I would like to have an MRI done, to see the problems I am having, so they can be dealt with. I am seeing a therapist, that is not a Dr.. She is a massage therapist, but does other procedures beyond the massage. I was going to a Physical therapist, and she was talking about having an MRI done. But once again, SNL doesn't want to pay for the continuation of that physical therapy. Our insurance pays only for 10 visits. So I am in a big mess, no money, no outlook for medical treatment, and no husband that wants to take care of the problem he injected on my body.

Also, found out today, that SNL bought our youngest son 16 a one year pass to the local gym to workout. Of course SNL has a 2 year pass, and works out. Now he can work out with our son. So I guess that is great. But I get a disconnection notice for my phone, SNL doesn't see anything wrong with my phone being disconnected, and is still not giving me money for groceries. I am so mixed up, don't see SNL rationalizing this process, but see a selfish man with no care towards me. Doesn't want to pay for my health, but of course will buy the kids whatever they want.

I am trying to work on myself. But all I see is negatives. I really don't care about life at all, I don't care about much, so am trying to live day by day, and hoping to get to a end. I know I am in a big mess, no job, no future, no husband, I can't do anything with the kids - no money, I can't take them to the movies, can't buy them passes to the gym, oh yeah, SNL also, bought our youngest son a paintball gun - it cost a little over $500. Well, I guess putting food on the table is not that important, only what gives the kids the most pleasure.

I made a list for the kids to do today, come home later today, nothing done. So much for the kids doing what I say. I came home and said what about the list I made, and they just said, oh well. But dad can pick up the youngest kid and go to the gym. Of course, SNL doesn't have a house to clean, doesn't have dinner to make for the family, doesn't have laundry to do for the family, doesn't have a committment. You know what, I feel like leaving, and not coming back. Let their dad take care of them, he doesn't want them living with him. But he can have them live with me, and I have to find ways to feed them. Yeah, life is a bunch of crap.

I'm very concerned about you thinker. Emotional pain makes it hard to think clearly. Combined with your physical pain, you're in a state of crisis. Are you eligible for food stamps? Are you talking to anyone in real life about your situation? Resources are available for you! Search for them! If you want to email me directly, contact hoping4future. She knows I'm concerned about you and willing to share my email address.

Lonesome heart - don't know if I am eligible for foodstamps. Haven't sought out help in that area. Guess I will have to, for SNL doesn't care about feeding me or the other 2 kids.

I am counseling with battered woman support group. I don't know, but I feel like I am spiraling down to hell. It feels awful inside, and it seems to have made a cloud appear just above my head. Like I have to stoop to get around. I will admit, I am feeling more depressed, and more like life is not worth living. Not sure why, not sure why I am getting so down. Maybe all the pressure, seeing SNL just not caring, he is doing okay, with going to the gym, and etc. I am dealing with pain daily, and having to find out what has happened to my shoulder. I did one thing yesterday, I called my doctor, and reported the pain of my shoulder. I am scheduled for an MRI tomorrow night, she is checking my shoulder for a rotary cuff tear or damage, and doing my cervical area of my spine too. Having a lot of pain there, and asked why this is causing me so many problems now, sometimes it takes awhile for the pain and discomfort to come out full blown. So we will find out what is causing the pain and discomfort.
It is hard sleeping on my left side, basically have to sleep on left side and prop my arm on a pillow, and then sleeping on my back has never been my fashion.

I am confused, why the BS gets all the crap in the world. Why the WS gets to go on with their lives and no concern for the BS? Yeah it hurts, hurts a lot, and would love to kick SNL in the butt, and give him a little of what I feel. But life is not fair, and boy life stinks.

Thanks for listening. Trying to get through each day, but literally it is so hard. Thanks, Thinker or cry2much.