- WOMEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO CHEAT THAN MEN, REPORT FINDS
http://www.dadi.org/wmncheat.htmThe Ex Files, Week of 10 March 2003
Source: Divorce-Online World News
Women are more likely to cheat on their men to gain sexual satisfaction because of their growing assertiveness and their equality in the workplace, say marriage counselors. Cheating husbands, in contrast, are increasingly looking for emotional fulfillment and may actually mean it when they tell their secretaries that their wives don't understand them.
This reversal of traditional roles is detailed by the American author Shirley Glass in a new book, Not Just Friends. She blames the growing trend of illicit sexual adventures among married women for America's 50% divorce rate. "When a woman has an affair, she is more likely to leave her husband because she is already detached from him," she says.
Hollywood sweetheart Meg Ryan, who left husband Dennis Quaid after a fling with Russell Crowe, followed this pattern. After years of supporting Quaid in his battle against alcohol and drugs, Ryan insisted, "My marriage was broken. Nobody else broke it up."
Christine Northam, a counselor with the marriage advice charity Relate, said of the trend, "When you get people in front of you today and you ask why, they will say, 'It was the amazing sex.' That is as it has ever been, but women are now more able to say it was the sex. Previously they would say something like, 'I needed support.'"
Richard Scase, a professor at Kent University in England and a social trends expert, said he was not surprised at Glass' findings. "Women are taking on the traditional male psychology, and men are finding they are not getting the emotional attention from female partners which they used to get," he said. "Men are therefore looking outside the relationship for someone in whom they can confide, be honest with, and be authentic to."
America's divorce rate has quadrupled since 1970, yet Americans remain faithful to the spirit if not the letter of their wedding vows. For 30 years, 96% of Americans have said they want to be married, and 81% of separated or divorced partners say they believe marriage should be for life.
Despite this, Glass notes, "There's a whole generation of women with premarital experience who are much less inhibited about being with somebody other than their husband." She concluded that 25% of wives and 44% of husbands have had affairs.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, a New York marriage counselor, said, "We're seeing the pendulum swing. Men used to behave like jocks - macho men who were only interested in sex - but now women are behaving the same way."
Anne Wilson (not her real name), 39, a New Yorker, is receiving help to rescue her marriage after a two-month fling. "I really have nothing to complain about. I've been married for 15 years to a lovely Englishman who cares for me, and I have a wonderful apartment and a beautiful car," Wilson said. After the novelty of marriage and motherhood wore off, she felt her home life had become humdrum: "I wanted to have a sparkle in my eyes again. Sex was a high, a rush. It was fantastic while it lasted. He was charismatic and made me laugh. I didn't have to do his laundry or put his toilet seat down."
Weil believes men are not as forgiving as women. "A woman knows that if she has an affair, it's often the end of a marriage. However, the trend for men to look for love and intimacy outside the home is just as dangerous," she said. "When men reach their 30s and 40s, they feel they've had enough stress and work in their lives. They know life is short and if they don't feel happy or 'in love', they want to reach for an emotional link."
That bond is most easily attainable at work, where colleagues often have more in common with each other than with their spouses. Glass' survey revealed that 62% of unfaithful husbands and 46% of unfaithful wives had affairs at work. "The traditional affair involved a man in a position of power who was attracted to a subordinate. Sometimes these relations became love affairs, but frequently, men were just looking for a bit of variety," she said. "Now that women and men are working as equals, the relationship begins with respect, and friendship can cross the line into emotional intimacy."
