Ok so now I am divorced - I have two girls 9 and 12 - my husband lives in an apartment a few towns over - I have the house but I also have the mortgage and all of the responsibilities - So now I am in charge of the lawn, the cleaning & laundry, working fulltime, carting the kids around town, helping with their homework, making sure they are clothed and fed - the pets - well one cat - I am getting a puppy in a week - that is for me.... and as I sat here today thinking about how I had to get filters for my furnace I have decided that I am responsible for quite alot.. and it isn't fair - I signed onto marriage as a 50/50 partnership - I did not ask my husband to cheat on me and put me through hell for this past year - and actually continuing to lie and who knows what else... He sees the kids on Tuesdays but he just comes and takes them out to dinner and brings them back in a hour - then he takes them overnight on Fridays at about 6:30pm and brings them back on Saturdays at 12:00 - and he never calls in between... Now the funny thing is that he says that he is not abandoning his children ... Now mind you if I didn't abandon my children like he didn't they would be in alot of trouble... Now I guess my question is - How long do you feel like this??? Does it get better??? I know that I can do all of this and I know that I will do all of this - but it isn't fair and it ticks me off to no end that he cannot even see that a little bit??? Is it me or is he just plain crazy - and my youngest is having cheerleading pictures this weekend and he wants some and he says but I cannot pay for them yet because I have to pay my rent - ok his rent is like 600 a month and my mortgage is like double that.... I mean what is the deal here - ???? What did I do wrong??? Why doesn't he understand any of this???? At All???? Any input would be greatly appreciated....

maw-

Does your custody agreement limit the time your X has the kids? Why not from Friday night till Sunday night? You also need to remember those things you DON'T have to do for HIM!! Such as cook so HE likes it, clean up after HIM, go places HE wants to go, listen to HIS music while HE drives, do HIS laundry...etc...He might be paying only $600 / mo for rent, but what is he paying for support? Talk to him about extending his 'quality time' with HIS kids too so you can breathe once in a while.

Doogie - he actually pays the same in support as he does for rent - which to me is not a whole heck of alot and in the divorce agreement it doesn't have any set time with the kids - just that it is up to us and in the best interest of the children - he doesn't know what to do with them. I guess he never really paid all of that much attention to them in the first place - My kids would die if they had to go with him all weekend - they would be bored... but my point is you would think he would want to spend more time with them or at least for gods sake call them - ask how their day went, etc... Maybe I am asking for to much I don't know - I know that I don't have to do those things for him but I still have to do them laundry - I still do it, Cook - I still do it - etc... I don't think he appreciates one little bit that I am raising his children and he is like a stranger - all because he says he is human and he deserves to be happy to - what about me, us anything??? I'm sorry I guess I am just in a feeling sorry for myself mood.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

maw-

You DO deserve to be happy. It sounds like you and your X need to do more talking about the time he spends with the kids. If your kids are bored, maybe they can ask him to take them on 'special outings'. As far as the calling goes, he might feel too ackward right now. I really think you and your X need to discuss this so you feel better about this and he needs to know he MUST give the kids more attention or he will regret it later in life.

My father (won't call him dad) divorced my mom when I was 11. He was rarely home and believe it or not, when he died 3 years ago, his new friends (from 2nd family) NEVER knew he was married before, let alone had any kids at all. When I called the newspaper for an obit, I made sure EVERYONE knew about his first family by listing all 9 kids names. We were not even mentioned at the funeral service as being part of ANY family. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Hi there!

Bless you, bless you, bless you....

We could be the same person. I need new air conditioner filters, too. I also need to fix the leak in the sink, fix the broken window in the garage, weed wack the south 40, figure out what the nasty taste in the ice maker is, and figure out why the DVD player will only play in black and white. The paint is peeling off my 12 year old car, but I can't afford to paint it...I've still got that mortgage! Last week there was a snake in the house, and Monday I had to pick my 11-year old up from school...he'd been suspended for spraying "fart spray" in the boy's locker room. My family is in another state; I was drug down here when we were married 15 years ago. My boss is concerned that I'm not as "reliable" as I used to be and my raise was only nominal.

Where's H? Living rental with a pretty redhead who was 10 years old when he married me. He complains to our son about the support payments, so I pay for the scientific calculators, musical instruments, and Taekwando lessons myself. He doesn't call. On Father's Day he turned up missing...my son pretended not to care...I have never been so angry, ever, in my life, and I never want to be again, but some days I just can't help it! And guess what he told me just last month..."I didn't abandon my son"! Hello????
He also says he has done nothing to be ashamed of..cheating on me me with a friend's wife and asking my forgivness long enough to save his career and then leaving us for another friend's wife aside, I suppose? I did ask him...he told me I was losing it! I'M losing it?

OK well this isn't fair and I'm damn tired and confused, but I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW, that what goes around comes around...we just have to live long enough to see it! Now I've just now set up an appointment with a therapist 'cause I don't want to be old and bitter...I want to be successful and smart-alecked! When I figure that one out I'll let you know!

Maw64,

I don't have a lot of suggerstions for your dilemna, but wanted you to know I understand where you're coming from. It is SO WRONG that the WS leaves 'because they deserve to be happy too' (exact same thing my WH said) and 95% of the responsibility rests with the 'real' parent.

I too am in a house, so have all the same stuff as you to contend with. Just yesterday was up on the roof, leaning over the edge to paint the trim. And clean the gutters. Etc... You, and many others here, know all about it. In the meantime, WH has found himself a place overlooking a lake, and lives like a single man, with OW available any and all times when he so desires. Other than him being out to work, he's on a permanent holiday, or rather more like a permanent honeymoon. As they don't YET live together, I assume their times together (all weekend, every weekend) must feel like an ongoing honeymoon. NO responsibilites whatsoever (as he's renting his place) and oodles of free time to 'play' with OW. He sees the kids a couple times a week but that's just more play time. They eat and watch videos.

Anyways, all this to let you know that I know EXACTLY how you feel. Where in the marriage certificate did we agree to our spouses abandoning and betraying us, and not only us, but their families as well? As you said, what if WE decided WE deserved to be happy too, and left our kids? IT'S SELFISHNESS - PURE AND SIMPLE. AND SIN. Selfishness in the extreme. I doubt any of us here on this site were so blissfully 'happy' in and with our marriages that we couldn't have dreamed of 'more and better'.

I could go on forever, but will stop venting now. I would suggest that you tell your spouse to keep the kids for the WHOLE evening, not just dinner. And as already mentioned, at least for the whole day on the weekend. Just because he 'deserves to be happy,' doesn't mean he deserves to no longer be a father and carry some of the responsibility that goes along with that. Keep hanging in there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Maw64,

I don't have a lot of suggerstions for your dilemna, but wanted you to know I understand where you're coming from. It is SO WRONG that the WS leaves 'because they deserve to be happy too' (exact same thing my WH said) and 95% of the responsibility rests with the 'real' parent.

I too am in a house, so have all the same stuff as you to contend with. Just yesterday was up on the roof, leaning over the edge to paint the trim. And clean the gutters. Etc... You, and many others here, know all about it. In the meantime, WH has found himself a place overlooking a lake, and lives like a single man, with OW available any and all times when he so desires. Other than him being out to work, he's on a permanent holiday, or rather more like a permanent honeymoon. As they don't YET live together, I assume their times together (all weekend, every weekend) must feel like an ongoing honeymoon. NO responsibilites whatsoever (as he's renting his place) and oodles of free time to 'play' with OW. He sees the kids a couple times a week but that's just more play time. They eat and watch videos.

Anyways, all this to let you know that I know EXACTLY how you feel. Where in the marriage certificate did we agree to our spouses abandoning and betraying us, and not only us, but their families as well? As you said, what if WE decided WE deserved to be happy too, and left our kids? IT'S SELFISHNESS - PURE AND SIMPLE. AND SIN. Selfishness in the extreme. I doubt any of us here on this site were so blissfully 'happy' in and with our marriages that we couldn't have dreamed of 'more and better'.

I could go on forever, but will stop venting now. I would suggest that you tell your spouse to keep the kids for the WHOLE evening, not just dinner. And as already mentioned, at least for the whole day on the weekend. Just because he 'deserves to be happy,' doesn't mean he deserves to no longer be a father and carry some of the responsibility that goes along with that. Keep hanging in there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Doogie - I have tried to talk to him about spending more time with the kids but - frankly I don't think he knows what to do with them so when he gets them he says "what do you want to do?" and I guess they are not real receptive to anything - I told him he has to be the parent and if he wants any kind of relationship with them he needs to enforce it now....

The New Me- Well Bless you too... I don't want to say that I am glad there are other people out there like me but in some sad way I really am - I know that there were more before me and there will be more after me... But sometimes I just get so down - My therapist - I go to a therapist and a womans group - I really recommend the womans group it is like a group of seven women from all different phases of situations... it is nice... Anyways my therapist asked me - why do I care if he doesn't see the kids alot - if he doesn't care and they don't care??? He totally doesn't think that he abandoned them and you know in his sick little twisted mind he probably didn't because he didn't spend much time with them before - so - OK so now my husband is on the phone because I told him yesterday that I cannot even believe he doesn't call them in between seeing them and oh duh he calls the next day... Mine cheated on me with the neighbor next door - and she still lives there so my life is somewhat H*ll everyday a constant reminder....

Natasha - yes it is fun time with their Dad when they finally agree to do something - I will say my children have been seeing the inside of alot of restaurants lately... Actually I got my filter and the one thing I have going for me is that my house is only two years old so there really isn't alot of repair work to be done - but it is overwhelming at times huh??? I mean we are only one person - but I don't think they see that - they see that they think we are trying to hurt them by saying - you know what I am responsible for alot --- Who knows - but good luck to you all also.... We will all survive some how some way....

Oh Maw and everyone else, bless your hearts,

I need a vent today too...may I join in

I too am divorced, have 3 kids 20, 16, 14. The two youngest live at home with me. It's like they are all strangers to me. They bear little resemblance to the children they were before the divorce. My youngest son got suspended again today for fighting. He is out of school for three days. I have to go to work...what will I do with him. I took a day off today and spent three hours having him evaluated by a psychologist. He has add and is very depressed about the divorce. The doctor wants to see him a few times a week for at least 20 visits. My former husband will help get him there and pay but crap...how am I going to do this. All of my kids are so depressed and I don't think I'm helping. I am trying to not be bitter. My former husband was just here, in the house, talking about all of this and I just wanted him to get out...he still calls me the nickname he called me for 25 years and I don't want him to any more, but if I'm hostile to him it hurts the kids.

I have to pay $500 for a deductable tomorrow because my daughters car got broken into. He offered no assistance for that. He makes $300 grand a year and just bought OW a carat and a half diamond ring, and he can't help me pay for car that would not have gotten broken into if he wouldn't have had to be a big hero and gotter my daughter an expensive car stereo. He hasn't even paid off my attorney yet, but could afford a honkin diamond. He didn't even tell me he was getting engaged, he told the kids...they were shattered. They told me and I was trying to help them deal with it, and then he made excited phone calls to each of them after he proposed to tell them she accepted.

I too have the house, the mortgage, the homework, the animals. I can't afford this house and I'm using my last money in the bank to fix it up so I can sell it.

I do have a wonderful man in my life you guys...I know it's not a good time to tell you this, but there are truly good men out there and someday when you're ready you will find love again. Just make sure he has a job that doesn't take him out of town for weeks and weeks like mine does.

I needed this so badly. Thank you. I can handle the fact that I'm divorced and he's going to marry OW. I just feel so alone where it comes to my kids...it's so much work to try to get them to feel ok again. OW was a co-worker of my former husbands and they've known her all of their lives. She has a daughter, so it's been really hard for them to accept all of this. My daughter feels like she's been replaced by OW's daughter. You know how those father-daughter things are...she is so crushed. She calls there and OW tells her things like "your dad isn't here, he's taken my daughter out for a driving lesson". ouch.

Thanks for letting me vent. It's been a rough few weeks around here with the engagement and everything my son has done wrong at school. I guess we just keep trying, we have no other choice. I don't know why I can't quit crying, I haven't felt this bad since discovery and him moving out. I'm at the end of my rope.

I just read someone's post on MB that had a saying in it...I've adopted it as my own. "If you're going through hell....don't stop." The only way through pain is THROUGH it. Can't step around it, can't avoid it.

I'll keep going if you all will, ok?

allison

Allison - OK well I am sorry for all of your pain. Actually I can say that my kids know that their Dad talked to the lady next door that is all - and he doesn't have anyone right now or if he does then he is not going to bring her into their lives... I also cannot deal with him having someone else - Though it is good to know that there is life after your marriage - I was just crying watching Joey & Dawson making love for the first time on Dawsons' Creek - I have not had any kind of real affection in quite a long time and you know I am depressed - I talked to my ex tonite when he called to talk to the kids - and I told him that I was depressed, angry and overwhelmed and he basically - brought it all back to him - and said ok you are trying to make me feel like crap for what I did - Well you know what maybe I am - but he won't even acknowledge that he hurt me really bad - and you know what I deserve to be upset and have days like this...I keep waiting for the - when they come few and far between - I just want to be normal again... I hope your children get back on track - that bites - that is why I basically said ok to my divorce because I saw what it was doing to them... They were very worried about me - so now we are on our own... And we are ok ... I hope we all are all ok soon....

Hi Allison:

I don't know so much about this "protect the kids" thing. Unfortunately, or fortunately, however you want to look at it, my son was standing in the front yard when one of my H's lover's husbands showed up to try to kill him. I lied to him for almost two years; until my husband decided to leave with another lover. I've taken alot of flak, but I see it this way...kids are smart. I'm not going to let my son see me take any more abuse. He knows I've been hurt, he knows his father has done wrong. I will break myself in two before I let him think that cheating and lying is acceptable behavior in a family. I ask him to leave the room before I let his father have it between the eyes when he calls "to chat"...no chatting, you lying psycho, you...it's not my fault the young girls you are bedding don't have the I.Q. to form a sentence...taking the high road is ok, but let's empower ourselves first! None of that nickname stuff...my H tried that too...that's Ms. to you if you don't mind and Ms. B***H if you do! He's actually angry with me 'cause I won't be his friend. Oh well, surprise!

My son is handling so well considering. After a friend at school brought up some of his father's shenanigans, he asked me why I'd tolerated it for so long. When I told him it was so he'd have a father, he said thanks but he preferred it this way...much less stress! I know there will be much pain for him in the future, but there will be so much less than there would be with crazy men with guns chasing my X out on the lawn...

Now that I think about it, I myself prefer the toxic ice maker and the snake under the couch...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by The New Me:
<strong>Hi there!

Bless you, bless you, bless you....

We could be the same person. Now I've just now set up an appointment with a therapist 'cause I don't want to be old and bitter...I want to be successful and smart-alecked! When I figure that one out I'll let you know!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi TNM & Maw64. My heart goes out to you, that your former Mates could do this to you - the one they promised to be there forever for. I have also felt the pain of being betrayed by my spouse also.
((((((((((TNM & Maw64)))))))))) I know you'll get lots more on these Boards.
Sometimes words aren't enough - Lord, I wish sometimes I could heal all the hurt that goes on everyday - both to y'all on MB as well as those who haven't found MB yet.
I can only add a few words based on my Experience:
1- What goes around, comes around. Your WS will eventually get theirs, by their OWN hand.
2- Live well: it's the best revenge.
3- Ms. "Pretty Young Thing" is going to get old, and lose her youthful looks. So will your WS (or whatever man she happens to be with). You know they can't trust each other - any relationship built on CHEATING surely won't last - because THEY can't trust each other! Kinda like the peeps on "Jerry Springer" - it's a joke.
Weeping endures for a night, but JOY COMES IN THE MORNING. The morning is coming. When? Only God knows, but it IS coming.
Please hang in there, and know that there are TONS of folks praying for you!
May God bless you both,
Harold

I am sorry for your troubles Maw,

I wish there was sometihing that could be done to make these sorts of things less difficult.

I am doing well, but then again, I was always the one that took care of most of the things other than cooking and I can cook just fine as well. I do have more difficulty getting to work and back to get my children, but this is just what I have to deal with. I wonder what my wife is doing. I know that she is just letting things go in alot of ways. All the things that I used to do she must either do herself, which is VERY doubtful, or she is having to hire them done. I know there have been a couple of things she has had to have done. I don't know how I feel about it. I guess, I just don't feel anything.

I do wonder about the predominate attitude on this board that "THEY WILL GET THEIR'S". It seems that we as BSs often attempt to find solace in the thought that they will have pain eventually. They will see what they are missing. They will see what they could have had. But I don't think that this view is very healthy. I do believe that it is a mechanism with which we get through some parts of our healing. Specifically when we think about their "Good life" while we live in such pain. we are jealous about how we perceive they are just happy and loving life.

I know that eveyone, even not on this board, in my life says that she will be sorry. But you know, the funny thing is that it really doesn't help me. It is almost worse for me, because I recognize that she may very well see what she has done, but too late to have saved our marriage, and it will be worse. Because had she had that capability to LOOK critically at herself early on, none of this may have need happened.

Every single one of the people that have been left by their spouse that I know of has told me that later on, their ex came to them and told them that it was the worst mistake they ever made. Now understand, I am not friends with drunks and abusers. Those cases I fully suspect the ex to be better off. But in the cases of infidelity, everyone has said that they made the "Worst mistake of their lives."

I doubt that my wife will ever get to that point. I really doubt if she could ever bring herself to admit it to herself much less to me, so I doubt that I will ever hear it. But I know that I would be angry if I heard it. Because I always try to do things in a well thought out manner and when I do something I geneerally mean it. Now that doesn't mean I don't make mistakes, however, big decisions are done because I meant them and understood the consequences. I guess that hearing something that stupid as I now see how bad a decision it was might just make me blow.

But I find it concerning that so many people on this board look to the solace that in the future they will feel the pain that we feel now. I just don't think that is healthy in the long run. I don't care enough about my wife to care whether she hurts or not anymore. If she sees what she did, I hope that it makes her a better person for herself and my boys.

Maw, I know that this isn't the point of your post, but I have seen it in several followup posts.

DJ - T-Bird - And Formerly Confused - I am going to address you both at the same time because DJ - says exactly what Formerly Confused is trying to say not to feel - DJ - says what goes around comes around - You know somedays I would like to feel that but you know what - I really don't want anyone - exspouse included to experience the pain and the horror of the situation that I have been dealt and am living with on a daily basis... I mean I loved my husband I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life - but he basically screwed me over and why I don't know.. I mean I will take some blame because I was raising our children or that maybe we were boring - but there was nothing wrong with our sex life, our social life, we basically had everything but the white picket fence... I am having a problem really feeling true anger towards him because I feel sorry for him - he has given up everything and for what - maybe to be able to have no responsibities, to be able to go out and party , to be able to sleep with a bunch of different woman to not have to answer to anyone and really not have to raise his children - Now to me that is sad... I have been to hell and back through the last year and I sometimes think that it is over but I know it isn't - I know as I was crying last night watching Dawson's Creek - that I want to be loved again... Maybe not with my ex but by someone who wants to have a family life and not a single life... I still care about him and he is the father of my children and I do not want them to experience anymore pain or be affected by this for the rest of their lives - so I am actually nice most of the time... But there are times -Formerly Confused that I do want him to come up to me and say I did screw up I made a huge mistake - and maybe ask for my forgiveness - because I don't think that I deserved any of this... My life basically revolved around him and the kids and he didn't think it did at all - so there in lies a huge problem... But I am now trying to find myself - who I am - what I want - and what I am going to become.... And it is scary - and that is why I posted yesterday because I was feeling like everything has been thrown in my lap and he is just saying I didn't abandon my kids - well you know what he abandoned his life - as far as I am concerned and I do hope someday he regrets it - but I don't want him to fall apart and become a huge loser because I do love him and he is the father of my children and they deserve much better than that... I guess I just think he lost his mind... Thank you for all of your responses....

I guess we are in the same boat. got the house & payments that I couldnt make, thank God I sold it within 2 wks of asking price. Moved back home 7 hours in another state. Found a home we could afford. a fixer upper but its ours. X hasnt called son on phone since may 2001 but wants him to think he is a great dad. fought for joint custody but only picked him up on sunday. bought MOW a new car before we were D with our son college CD's. X now saying they were only friends & fell in love after the D & wants ow to be part of son life. X told 13 yr old son why & who he was leaving his family for back in april 2001. X & OW getting M & son wants nothing to do with dad or his whore as son calls her. son was honor roll student now Im seeing 20 to 40 on his tests. so far Ive put in 3 phone lines, line for the icemaker, wall molding in 3 bedrooms. X quit doing things around the house. I did all the work thinking his job was too much for him. moved all our belongings after having carpal tunnel & breast surgrey. Judge would not divide a military retirement after Military said I was entitle to half. X was giving it to me before he left home, but now needs it to keep his younger woman happy. we are now in appeal courts over that one. thats another $2,500 to lawyers. x is now living with OW & her 3 kids which she only has 2 weeks out of the month & childsupport is only $200 month for all 3 kids. x & OW looking at high price houses, but cant pay dr. & Rx. co-payments that is court ordered. It does make your life a little easier not having to look at X & OW & hearing all about their life together. OW will one day see the man I was really M to. she will age like me, X is 12 yrs older than her & looks older than he is. OW M was in trouble for her spending more than she made, X is so cheap he squeaks when he walks.Their day is coming, Ive got my son who tells me he is proud of me for standing up to dad. He still kisses me on the cheek & tells me he loves me. That makes my day. Its not going to be easy, we are living off of my annunity that I had for 22 yrs. I was planning on using it for son college. I know I made the right choice for D. X said MOW wasnt his only A. it hurted but it helps the healing process to start.

M-17 yrs. 9months, 12 days
h-=43 today, w-48
c-=13, 29, 7 grd
d-=may 2002

OW-30
c-3 under 10
d-=july 2002
M-=10 yrs.

My Family - It is definately hard when you see your child hurting.. That is why I got the divorce - I mean I could see what this was doing to them... they deserve better - it always cracked me up that my husband after doing all of this to me - lying, cheating, totally devasting my life - leaving me a complete basket case with his kids and he didn't even think about it for a second - he just thought he was the most and is the most important thing going - and he actually really doesn't think he has done anything wrong to the kids... My husband stopped doing stuff around my house like over a year ago - I have like tons of projects that he never finished - I actually since he has left have painted my bedroom, both bathrooms, tv room and I felt great about the accomplishments - I don't know if part of me was hoping he would want to come home if I made all of these changes or what - but I think I am ok with him being gone now - but I do have my days - and I feel bad for my kids - they are doing ok in school - no ill effects there yet - thank god - but my youngest is angry that she can't kiss her dad to sleep every night only her mom - I believe that the wayward spouses in the end are going to be the ones that loose out because our children are going to know no matter that one of their parents bailed out - that one of us will always be there for them no matter what.... Good Luck....

Small world, MyFamily...I had a lumpectomy and carpal tunnel surgery this year too.

And aren't our children the most wonderful, precious gifts? If I had to live with the Boogeyman himself I still would never leave my child...darned if I can understand it. Since my H left, my son has set us up some very regimented routines...we have pizza night, movie night, homework time, grocery day. Every morning he goes back to bed in my bed for 20 minutes after I get up to get ready for work. Good morning hugs and kisses, after work meeting at the mailbox, good night hugs and kisses. Don't tell me he's not hurting. But I surely see progress...he's quit lying since his father left...says he "doesn't have to". He asked yesterday that I not show his father his report card...and it was a great one. He says it just brings back bad memories.

Of course we all have good and bad days...truth be known, my H never knew one end of the hammer from the other. He never helped at all without moaning and whining and making us all pay for it. And he didn't get on well with children...so his new "Sweet Young Thing" has a 5-year-old with ADD. I think I'll just sit back and watch.

Oh, yes, these foggy, fuzzy spouses are going to be the real losers, and they'll know it some day...Lord help me from splitting his head open when he asks to come home.

I'm praying for all of us. Someone sent me an e-mail today that the Lord is directing our paths, although we do not see the end, He does, and when He puts up road blocks and detours we should not fight them so hard, but instead trust that He will lead us where we need to be.

Meanwhile, if He wants to send me a sign in my sleep of what's the matter with my DVD player, that'll be good too. And I may have to get with you on that icemaker line, MyFamily. There is definitely something FUNKY going on in my icemaker.

Hi,
Your life sounds like the life I have had for 16 years with a man.

OK the new me - we need to get your dvd fixed - isn't there some nice neighbor you could ask or someone at work - there must be someone willing to help.. Actually my girls and I are getting along better since their Dad left - we are much more relaxed in our routine and we also are much more affectionate... Your son will be ok - as long as he has you to guide him in the right direction... My daughter told me that last year I didn't care about her school work and you know what last year I didn't - that was when all of this crap started - but now that he is gone and we are divorced I am back to paying attention.. It is sad how they the children tend to get a little lost in this process and horrible mess caused by the WS but the main objective is that we pick ourselves back up and keep them on the right path.... Ok now for your ice maker - don't you know a nice plumber man???

And Twinkles2002 which husband are you referrering to their are a bunch in this post - though mostly similar in the respect that they are all lost in the fog.... ???

Your XH and my STBXH are twins. He, too, thinks that an hour for dinner every Wednesday and every other weekend from Saturday afternoon to Sunday is an appropriate way to be a father. Like you, I am completely responsible for everything. I get no financial help from my STBXH whatsoever. He whines to his lawyer about "not making any money" yet he works only part-time by choice. OW must be supporting them with her alimony check.

I have no advice to give you other than that your children and mine are better off having minimal contact with their fathers. They do not need to learn selfishness, self-centeredness, and mean-spiritedness by example.

Yes, you are doing it all yourself. But weren't you doing most of it yourself before? Was he really that much help to you? I doubt it. He was too busy being wrapped up in himself and his needs, and now he is blaming you for the breakdown of your marriage because you didn't meet those needs. But you had needs too, and you didn't run to someone else's arms when those needs weren't met.

Hang in there. Do the best you can. Revel in the company of your children. You have so much more than he does.