STBXW called last night when I was at Divorce/Sep. group at church (14 times in 2 hours!). I called and she said she wants me to redo the PSA to give her alimony.

I gave her a choice 3 months ago, if you recall--therapy or move out--she had (has?) drug problem, and had multiple PAs. In the original PSA, I got an attorney, she didn't (I wouldn't give her money). She then moved in with her boyfriend.

Now, it seems, her and "Joey" (she hates when I call him that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) aren't doing so good (they just co-signed a 1 year lease on an Apt!!).

She is now demanding that I am "responsible for supporting" her. She was throwing all of these lines from the book "The Good Divorce" at me talking about support. She then got all PO'd and said I will be going to hell with my lawyer because I gave her no alimony!

Ladies, please, in your honest opinion, does she deserve this? She had an A right before we were married, one right after we were married (we did reconcile on those 10 years ago). One two years ago (unprotected!--I just got my blood tests back and they were all normal) and one now. During the past four years, I have been doing all of the work in the house cleaning, etc. and she was a stay at home mom.

I told her tough, to get herself a lawyer and call mine. I am prepared to fight this because I am tired of her manipulations. AM I being a jerk?

Thanks!

Pete

TTMO-

No, you are not being a jerk. Even though I am not a female, there is a lot of good information at www.dadsdivorce.com. Take time and read and print it out. I found it helpful and a good resource. Also, you might want to visit your state's website and look for divorce laws under a judicial button (?).

Dads Divorce Advice

Time to move on - OK female opinion but a few questions first - Do you have the kids??? If you have the kids and are the sole providor and caretaker - then I say no alimony - if she has the kids and she needs to get a place to live then I say alimony - but you have put up with way more than any person should have to so ! One affair in my opinion is enough to put one sane person in the insane catagory - I am living proof... But I say hold your own and fight for what you believe is right for you and your children... She made her bed now let her lie in it... Good Luck

MAW...I have the three kids...I pay all the child support (I agreed in PSA to take all CS for 1st year so she could get on her feet). I also have physical custody of kids. She currently visits only on Monday evening when I go to the meetings.

Pete

Child support is for the kids; spousal support is for the spouse so whether she has the kids or not has nothing to do with whether she should get spousal support. She doesn't deserve spousal support but she may get it anyway depending on what state you are in and the divorce laws there.

Time to move on - Ok Kalgrl is correct - it depends on your state - I know in Massachusetts you really are not entitled to it if you have been working during the marriage... If you have the kids and the house - - I guess it all depends on how much you can afford or how long or how hard you are willing to fight.... I mean would it be worth it just to give her some money per week - so you could finally break away - or do you definately want to go through the battle??? Only you can answer that????

Just for the record....in my state (Iowa) it is nearly impossible to get alimony unless you've been married at least 17 years. In my case, I wasn't allowed to work by my stbx, so I had no job and even though we were married 12 years I get no alimony, just child support of $500 a month for 3 children. And here's the real kicker...he inherited $140,000 2 years ago, but everything he bought with it is his, and all the money in the bank too.....so I don't even get a share of the house, cars, hot tub, motorcycle, sound system, furniture, etc......... My point is that in some states you are not expected to provide for your wife at all, even if she has no job; you might check with your lawyer on the laws in your state.

This sounds so familier. I wonder why...Austin wants to meet this week and oh well, see my post..He wants to "get the lawyers less involved and save some $$$". Too bad I don't belieb him

And Ms. WW Marie Antionette doesn't deserve it. Unless for a specified time like six months and that is all.

She is having trouble w/little Joey? Oh, that is too bad.

My ex to be tried the good divorce stuff. Oh the fogged and their foggy reading matierials. Would use that book either for toilet paper or as firewood on a cold night..

TtMo,

gave her a choice 3 months ago, if you recall--therapy or move out--she had (has?) drug problem, and had multiple PAs.

Most likely HAS a drug problem. She must hit her own bottm and as long as kids are provided for (which is sounds like they are) then supporting her may just be enabling her to "stay out there." I have heard time and time again in AA meetings that it was only because others let go and let them suffer the consequences of their actions did they then decide to get clean & sober.

I can relate to what you are going thru, I have had to let go of WH as I have no control over his actions. For me it's been a process as it's hard to let go of someone you love and care for. There are steps that I need to take for my safety and that of the kids (financial and emotional - we're not in physical danger that I know of)

Here's a saying that I keep hearing "let go, there's more."

God Bless,

D.

TTMO:
No, you're not a jerk. I think everyone on this board knows who the real jerk is in your situation. Trouble with her Joey? Great! There's an awful lot of coffee brewing in that apt! Wonder if anyone there smells it?
If I were you I'd check on the alimony thing, and if she's entitled, BS her into accepting a sum when she's in need and will accept anything. Harsh, but she deserves it.
Do a good job with the kids for the year, and get permanent custody after that.

muzohead