Let's see. Who can I find?

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<small>[ March 21, 2003, 08:54 PM: Message edited by: cinderella ]</small>

hey cinderella,

that guy did look and types pretty nicely, have you IM'd him?

geez. . . its like fishing, you have to have your line in the water to catch something. . .

wiftty

OH MAN!!

Now I get it!!! (Where's that lightbulb emoticon??)

I've been fishing with no bait....
Lost my bait...
No--I cut my bait loose!
Don't have a hook or a weight either!
Or fishing line...
Or a pole....
NO BOAT!!!

You mean the fish do not jump into your lap if you're sitting on the couch?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

(snicker)

CJ

$25/month for the privilege of sending some guy an email? I'll pass. I'll use the money to pay my long distance service so I can call the diplomat.

CJ--I have a song for us:
You get a line, I'll get a pole, honey
You get a line, I'll get a pole, babe
You get a line, I'll get a pole
We'll go down to the crawdad hole
Honey, Baby, Mine!

Hey! Don't give up on Internet Personals - despite all the horror stories, I met my wife online the year after I divorced. Miracles do happen and my wife is one super sweet Christian lady!! Princess, there IS hope for you - just wait on the Lord - He will give you that PRINCE in due time...
Harold T (the lowly Court Jester who's too dumb to remember a stoopit password heheheee)

Anna: Reading your post and those of the lovely Cinderella I got to thinking about what we who are now ready to move on with our lives, meet new people and try to find a little romance and happiness again, expect when it comes to a member of the opposite sex. I wonder what shapes the criteria we have in judging people? Is it the same criteria we had when we were in our teens and twenties? Is the things we seek in another person now the exact opposite of our ex husbands or wives?

You are looking for a Christian, Cinderella is looking for a Prince Charming with deep pockets. I started dating again about 6 months ago and I had very definite ideas about what kind of women I wanted to go out with. And you know what? Much to my surprise I realized that you just can't have a "checklist" because you end up cutting yourself off from people who, although they may not be Christian, or Princely, or rich or, in my case, much younger, they just might have some kind of magic spark which attracts you. Some of the best dates I've had since my divorce where with women who didn't meet any of my so-called "criteria"

In other words there are a lot of great guys out there who may not attend church every Sunday, or don't ride a white horse and carry a glass slipper in their pocket, but they just might have the capacity to charm you, make you laugh, and most important- make you feel good about yourself.

Danny

<small>[ March 22, 2003, 07:22 AM: Message edited by: Danny115 ]</small>

Danny, I agree with you. I would not necessariyl turn down a chance to go out with a man who did not meet my 'criteria' - the Diplomat being a prime example. Bachelor #1 being an example. And Officer Swindell being another example.

(Now the latter can forget it - looks way too young. But I would never want to hurt his feelings.)

Someone recently asked me what I would be looking for in the ideal man. Having been put on the spot, I didn't answer - just said I didn't know if I could define it. The response from the other person was, if you can't define it, he could be right beside you and you wouldn't know it.

This person happened to be male. Don't remember how we got to the topic - he said he had never married because he was looking for a princess. You can not imagine how embarassed I was and how hilariously I laughed.

And to think, we got all the way to this discussion just because I relayed the story about my friend being interrogated about me by someone I wouldn't be interested in.

Danny, I agree with you. I would not necessariyl turn down a chance to go out with a man who did not meet my 'criteria' - the Diplomat being a prime example but I wouldn't take anything for him. Bachelor #1 being an example. And Officer Swindell being another example.

(Now the latter can forget it - but I would never want to hurt his feelings.)

Someone recently asked me what I would be looking for in the ideal man. Having been put on the spot, I didn't answer - just said I didn't know if I could define it. The response from the other person was, if you can't define it, he could be right beside you and you wouldn't know it.

This person happened to be male. Don't remember how we got to the topic - he said he had never married because he was looking for a princess. You can not imagine how embarassed I was and how hilariously I laughed.

And to think, we got all the way to this discussion just because I relayed the story about my friend being interrogated about me by someone I wouldn't be interested in.

<small>[ March 22, 2003, 11:17 AM: Message edited by: cinderella ]</small>

Cinderella,

I find it interesting that you came across as so fussy in this thread- but when you were put on the spot by a real person, face to face, you hesitated. I have a therory as to why, and please, correct me if I'm wrong here.

When we communicate on the internet we tend to express the feelings of the moment and perhaps that is not how we really feel most of the time. We don't care because venting makes us feel better and hell, what have we got to lose? What's the worst that can happen? You get flamed by a faceless person who you don't really know anyway. But in real life we tend to think before we speak because a snide comment or withering look from someone standing right in front of us is much harder to take than any flame.

So I think that the Cinderella we see here might just be a little fussier and maybe a bit more insensitive than the real girl who, like all of us, is just trying to survive and be happy in this mean 'ol world. Venting is healthy, and it's one of the things I like most about these discussion groups. But I don't think anyone should believe what we write here is a true representation of who we really are as people. Just a therory, and if I'm right, I take back what I said about your fussy attitude blinding you to the fact that your prince might be closer than you think. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ March 22, 2003, 12:29 PM: Message edited by: Danny115 ]</small>

Ohmyword!!!! I found out how old Officer Swindell is!!! He's 20!!!!20!!!!

And he's an Alice Cooper fan.

And he hates summer because his uniform is so hot.

Ohmyword!!!! I found out how old Officer Swindell is!!! He's 20!!!!20!!!!

And he's an Alice Cooper fan.

And he hates summer because his uniform is so hot.

And I knwo why the perfect Prince hasn't come. The right man hasn't come because: he doesn't exist! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Actually, he hasn't come because I am not ready. I have so many things about myself to work on that I can't handle the close-at-hand diversion that the Prince would bring. When I am ready, he will arrive.

Meanwhile, I sure miss the diplomat. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cinderella:
<strong>Rollling on the Sidewalk Laughing my @@@ off!!! In the afternoon, walking around and through our building, we often meet up with the security guard for the afternoon shift. A short, chubby guy - at least 10-15 years younger than me. In a security guard uniform. With his big batton.?????????????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

He's harmless enough, I think. But I'd much rather have a man in a well-tailored suit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So, how do you tell your office building's security guard you wouldn't go out with him.

Am I gonna have to change my break habits? Or just not wander around the building alone.

I have a feeling that a lot of security related people are in the field as a form of self-medicating for self-image issues. Or they are legends in their own minds. It's a power trip, I think.

I just want to get along with people. And to not date baby boys built like ping-pong balls.

I have dated the employed, the unemployed, and the fully employed. Men who could afford me - and men who couldn't
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Holy @&$% !!!

Do you mean to come off like a giant snob, or was that just accidental?

Yeah, it sounds like this kid takes himself a bit too seriously, referring to himself as "Officer Swindell" and carrying a baton around.

But why does it make him some kind of creep who you'll have to avoid now?

I think that "Officer Swindell" should maybe re-examine his taste in women. Since he makes $7.50/hr, he obviously can't afford to date a prize such as yourself.

By the way, not all people who work in the security field are on power trips. When I used to work jobs like that myself, I was doing it to try to make a living for my family. I was doing the best I could at that time under difficult circumstances.

I wonder if I'd been working in Nashville, if you'd have snickered at me as I walked by in my non-tailored polyester uniform.

Finally, when you talk about men being able to afford you. You sound like a hooker.

Ok, Slappy, thou hast been disrespectful. Hast thou spoken this unkindly to Lady Pam this day?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Slapnuts:
<strong>Holy @&$% !!!

Do you mean to come off like a giant snob, or was that just accidental?

Yeah, it sounds like this kid takes himself a bit too seriously, referring to himself as "Officer Swindell" and carrying a baton around.

But why does it make him some kind of creep who you'll have to avoid now?

I think that "Officer Swindell" should maybe re-examine his taste in women. Since he makes $7.50/hr, he obviously can't afford to date a prize such as yourself.

By the way, not all people who work in the security field are on power trips. When I used to work jobs like that myself, I was doing it to try to make a living for my family. I was doing the best I could at that time under difficult circumstances.

I wonder if I'd been working in Nashville, if you'd have snickered at me as I walked by in my non-tailored polyester uniform.

Finally, when you talk about men being able to afford you. You sound like a hooker.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My LORD, who are you and what have you done with our funny friend, Slapnuts. Please go take a nap and write back when the black cloud over your head has dissipated.

Slappy, I can't speak for ALL 40-something divorce women out there, but I can say this. I would find it pleasant that a 20yo would ask me out, but I would not necessarily be interested--and it has nothing to do with being a snob or being a hooker!!

I just would prefer a man closer to my age, who has experienced some of the life that I have, and who has earned a gray hair or two. Furthermore, I'm with the Princess--I would prefer a man in a suit to a man in a polyester uniform. It's not that I look down on hardworking fella--in fact I admire that kind of dedication and commitment. Nope, I just prefer a more professional businessman since that's what I am myself...well, a professional business CHICK. Would I turn down the bread-truck driver?? I don't know, maybe because that's just not my type.

So should I be accused of snobbery or prostitution because I hope to find a partner in life who can assist financially?? GEEZ, that's a bone fide Emotional Need according to the big guy (that's Dr. Harley folks)--just as real and legitimate as Attractive Spouse is to you. And I don't think your a jerk for wanting a wife who looks good to you--that's just respectful. Ditto for the financial thing for me; it's respectful to be able to provide financially for a spouse or family.

Dude, have a margarita or something to take the edge off! Princess, wink at Officer Swindell and smile that a TWENTY YEAR OLD thought you were hot!! Alice Cooper rules (when he can get out of his wheelchair).

CJ

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cinderella:
<strong>Hast thou spoken this unkindly to Lady Pam this day?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nope.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FaithfulWife:
<strong>Slappy, I can't speak for ALL 40-something divorce women out there, but I can say this. I would find it pleasant that a 20yo would ask me out, but I would not necessarily be interested--and it has nothing to do with being a snob or being a hooker!!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong>

Of course, you are only interested in whomever you are interested in. The only thing that I took issue with was the way that she slagged the guy, mostly because of his job.

Although I work in a different environment than him, and make 3 times what he does, my job title happens to be "Security Officer". It's a job that frequently is looked down upon, and I found her comments offensive.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I would prefer a man in a suit to a man in a polyester uniform. It's not that I look down on hardworking fella...that's just not my type.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong>

Well, everyone is entitled to their preferences. It's interesting though that it's only women who do this. Both men and women discriminate on looks, but generally, only women marry for social standing or money or whatever else comes with marrying a guy who only wears thousand dollar suits.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Should I be accused of snobbery or prostitution because I hope to find a partner in life who can assist financially?? GEEZ, that's a bone fide Emotional Need just as real and legitimate as Attractive Spouse is to you.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong>

Here's the difference. If I said I've dated women who were beautiful enough and women who were too ugly to deserve me, everyone would jump on me. That's the difference to me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Princess, wink at Officer Swindell and smile that a TWENTY YEAR OLD thought you were hot!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's what I thought, that she should be flattered.

I apologize if I offended.

<small>[ March 28, 2003, 05:24 AM: Message edited by: Slapnuts ]</small>

Slappy, yes, yes, yes, you offended me.

I felt attacked and that your unkindness was uncalled for. Had you read the rest of the thread before you came down on me like that?

Trust me. I understand that we are all people with real lives. I would never hurt this man's feelings intentionally - but I wouldn't go out with him.

I grew up with a white collar mother and a blue collar father. Neither was better. But there is a difference in interests that makes things very difficult. And when I married, I married a man with a much narrower view culturally and socially and it made things very hard in retrospect.

My comment that I would prefer the man in the suit had nothing to do with value as a person. More to do with interests.

My job requires that I spend all day on the phone. I talk to people all over the country. Folks making $3K/year and folks making $200K/year. And, guess what, I treat them all the same. Neither person is different or less valuable. Both deserve kindness and consideration. Equally.

And the comment about not being able to afford me...the first man I dated after my divorce made choices on where we went for dinner based on which restaurant he had a 'buy one/get one free' coupon. That got old when he did it every week.

<small>[ March 28, 2003, 02:40 PM: Message edited by: cinderella ]</small>

Boy, did I get stuck between a rock and a hard place the other day. I was talking to a male co-worker who had, some time ago, commented that he thought I would be fun on a date. This occurred outside the building at the end of the day. Guess who saw us and came hustling over? Officer Swindell. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> He interrupted the conversation and would not go away.

And guess who came along? My friend who is the one who told me about OS's questions. She just grinned from ear to ear and told all of us to have a nice evening. She didn't even attempt to rescue me.

And if that wasn't funny enough, the co-worker was giving OS a long-hard look as if he knew what was going on in OS's mind. I thought I would die.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Slapnuts:
<strong> Although I work in a different environment than him, and make 3 times what he does, my job title happens to be "Security Officer". It's a job that frequently is looked down upon, and I found her comments offensive. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">AH HA!! The real rabbit sticks his head out of the rabbit hole!!

Slappy, this has nothing to do with being a security officer or being in a polyester suit or even Officer Swindell. This has to do with being sensitive to people looking down on you for the job you do. I can't speak for the princess here, but I highly doubt that was the intent. Speaking for myself, a man in a uniform is a hunky thing--as is a man who works hard to provide for his family.

But for this 40-something, a 20yo security officer just would not be interesting TO ME. I'm sure he's a great 20yo, but being only 20, there's just be too many differences of life experience. Does that make sense??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> Well, everyone is entitled to their preferences. It's interesting though that it's only women who do this. Both men and women discriminate on looks, but generally, only women marry for social standing or money or whatever else comes with marrying a guy who only wears thousand dollar suits. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay, let me ask you something...if this was purely a matter of social standing or money--who makes more? The 20+ year union bread truck driver, or the downsized businessman in a suit?? My guess is the bread truck driver!! Plus after 20 years in the union, he's probably a big-wig of some kind in the union or a leader or something where his time invested has resulted in recognition amongst his union fellows. This is NOT a matter of money or social standing. Of the two guys, I happen to understand a business-guy/MBA/accountant/controller kind of men better than a union kind of fella. Most of the men in my life have been business men--an IRS agent, a CPA, a salesman, a plant manager, and a business owner--that's my dad, grampa, uncle, other grampa, and exH. I just GET business. Plus, I think there's something handsome about a fresh white shirt, a smartly tied tie, and a flattering suit--from K&G Menswear!

I think it's a little funny-haha that you think women do this but men don't. This is very generalized, as I realize that women are all different, but I'd say that women want to feel secure, and if they have an EN for Financial Support, sometimes the steady, dependable union guy is the one they choose--especially if he meets other needs!! On the other hand, with me, I like that feeling of a foundation of security also, it's just that I understand and relate more to the suit guys than the uniform guys. Would I go out with a cop my age with emotional stability and maturity and similar interests and stuff?? You betcha!! In a heartbeat!! My guess is that the princess would too (maybe--unless she were spoken for or something). But given my PREFERENCE, I would not prefer a uniform man who is 20 years my junior...that would be one of my SON'S friends!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> Here's the difference. If I said I've dated women who were beautiful enough and women who were too ugly to deserve me, everyone would jump on me. That's the difference to me. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's because "beauty" doesn't go with "deserve." You do not intrinsically "deserve" a stunningly beautiful wife just because you have AS as an EN. But you would perhaps choose or not choose a partner based on how well they met the AS need or didn't--and if someone were to meet all of your other 9 EN's and be a 6 on a scale of 1-10 for looks, you'd probably still consider that person attractive. Same here. I do not "deserve" a millionaire just because I have FS as an EN. But I would perhaps choose or not choose a partner based on how well they met the FS need or didn't--and if someone met all 9 of the other ENs and was making the same or a little less than I was, I would probably still consider that person to be attractive.

CJ

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FaithfulWife:
<strong>Slappy, this has nothing to do with being a security officer or being in a polyester suit or even Officer Swindell. This has to do with being sensitive to people looking down on you for the job you do. I can't speak for the princess here, but I highly doubt that was the intent.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong>

Perhaps not, but that's how it sounded to me at the time. Particularly since she made a number of derogatory comments about people in my line of work. They're on power trips, legends in their own minds, they think their uniform makes them cool, they don't make much money, they're not intelligent because the job is just basically walking around while nothing happens, they're weirdo stalkers.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>You do not intrinsically "deserve" a stunningly beautiful wife just because you have AS as an EN. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong>

No, I don't. I just thought that saying that she's dated men who could afford her sounded like men who don't make X number of dollars per year could not keep her in the manner in which she is accustommed and that, to me, is no different.