Loved & Lost,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am a male with 3 kids at home full time and I am having a hard time imagining that a woman would want accept me and my 3 kids.

When Luke Skywalker's X-wing was mired in a swamp on Degoba, he tried to raise it with the force. He couldn't do it. Then little Yoda raised it for him. Luke said, "I can't believe it!" And then, Yoda said, "That is why you fail." I guess it is time for me to work on my imagination.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Although I am not a huge fan of Star Wars, I get the analogy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'll be willing to make a huge self sacrifice for you here.

A quiet hush falls over the crowd as E steps up to the front of the room, she has been known to help many here at MB, so this is a great honor...

I will let go of it. I will lose my issue with being so overly concerned about what a fellow will think about the whole [censored] situation. I will stop the thought that I will most likely stay single.

Now, your part, get a little imagination.

I have lots. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

E

O2bsane -

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There's someone that is capable of loving you and accepting your situation. And you're right, he'll be a special and unique one.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just caught this, you are truly a peach!

E

Hello Liz, I see you have hope of a good after marriage life after all....

BS's can be highly desirable even after betrayal

Hey EC,

All I really need right now is a nice couple of hours with an adult who doesn't have a Q-Tip for a brain. A cold beer, some good music, a little easy conversation, a few laughs.

A mate is a down the road kind of thing for me. Divorce final, rush to get a husband = bad idea. How about a good friend, possibly with some fringe bennies? Not to debate morality, I didn't suggest what the bennies were.

I'd love to have a Saturday night steady. Someone to drag to all the family functions. Someone to go camping with, hopefully he would be a little stronger than me and be able to handle more of the grunt work. Someone to play with, watch movies with, remember to tell something too.

A person who I would be able to bounce things off of, and who would need me for the same. A person who I could count on, not for some huge drama, but for a silly thing that means a ton. That one sounds like it needs an example doesn't it? Hmmm. I have little league and ballet recital at the same time and he is free, so he takes one of them.

Someone to hit the events with, concerts in the park, Ravinia in Chicago (HP for hometown folks), a little wine tasting, micro brewery, teach me to golf, wait a second.

I am pretty freakin' demanding.

I'll just stop before I show my true colors. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

ME ME ME

E

P.S. I would consider the fella in all this too. If he wanted to see the movie I wanted to see I would let him come with.

*No really, I would implement MB principles in all future relationships. And, I actually would be more comfortable with a relationship with someone with 'baggage' because it would make it easier for each of us to understand where the other is coming from.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justthewife:
<strong>I just caught this, you are truly a peach!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not nearly as round, nor am I as furry. However, I'm pretty tasty with a little sugar and cream.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Come right over here so I can lap you up like a kitten. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I'll have to skin you first.

All right folks. That is all. I have realized that I have now hit my computer limit for the day. I will return when I have regained my sanity (or what was left of it).

Taking mine & various neighborhood graemlins to the pool.

E

GOOD question! You guys sure make me think! That is why I like coming here. Like many of you, I am still healing from my ex husbands infidelity and lying and general abysmal behavior. I am in the process of obtaining an annulment, and have found that helpful in figuring out what choices NOT to make if I were to ever have a relationship again.
Like someone else mentioned, I find it very hard to believe someone is desperately searching for a 32 year old pony tail wearing mom of three young children. I feel I have a lot to offer someone, but also think there are far too many conditions that would have to be met right now, concerning children and time and all that.

But I too would like a good male friend. One that wanted to do fun things, both with my family and as a couple. (I know, no introducing male "friends" to the kids while casually dating. But this is my pretend world! Play along! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I would love to hold hands with someone on a nice long walk in the mountains or on the beach. I would love to feel beautiful. It has been a long time since I've felt that. I would love to laugh so hard it hurt with someone I cared for. I'd love to listen to a love song and not think of my ex and all that I've lost, but focus on something (someone) new. I'd love to feel the excitement of new love. I'd love to find someone who loves to watch Seinfeld reruns with me and go to garage sales in search of amazing bargains. I'd love to find someone who shares my love of God and recognizes the importance of raising children in His word. I'd love to find something who finds all my rambling endearing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Krista

I got in an argument about my "list" just last week.

-she should be smarter than I am.
-she should make more than I do.
-she should be more attractive than I am.

That last one won't take much, though :-)

My friend says I'm shallow.

In addition, I've got a couple of hangups.

Don't really care for "Christ" names. Kristen, my wife, ran off with a Kris. So that's off the table.

Don't really care for strawberry blondes (see above).

But the funny thing is, of all the serious characteristics that I can think of my wife fulfilled, at least at the time we met. I don't know how to evaluate those issues any differently. How do you judge whether a person will stick around in eight years? I just don't know how to judge any differently than I did the first time.

That both excites me and terrifies me.

Brian

Been a long time since I posted here and this caught my eye...

I have decided to keep it simple...

In the past two years I have met one woman that fits what I percieve to be my match...

Ironicly I met her this past weekend and she is the female version of me...My luck has it that she lives 3 hrs away and moving 1000 miles away in 2 months...

She was attractive...
Intelligent...
Educated...
Honest...
Responcible...
Witty...
Liked the same guy on the weather channel as me...
A recovering drug addict...
A relationship with God...

Too bad she is way out of town to date....Did I mention our birthdays are 3 days apart...LOL

Well, I've been gone from here for quite some time now...but this topic hits home for me, as I've finally started to date again.

When it comes to women, I'm looking for 3 things:

1. A pulse.

2. A sense of humor.

3. An open mind.

Of course, the real trick is finding someone who fits my definition of the last two qualities. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Long time no cjack! Glad to have you here, hope you stick around for awhile. I think an open mind is very hard to describe. It is one of those subjective things. Of course, you know what you mean by an open mind, but for the next person in line it might mean an entirely different thing.

For me a quick definition open mind would mean someone who would be able to listen to what I have to say without knowing before I have finished what their answer will be.

What is your definition of an open mind?

E

Technically I’m not one of the people you are poling here since I’m married and not looking. But this is a question I’ve thought about. And just having remarried 2 years ago I’m not that far from the single scene. Some good ideas in this thread. I think that I would add that if I were looking again, look for a man who would be serious enough about our relationship to attend some of the MB workshops. This would ensure (at least I hope) that we were both on the same page and agreed to a philosophy and approach in marriage.

One of the things that attracted me to my current H is that he was willing to do relationship work. Well there is the little glitch of his affairs, but post d-day his willingness to seek help and work the MB concepts has been instrumental in healing our marriage. It’s an important trait.

And a word for Loved & Lost,
quote:

I am a male with 3 kids at home full time and I am having a hard time imagining that a woman would want accept me and my 3 kids.

Oh my you really do need to get your imagination going. Two years ago I remarried to a man with custody of his three children. I have one child. When I was looking I purposely sought out a man with children. Why? Because I have a son. I wanted a man who understood the commitment it took to raise children and who understood that my son needed me too. A benefit is that my son has siblings now and does not need as much of my time. I was afraid that a man with no children would grow to resent the attention my son would demand. I’ve seen this over and over.

So who would accept you and your 3 kids? A woman with kids of her own, who loves children. She is out there somewhere wondering what man would accept her with her 3 kids.

<small>[ July 10, 2002, 07:37 AM: Message edited by: zorweb ]</small>

What man would accept me with my two kids?

I had to do that.

I just HAD to.

E <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

P.S. I LOVE children. Even have a degree in child development. Can't get much better than that.

<small>[ July 10, 2002, 03:30 AM: Message edited by: justthewife ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justthewife:
<strong>Long time no cjack! Glad to have you here, hope you stick around for awhile. I think an open mind is very hard to describe. It is one of those subjective things. Of course, you know what you mean by an open mind, but for the next person in line it might mean an entirely different thing.

For me a quick definition open mind would mean someone who would be able to listen to what I have to say without knowing before I have finished what their answer will be.

What is your definition of an open mind?

E</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, it's good to be seen!

You're right about open-mindedness being subjective, but I'll try a few broad definitions...

To me, being open-minded means not making a judgement about something until you have all the facts.

Being open-minded means being open to the possibility that you may be wrong.

Being open-minded means that you are willing to learn something new.

And finally, being open-minded means that you can respect someone, even if you may not agree with them.

Is that too much to ask?

Oh, and BTW, there are lots of men who would have no problem with you and your two kids! I recently was best man at a wedding. He had two kids, she had two kids, and now they've got number 5 on the way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Well, it's good to be seen!
Then I'll keep lookin' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I'll try a few broad definitions...
That in itself was open-minded, being a "broad definition" - nicely done.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> To me, being open-minded means .....
Is that too much to ask?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually, it sounds like very reasonable expectations to have of anyone. One can learn, one can be wrong, and one should have complete grasp of a situation before passing down a verdict.

Very neat story about your friends wedding! I hope you had fun at the reception!

Actually it's not so much the two kids I'm worried about, it's the physically disabled/brain injured ex-husband that I have to drag around in the big wagon behind me who resembles Patrick the Starfish from SpongeBob SquarePants. He's the one that will probably make it hard to get a date rather than the kids who are adorable by the way.

But, I'm giving up that whole issue. Not worrying about it anymore. Love me, love my ex-husband is my new mantra. One big happy family.

E&[censored] <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hi all,

I want to respond to these post but after reading everyone's I feel a little emotionally drained. I did have a long day at work also.

Anyway, I'll see what I can do....

First, I love the O2sane's 1st answer....

Flexibility. I want that in a person. I think I'm very flexible and exhusband couldn't deviate from his schedule. That really clashed. I've been spending time with a friend who is so flexible. I didn't realize how refreshing that could be.

Honesty is very important. No lawyer...Bill Clinton...my ex type of honesty either...true honesty!

Peace...A person who's life is not full of chaos and trouble.

Happiness...A person who doesn't say, "I've never been happy a day in my life." but instead is content with what he has.

Self control...A person who has a lot of self control and discipline within them.

No addictions, which falls under self control.

Giving...says alot!

Energetic...someone who is no coach potato.

Likes sex. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well, there's a start, I'm sure I'll add more later. This thread really makes me think...such as, don't keep score, that's one of my favorites too.

It also makes me think that I need to remember through the relationship that all these things you guys are quoting are good qualities that I need to strive to be better at to make a better partner than before.

Which btw, all the things you all said, I could pretty much ditto, but the above are my priorities.

And a hi ya Cjack, long time no see. I'm glad to hear the DJ is dating...Do you talk about it on the air like the DJ's do in Houston? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

c'ya'll,

ANNA

I'm in the middle of divorce from my WH. If I were to date anyone, these are the things I would look for:
1. a secure heart with GOD! (error: I made, was my stbx WH was not attending church, and I was in the navigators group.)
2. Honesty and openness. (error: he was not honest in his speech about his mother. He played himself the victim of neglect. But having heard the statements from his mother and his sibling, this was all put on himself, by himself. To express openness with each others family, and to check out concerns and attributes).
3. Admiration & affection! (error: admiration was not expressed openly. There was the but, behind the statement of admiration. Would say, you look nice in that outfit, but.....! Affection, he wasn't affectionate with me in public very much. I wished for him to sit next to me on the couch, have me sit on his lap, put our arms around each other, kiss openly in front of family and friends and kids. To call me a nickname, to call him a nickname, to say I love you openly.) He tells me today that his family didn't do that, and that is hard for him to accept. I was taught to hug openly by a friend (girl) about 10 years ago. I was uncomfortable at first, but love it now. Would be nice to turn the clock back, and show him that touching and hugging are important to the bonding and chemistry of two people. Why was he able to touch and hugg his Mrs. OW, and not me?
5. To enjoy the land that God gave us, and the animals created on earth.
6. Stable job, stable mind, stable money, stable love - not to feel he would stray. To feel safe, to feel wanted, to feel loved. To feel that I am so special, so wanted, so loved.
7. To beable to sit on the couch and not be doing anything together. Just sit and talk and enjoy each others company. We used to do this a lot, when we were dating, and in the beginning of our marriage.
Enough for now, time for bed.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Anna2000:
<strong>Likes sex. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey, that's me to the T. I mean you just described every thing that I love in life....

Will you marry me???????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Justthewife:

Just keep on looking! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My friend actually didn't have a reception, but the wedding was a pretty neat experience for me. You see, he had asked me to be his best man over a year ago. Yet when his pastor found out that I wasn't a church-going person, I was banned from standing up for his wedding! For various reasons, they had postponed the wedding a couple of times, and finally decided to skip the big church ceremony and get hitched at the local courthouse. So I got to be his best man after all! And honestly, the judge did a better job than half the preachers I've seen...and I've seen a lot!

As to your own personal baggage...that IS tough! But I figure that if I can deal with my former in-laws, I can deal with anything! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Anna2000:

Flexibility, honesty, self control, and sex??? If you find a woman with these qualities, please send her my way!

And no, I don't spend much time on the air talking about my dates. Not much to talk about, really...a friend of mine said it all when she said:

"People in their 30's tend to have a lot of first dates!"

Gosh,

Reading through these lists....which I agree with totally....I think I have already found him.

Life is amazing isn't it!!!!!

Pat

<small>[ July 11, 2002, 01:33 AM: Message edited by: miserynmissouri ]</small>