NotpeachyinGA- Actually the settlement is fine - he basically pays me 150.00 per week for the child support it goes directly into my checking account - I actually make more money than him - I put alot of the bills in the mortgage and we refinanced so we both could live - I actually have a large mortgage but he is only entitled to one half of the equity now - and he said he would wait until my youngest graduates from high school and she just entered fourth grade so that is eight years... And he is going to pay half of all activities which so far he has - so I have that written in the agreement in case he gets together with someone who doesn't want him to pay. I actually don't have him pay for dancing school but he is paying for half of the costumes - You are correct he has no idea what his life is without me because he has never had to deal with that - because I am basically at his beck and call - I really have never gotten mad at him - that is why most people are mad at me - but I know that I have to do a Plan B and get a life without him - because only then will he realize what he has lost - he doesn't know - he thinks that ok I don't want to be married but if I feel like hanging around I do and I know I let him but no more - And I also like tell him everything that happens so he is never feeling left out and that is gonna stop - we are going to start our life without him.. The kids are gonna see him on Tuesdays and Fridays - we will deal with holidays as they come !! Definate Plan B - I think I am just way to nice - my sister says my name is in the dictionary under sucker - he basically dumped me with no warning and no clear reason - yet I am not even mad - I was just so hurt for so long - but I believe I am on an upswing - for sure... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> - Thank you again...

Mimi,

We are back from gym and dinner. I am glad finances are ok for you now.

Sounds like you should consult w/the Harleys and spend a tiny bit of $$ getting their professional advice. Email the counsel part on this website. Find out when you should do A and B. You HAVE to do them both RIGHT for it to have maximum impact. Since he is such a good "friend" now, I say have him watch the kids for you one night so you can "go out" or let him know when he has the kids that you are having "mommy's nite out" for a change. Give him no warning. Tell him nothing. When you drop the kids off there, wear a really different type of outfit. One that screams, Hello boys, I'm baaaaack and see what he does. Remember, you are to throw him off balance. LMBT by Dobson says to turn black to white. Keep him guessing now. Change your answering machine. Use your maiden name now. Do the unpredictable. But don't LB. That is part of both A and B. Now you are improving YOU and living differently. His time is dwindling for YOU TO RECONSIDER and the three month time clock is winding down..

Ball in your court. See it as such. But do A and B RIGHT. Read the principles and get counseling w/Harleys. And you do not LB..Just improving you. Emphasis is on YOU and the Kids. xH will have to just wait. He will start getting it soon. I first changed my answering machine when he first moved out and it made him nuts. Say something like, Hi it's MIMi and I cant get to your call right now. Leave me a message and number and I will return your call as soon as possible. Make it seem like YOU are unavailable. And let xH know by ACTIONS that you are GLAD for your new freedom and not having to worry about carrying HIs PROBLEMS anymore. Fog him back but do not LB until you get good advice here. IF he asks, only say that He was right. You needed space away from him and now you are working on YOU and having time to do now what YOU want to. Tell him that you are strangely glad for your independence. Remember, make everything that was black seem white to him. He will become very confused. Agree with him but DO NOT VA LIDATE HIS EXCUSES FOR THE DIVORCE AT ALL OR EVER. Then fog him back with statement about what you are doing now, etc.. how you are improving yourself and are doing well, etc. Then give a statement that will throw him off like you are off to co ed spin class at gym or to a belly dancing class or something. Or a singles' Bible study. Throw him way off. He will think twice about what he has done.

Now's the time to get happy. YOU can have cake now. Cake is good. You have deserved a tiny bit of it. Show him what it looks like to be single. Hey, he wanted it and you are just AGREEING WITH HIM. You can string HIM along and start moving about town now without any guilt b/c YOu are legally divorced. Tell him something like, it's great that we are friends now. I'm glad we have the freedom now to SEE OTHER PEOPLE. New opportunities and stuff. But I'll not ever accept any rationalizations about our D. Just don't accept any excuses anymore from YOU or me. I am actually looking forward to this weekend. When you have the kids on ___ night, I am actually having a girls' night out. It has been so long. Can't remember when I REALLY WENT OUT. Then say gotta go and that you are off to (name someplace or activity). He will shake his head. Utter confusion. Let's see how he likes the fog.

Am praying he will exit fog before it's too late or before you use up what's left in your LB.

Not Peachy in GA - Wow !!! You are so right I am just not sure I can do that...OK well I changed the answering machine awhile back and its say Hi you have reached Mimi, Amanda and Amelia we cannot take your call - a little reaction from him not much... I know that I need to totally do a Plan B - unfortunately I have been like really nice - never being mad at him yet - I also tend to be very sarcastic - I mean like I thanked him the other day for making me a statistic - I cannot help myself - I have been going out on Friday nights and he knows this - but he really doesn't think that I am doing anything - I am thinking that he doesn't think that I will ever go out with anyone - And he knows that I didn't want the divorce in the first place. I have really been trying to work on myself and doing things that I would have never done before - Me and the girls went away alot this summer - I actually went parasailing needless to say I believe he was quite shocked - See my problem is that when anything happens or me and the girls do something I always end up telling him and including him in my life - that is what I have to stop because he isn't in my life anymore and he doesn't deserve to know anything.. I may still love him but right I don't trust him at all... I need to just talk to him politely but not like I am dying without him etc...because you know what I am not - I have painted almost every room in the house since he moved and starting today I am taking over mowing the lawn - my nephew has done it couple of times - I asked him not to hang around the house anymore - I mean it isn't his house I have paid for it on my own now for two months... almost three - he cannot help himself to whatever he wants anymore - I am going to be on the road to self discovering me - I got lost in my marriage and being a mother - and forgot that I was a person... I don't know how I will do but I am going to give it a shot - Thank you for all of the advice... Mimi