From MNM:

Don't know when I have felt so miserable in a long time. He has brought her here in the car when picking up the kids...makes me sick. But I don't know how to stop that. He won't listen to me.

((((((((((((((Mnm)))))))))))))

I am going to have to deal with this exact thing at Christmas, knowing I will want to wring OW's scrawny neck if she ever comes within ten feet of my front door. And neither will my stbx listen to me.

I wrote him a letter asking him not to upset the kids Christmas by bringing her home with him, just to jetset off ten days later, but he won't hear of it. Turned it around to look like I was the unreasonable one......and hey.....the kids will get over it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I am like you...I do not know how to protect my kids in this. I won't be there when they hurt because he is with her, but I won't, like you, force them to be in their company if they don't want to be, and I will NOT condone their relationship.

I guess the best way to try to keep some normality is to love the children as hard as we can while we have them and hope it's enough to get them through. I have learned a lot about parenting since I have been alone, and one of the things I know is that my kids love me, very much. I kinda knew that before, but it really hit me in the face, you know?

And how do you ask your X not to bring HER when he picks up? Tell me if you ever find out, because that is what i want to do. I KNOW I will lose it if I see her, I really do. I know he had choices, but I also know she is a gold-digging wanna be immigrant, and IS using him. His family have worked that out too, but not stbx.

I am looking at my future when I see your pain, MNM, and I feel so bad for you. Just know we are here to support you in the best way we can.

Love and light,

Jacky

MIM,

Interesting, I posted on another thread saying how hard it was to let go even with everything that has happened. Even though in my heart I know it is hard to let go of someone you love, that you've shared a number of years of your life, had their kids.... I read in a Christian book (can't remember the name, that when 2 are brought together in M before God, then it's like literally ripping a physical body apart. Youch.It does feel that way sometimes.

Pat,There are always ups and downs , two steps forward, one step back. Triggers are waiting in ambush in our heads, ready to strike at any moment.Even knowing that it's hard to get through the low points.They feel like they will never end. I can't tell you when they subside because as Wallace said, everyone has their own time frame and their own way of dealing with the grief of loosing someone.

Sometimes life does suck. The only way I get through this is to put Christ first in my life (I too had put WH first). A few days ago, I had this overwhelming sense that everything would be ok. That doesn't mean no trials or that life would be perfect. It's more like what GIIC said I say this currently being in the same pain, but trusting that like gold tested in fire I'll emerge an incredible compasionate person able to communicate and empathize(sp?) with our children, family, friends and others in a way we never could before, I believe we are being refined.

The night before I left Florida, a friend told me he had just gotten remarried to his wife after being DV for 13 years. He had such a glow on his face & in his eyes. What he said was that if they hadn't gone through that they wouldn't have the wonderful fantastic R that they have today. He was a verbal abuser & alcolholic who has now been sober a long time. He said his M is based on healthy things not sick things.

The thought of doing this alone again this year is almost overwhelming. He left last year, he stayed away supposedly because of the airlines the year before that, and he was gone to Saudi and Guam the year before that. I am so tired of doing it alone. I don't know how you do it with your kids and the baby. I know I don't have it so bad......but I am out of "strength". I want to be taken care of for a little bit...just a little

It's been 3 years for me too basically doing it all myself. It is hard. I have had to ask for help when I don't feel comfortable. The worst was my own sister. She told me that my husband should take care of us. (Ya, right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> )

I wish I could see some progress....I couldn't deal with anyone today....I was just in this funk. I am not good with the kids when I get like this...and I don't get anything accomplished around here either.

I can totally relate to this. I have my days too & if I don't have to deal with anything, I don't.
My yard has been neglected for several years as well as the house. I feel frustrated over that. I did want you to know that you inspired me in that I went out & bought yard equipment & started using it. I couldn't figure out how to get the weed wacker together so oldest S did it. I wacked up my bushes but who cares - I'm learning!

How old is your son that wants to be with his Dad?

I too live in a small town, but WH moved back to where we grew up, so I don't have it in my face on a daily basis. Now that I,m back here for a week or so, triggers are going off all the time.

Yesterday, I dropped oldest son at his Dad's WH was asleep so I went in to use the bathroom & HER perfume was there. I dumped most of it down the sink but thought about pouring it out on HER tampons so that when SHE inserted one in her &&%##@!!**& that she would burn. Just a thought, didn't do it.

We go to a family reunion today (WH's side) I prayed this morning for the right things to say to everyone today. WH has told so many lies trying to make his life look good.

This is a really great thread, there are so many good things that have been shared. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

God Bless,

D.

Dear Cali,
Thank you for the post. I know that is what I need to do.....but I must be doing it wrong...because I can't seem to find the peace that people with a strong faith have.

It is hard to just give it up to God. I read that in order to find God's peace you have to forgive...and I haven't been able to do that yet.I don't know how I will be able to do that. I am working on it tho.

Someday, I want to feel as secure as you do that God will take care of me and my family. I am studying and reading tho. Pat

Jacky,

It was good hearing from you.

I do know my kids love me--we have our moments, but I know how much they care.

I do feel bad when I am in the shape I allowed myself to get in yesterday.....and there has been some weeks like that this past year---when I can't deal with anyone, including them. I need to be strong for them--they are each going through their own trials and tribulations--and I am afraid I haven't been as attentive as I should be.

I have to mend some fences with my oldest daughter today. She is trying to stretch her wings--she leaves for college in two weeks. I kind of let her have it last night over some issues that have been building. It wasn't good...and I probably wouldn't have reacted that way--except I was in my own funk.

Today, I am determined to get going. I know I will run into them at soccer camp--but I am not going to let it affect my whole day.

I wish I had some great advice on how to deal with you H and OW over Christmas. I think I am going to try to just step above it---act with more class and restraint than they do. I decided last night that she can sit outside in a car in front of my house--she is the one that is going to get hot and sweaty <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think you are right in that I have to love my kids to the best of my ability when they are with me...that is about all I can do.

Yesterday I could only look at what I had lost--today, it seems like I am able to look at what I still have.

Thank you for your support and understanding.....Pat

Pat -

Since we seem to feeling the same way right now - you should see my house - actually maybe it's good you can't - I'm here to lend some support.

When you wake up say a little prayer - and give it all to God - tell Him that all this mess is His to handle today - remember that saying that you see on plaques - "Hi, I'm God. I'll be taking care of your life today and if I need any help I'll let you know."

Well, let Him handle it, and I will take my own advice and do the same.

Also, start making out your to-do list and cross just one or maybe two things off the list today.

I am reading Co-dependent No More by Melody Beattie again and taking notes - per therapists request, so that I can look at the note cards and be reminded of what I'm supposed to be doing - or not doing with regard to Ex.

It really does help to read that book - and Secrets of the Vine to help with the spiritual side of all this.

I too am wondering how this is all going to pan out with the kids, but I've made it through this far, so something or someone is keeping me going.

We both need to do some positive thinking/ affirmations. I've heard it works.

One day at a time. Thats my motto right now. Actually it's more like one minute at a time, but I don't want to let myself down or let the kids down. I WILL NOT LET EXH DO THIS TO ME!

I have to believe that God will not let us down like the Exs have.

Cry when you have to, pray and vent here as much as you like my dear and continue to march on even when you don't feel like it. This will get better. Write yourself a note.

I'm sure going to have a long list of things to ask God when I get to heaven.

Keep your chin up today! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> K

Dear WGTT,

Thank you for your post. I hope I can get a handle on these emotions and learn to trust God. I have been in a Divorce Recovery class and they too say that divorce is not a clean cut --but more of a tearing rip. It definitely does feel like that.

I hope this pain is doing something to better my life.....with all of it I have had over the years--I should be mint quality by now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I took stock of what I have done this summer:
My divorce was finalized.
I power washed and stained our huge deck.
I planted a garden.
I got my feet fixed.
I cleaned out the entire basement.
I trimmed the shrubs(nearly cut of my leg with the electrical cutter thing--hit the cord instead <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )
I weeded the yard (which hadn't been done in two years) and put down new weed barrier and mulch. My neighbor said on Friday that he and his wife were discussing all the work I had been doing. They thought it looked great--but they also thought I was getting ready to put it on the market....I told him nope...doing it for me!!
And today, I am going to learn how to paint my room. This should be interesting. I am going to try to paint it and then sponge paint it---hope I don't mess it up. I am painting it GREEN shades---my exH hated green <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

Thank you again for all the great comments--it really helps to know that others have been there. I hope to do better today. THanks Pat

Dear GIIC,

Thank you, thank you, thank you...I hadn't heard that saying before...I think I will print it up and put it on my mirror.

I feel better today. I am going to try to do a little painting, I think. This will be a first for me...but, if I can do the deck--I can attempt the painting, Right?

I have a saying on a plaque my friend gave me before the operations on my feet. It says "Before you to to bed, give your troubles to GOD. He will be up all night anyway.

Anyway, I am praying today goes better. I think I was just in overload yesterday. I am amazed at how my emotions can totally incapacitate me. Thanks for letting me vent...you guys are wonderful...no one else understands. I guess unless you have been there.....Thanks again Pat

Pat,

I read this post after posting on your other one. I am sorry that were feeling so low!! Glad it is better today.

I was in the same place a week or so ago, decided I needed to start crafting again so, got lots of wood cut and started painting and having a booth at the BX in 2 weeks, I do "Home is where the AF sends us" so great market out my back door!!

I have a leather bracelet that has the letters F.ully R.rely O.n G.od F.R.O.G. I picked it up in Atlanta when I took a mess of kids down there for a youth gathering. When ever I am feeling down or low I run my finger over the impressions and give it all up to God, he is taking care of it. I know this!! It also helps to sing the kids song Jesus loves me this I know, it is just very re assuring.

As far as the room if you want the colors to be muted and softer, keep the paints wet, do a small cirular area at a time, if you want a hard more definate break in the colors do one coat and then the next after the first is dried. Again small circular area!! You'll have fun!!! I let a bunch of kids paint the different rooms in the church we used a sponge in one room a static duster (we banged the walls) in another and ragged roll the third. I had two of these endevours going on at the same time!!!UGH!!! We used the same color paints in all three rooms and they all looked so different because of the treatments used!!!

Have a great Saturday!!!!

E mail if you need!!
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

who retired anyways? And you know those friends were say how strong you are and gracious to be there for a friend, I know that you are admired by many!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by miserynmissouri:
<strong>.....but I must be doing it wrong...because I can't seem to find the peace that people with a strong faith have.

It is hard to just give it up to God. I read that in order to find God's peace you have to forgive...and I haven't been able to do that yet.I don't know how I will be able to do that. I am working on it tho...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you read where it says, "Christ Jesus IS our peace..." Think about it... He is our peace. It's not something we have to strive to get, He IS "it." If you have received Him, you have the peace of God inside of you already!

NOW, if we want to see the fruit of it, there is a condition...

We are instructed not to let our hearts be troubled neither let them be afraid... This is something we are asked to do--in order to enjoy the manifestation of God's peace.

And let's not forget this passage:

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." (Proverbs 3)

His paths are paths of wisdom. Wisdom's paths are paths of peace. If you are seeking this, you WILL find it. When you cry, next time, cry out to God for His wisdom. He will show you what to do. He will meet you right where you are.

Your strategy of trying to first get rid of the unforgiveness in order to gain peace, is like entering a dark room wanting to expel the darkness before you can turn on the light. No, just turn on the light and the darkness will leave. Let Him in and the ungodliness will leave. You acknowledge that it is there, let Him help you get to the point where you can actually pray for them. The better their relationship is, the better off your youngest will be when he spends time together with them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> You know? Your prayers are more powerful than you think... If "improving their relationship" in GOD's eyes means that they have to break up, then so be it!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

One last thought,
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end..."

Isn't that cool???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> God is soooo cool! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ July 30, 2002, 05:20 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

Wow BTDT,

What an inspiring post...I have read it about 10 times.

I still feel so conflicted...and I really don't feel at peace...but I am learning. I have started going to a really great church that is really inspiring. It has helped me a lot. The forgiveness thing I am really stuck on tho--I wish I could do it-but I haven't been able to do it--I don't know why. I know I need to stop this bitterness and hate. I do better when they are not in my "face" like they were all last week.

I feel so much more relaxed without them here and my kids at home. Life almost seems normal when they aren't here to have to deal with.

Thank you for your thoughtful post....I am going to copy it to read often when these feelings of fear, hate and anger take over me. Thanks again Pat

*sigh*

Wellll, it would probably do you some good to protect yourself from them since they are so pushy about forcing everyone to accept their relationship. Your kids' father doesn't have the sense enough to be discreet for their sakes!!?? I don't understand that and obviously you don't, but you don't have to let them continue to rub it in your face...

Even if you told your boy that it really hurts mommie to see his dad parading around like this with the OW, I'm sure he would understand if you didn't attend a few games for a little while... Your son comes home to you. You love him and he knows it. You need a break from their smugness, IMHO!!!

Hang in there and vent to God often about your negative feelings. Ask Him to fill you with His Holy Spirit. That will just push that other ugly stuff out, away from you. If our bodies are the Temple of the Holy Ghost, then ungodly stuff can't dwell in the same place of worship. If we are filled with good, there is no room for evil--by default. He will help you work through the ill feelings that block your relationship with Him, and the ones that prevent you from accessing His peace. Ask and keep asking. We have not, because we ask not...

We are channels for God's blessings and things like hatred, unforgiveness, bitterness clog up the pipe. Not only are we blocked from receiving blessings from God, but we are blocked from sharing those blessings with others. I believe God would have you to be a channel of His peace to minister unto your kids while going through this big mess... They need to feel that flow coming from you for THEIR sanity as well!!! You are IT, mama!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ask Him to help you release it or else you are going to "lose it" and go off again and you know? He will! Keep asking yourself why you feel the way you do and what triggered it and why and keep giving answers until you get to the bottom of it all. Ex: I feel hatred. Why? Because I'm hurt. Why? Because I want what I had. Why? Because we were a family. Why?

And you know when it comes down to it, your stbx can NEVER repay you for your losses due to his actions... Only God can restore to you what was stolen: that sense of well-being and security, that sense of family, that peace and safety. Well guess what, mnm, YOU CAN HAVE ALL THESE THINGS WITHOUT YOUR STBX!!!! To me, he's the loser because he is losing his family and that is his choice?!?! Some choice! OW is the real winner, right? She wins the real loser! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sometimes I just keep asking myself why and answering the tough questions and discover the most amazing things about me. The anger you feel is about you, mnm--not about him or what he did to you, or her or what she represents. The anger has more to do with you and your realities than them. Trust me! Dig and see what you come up with... This is about YOUR relationship with God and what is coming in between!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Just remember when you answer fools according to their folly, you become like them. Don't stoop to their level of immaturity. I think it says a lot about your stbx's character that he doesn't have the guts to face you or his kids OR the community without OW dangling around him to shield him from the reality of it all... It's like he uses her to hide behind. I could be wrong, but it seems like that to me.

Focus on you. These feelings are about you because they are your feelings. You need to really understand your feelings and discover more about you and what makes you tick. I have a feeling you are so busy being and doing all the mom things that you haven't ever taken enough time to really get to know you and spend time with yourself enjoying your own company. You sound like a nice person to ME! I like you! Now, you need to find you and start liking you... (MORE--than you already do!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ August 02, 2002, 05:18 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

When we ended it there was no OP, But right off we agreed to keep things separtate. I get the girls on father's day regardless if it is my weekend or not. As for christmas I get them on even years and she gets them on the odd. We use the 26th as the alternative.I won't take the GF with me to pickup the girls and she won't go anyways just to aviod trouble and respect the other person. As for her there are things she does with her kids and there are things he does with them. As for me I take her oldest(D) to soccer as that is our thing.
Him on the other hand will bring his GF to pickup and drop off her kids and has even though of having christmas' with us(like hell)but we'll work things out

231

(((((((((MM))))))))
You know my story so you know that I can understand you completely. I went thru the same story only a bit before you.
It is realy strange how these men, who were once in love with us (I have to believe in that), who were dedicated to their families, suddenly lost any respect to the former family. How , at least in front of kids, they do not feel any shame. How they can put their kids to the second place....
Oh, how I understand you!

Just these days I am struggling with similar questions: How it may be that everybody (xH, kids, ILs, friends, neighbours...)take for normal the fact that xH moved OW in (our) house 2 months after he kicked me and YD into our unfinished flat. She slept in our bed almost still worm, on our sheets....3 months after that he, OW and YD went on skiing together. And the divorce process was not even started then.
I don't now why I am thinking right now about those facts. That period obviously passed "beside" me, like I was unconcious. Maybe I was.
In fact I know why now. Cause yd is last 2 months with xH , visited me only for 2 (two) days during this period , decided that she would live with xH and OW(ife) and little brother from now on. Again nobody asked me for opinion "Let it be how YD chose...She is unhappy in new school... let her return to "her" surrounding..." hiding in those words: "you are not a good mother while she chose ME and my wife". Again this is quite normal, cause I am "bad and guilty so he HAD to find a lover".
(OD lived with them 1.5yrs and then escaped and now is for 1yr with me)

So be sure I understand you, I know how painful this is but I don't know how to help- I even don't know how to pray- but I have you in my thoughts, if it helps.

Hope we'll go out of this soon. People assure me that each day passes I'll be stronger.
(I am not sure it is truth cause 2+yrs passed and I am returning to the start every now and then).

Love
D

Dear BTDT,

You are so full of wisdom...I wish I was there. I am trying to understand my whole relationship with God and how this all pans out.

I think you are right on about my H. He is now in a email war with my 10 year old over the situation last weekend. Of course he blames me and my older 2 girls for what occured. We weren't even a part of it--except that my 16 year old tried to stand up for the little guys. Oh well.

I don't even think I will reply to his nonsense. He has got such a huge ego--he can't be wrong. He definitely isn't big enough or mature enough to put the kids first. It is sad what he is doing to them emotionally. I have been praying every morning that God will help me get rid of these feelings of bitterness and hate. You are right, they influence my life at times--I will get there!!!!

I really appreciate your thoughtful posts--they give me a lot to think about. Thank you. Pat

Mnm,

Thinking about you.

When does your OD go to college? Is she going far or staying close? How are you manging getting her ready? I dread this next yr. OS will not even discuss where he wants to go. In so many many ways he is so lost.

Hope you mangae to enjoy what is left of your summer.

Dear mnm,

I've been following your story for awhile, and just wanted to let you know I'll keep you
in my prayers and thoughts. I feel so incredibly sad for you (and all the others here)
for the hell your WS is putting you through. It makes NO SENSE whatsoever. I think
we have to believe it is totally Satan's work - and he's having a big party by the looks
of it! You and I and all the others here are experiencing first hand the evil that sin
can wreck in our lives.

Keep hanging in there, and as BtDt says, keep looking to God. I have found my faith
in a big time way since being betrayed by my husband, and it has been my life-line.
I don't always feel the forgiveness (in fact rarely) but I am trusting that God is doing
that work in my heart, and I do experience moments of release from the hurt of betrayal
and lies. I KNOW I can't forgive my WH and OW on my own strength, so have to believe
that God will do that work in me in His own time.

Anyways, just wanted to let you know reading your posts have been an inspiration
to me, and to let you know I'm rooting for you! You've been to hell first class, but will
emerge a better, stronger, more loving, superior person in the end. Of that I'm con-
vinced! Take care mnm. -nel

Dear mnm,

I've been following your story for awhile, and just wanted to let you know I'll keep you
in my prayers and thoughts. I feel so incredibly sad for you (and all the others here)
for the hell your WS is putting you through. It makes NO SENSE whatsoever. I think
we have to believe it is totally Satan's work - and he's having a big party by the looks
of it! You and I and all the others here are experiencing first hand the evil that sin
can wreck in our lives.

Keep hanging in there, and as BtDt says, keep looking to God. I have found my faith
in a big time way since being betrayed by my husband, and it has been my life-line.
I don't always feel the forgiveness (in fact rarely) but I am trusting that God is doing
that work in my heart, and I do experience moments of release from the hurt of betrayal
and lies. I KNOW I can't forgive my WH and OW on my own strength, so have to believe
that God will do that work in me in His own time.

Anyways, just wanted to let you know reading your posts have been an inspiration
to me, and to let you know I'm rooting for you! You've been to hell first class, but will
emerge a better, stronger, more loving, superior person in the end. Of that I'm con-
vinced! Take care mnm. -nel

Hey Sing,

It is so good hearing from you. My OD leaves next weekend. Scary, but at the same time, I think we are both ready. She has really been stretching her wings and my boundaries the last month or so.

She is going to a private university about 2 hours from here. Far enough away and still close enough for me to see her. I will miss her. She has a soccer scholorship, and they start practicing for the season soon. I think she is scared...but ready to go.

I went into work yesterday....ooooooh. The harsh realities of summer ending are hitting. I was only going to go in for a few hours and ended up being there for 6 hours finishing up on some paper work I should have had done last spring. It did feel kind of good to get back into my classroom. It is so nice and clean and ready to go. That is kind of a neat feeling. I hope we have a good year this year. I had such good kids last year. Unfortunately, the hard floors killed my feet. I don't know how I am going to manage that. Two more weeks to get them healed.

I am in the middle of sponge painting my bedroom--beautiful green colors (my H hated green <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )It is turning out so neat. I love it. Now, I am getting inspired to work on the rest of the house.

My new friend is associated with the army. He has my son all excited about painting his room camoflauge(sp?) colors--with a tank in there. Last night I was at his baseball game with a good friend and I was joking that we could do it in an army motif and have the tank shooting down a B2.....oh well, I am loosing it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

We haven't had time to do much school shopping for any of the kids yet. Money is kind of tight right now. My oldest daughter's birthday and my 10 year old's birthday are coming up. We are having a big birthday bash at the base pool next Wed evening. Hopefully, a lot of the kids that are going to college will be able to come. THey really had a close knit group of friends. I am going to try to do some shopping for her on Mon and Tues. I did see a compact DVD, CD thing with speakers that might be good for her dorm room. What an exciting time. I remember when I was leaving, it was so scary and yet so liberating. I went to ASU--a huge campus---I think my OD will do so much better at this campus. It is so small and intimate. Everyone knows everyone by name. She is going to study equine science. There is only about 10 in a class.

Dear Sing, I hope things will work out with your son. Maybe, he just doesn't know what is available out there. I felt like that when I was trying to figure out what to do after high school--actualy, I am still trying to figure it out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My oldest daughter has always known what she wanted...and worked hard at achieving it. My 16 year old doesn't have a clue. We are going to start calling up a lot of universities on the net...so she can start thinking about them. I have also gotten her in institutes here at our community university that expose them to a lot of different occupations. Last year she went to the industrial arts institute--it was free. They put the kids up for a week in the dorm, exposed them to many team building activities, and then took them all over the area looking and having them participate in many of the occupations dealing with industry and technology in the area. They taught them how to build a computer and they even got to fly. What a great program. They had one this summer in the medical field, and they also had a business one--which I really wish she had gone to--because I think that is where she would shine. But, becaue of soccer this year--she wasn't able to attend either one of them. She also went to a rotary team building week up at another university this summer. It is amazing how much stuff is out there--I wish I had had that opportunity. It really lets them explore lots of different career possibilities.

You are in my prayers Sing....how is the divorce process going. Made any decisions yet? This is so hard isn't it? I wish we could change things. I feel much stronger this week--last week almost killed me. I guess everyone is right--you take a few steps forward...and then fall back. Hopefully, the falling back becomes less and less. Take care Pat

Thank you everyone for your posts,

231, we also have a visitation schedule....unfortunately, it doesn't state how to be caring and loving. I guess that can't be mandated.

betrayed and desparate,

It was good hearing from you. This is so hard isn't it. I hope and pray that life becomes better for you and your kids. You will continue to be in my prayers.

Natasha79,
Thank you for your post. I have been trying to do the same thing with God. I know I also cannot forgive him on my own. I am trying so hard to believe that God will help me and help my kids. I do feel a lot more at peace this week--but then again, they aren't here either--I don't have to face them. It is a lot harder when they are here and my kids are with them. I do know that I have my kids' love and affection and that is so neat. I am afraid my H has lost their respect--it is going to take a lot for him to rebuild a relationship with them again. At least I don't have to face that problem. Thank you for your prayers. I appreciate it. Pat

My XW had her kids/my ex step kids (11,12 & 14) for summer break for 6 weeks. She does not have custody of them. I was with them for 9 years and they are gone now but live across the street. She doesn't want me to have any contact with them and there is nothing I can do about that.

The heartbreaker:

Last Friday was the last night XW had her kids for summer. She was up at a bar getting drunk with the OM she lives with complaining about how much she is going to miss her kids when they go back tomorrow. Meanwhile the kids are at house alone on the last night of summer visitation. She was at the bar from 4:30 until 11:30. The OM left the bar and went home to the kids about 9:30. The kids were calling her up trying to get her to come home and she wouldn't.

In 6 weeks the kids got to go to the movies 3 times, swimming at a friends house 3 times, to the beach once (not with mom), to the mall once(not with mom) and the was it.

They were left alone all day long for the whole summer.