I really don't think I am able to wait that long.
My WW is saying she no longer loves me, is not interested in me. She is happier now than she has ever been. Of course she doesn't want to hear the bad things that the kids are suffering etc.
I am now the villain. Her mind has turned everything around. I threw her out, no money etc etc. My Lovebank is dry. I came to realise this over the weekend. Her continual bashing of me has just made me totally low and angry. I am the only one trying to work on getting us back together. She is busy setting up her new life with OM2.
She keeps accusing me of trying to poison the girls against OM2 - I do no such thing, they simply do not like him. He represents exactly the kind of man she herself spent years convincing them to avoid. She wants the girls to make up their "own" mind about him and now that they have she doesn't like it because they don't like him. Her life is now a surreal facade, a fantasy, where he is her surrogate father protector and I now am equivalent to her previous abusers.
For my own sanity and security I feel that I must move forward with the divorce. She has said I keep threatening her with it anyway. She wants me to go ahead and divorce her. I feel very low, probably my lowest ever. Coping with this is harder than her being in the psych ward. At least there there was some hope.
I feel like I have had to suffer an A, then months of lies and deceit that I was the problem whilst the A continued, then months of suicide, blood, drinking and selfharm in hospital, then months where I was expected to be 110% aok and recovered and yet still accept irrational out of control behaviour. Because I could not do this latter point the WW left with the OM2 and I am therefore punished yet again but instead of seeing it she turns me into the villain.
Steve H said I would slide into a Plan B, I think I am there now. Not only am I there I am also thinking that I do WANT a divorce. My love is all but gone, I have tried to keep it going but when someone is so dead against you, so dead keen on making your life a misery you just want out.
I have told her that I love her but I cannot bear this painful behaviour anymore. That I will give her the divorce that she has told me to get. I have asked her to be as quick and as amicable as we can so that the children, her and I can get thru this as painlessly as possible. I wont be fighting for this anymore. I will see her as little as possible for her benefit. I have told her goodbye and that I loved her.
Sometimes it just doesn't work.
Neil.
