Peachy -
Well, from the woman who is president of the been there and done that club ----
techinically there is nothing you can do if you both still own the house - he can even break in and it's ok
the solution is to get divorced and get the house and then you can tell Duecy and whomever else you want to stay out or you call the police for tresspassing
** suggestion: changing the locks can help for now and then you tell Duecy that you will meet him outside in the driveway for the exchange - lock the door when you leave the house and get son and his things and then unlock the door when you come back in
I hate to say it, but in our judgment it says transfers are in my driveway and that ex has to call when he's on his way.
My ex has made things the way they are - although he still LOVES to play victim and whine like there is no tomorrow, but it doesn't affect me any longer because he's made his bed and now he has to lie in it.
The bottom line is that talking to him will not help. The only that will help is drawing a boundary and then sticking to it.
Yes, it sucks for the kids, but they already know that mommy and daddy are angry at each other and that things are not right. The important thing is to tell them that although things are different right now, that one day things will be better.
The problem is is that these men have not learned self control, and unless they do, they will wait for others to control them and set boundaries.
And as far as the wanting to have sex, I know where you are coming from, but remember that you need to heal and it's like playing with fire if you jump in before you are ready. It might make you committed to a guy too soo in that first 6 months or so of the infatuation stage and then when reality sets in you could find out that he's really not right for you, but you're already attached because you're having sex or you may be unable to see it and then you get married and something like this happens again.
Boy did that just sound depressing.......sorry.
I just want you to know that I am 7 months past divorce and although Ex has been gone since last Aug. I was still in Plan A until this past Jan. and I have been in therapy for those 7 months and am only now really detaching from ex. It is alot to work through and I want to be somewhat healed emotionally and know the real meso that whomever I date will be able to have a relationship with a together person who can meet their needs and not just have them be meeting mine because I am so needy trying to recover from all of this.
I think the divorce books all say to wait at least 6 months to a year before embarking on a relationship and I think that is sound advice.
I know it seems like forever, and we're not getting any younger, but I definitely see the wisdom in it.
Just still take things day by day, talk to some other divorced people and see what they've done.
I didn't want to rain on your parade - really! We've been rained on enough. I just want to make sure that you are not more vunerable than you realize because after you divorce it will hit you all over again. Isn't that special.......
And just remember, however, stbx acts now with your son regarding pick ups and drop offs etc. it will be the same if not worse after the divorce, so make sure you get whatever is best for son in writing.
Again, speaking from experience here.
These guys just don't have a clue.
Hope you are feeling better. It is hard being sick and single. I've decreed it.
Wish I had more advice about controlling WSs but the only thing that I've found to work is a court order - how sad.
K
