One thing that surprises me most about my husband is how little effort he puts into seeing our sons. He sent them cards yesterday and talked about how he wishes that he could see them more often, however, he lives less than an hour away so all he has to do is get in the car and get here.
Allison - My three kids are 14 - 22. The oldest two have ADHD and the youngest has ADD. The high school has my number on speed dial. My daughter (22) suffers from depression and is a rape victim. She is living with me right now because she can't get it all together to fully support herself. My oldest son got into some trouble with the law before the divorce was final. Because of my husband's job, I couldn't tell anyone that anything was wrong until I was sure that I would be filing for divorce. My kids went from thinking that everything was great to finding out about the divorce in a 10-minute time span.
So now I've gone from living in a nice house, free of charge (it was a parsonage) to renting a much smaller house and taking care of the dog's heartworms, the cats, the kids, the cars and the yard. I work two jobs, which I'm not complaining about because I know I'm lucky to have them. But, I do get tired. . .
The older my kids get, the more I wonder if I've done anything right. However, the one thing that I have done right (so far) is to not speak badly about their father to them. I had to tell the the truth about why I left, which was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I never dreamed I'd have to tell my 14 year old son that his father is gay (or bisexual) I stuck to telling them only the facts, and I told them that I hope that they will someday find it in their hearts to forgive their dad and to try to love him. I told them that he loves them very much. He had told them that I refused to go to marriage counseling with him so I told them that the reason I refused is that I told him that I would go to marriage counseling after he went through some intensive personal counseling. He didn't feel that he needed the personal counseling (he said that the main problem was not his ten-year homosexual affair, but my lack of unconditional love) and I didn't feel that I could stay with him if he didn't make that effort.
I don't bring up the fact that they hardly ever hear from their dad. I'm not sure if they care at this point. My relationship with them is much better now that they know the truth, and I don't want to harm our relationship by trying to turn them against their father. Whenever possible, kids of all ages need both parents. I grew up not loving one of my parents and that is a pain that I would not want to inflict on any child.
