Hi all. Still here. this is about my 2nd week on new job. Its going okay. I can do the work fine but I am alone in a back office & feel very isolated and alone. THis is multiplied because I am alone at home & the friends I rely on do not celebrate christmas and are mostly out of town for a long time. I can go all day without talking to one person except to say "hi" and "bye". Then I go home tired & again dont see one person to talk to. Everyone seems to have their own agenda & I feel very rejected & shut out of life. I spent christmas at home alone, though I had asked H to come by & he spent some time at home - we watched TV & I made something to eat. I avoid all discussion of OW but sadly, I know he is still lying. But for a while it felt like old times & I felt such comfort, even just sitting there quietly, but with him beside me. I wish, I wish, I wish. . . .

But I have been asking God in my own way for almost 2 yrs now to reconsile and save this marriage . . . to no avail. Yes, H did come back last January & dismiss D, but this whole year he has been very involved with OW. He denies it vehemently, but I caught him myself a few times - her in his apt last Jan, him parked at her place overnight so m any times, his cell phone bill (which he doesnt know I saw). ANd lastly, contact with OW's ex husband. He ontacted me last yr, and I heard back from him after he saw our names for Divorce in paper. He told me he thought we were divorced long ago, because of the amount of time my H and his ex-W (OW) spend together. Taking his son with them to the park etc, and she took their son to my husbands place to take medicine over when my H was sick! Her ex-H says from things the toddler has said, OW and my H have spent many nights at each others place, even when OW had her kid over (joint custody with her ex). They go off on getaways etc & my H buys them presents. OW took the medicine over just about 3 weeks ago!! H REFUSES TO TELL ME WHERE HE LIVES, STILL!! I told him if he werent doing wrong, hed have nothing to hide (back on October).

I'd still take him back if I thought he would be truthful and honest with me. But I must protect myself from another year of pain. I dont think he'll ever choose ME, his WIFE over that @#@** OW. He adamently denied anything to do with her but the affair is going on 2 years now. He has OW in his life to talk to, go to movies & restaurants with, to take her & child to park & act like their own little family, and worst of all to be having sex with !@##$*. I am SO down. I give up. I have no interest in a date, and I never meet anyone anyway. No one cares about anything I have to say, I always seem to get cut off when making even polite conversation.

The papers are in the works. 60 days will be up the end of January, on my birthday to be exact!! Its not what I want, but I dont want another yr of lies and deception/infidelity either. Say prayers for me and all this!! I am so lost & so hurt & have lost all hope that H would ever turn around & be faithful & true with me ever again.

Please pray for me and my H. I am starting to give up and am very tired of everything that has been going on. I hurt so much all the time and it hurts to be with him. He says he wants to come back home this spring but won't say when he will give up OW. It seems like he is spending more and more time with her. He spends just about every night-overnight-with her and I may get a few hrs a week. He says he loves me but he keeps hurting me. I don't know how long I can keep going. I'm afraid I will ruin everything by my attitude but sometimes I just don't care. Thanks. DBD

The topic of INTEGRITY inspired me to ask for your prayers.

My STBXH is a drug addict and an alcoholic. He's a true Dr. Jekkyl and Mr. Hyde personality. In the past three years his life has fallen apart. He used drugs and had sex at work with much younger employees (who no longer work for us since he left and I took over), he stopped going to work, he's alienated from his family, he and OW have been evicted from all 5 places they've lived in the last two years. In his eyes, I've "stolen" our home and business from him.

I haven't seen STBXH in about 9 months, haven't heard his voice in about 6 since I changed phone numbers and e-mail to stop the verbal abuse. It's not really "plan B," I did that about 3 months after he left and he moved back home only to kick me and the kids out a month later and move OW in.

After that, I filed for D and got a 3 yr. restraining order to keep him away from our home and business. H repeatedly violated the restraining order. The police weren't very interested until he kicked the door in, in front of a witness, ripped the bedroom door off its hinges, kicked in the closet door, threw bottles and plants around the bathroom, and dragged me naked out of the shower, snatching the phone from my hand as I tried to call 911, and smashed it on the floor.

Finally they pressed charges but it's dragged out in court because he often fails to show up. The DA offered him a deal even his lawyer thought was good (according to the DA) to drop all charges except one of three charges of violating a restraining order. I thought he was getting off easy and assumed he'd go along with the plea bargain.

He didn't. He's taking it to trial. The date is set for March 11. That means I'll get subpoenaed and have to testify in court against him. I'm really dreading this. I can't imagine what he's scheming since he did everything he's charged with. He's a manipulative liar and I know he thinks he can get away with anything - he's bragged in the past about how he believes he can get out of anything as long as he spends enough money on a lawyer.

I go to lots of Al-Anon meetings, I'm running our business alone, and working on getting the necessary info together for the business appraisal to determine how much it will cost me to buy him out of our business. STBXH has been living with OW for 2 years, not working, I'm supporting them because I've got our home and business and I don't want any trouble from him.

I'm trying to have faith that I'm where God wants me to be and that whatever happens will be right for me. But, I'm dreading the confrontation in court and the divorce.

I hope this is comfort to a few hurting souls.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
WHO ARE YOU LISTENING TO?

Early Sunday I picked up the television remote control to select a Christian program. Through Sky Angel there are 16 Christian television
stations and 16 Christian radio programs available to us 24 hours a day. As I ran through the channels, the Lord reminded me of how many people are talking to standers, almost 24 hours a day. Foremost is the teaching you receive at your local church. Then comes television and radio, as well as a wide variety of online ministries. The mailman arrives and you hear from other sources. In between are
personal phone calls, as well as advice from well-intended family and friends.

Who are you listening to? Charlyne and I cannot answer that, but we are certain who you should be listening to; your Heavenly Father. Your
Creator knows what is best for you. He has the answer to your every concern. He can speak through His Word, the Bible, revelation, or
any of so many other ways.

This week, with a holiday right in the middle, may you pledge to only listen to the Lord, weighing everything said to you against the Bible. The hurting words will be cast aside, as you study and meditate on God's answers, and not man's. Even the hurting words of your prodigal
can be replaced in your heart by God's Word:

The prodigal said:
"I never loved you."
The Lord said:
"I have loved you with an everlasting love.." (Jeremiah 31:3)

The prodigal said:
"You never satisfied me."
The Lord said:
"You open your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing."
(Psalm 145:16)

The prodigal said:
"I am never coming back."
The Lord said:
"He who goes out weeping carrying seed to sow, will return with
songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." (Psalm 126:6)

The prodigal said:
"Stop praying for me!"
The Lord said:
"Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."
(Luke 6:28)

The prodigal said:
"I hate you."
"Everyone who does evil hates the light for fear that his deeds
will be exposed." (John 3:20)

The prodigal said:
"You act so holy."
The Lord said:
"For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life."
(I Thessalonians 4:7)

The prodigal said:
"You are a hypocrite,"
The Lord said:
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged." (Matthew 7:1)

The prodigal said:
"I don't know what to do"
The Lord said:
"Come, follow me," Jesus said, and I will make you fishers of
men." (Mark 1:17)

The words above were originally written at 6 AM on a Monday morning. Charlyne discovered them on her vanity as a good morning greeting. How
do I know all those things wayward spouses say? Sadly, they have each been uttered in our home. Today, as you prepare to face another week
without your spouse serving the Lord, look through eyes of faith at the Monday morning note your mate will leave you in God's timing.

Listening to the Lord,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

lupolady, thanks for the inspirational and comforting words.

Hi to All
This post is one of my favorites ones to continue to read....lots of inspiring thoughts, words from all. I appreciate it verry much. Please add my family to your prayer list cajunky....My sons, 3 wonderful boys ages...15, 11 (as of Christmas Day) and 3.....I will share their real names with you...Craig (15) Benjamin (11) and Trey (3)......my stbx (for his soul) how I grieve this more than anything when it comes to him.....he just doesnt understand....no spiritual base in his life at all....doesnt believe in God..and for myself....that 2003 will be much better for me and the boys..that we will get our current home sold, get relocated into something more affordable and that we will have our health....also for my parents....My Mom is recupperating from lung surgery and my Dad well..he is just getting up there in years...actually he is in pretty good shape....I wish everyone on this board peace in 2003.....true peace...in your hearts and soul....I am smiling really big just looking forward to a new year and new beginning.....

<small>[ December 31, 2002, 08:14 PM: Message edited by: faith4us ]</small>

I was very encouraged by Charlenes email yesterday, hope you are too! God Bless, Monika
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SHOUT FOR VICTORY!

Scripture to Read: Joshua, Chapter 6

"On the seventh day, they got up at daybreak and marched around
the city seven times in the same manner, except that on that day
they circled the city seven times. The seventh time around, when
the priests sounded the trumpet blast, Joshua commanded the people,
"Shout! For the Lord has given you the city!...When the trumpets
sounded, the people shouted, and at the sound of the trumpet, when
the people gave a loud shout, the wall collapsed; so every man
charged straight in, and they took the city." Joshua 6:15-16,20

While I was taking notes on Sunday evening in our church service,
I wished you were with me. It was a service for standers to "Shout
for your victory" regardless of your circumstances or obstacles you
are facing. The music was fantastic and lyrics in one song said, "I
know that I can stand, My life is in Your hand, I know I can make it."
I wept and prayed for you as a stander and all the prodigals who are
still so blinded and deceived by the enemy.

As I did my devotions on Monday morning, my devotion was titled "Born
to Victory" and Tuesday was "Don't Speak--Shout Your Victory!"
Needless to say, I have been shouting and praising the Lord for Him
giving me a message for you on the last day of this year.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have
overcome the world!" John 16:33

I pray this New Year's Eve you will believe in your victory against
the enemy who is trying to kill, steal and destroy your marriage
forever. May you and I never forget that there is always, "Victory
in Jesus."

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him
who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life,
neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future,
nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in
all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God
that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those
who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28

Most of you would say you have circumstances of impossibilities. The
enemy has put all these circumstances between you and the promises of
God. You need to know the Word of God well enough that you do not
see the enormous obstacles blocking your victory of marriage
restoration, but believe, have faith, knowing your Lord God has a plan
for your victory!

That is what happened to Joshua. They had crossed the Jordan River
and they thought their trials and tribulations were over. For Joshua
and the Israelites, the possession of the promised land was expected
and maintained by faith in God, obedience to His Word and in warfare
against God's enemies. Joshua had a choice to make as we have a choice
to make each day. Believe in his mighty God, or believe they were
never going to live in the Promised Land.

Since we live with the New Covenant, we need to fight in spiritual
warfare against sin, the sinful nature and satan. Jesus paid the
price for each of us by shedding His blood on the cross and defeating
satan. He left us with the Holy Spirit to guide and direct our every
step, if we will only seek and obey Him.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be
terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be
with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Are you facing a huge obstacle? Surrender everything to your Lord God
including your future, move out of the way, so your Lord God can take
over your life. Your marriage being restored is for God to get the
glory--not for you to say what you have done. God wants us to give
Him the praise and have everyone know the your Lord and Savior did a
miracle in your life and marriage. Ask the Lord for direction. Get
a "rhema word" from God so you know for certain His plan and purpose
for you just as Noah knew what God wanted Him to do. Then you need
to walk in faith, walk in assurance, walk in His presence, walk in
His protection, walk in His strength, walk in victory! Do not walk
in defeat or failure.

"Be strong and very courageous...Do not let this Book of the Law
depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you
may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be
prosperous and successful." Joshua 1:7-8

Be in the Word daily this new year. Believe in the Word. Have faith
in your mighty awesome God. Press forward, don't stand still. Don't
give up. Do it God's way, even if it is hard to do, even if it seems
like it is taking forever, or even if you look foolish to everyone
else. Be obedient like Joshua was to God's commands. Think about
what everyone was thinking about Joshua and the Israelites. Joshua
was obedient to God's commands, so that on the seventh day after
going around silently seven times, the people shouted and the Jericho
wall fell down supernaturally!

May you start shouting for each victory that is being done in your
life right now! Get excited now about what the Lord can do in your
life, in your marriage and in your loved ones lives this new year.

"But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our
Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm.
Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work
of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not
in vain." I Corinthians 15:57-58

God bless,
Charlyne Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries
PO Box 10548
Pompano Beach, FL 33061
http://rejoiceminstries.org

Here's a prayer from the book "Miracle Moments" by Linda Schubert

[QUOTE]

Lord Jesus, we come to You in humble trust. Thank You for pouring Your love and healing into our damaged relationships. Thank you for enabling us to reconize our weaknesses and repent of sinfull behavior. Thank You for releasing Your anointing of repentance, forgiveness and reconciliation. We take authority over any evil influences, everything destructive in these relationships, and command them to be gone. Holy Spirit, thank You for filling those areas with a fresh experience of Your presence. Thank You for encircling all of our relationships and drawing them into Your active care. Thank You for untangling our mess! Thank You for being our peace that destroys the barrier and brings down the dividing walls (Eph 2:14) Thank You for giving us wisdom and understanding. Thank You for enabling us to see from Your point of view and through Your eyes of love. Thank You for being our bridge of understanding so we can connect with each other again. Thank You for enabling us to see that only in You can true peace be established. Only in You can a foundation of trust be established. Holy Spirit, thank You for enabling us to speak to each other in healing ways. Thank You for the spirit of unity. Thank You for the grace to let go and forget. Thank You for doing what we are not able to do, so that our Father will be glorified in this situation. In these circumstances, we are growing in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. Thank You for releasing an anointing of healing relationships."

God Bless,

D.

<small>[ January 01, 2003, 07:31 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

Still.....I was so encouraged by that e-mail when I got it. Thanks for posting it. I have another huge smile on my face because I know God is going to restore my marriage.

Hey Caj, Praise the Lord, I believe it too! Would you do me a favor and email me your name and your wifes name, I feel that I need to put you on my daily prayer list more and really would like your names as well as your kids, email me at monikawithak@hotmail.com
I just wanted to share my Christmas this year.
If you read the favorite memory of my past Christmas on the other thread you will understand!
this Christmas was really cool! God is so good. I decorated my house like I stated in my Christmas letter, with the 'floating bulbs' looks great. But I still didn't have a tree, I was planning on going out west to cut one down, but ran out of time. So I put a two foot plastic one up, and thought o well, it'll have to do. I didn't decorate it, as I couldn't be bothered that night, to dig out all my Christmas stuff, and thought I'd leave it until Christmas Eve. So the 24th, I went to pick up some groceries and noticed that they had trees on for only $10.00, I thought about it, then decided against it, because I really want spruce, and they were pine. So I drove home. But my heavenly Father knew exactly what I wanted, what did I see lying in the ditch on the road home? 3 spruce trees! and then later another one! I got out of the truck checked them out, took two home and laughed all the way! They must have fallen off of a truck , and I wanted to check them out better so I took the two with me. I asked the Lord who needs this second one, a fellow who lives above my business and his son came to mind! So I cut them down, (they were about 8' to 9' high!)
and brought one in the house and delivered the other to Ted's. Wow that was cool!
My father always brought the tree home on Christmas Eve, and my Heavenly Father did the same for me this year! Awesome eh?
I also received pj's this year, something that I always got when I was little, and haven't received pj's for at least 25 years! So I truly did have a Christmas much like the treasured ones of the past!
I pray for this year, that all posters here will have miracles in your lives. That the prodigals will return to the Lord first, and then to their spouses! That doubt will have no place in our homes regardless of the circumstances! That we will learn to trust and rely more and more on our heavenly Father for all things, and that we will be able to leave our troubles and WS's with Him who can do all things! That our relationship with Jesus will become the most important thing in our lives and that we will be totally blessed with His awesome presence each day of our lives.
God Bless you all, and Happy New Year, this is going to be a year of the prodigals returning!
Love in Christ! SW