lupolady,
I know you are not pointing fingers at anyone in particular... and I didn't think you were trying to single me out. No offense was taken on my part at all.
I respect what you said and I have to agree that some people do jump the gun by filing for "D" on a marriage that most probably could be saved.
I'm not pointing fingers at anyone either... so people please don't flame me for that statement.
It is an individual call, as all of our situations are different.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

I have reread my posts and I wish that many of the things that I have written were not already written. I have been venting a ton and often times saying/writing things that I don't actually mean or feel, but just blowing up I guess.

My wife had informed me that she DID know that she was filing for divorce, but not about the hearing. I misunderstood her when she was telling me.

I wish that I had also not spoke about her in such a negative way. I felt badly, therefore I let my emotions run away with me and say things that I really wish I hadn't. I vented, but I still said things that were not felt completely. My postings have been all over the map. I have loved her and cursed her in the same day and even in the same posting. I have forgiven her and then damned her in the same line. I am truly sorry that I have not been in better control of my emotions and I am desparately sorry that I made her out to look like the devil. She is merely a different person than me, and it is easier to go through this looking at her in the guise of an evil woman than in looking at her as a person with a different point of view.

I just am having a really hard time doing this thing and I have not handled it very well at all. I wish that I could go back and change the past. I wish that I could go back and change how I have acted in a million different ways.

I cannot. I cannot change the actions that I have taken, nor can I take back the words that I have stated. I can only look to the future and hope that I will be OK and that She will be OK and that by us both being fine, that we can raise our children in a loving manner in separate households.

I wish that I had not written these things in this manner and venue. I wish that I had found another form of release of my emotions rather than putting them in a place that could hurt her more.

I just want this completed and I want our boys to be kept safe with BOTH of us. I want to split our time as we agreed upon. None of the other things matters to me.

I don't care about anything else.

<small>[ July 27, 2002, 04:39 AM: Message edited by: Confused & can't believe ]</small>

For confused and can't believe...I really think it is wonderful that you want to save your marriage...i feel for you...i am separated and want to get back with my H but he does not...i wish he was thinking like you...i made the mistake of being away for three months in my marriage...i have beaten myself everyday besides talking with my minister and a marriage counselor...my husband said he would try again, but our communication and my "not thinking" messed that up and we never had the chance because he saw it as i didnt want too...he made the decision to end the marriage...i have learned so much and see that marriage is sticking it out and not running away...i wish that he could forgive me...you sound like a nice person...i hope that things work out for you...shirl