Roughneck-<p>Taking each day...1 day at a time is something I do think I understand what you mean. Healing and recovery is a very slow process.<p>You really seem to have done much work on your forgiveness...forgiving her and forgiving yourself for the role you had in the failure of your marriage is a huge step we all have to work on each and every day. I have that work in front of me at the start of every single day! Was getting to that forgiveness a really hard thing to do for you?<p>Oh..."...just Riding your Scooter"...now having the luxury to afford this some day would be great!<p>Got my first "Taste" of simple riding...on a tiny little VESPA scooter in Colorado and Michigan...maybe someday a scooter would be in the equation...after I stop spending money on legal fees for my divorce!<p>Take care...<p>mrrlk<p>
RWD-
Thanks for you comments...you know it appears to me that in a marriage, with children that does end in divorce...that many of the skills and behaviors that were missing or lacking from both partners in the marriage are now even more necessary post divorce to peacefully co-exist well for the sake of the children.<p>I've looked back a lot on the quantity and quality of my confessions and apologies and I do believe I was forthright...took 100% of the bullet...since it was not anyone else's behavior...just 100% mine and also feel was genuine in the appologies and regret for what I did and hurting her so much. My remorse slid into what is called Toxic Guilt & Shame and I had to get meds to help me turn the corner and begin to try and heal and recover.<p>In our counseling, we could never get past her anger or even any type of middle ground type of calm versus her desire to "Punish" me for my "behavior" and that is still true now 3 years post divorce.<p>The success stories I see make it to the finish line here on MB many times are ones that both the WS and BS at the end of the day do not deny their actions or behavior, or their pain, hurt, and distrust...and both try to understand their part and scope of how they may have put their marriage "Success" at risk but still have that small spark in their soul to want to want...to make their marriage better and continue to look in the mirror and see the EN they both can re-focus on and begin doing the best they can to deliver to their mate each and every day! <p>Thanks for sharing your comments.<p>mrrlk

mrrlk,

Me? A poster child? Not hardly <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> But thank you for the compliment! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm also one who found out that even after 2 1/2 years, a WS can still be angry at the BS! LOL LOL My ex is the most angry person I've ever known.

The kids are doing well. Still trying to adjust to having a step-father. My 12 1/2 year old is having the hardest time but for 2 years, he was the "man" of the house (or so he thought.) It's a struggle somedays but we manage. It's really weird having a man around who actually WANTS to do things as a family! I'm definately not used to that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> But I wouldn't trade it for anything!

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

P.S. My new email address in case you ever need it, is mlmcgreevy@hotmail.com

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Was getting to that forgiveness a really hard thing to do for you?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, it was very hard until I took responsibility for my part in the break-up. I wanted to blame her for the whole thing. (A natural tendency)

What I find even harder to forgive is not past things, it is the things that she does in the present.

Because of our children, we have to interact. I sometimes get stuff thrown up in my face or held there for me to see. I just grin and bare it and come here and pitch a fit! I think some of my family think I am crazy, after I get the kids from her house I take them to my parents house so they can see them. While I thought they were all in the house, I walked out, went behind the car port and pitched a good one. Cursing, ranting and raving. My Dad stepped around the corner and said " Can we say "ANGER MANAGEMENT"" Of course I busted out laughing and he handed me a beer and told me to sit down and tell him about it.

So yes, it is and has been very hard for me.

Sometimes I think that I am somewhat dilusional about my forgiveness for her but you know what they say "Fake it till you make it"

RN

Mitzi-

Glad to hear all is going better with you. Sounds like you are being understanding and patient with your 121/2 yo son...but it also sounds like it is not an impossible situation and that all involved want to want, to make it better and that IS a great start!

Well no matter what...getting used to someone who wants to do things as a family is something you're just going to have to try and get used to! (Nice change of pace to have to try and endure this! You deserve it...hoooray for you!)

Roughneck-

I admire your hanging in there and really working on it and being very, very patient for the sake of your children. Your Dad sounds very much how my Dad was...you are so lucky to still have him around and that your children can still have him in their lives.

At certain times I really miss my Dad...your Dad seems like he is a great bridge for you and your kids.

mrrlk

<small>[ June 28, 2002, 11:31 PM: Message edited by: mrrlk ]</small>