was No, he is incarcerated. Another man was asked the same question and his reply was that he had sent the papers to her last known address and had no idea where she was at. I was glad to go first just so that we could get it over with and get out of there.

My D surprised me this weekend and stayed until Sunday evening. Really expected her to go home on Saturday night. My S was with EXH so we had some girl time together. Your OD is going to come around it is just going to take a while. What do the other kids think about what she is doing? You know they say sometimes peer pressure has more of an affect than your family.

I have to get back to work but hope everyone has a good Tuesday.

Hi ITABD,
You are so right about having to step away from the boards for awhile.
It will work you if you let it.
By the way tell "Free" I said hi, if you talk to her tonight.
Also your assumption is correct about my WW not showing up for the final court date.
Right now we think she will be a no-show, which leaves the entire situation in the hands of the Judge... not a good place to be.
I'm glad you had some time to spend with your "D"... having the kids around is always nice.
It lets you know that you still have a family in spite of everything going on.
I think in time my OD will come around. I know my YD thinks what she did is the pits, and my OS thinks she is a goof for doing what she did.
She knows what she did was not truly in her best interest.
So maybe in time she will realize that she may have not made the best choices she could have and start coming around... only time will tell.
Have a good day at work.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi Wallace. I have been away also trying to clear my head. ITABD and I are chatting right now discussing that very thing. I have to turn it over to God and let him keep it! I have nearly lost my mind the last few days and I can't go there anymore. It was pretty wierd. Do you have MSN IM? You could chat with us. I still have not made any definite moves but this is all really hard to deal with. I still know what I have to do tho. I did talk to the pastor and his wife for over 2 hours and he gave me his opinion. It was the same as mine. I need to get out. There are some new developments in the situation but I don't think I should talk about them on the board. Actually I think the board is great but I'm either getting tired of it or just plain tired. I feel like I have made a good friend with you and ITABD and a couple others but it also keeps me concentrating on my every little problem. It's time to stop talking about it and do something. I have a really bad problem with second guessing myself when I talk about what he has done and does that maybe I'm wrong and not giving him enough credit, but the kids and other family members along with friends see whats going on and back me up. I am starting to babble again, just wanted you guys to know I haven't deserted you for good. Don't have much support to offer right now. Hope you are doing well.
Free

Hi All,
Free...
I just noticed that you changed your name.
I'm running a little behind the eight ball at the moment. I've got quite a bit going on ...
I'm coming up to the final court date, and it's getting a little hectic.
I have MSN IM. let me know if you want the info on it and I can either email it to you or ITABD.
IMHO, I would try to hang with the boards as long as you can especially if you move forward with what I think your going to move forward with.
I know your not in any position to probably offer any advice to anyone right at this point in time, but your probably going to need as much useful info and advice as you possibly can get if and when you decide to make your move.
I know there are things you don't want to post on the boards, and I can understand that... so let me know how I can help and if you want my MSN IM.
ITABD...
Hope your doing well.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi everyone
Wallace: As I said in the post previous I have a very unique last name so I can't give you my e-mail address but maybe Free is willing to post her's again and then edit and erase like she did for me. Hang in there and try to take care of yourself till your Final court date. We will all be here for you. I still have a problem not thinking about everything that is going on and take care of myself. I am sleeping better now so I don't feel like a zombie at work. Any news from OD?
Free:
Any new updates on your situation? Remember what I said sometimes you have to go with your gut feeling on these things. If I got with my gut feeling 9 times out of 10 I am right. Take care and I will talk to you later online.

Hi ITABD,
Thanks for the support... I'm sure I'm going to need it.
Coming into the final stretch now... 11 more days to go.
Glad to hear that your sleeping better.
I'm getting all of about 4 hours a night now compared to my usual 7 to 8.
Sleep deprived... I'm running on empty... so I know all about feeling like a zombie.
It's a real blast when you are at work... LOL.
Hope everything is going well.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi Everyone:

I just read page 20. It's nice to touch base and see that all of you are facing your circumstances with the strength God gives you and doing your best to trust in Him and let Him manage and control the situation.

Kids always love their parents. They can be hurt, but they come back around. They still love us. Sometimes we need to be patient and wait for it to show again. God's blessing to all of you.

For a quick update, I've been attending my church again now for going on 6 months. I go morning and night. I've come to the conclusion that the main problem in the church (there's a lot of very nice Christians there) is that the church has a pastor who is insecure, negative, and controlling. He says he is easily intimidated, compares himself to others, and feels insecure. I can tell you by experience that he lashes out with meanness and often covers it with a very thin religious veneer. I've tried to be very objective. The church, literally, is dying. Two pastors from Home Missions met with the Council and told them the church is dying and they have two choices: painful death or painful change. I don't believe the pastor really understands what it is to know Jesus.

I continue to attend because it is the church to which God has called me and God is blessing me. I am being a positive influence and walking by faith.

I met with 2 pastors from the governing council over the individual church. They were very sincere Christians, caring, loving, understanding - everything I expect pastors to embody through their call and their relationship with Christ. Speaking with them was very encouraging to me.

I'm giving the matter time, dispelling the gossip that has been spoken and taking positive action.

God is moving, thereby, to rebuild and restore every good thing in Christ.

Have a great day!

Laura

Hi Laura,
Was wondering how you were doing... haven't heard from you in quite awhile.
It sounds like your Church is at a crossroads... which direction do you think they might take?
Do you think the Council will decide to bring in a new Pastor at your Church?
It's good to hear that you continued going to your Church, I know how torn you were concerning all that was going on a few months ago. It sounds like they are attempting to straighten it out or at least look at the probelms they have been having.
If you weren't aware... my M is coming to a conclusion a week from this Tuesday.
I believe that it was God's will for it to end. I've met so many good people since this all started and my faith has been made stronger because of all that has happened... so it wasn't all bad.
Stay in touch and let us know how things go.
May God bless you always.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi,
I'm still around but haven't had much time for the computer. S seems to be doing a little better with his knee. Thankful for that. Don't have much to say about anything else at this point. Will bring you up to speed when I can.

Wallace, I am glad you feel this is God's will for your marriage. It makes these insane things have a liitle more sense when we see them that way. It's how I feel, but for the moment, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Working on wedging my way out.

I will let you know when I can give you the IM address when I have time to delete it after you get it.

ITABD, sorry I haven't been on lately but my kids and H have dominated the comp this weekend.

Laura, what do you know about generational curses and or possession or oppression? I'm dealing with some issues with my oldest S and could use some insight if you have any.
Thanks,
Free

Hi All,
Free...
It's good to hear that your son's knee is doing better... that was pretty wild what you had going on there.
Hang in there... it appears that you have quite a bit going on.
We will be here when you feel the time is right.
ITABD and Laura...
I hope everything is well with both of you, stay in touch and let us know.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hello Everyone -
Things are really crazy at work this week. My counterpart is on vacation so I am covering both desks. Makes the day go fast though.
Went to IC on Tuesday evening. She told me that she thought I was doing well enough that we should just try not making a set appt. and if I need to I can call her and she will see me. Gave me a little more confidence but at the same time made me a little worried as well. We never know when those things are going to jump on us and we have a hard time handling. She also said that I could call her anytime that I want as well.
I told her that I really don't feel much different after the DV is final. She said that a lot of people feel this because it is easy to do in most cases. At least I went to court and she said that would help too because I had some closure there instead of just getting a piece of paper in the mail.
She told me that I have to start thinking about me and taking care of me. I'm really trying to do this (going for my monthly massage tonight). She also stated that I need to quit worrying about D so much. She is old enough to handle things in her own world (college). Told her that she had hives last week. I'm sure it is all nerves. Finals are coming up, she has no money, she is a Resident Assistant so she is on a committee to plan Homecoming (this weekend) and she isn't getting much sleep.
Was sitting at dinner on Monday evening and there was a knock on the door. It was XH. Opened the door and he said "Here is your check for the month" (Child support). I told him thanks and shut the door. My IC said "Boy, your mean". I told her that he didn't deserve any more than that after the way that he has treated me. She agreed and told me that he is lonely and starting to have regrets. Told her he might be but I will never hear it from his mouth if he realizes that. So we plod along.
Wallace - Are you hanging in there? I know your DV hearing is the 22nd. I hope you have a bunch of stuff planned for this weekend so that you don't have to think about it too much.
Free - I will try and e-mail you this evening or if you are online when I get home I will talk to you then. Hope things are going well.
Everyone Take care

Hi ITABD,
It appears that you are doing better. I don't think your "IC" would not want to set up another appointment with you if she thought you would have difficulties... so that sounds like that is good news.
I have to agree with you about your "H" or any other WS for that matter. It's very rare that they admit to anything.
My final court date is on the 22nd... just around the corner.
As far as this weekend... I think this weekend I have too much going on, my weekend is full, with no room to move... so that is a good thing.
Talked to my attorney's today just to make sure that we were all on the same page, and it appears that we are.
So it's 4 days to go and it's over, at least that is the game plan. If she shows up for the hearing (which we are not expecting her to do) then it could drag on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Hope you have a good weekend... say hi to Free for me. Hope she is doing well.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi Guys:

Hi Wallace:

Glad to hear you are doing well. I know it's tough to face the day you are facing. Glad to hear that you have found strength and confidence in God and that God is blessing you with the friendships you have gained. May God bless you with many new opportunities adn build you up.

Not sure which direction the church will take. They need a new pastor but have been under his ministry and cannot recognize that. My opinion.

The pastor representatives will bring life and I pray God protects them from the negativity and hostility of the spirit that is in the church as they move to mediate.

I will stay until the church is either shut down by the denomination, the pastor leaves, or God calls me out. It's God's will.

I spoke with someone, briefly, I haven't felt comfortable to speak with. Friend of the WSO and wife of close friend. It was a "God-thing" divine appointment because I've never ran into her outside church. She said hi and we briefly spoke. To me, that's a small step of God moving to renew and restore.

Didn't speak about much. Just surface. But still.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Free:

To break a generational curse, bless yourselves and others where there has been hurt and pain and loss and grief and a lower standard than where you want to be. Renew your joy in that area, takea a step of faith, take the ground, and say, "I can. I will. God is with me. God loves me. God wants to bless me. I receive the blessing."

Get everything in line you can, stretch, grow and get past it!!!

You can.

You will.

God is with you.

God loves you.

God wants to bless you.

Receive the blessing.

Claim covenant rights by Christ's blood!!!

God bless!

Laura

Hi All,
It's good to hear from you laura.
Your Church appears to have some serious issues in which to address. Hopefully the pastor representatives will help steer the Church in the direction that will most serve the Lord
The Lord will give you the direction you need to take concerning what is going on in your Church, and what you may or may not need to do.
Sounds like you may have had somewhat of interesting conversation with you WSO friend, Hopefully it help shed some light on your situation.
IHABD and Free,
Hope everything is going well for both of you today.
Not much new here, just trying to clean-up the rubble that was left behind by my now
exW.
Stay Strong!
Wallace