Hi all,

I hate it when I can't work out problems by myself. Anyway, here's one of those times.

Last night a ghost from the past calls me. It's a guy that I dated very seriously in high school. He bumped into my sister and asked about me, then called my parents and my dad (not thinking <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) gave him my number.

Last night I was stunned to hear from him. He mainly talked. He asked me when I would be coming to visit my parents and I told him probably not until summer and then I won't stay long. He asked me if he came to Houston could he see me. Still stunned and not knowing what to say I said, "I really don't know, I don't even know you any more."

Anyway, I have a major problem here, because tonight he's called four times in two hours, and I haven't picked up the phone once. The answering machine is picking up and he's not leaving a message. I am so turned off by someone who is so pushy. I also started thinking about those many years ago...He dumped me for my best friend...then when it didn't work out with my friend, he tried to get me back and I was totally turned off...There's some more to the story but that pretty much sums up what he was like back then.

Maybe he's different now, maybe not, but bottom line is, I don't want to have anything to do with him, yet I am too chicken to tell him...

Anyone got some suggestions...

I called my sister and she was no help...she just made a joke and said I could tell him that I suddenly got married, in Vegas, with Elvis doing the ceremony through a drive through....of course we laughed but now it's back to serious...what do I say? I don't want to hurt his feelings but sheesh....

ANNA

Anna,

I'm not too experienced in these things, but I believe in honesty and getting to the point. Soooo...how about, "It has been unexpected to hear from you, and at this time I am not available for either a relationship or a friendship. If you choose to come to Houston, I am not in a position to see you. Please respect my wishes and stop calling me."

See...just because you dated him in HIGH SCHOOL (what was that...last year, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) doesn't mean you owe him an explanation or anything! If you say NO, you mean NO and you don't need to tell him why...you just said NO! Period. You are not available for a friendship or a relationship--you don't need to tell him WHY you aren't available. If he comes to Houston, you are not in a position to see him.. You don't need to explain that any further...you're an ADULT and you do not want to see him.

Now, I realize that you might be concerned about "hurting his feelings" and all that, but being wishy/washy and saying, "I don't know...maybe..." is going to hurt him a lot worse than just telling him no in the first place and getting on with your life. And then...if he starts to call all the time or stalk you, you can take legal recourse if you have to. I bet it won't come to that, though. I bet you just need to say, "I am not interested at this time. Thanks! Bye!"

CJ

I totally agree with CJ. If you feel you must say something to spare his feelings, you could try something like, "I'm ready to go forward with my life and I just feel that getting together with someone from high school would be going backwards." Whatever you decide, be firm!

Thanks CJ and FS,

I just did it. I told him I'm moving on with my life and I am not interested in seeing anyone from my past.

He told me that we don't have to see each other right now, he just wants us to start a friendship. I told him that I am just not interested in starting friendships with old boyfriends either.

Thanks so much for your help. I knew what I had to do, I was just procrastinating and you guys helped with advice of standing firm and being straight forward.

BTW, he called 8 times before I finally picked the phone up.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

So now here's something funny that I can look back at now and laugh...

After he broke my heart by dumping me for my best friend, he then tried to get me back, I told him "thanks but no thanks" then he started dating another girl, while still trying to get me back.

She calls me one day and says she is going to find me and beat me up because he says that I am chasing him....I told her I'm not the one chasing. She didn't believe me and I didn't want to fight, so I told her, "Okay, I'll prove it. I'll pick you up. We can go to his house. You stay in the car and watch through his picture window, I'll have him kiss me right in front of the window." We did just that, and sure enough, I got him to kiss me in the front window. I told him I had a surprise for him in the car and brought her back with me....I thought he was going to hit me when he saw her...They broke up and I chewed him out and told him I didn't want him either...

I thought he hated me...hehe...I think he got what he deserved then.

Anyway, his call sure brought back old memories... good and bad.

C'ya'll and thanks again.

ANNA

Anna,

Just be honest that your not ready to date anyone yet, and that you wouldn't feel comfortable right now having him or anyone coming to visit you at this time..maybe by summer when you go to visit your family you will see things differently..and then you could maybe meet him for lunch or coffee or something..

and who knows you may gain a great friend...I'd hope that after a few years past high school he's matured some..

Why close the door completely on something that could be a great friendship?

Oh well...guess we were posting at the same time..

TR,

How are you my friend? How's your special man doing?

Regarding what you said, I know where you are coming from, but that wouldn't be totally honest. Its a door I decided I want to keep closed. I don't want him having any hope. FS is right, I don't want to go backwards, just forwards.

ANNA

Doing good...and he is too... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I guess I don't see it as going backwards--

I went to lunch with an old boyfriend when I was seperated..he'd e-mailed me and said he was going to be in town..he also dated one of my friends in h/s and then came back and asked me out again..

I knew I'd changed in the years I've been out of high school and assumed he had also..and he has..
although, he's still not the brightest light buld in the box..intellectually, but then things were always pretty much handed to him..so that he didn't have to think for himself..(or even considered using the brain God gave him to actually think with) but, I know that was changing
he was getting ready to retire from the Navy, and wasn't sure what he wanted to do with his life now..

He got through high school as a jock..here's the ball run..in the Navy it was pretty much the same..this is your job do it..and never really tried to grow..and his parents pretty much gave him what ever he wanted...so now for the first time in his life...he's having to think about what NOW??

I wasn't able to give him any answers..but I was able to give him lots of things to think about..
things he's never thought about before..and wasn't sure where begin looking for answers..

And you know what...it showed me just how MUCH I've grown over the years..

I also had a guy friend come into town that I'd never dated...but we've been really good friends over the years..he brought his three kids on vacation here...so we spent the week he was in town doing fun things...with our kids..it was nice seeing him and catching up...but he still wasn't someone I'd want to date..it was just fun..

like I said, I don't look at it as going backwards
more like..a view into the past and reminder of how far I've come <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />