Hello All.
I don't usually start a thread... but I am really "PI$$ED OFF".
I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice on this or if I'm just going about a major vent... I know I probably should of posted this on the emotions board... but, I didn't
My OD19 informed me this past Satruday night... that she dropped out of College and is moving in with her boyfriend of 3 years.
For some of you that know me... you know, that this goes 100% against my religous beliefs... i.e., living in sin (where is the "MARRIAGE"?).
I'm so angry right now... I could eat glass and enjoy it.
I asked her to tell me... "what GOOD is going to possibly come out of this?
"Name me one thing that could come out of this that would possibly benefit you".
Her answer... "Well we love each other... and we won't make the same mistakes you and Mom made in your marriage".
At that point I just "SNAPPED"!!!
I asked her, "How many people do you think enter into marriage, thinking in the back of their mind that it's going to end in divorce".
Her answer, "Well I don't know"!
The way I see it... if they are that much in "Love"... then her boyfriend should have the guts to step up to the plate and propose to her and marry her... instead of being the sniveling coward that he is.
I had little respect for her boyfriend before, because of some of his previous actions... I have no respect for him now.
Needless to say... after much discussion with her about this ("THAT THIS IS A HUGE MISTAKE"), and knowing full well that I was not about to change her mind.
I informed her that I would have no part of it... and she had until the end of the week to get her things out and live whatever life she chose to live... but I would not be a part of what she was proposing.
I figure if your going to do it... then let's get the show on the road and do it.
I am just livid over this whole thing.
I know that I'm probably going to get flamed over how I handled this, but I am just seeing red right now.
She's throwing away her education, and then moving in with a 20 year old that barely makes over minimum wage, with no plans for the future.
I'm sorry... I can't sit back and watch this, nor will I be any part of it.
I think it's "A HUGE MISTAKE"!!!
Thanks for the vent.
Wallace

Tough decision. Don't know what I would do (my daughters 17).

I informed her that I would have no part of it... and she had until the end of the week to get her things out and live whatever life she chose to live... but I would not be a part of what she was proposing.

Are you going to toss her out of your life totally or just not support her (money/food/insurance, etc).

Did she get the impression you are going to do this?

Hi Wallace,

I know you're just vending, but I have a need to reply.

It's very difficult to get through 19 yr girls for one thing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> because after all they know everything.

You might want to share with her that if she decides to live with her boyfriend, chances are very slim that they will ever get married. She will be the only loser in this situation. I agree with you, if he doesn't have the guts to marry her, she should not settle for being a "shack up honey"

Inform her that in God's eyes, she is a queen to be cherished and nurtured, not to be used for a mans pleasure that is not her husband.

Thanks for listening,
relady

Hi Wallace: I think you were justified in your outburst with your daughter. It must have been shocking for you.

I agree with relady - you can't tell a 19 year old anything. She will have to live her life and make her own mistakes, otherwise, you will just alienate her.

I think I would be much more upset that she is quitting college. How does she intend to support herself without an education? Maybe you should talk to her about education rather than living together because it sounds like she is going to live with this guy no matter what. And more than likely she is going to find out real fast that living with this guy isn't that much fun (sort of like the WS initially living in a fantasy world and then reality sets in). How much can a 19 year old and 20 year old earn especially without educations? She will find out real fast how hard things are out there.

How is everything else going with you? Isn't your final hearing coming up soon?

I think you were justified in your outburst with your daughter.

fingers,

Uh, I don't think outbursts are usually "justified", meaning it's okay to do it. They can be expcted to happen though. Better to talk it out and explain your P.O.V.

Besides, 19 year olds know EVERYTHING and getting mad just fires them up & gets your blood pressure going.

Part of MB is learning how to deal with ALL relationships, not just spouse/spouse.

<small>[ September 30, 2002, 02:17 PM: Message edited by: Chris (CA123) ]</small>

Hi All,
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my rant... and if I sound rather blunt... please take no offense as I am still seething over all of this.
Hi Chris,
Thanks for posting.
I'm not going to toss her out of my life completely.
But I'm not going to be part of their little household either... personally, financially or otherwise.
IMHO my daughter is making a move that is going to follow her for the rest of her life... a very bad move.
I'm not sure what she is thinking as far as what impression I may or may not have left on her to tell you the truth.
She knows what she is doing is wrong, and she knows that I only want the best for her.
But if she choses to throw her education down the drain (were talking a person who is a 4.0 student) and waste it, to go shack up with someone who has absolutlely no direction in life whatsoever... I just can't be a part of that.
I can't watch that happen... I don't want to look at it... I can't... not as a father.
If they want to get married, and do it the right way... then I will support them 100%.
But I will not support this.
I wish her all the best... because she is going to need it... but I can't associate myself with it... not right now.
Hi relady...
Thank you for your response.
My daughter and I had a nice heart to heart... went through scripture, etc. (and she knows the word).
Her mind was already made up... she has already dropped out of school... I confirmed that today.
She has every intention of moving in with this guy.
There is nothing more I can do, except pray for her and hope that everything will turn out for the best.
I am learning very quickly as a single parent that you can't talk to a 19 yr. old once their mind is made up.
Hi Fingers...
How are you doing? I hope things are better for you than they are for me.
Just when you think you have everything handled... you find out soon that you don't... in my case anyway.
I am very upset over her just quitting College.
We talked about her education and what she planned on doing with her life.
She said, "she would figure something out".
This was a person who had her head screwed on tight, and had a nice career path she was going to follow.
I have no idea how they intend to support themselves.
I guess they are just going to live off of love.
To change the subject, since I can't make paragraphs for some reason from this computer
when I post from it.
My final court date is on the 22nd of October... so there is quite a bit going on as you can see.
It's like a bad dream... somebody please wake me up!
Wallace

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I asked her to tell me... "what GOOD is going to possibly come out of this?
"Name me one thing that could come out of this that would possibly benefit you".
Her answer... "Well we love each other... and we won't make the same mistakes you and Mom made in your marriage".</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Wallace.

If this wasn't serious, that statement of hers would have me ROTFLMAO.

You had every right, and duty, as a loving father to tell her that what she was planning on doing was WRONG not only spiritually, morally but financially as well. You did the right thing.

I will though suggest,like one of the other members did, that you do not cut her out of your life, just cut her off financially until she comes out of her 'fog' (plan B?) and starts making wise and healthy choices. She may be physically a full woman, but mentally and emotionally she still has a lot of little girl in her, and because of this still needs your fatherly support in letting her know that you'll love her till the day you die but that same love demands you to tell her when she is making bad choices.

I'd like to suggest, if you haven't done it already, to talk to your OD about protecting herself from an unwanted pregnancy. It would be tragic if she found herself a mother at such a young age and without a H to support her and the child.

As a fellow father, I say keep up the good work and pray to God that she sees the light and heeds the wisdom of your words.

<small>[ September 30, 2002, 05:18 PM: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Good to hear from you TMCM,
As always, your input (and as you say "terrorizing" the boards) is always welcome.
I'm basically going to be running a Plan B on my own daughter.
I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be put into a postion to have to follow through with something like this with my own daughter... but I think that's where this is headed.
I would never cut her out of my life for good.
She is as much in a fog as my STBXW... I guess the fog knows no boundaries.
God forbid she ends up pregnant with this guy... as this boyfriend of hers would run for the hills if that ever happened.
I think she is smart enough to not get pregnant, but with everything that has happened this year, and last... nothing would surprise me.
She knows I love her... if I didn't love her, I wouldn't care what she did... she knows I only want what's best for her.
Thanks for the support TMCM.
Wallace

Wallace
We are both now in the unenviable position of finding ourselves doing some Tough Love on our kids as well. I'm sorry you're having to go through this disappointment. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. It was said earlier that you shouldn't cut her off totally from you, and I totally agree with that. Most 19 year olds cannot be told anything, especially matters of the heart; they have to learn the hard way. Remember, she is not a wayward spouse who is (or at least should be) more mature in judgements. Keep the door open, because she will need you when things don't work out with this guy. You want to be the one she comes to, don't you?

Any idea what her mother thinks about this?

Hi Wallace, my heart goes out to you, I know exactly how you feel.

My OD is 18 now and in College. When I lived at home when she was 16 she had a guy/boyfriend nothing serious they did school activies together.

I always made it point to express to her I where I stood on sex before marriage and stuff. One day I told her I finally wanted to sit down and talk to this guy she was seeing. At first she was against it because she thought I was going to hammer him but I told her I wanted to talk to him so I could express my goals to him and what I expected from him as being around the family.

Well that went well she was relieved but I sat both of them down and told them, there will be no sex before marriage or no shacking. I told him I expect her to finish college and that he or she will not get my blessing if they break my wishes.

Well that has stuck with her because in the letter she wrote me this past July she stressed that she has not has sex with him or no one and was proud of herself. In response I praised her and told her I still stand on what I always believed and I love her.

So Wallace I guess what I'm saying is the guilt and conviction will soon cause her to be uneasy with it, it will become shameful in time. Daughters always run back to there fathers and seek the blessing.....This is not an ending but a begining, Yes she will feel the pain and have the regretts later and I know thats what you don't want but sometimes God has to humble our kids in there error and its painful to see them be humbled....

My exw dropped out of college because we were in love thinking love would cover all bills through life" Not!" that was a huge mistake my W should have stayed in college but we were too young and naive, of course to that was kind of the way of life 20 years ago, get out of HS get a job, get married but not today.

I looked back over the years of what would have made a difference in our relationship going too fast, her 19 me 20 was if we would have had some adult to speak up and not tell us what to do but show us in love in a mentorship type of way how to do the right things and get involved in lives...Somebody should have stepped in, yes, it would have been painful upfront but longterm it would have had lasting rewards......What I'm going through today is part of me and W made decisions too young without any adult guidance.

Me and my W started dating her 16 me 17 by the time she was 19 me 20 we were engaged. When she started college she became pregnant. My mother then spoke up and said, well anybody thats having a baby in this family has to be married, we then got married months later with a big wedding....

18 years later after wife started having her affairs in 2000 she said she resented having to get married young, being pregnant, she said she was forced to get married and I caused her to lose her 4 year paid for college scholarship and quit college, etc....What hurt more than anything she said this in front of OD and OD felt almost sorry to be born like she was in the way.

So just a thought of a advice...Start creating the blessing bring her in it and take her out of it, she'll notice....As you remember my daughter was cold to me at graduation but in the back of her mind that meant all the world to her I was there as she expressed in the letter she sent me, it'll last a lifetime for her, Dad was there.

Six Elements of a Family Blessing from Dad.

1. Meaningful Touch
2. A loving Spoken Message
3. Attaching " High Value" to the One being blessed.
4. Picturing a Special Future for the One being blessed.
5. An Active Commitment to Fulfill the Blessing.
6. Passing Down a family heritage item.

I made my mistakes when I was young, I'm sure OD has said she will not do the same thing me an exw did, they see the mess now.....But remember my daughter has come back and apologized and said "Dad I'm so much like you and I love you!!!" She's not like my exw but me, good morals paid off, keeping my stand was tough because I didn't pratice it at 20, but I learned later in life and God changed my life and passed it on to the next generation. Don't give up!! Its not over. Stay Strong!!

Hi Avondale AND EC,
Thank you for your responses.
Avondale...
Yes we are both now in the unenviable position of having to do "Tough Love" with our kids.
Just an update... My OD moved out last night and refused to give me any information as far as where she planned on moving to.
So I am going to Plan B my own daughter... go figure.
I will leave the "door" open for her, that's all I can do at this point.
As far as her mother is concerned... I don't know what her mother would think as she has not been in contact with me, or any of her children for almost the past 6 months.
I would hope that she would disapprove of our "D's" actions... but she would not be coming from a very morale base herself to have any kind of an impact.
EC...
I remember your situation well with your "D" and her graduation.
I, like you, always tried to come to my children with a background that consisted of a moral and stable grounding.
For the most part, I tried to practice what I preached
To try to instill values, and ethics, that you would like to see them carry with them as they move forward through adulthood.
It's the old saying, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink".
I understand all to well, about marrying young... and all the up hill battles that needed to be fought. If we only knew then, what we know now... our situations may have turned out much different.
Your points are all well made.
I have taken it all in... thanks EC.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi Wallace plan b with your daughter will work, I got word about 2 weeks ago OD was thinking about coming to visit me but wasn't sure yet. YD is ready she's checking her school schedule. I send them a card to let them know I love them and care, but sooner or later they will feel the void of a fathers love and will have make communication.......

I saw my exw go through this even at age 34, her father was out of her life since she was 13 due to her mothers lie's then exw wanted nothing to do with him but all the while she yearned all those years for his love and when they restored there relationship in 1997 she became a different person.

Anyway, your D is not gone but exploring, IF God has his hand on her she won't get away with much, God has his way of speaking to them.

Hi EC,
I'm glad you think that a Plan B will work with my OD.
At this stage I'm not sure what else to do...
You have given me encouragement, that all is not lost concerning my situation with my "D"... I truly do love and care for her and only want the best for her as well.
I'm just a typical Dad.
I'm so glad to hear that your daughters are possibly going to get together with you... I know how much that means to you.
I've learned through all of this to become a very patient person.
Unfortunatley what appeared to be a couple of weeks, turns into a couple of months, then a couple of years through this whole ordeal with my "M", and now this.
I can only lay it in God's hands at this point... and pray for the best outcome that he may grant.
My wife, and my daughter were believers... I can only hope that the Lord lays his hand on both of them and directs them down the path he choses.
Thanks for listening
Stay Strong!
Wallace

((((((((wallace)))))))

Man, I pray that this is not a situation that I will ever have to deal with. However, I was one of those 18yo know it alls who got someone pregnant and didn't listen to a word my parents told me. And I was left a note the day I graduated from High School that told me that I had a week to move out.

Having lived through that situation I must ask you to apply a Christian value that I've learned "Hate the Sin, Love the Sinner". Yes, I agree with everyone in cutting all financial ties. But I just warn you not to go to extremes. My parents totally disagreed with what I did, but the still provided me with emotional support. They would not come to my house, but I was welcome to visit there's.

Later in life, after finding Christ, I took a moral stand against my father. We didn't talk for the better part of 4 years. As a young adult, that was the worst 4 years of my life as well as the worst 4 years of my father's.

I gues the point I'm trying to make is that you have a know it all daughter, like we all were at that age, but if she doesn't perseive that the door is still open then how will she ever walk through it?

Prayers,

Hi Wallace,

Just wanted to let you know, as parent, I understand. We want our children to make wise decisions. However, wise decisions generally come from mistakes and experience. We all have to make them.

I was once a "know it all" 18 year old. Somewhere in my 20's I started thinking, guess mom and dad knew a little something. It was not until I was in my 30's did I really understand just how smart my parents were. (Not sure if I'm a slow learner, or was I just being stubborn). I dropped out of college at 21. I had no real goal. When you are 18, you are just starting to experience life. No one really knows what they want to do when they are 18. I am no 41 and back in school. I knew somewhere in my 20's what I wanted. Just didn't know how to go about going back to school to achieve it.

I know you think that she ruined her life by moving in with this guy. Has she really. How is this going to hurt her 20, 30 years down the road? It will not prevent her from going back to school when she is ready? This is not the 1950's where reputations are guarded like gold at Fort Knox. Don't take this the wrong way, but these days, most don't think badly of those who are having sex in a committed R. Unlike those who have sex and don't even know the person's name.

When my children are older, I hope they dont' make the same mistakes I made. I made lots. I lived with a two different guys at two different times. I had to learn the hard way, that is was not a substitue for marriage. My parents were not thrilled. They let me make my mistakes, they stood by me and loved me. They did not approve, but they didn't shut me out either. Had they shut me out until I did it their way, I would probaby still be living with someone without M. I'm the rebellious type and will not conform to suit others. So, be sure that she is not doing this as an act of rebellion.

I could not tell if you were planning on not talking to her until she moved out and no longer was living with this guy, or if you were still going to have contact with her, but not provide any support in ways of $$, food, etc.

If you do the Plan B, as I am thinking of Plan B, I don't know if that will work with teenagers. She may be an adult, but she is still young with lots to learn. Teen's can be very headstrong, and are going to do things there way and will not bend to the rule of the parents.

When my kids reach teen years, I hope will be like my mom. To have the knowledge and the wisdom to know when to keep my mouth shut, and patience strong enough to see me through their mistakes. To be their when they fall, to be their when they have successes, even when you don't agree with what they are doing.

Give you an idea the type of teen I was, smoking at 13, drinking at age 16, sex at age 18. I did all of these because I wanted to know what it was like. When my mom found out about the smoking and drinking, her response was, you are doing adult things, if you get caught, you will have to pay the adult price. She knew to try to stop me would have been more incentive for me to try harder to do it. Because of her patience, love and non judgemental ways, I had a tremendous amount of respect for her. As I grew older, she was not only my mom, but my best friend.

My dad, on the other hand, was more the "should, should not, cannot, type of a parent. I kept more secrets from him, than I did my mom. I refused to tell him anything because he was too judgemental. As an adult, I loved him, but had very little respect for his role as my parent. I respected his ability to support his family, I respected him for taking care of things. I did not respect him as my father.

Tread carefully and pick you battles carefully, with teens there are more to come.

Wallace
I know that I posted a short reply on the other thread but I started reading and thinking about what everyone else said on here.

IMHO there is a fine line here. I agree that you should not support her financially but I think emotionally you need to be there for her.

When I was 17 and dating EXH his parents told him that he had to stop seeing me or move out. Guess what he did, he moved out. Senior in High School, going to school full time, working full time in the evenings and still trying to keep a R with me. He had planned to go to college but his parents ended all hopes of that. We were engaged when we graduated in May and married in September. For a short time he stayed at my parents house in the camper out back. My parents were appalled with the way that they had treated him and my dad was furious. If anything this only made our bond stronger. As they stated before I guess he was rebelling.

I know they say hind sight is 20/20. We know that with our M's but this affected my EXH relationship with his parents and as far as I know he has no contact with them at all now. He has one brother that lives out of state that he is close to but no one else that is there for him emotionally.

The really sad part is that I see the same thing happening with our D and her relationship with her Dad. He stated yesterday at court that he has tried to call her, e-mail her, etc. and she doesn't return anything. I see her pulling away from him and honestly don't know why but she grew up seeing the tension with her Dad and grandparents.

I wish my EXH still had the morals that half the people on these boards do. I feel that he pushed D into losing her virginity this summer. Made a big deal out of her being 19 and still a virgin. I told her that I thought that was great and she should be proud of this instead of embarassed. Maybe that is why she is pulling away from Dad, she is seeing that he has changed and he is not there to support her emotionally and his morals are not where they should be either. I don't get between them on anything but I am here for her emotionally if she needs me.

This has been a very hard couple of months for her. She went to 2nd year of college and found out quickly that money doesn't grow on trees and that her parents weren't going to bail her out financially. She knew going in what had to be done and we had discussed in detail what her expenses were going to be.

I guess what I'm saying is that I know you don't agree with what she is doing but be there for her emotionally or you may regret it. Hang in there. I hope I made some sense.

Wallace,

I am really tired now & only have this to add to the good responses so far - Let go with Love. Be sure to let her know that you LOVE HER and NOT WHAT SHE IS DOING.

God Bless

D.

Wallace,

are you trying to control your daughter's life?

are your expectations of your daughter's life not being fulfilled, and the outburst an example of your inability to cope and be a father figure she would like to find as a mate and marry. . . . ?

Who made you dictator of your daughter's decisions and love life?

READ the real life examples of people who have been there, as you were. . . . as i was

First, your D has not thrown out any education! in fact, after this move, she may appreciate education much more. . . . and she can always get some more book education at the local college. . . and for whatever its worth, most of my learning has not been in school, but through experience.. . . . . school is not for everyone, but that does not make them any less worthy of love. . .

what happened to tolerance? does not your religion suggest that?

Second, yes, if she decides to drop out of school, you need to have her move out to experience life on her own. . . . but that's as far as your unsupport goes. . . and then let her know that once she is married, that your financial support is all gone. . . .

but that is your boundary. . . and let her decide how to experience her life. . . but what kind of father abandon's her daughter for POSSIBLY making a normal, developmental decision. . . .

wiftty

Flamed? i would like to do much more!!!!!!!!

When I was 19, I moved in with my boyfriend...my parents relationship was so terrible I wanted to make sure I did the right thing if I married him. My parents let me know they disagreed but stood by me and let me know they were proud I was getting a college education.

Well, the living together must not've helped...but my parents support sure did...when my H hit his midlife crisis and bailed, I have a career to fall back on and can AFFORD to be without him. Every day I thank God for my parents support and my college education! I know it galled them, but they did such a good thing for me...

Hi All,
I again would like to thank everyone for their responses.
Lost Husband...
I hope you never have go through it either, it really puts you in a position that you would rather not be in.
I agree with the statement "Hate the sin, not the sinner".
I have very much left the door open for my OD to come through.
I love my daughter, and I always will... no matter what she may or may not do.
I have only cut her off from a financial stand point... as well as not becoming a participant with her current living arrangement, i.e., living with her boyfriend.
I do not however support her most recent decision that she has made.
My daughter is very much welcome in our home... that door was never shut.
It will be her decision to shut that door if she so chooses, I'm not trying to alienate her, in fact we have always been very close.
I will always be there for her, she knows that.
Thank you for your insight, it is appreciated.
Sue with hope...
I can very much relate to what you are saying... and I understand where you are coming from.
We all have made mistakes... I have made more than my fair share of mistakes as well... we all do... it's just part of being human.
I don't think she has ruined her life... on the other hand I don't think she is doing herself any favors.
I think she is making a "Huge" mistake.
Is it the end of the world for her because of the decisions that she made?
I don't believe that it is... at least I hope not.
Do I see more negatives than positives coming out this situation... yes I do.
I still have contact with her, I talked with her on her cell phone last night and told her that I loved her, and I would always would be there for her.
We didn't discuss anything that pertained to the decisions that she just recently made.
I don't plan on shutting her out of my life.
In my post it probably appears that may have been the case... but it's not.
I don't plan on becoming an active participant of her new household though... that part of her life I will not be a part of.
A little background... my D started smoking at the age of 12... she tried drinking at about the same time and doesn't like alcohol... and I would probably bet the farm that she lost her virginity way before she started dating her current boyfriend of 3 years.
I was no Saint either at her age... but I knew where and when to draw the line... if you know what I mean.
That came about through the guidance, advice and care of my parents... which is what I tried to provide
I know what you are saying, and I'm trying not to be a complete a$$ about the whole thing... and I know I'm stumbling around as a single parent, but I am doing the best I know how under the circumstances.
Thanks for your input, as well as more food for thought... I'm taking it all in.
ITABD...
Of course you made sense... I'm the one who is wondering if I'm making sense at all sometimes.
As you said, "there is a fine line here".
I don't want to help promote any additional bone head moves she might make, but I don't want to come out looking like "Atilla the Hun" either.
So it's a "Catch 22" type of a situation.
I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's relationship with your EX going the way it's going... that's something I'm trying to avoid.
I'm there for her, but only if she wants me to be.
Thank you for the additional advice, it' salways appreciated.
WGTT...
Thank you for responding and I hope you got some good rest.
I have taken your words to heart, and I will do exactly what you said.
Stay in touch.
Wifty...
I won't ask you what more you would like to do... but I feel char-broiled already.
I'll try to answer your questions as best I can... and not to try to get you anymore upset with me than you already are.
I'm not trying to control my daughter's life... I'm just trying to give her some good positive advice and direction.
I feel compelled to do this as a father, who loves her and cares for her very deeply.
It's as when they were small children around a hot stove.
If you think there is a possiblity that they may get hurt by touching the stove, you are going to try to direct them away from the hot stove as best you can... to try to protect them from hurting themselves.
It's not to say that they are going to listen to you... more than likely, when your there to warn them, they will listen to you.
It's when your not there to warn them, they will most likely touch the stove.
I feel it is the resposiblity of a parent to at least warn them of what might happen to them if they continue to try to touch the stove... knowing full well that they most likely will hurt themselves.
You know as well as I do, that they indeed will eventually touch the stove and most likely get burned, but hopefully it won't be because we didn't warn them.
I wanted to clarify one thing... there was not any "OUTBURSTS".
My daughter and I had a very serious one on one conversation concerning all that she had decided... but there were no "OUTBURSTS at anytime during the course of our conversation.
Who made me dictator?
Nobody... I'm just her Dad who has tried to point her in the right direction when I felt it was needed.
My D had and still has the freedom to make the choices she wishes to make... she has had that freedom for much of her life.
It was only when I thought she was making bad choices, did I give her advice and direction, in hopes that she would make the right decisions.
I don't think that I threw any dictates out at her concerning her love life or education.
If I had... her boyfriend would of been history a long time ago.
I accept the fact that she chose to drop her education.
Do I have to like it... no.
Do I think it's a mistake... yes I do.
I wish that she had made that decsion before I paid almost $9,000.00 so she could go to classes for a little over a month and half.
I don't love her any less because of the decsions that she has made... I'm sorry if I gave you that impression.
I know that you don't know this... but I have a very high tolerance level... it's not something that I would expect you to see, or know.
But people who know and have been around me for any legnth of time... can't believe how tolerant I can be sometimes.
Is it through my religous beliefs?
I would like to think so.
I am there for my D, she knows that.
She also knows that what she is doing is wrong... these are her own words.
But she chooses to take that path.
She has moved out, and I have spoken to her by cell phone that I love her, and that I will always be there for her when she feels she needs me.
That's all I can do.
Thank you for responding, I look forward to hearing from you, gives me a reality check, which I know I need at this point in time.
Stay Strong!
Wallace