Jack,

I served my H last week. Yes it should have been done along time ago...but in my situation there was no real proof of an affair but everything had pointed to it. The think that hurts the most is that I was a fool too long......and he lied and betrayed my trust too many times.....

I hope you are ok tonight....
Christine

I am moving on......with my life....

Jack
I've read all of your posts over the last day or so....most everyone here relates to what you're going through, so I know you realize you're not alone. One thing is sure, there is no "set" timetable for any of this.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> ...a lot of people, not only in this thread, are sitting around and hoping for a reconciliation after 1, 2 plus years? all along the WS is living and sleeping with someone else? .....and getting your support? i don't get it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There are numerous reasons this happens but for the most part it is because we want to make sure that we have done EVERYTHING we could have to save our marriage, and not have regrets if it ends. During this time we can improve ourselves, help our children, and take care of business.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i want my life back like it was 2 weeks ago but this happened. my initial instinct was to end the whole relationship. zero tolerance for that crap</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your life will never be like it was 2 weeks ago, I'm sorry. It will either be better, or it will not exist as it was at all.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">are you folks saying that i just found a home and i'll be here for 1 or 2 years waiting for WW to come home? wow! i don't think that's part of my character. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Neither did a lot of others, myself included. But it's funny how God gives you strength to go through what you need to. Support from this board, family, and friends help too.

The very fact that your wife is talking possible reconciliation is more than many people get. You need to remain clear-headed during this and so I echo what others said: "No drinking" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You may even want to consider seeing a doctor for anti-depressants which would help you sleep. You mentioned that was a problem you're having, and it will offset that panic mode that I sense you may be feeling.

Oh, and in reply to one of your other threads, why not make joint marriage counseling one of your stipulations for her coming home? Surely she can see the wisdom in that

Good luck, you can and will get through this. Just stay focused!

<small>[ December 18, 2002, 03:47 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Jack-

I just wanted to second what others have said with regards to taking care of yourself. It took me awhile to figure it out, but you really have to WORK at eating right, sleeping, seeking counseling, getting exercise, etc. in the beginning. I could totally relate to your dismay at the length of time involved in R, as I was EXACTLY the same way when I found out. When we went to counseling I discovered that it's very common for us guys to have a "fix it or kill it" attitude, especially with a WW. Good luck with all this and take care of yourself!

i want my life back like it was 2 weeks ago
I want to win the lottery 2 weeks ago but I didn't. Any advice? (something to think about)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jack55:
<strong>not trying to be disrespectful, but a lot of people, not only in this thread, are sitting around and hoping for a reconciliation after 1, 2 plus years? all along the WS is living and sleeping with someone else? .....and getting your support? i don't get it.

i want my life back like it was 2 weeks ago but this happened. my initial instinct was to end the whole relationship. zero tolerance for that crap. but now i'm thinking a second chance, right? are you folks saying that i just found a home and i'll be here for 1 or 2 years waiting for WW to come home? is this typical?

wow! i don't think that's part of my character.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is this typical? Well, no, not exactly. This site is a bit unusual in that the people here tend to be rather more committed to marriage than is the norm.

What is typical is for the walkaway spouse to (eventually) regret having walked away, only to find that it is too late to go back, since the betrayed spouse has already gotten involved with someone else.

What is typical is for the betrayed spouse to feel (in retrospect) that (s)he should have waited longer before getting involved in a new relationship.

In other words, there tends to be plenty of pain and regret to go around.

As for "sitting around and hoping for a reconciliation", well, who says we're "sitting around" while we're hoping?

As for the whole business about losing half your assets and supporting the WS while (s)he flaunts his/her betrayal, well, the old aphorism that "life's not fair" comes to mind. Of course, that doesn't really capture the depth of the injustice. The "marriage contract" is the only contract I know of in which the legal system rewards the party who broke the contract at the expense of the party who was betrayed. The extent of the resulting emotional and financial damage is such that the vast majority of criminal acts pale in comparison. In my opinion, it's legally sanctioned rape. No, more than that: the legal system is actually an accessory to the rape.