My H & I are now in communications counseling through the D process (suggested by a mediator). Progress is slow, but it's helping a great deal. I don't know if it would have helped during the M.
Has anyone else done this? I've found it very beneficial to resolve issues and to teach us how to interact for the benefit of the children.
Any thoughts?

Oh, I think it's a great idea. Not that anyone could communicate with my x. I swear! He has the world's most selective listening. I don't know what to do about it. Really. Still, after all these years, he can't hear me. Always twists my words.

Another thing I might recommend is some research on Myers-Briggs Type Indicators. It's a categorization of personalities into 16 types. My ISTJ x is exactly like the one's described in the books about the types. And if I follow the theories, I am better able to communicate with him.

The principles are that people fall into different types based on different traits:

Introvert (I) Extrovert (E)
Sensing (S) Intuitive (N)
Feeling (F) Thinking (T)
Judging (J) Perceiving (P)

Everyone has a characteristic from each pair of traits.

I can recommend the following books:
Do What You Are
Nurture by Nature
Just Your Type

You might also check out the website www.personalitypage.com

This stuff really makes sense and seems to work.

I've bought a book on it but haven't had the time to read it yet. Divorce takes alot of time. The paperwork alone is horrendous.

It was a great confirmation to me when the counselor told me that H never really learned how to communicate and that the baby steps that I'm seeing are huge progress for him. But it is helping, so I'd advise anyone going through divorce with children to seek some help.

newly-

I filed for D in May 2002. Literally outside the courtroom for a hearing on temporary orders, we agreed to temporarily stop the D process and go to joint counselling again (we had previously been 'coached' by Steve Harley for 7-8 months). The current counsellor contends that our problems resulted from a failure to communicate. We didn't communicate our feelings very well to each other and eventually that lead to my W making a decision to cut all emotional ties with me and to have a couple of affairs (PA) (one even while we were counselling with SH).

Beneficial? Yes, I think so. I am beginning to open up and express my feelings more to my W. Sometimes this almost feels empowering. It is still hard not to look like I am committing LB's (selfish demands and disrespectful judgements) but I'm working on it. This definately takes practice. I have tended to use control as my protection and found satisfaction if things go according to plan. My W tended to use withdrawl as her mode of protection. I hope that my boys will see the changes I am making and some of this starts to wear off on them. I definately didn't benefit from growing up in a home with little conversation, no emotions express, and a controlling mother.

I can't tell you whether or not my WW finds what we are doing as benefical or not. She has stated that she thinks one possible outcome of counselling is reconciliation but she has made it clear that there are also a few other possibilities.

If the counselling does nothing but help yourself then it will have been worth the time and effort. But I guess if you are like me, you have hope that counselling can improve the odds on rebuilding a marriage and a family.

Good luck.

HoFS