AD this AHA. It is good to hear from you. I have been trying to contact you for a while.

I agree with your analogy of Zen's situation.

I think Zen is going to do the right thing.

Stay in touch old Pal.

AHA

It's called a transitional relationship. Generally, it takes about 1 to 2 years to "get over" a serious relationship. If you're both looking for that rebound, you can have a happy one... otherwise, at some point one of you will want to leave and move on.

Right after a long term relationship, you tend to define what you want based on what your long term one lacked. SO was dumb as a brick? You want some witty and intelligent. SO was high maintenance? You want someone low maintenance. SO cheated on you? You want someone faithful and perhaps even jealous. SO was sexually tepid? You want a dynamo.

What YOU look for in a SO right after may not be what you are wanting long term. The infamous rebound relationships. Be careful so you don't get hurt. I wonder about how I'm going to fare all the time... and like to think I'm dealing with things so that when I do find someone worth having a relationship with, I'm not so burdened with emotional issues and baggage, that I can honestly and truly love her.

Cheers and good luck.

OK, I'm going to do something really dumb here and play devil's advocate. (Shoot me, everybody - I know it's coming. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

I have stated before and I say it again...
most people will not leave bad marriages until there is something else better to go to. And I don't mean "bad" as in dangerous, life-threatening, emotionally or physically abusive. I mean "bad" as in uncomfortable, loveless, unsatisfying. This very well may be the situation that Zen's friend is in - where she was contemplating leaving her H, was unhappy much of the time, but was basically comfortable enough that she saw no reason to change things. Now along comes Zen, someone who looks a lot better than H, and she decides it is time to leave, that there is a reason to get out of her M.

I'm certainly not saying that what she's doing is right, getting involved with someone else before she has put an end to her M. But it happens to be reality and the way most marital breakups work. So I think Zen would be foolish to ignore that fact and to automatically put his friend in the category of our own WS's.

Though come to think of it... how many of us can be absolutely sure that our WS's are really in the Fog? Maybe we BS's are the ones in the Fog and refusing to face up to the fact that we did have bad M's. Maybe our WS's were just looking for that excuse to leave... Hmmm, something to ponder at another time....

Anyway, Zen, back to you - I do have to agree with the other MB posters on one point. That is, you should agree to NOT see this friend until she has moved out of her home and filed Dv papers. Until that point, you are the OM.

Where the heck have you been Zen??? Was your mac giving you troubles again??? LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Yup... it was I who was asking about you, only it was a few MONTHS ago, as opposed to weeks ago.

Do you know what I'm going to suggest you do? Do ya??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I'll just keep it short and sweet: stick to the MB principles and guidelines, and wait until all D's are final before moving an inch. If the relationship is that "worth it" as you both claim it to be, then you will both gladly wait for it to progress. Okay... so that wasn't so short, was it? LOL.

Karen

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We talked about this very issue today, and I can honestly tell you that this is not the case. (More on that later.) People, i know the fog when I see it. She is not saying these things under its spell. You just have to trust me on this! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know fog, so you have been in fog?

Hmmm, if you have been in fog once, did you know it was fog during it or after it? Once you knew it was fog, did you buy or drink a fogcutter to get yourself out?

Why do we have to trust you? We don't even know you, so why to we have to trust you?

I don't think i can trust you, and i think AGG has the right answer. . .

wiftty