Hey Ms. O,

Long time no hea from U!!! Howz it?

L.

dobie, ha ha ha...too funny! Conversely, I've *tried* to get my hubby to wear my underwear....
just kidding.

GDP, I have to put my money on Faith4Me on this one. I think she's right. There is no perfect mate for any of us. I do think, however, that there are many people out there that we can make a happy union with, depending on how much we are willing to give and take. It's all about priorities. When I met my dh, he had no job, was in debt up to his eyeballs, had an anger management problemm, was a habitual liar, had never been in any long term relationship...gee, wait a minute...why *am* i with him?? JK. Probably what anyone else would call a loser.

I had just separated from a man who worked two jobs most of our 18 yrs together, was honest to the point of brutality, had a very calm demeanor.

What made me choose one over the other? My x was cold hearted, actually told me that I wasn't 'fit' to speak the name of a lady friend of his (long story but no affair)...was cruel in the name of honesty.

My now husband is caring-babies and pamers me--in fact has coddled me somthing fierce this week cause I'm sick, generous-never denies me anything-within reason, will at least couch an unflattering observation nicely so it doesn't sting too much. He enjoys going places-the x wouldn't even PLAN a trip because he said he might be dead by then. My now husband misses me when I'm away...x was very happy that I left.

We've had our ups and downs---some really bad downs but we have worked through them because THIS husband, unlike the last, realizes that he's not perfect and he tries to correct what I don't find tolerable. The x thought he had no faults.

My sister is engaged to a man who is a recovering alcoholic, had no job when she met him, has 5 kids to go with her 4, and other things that *i* wouldn't think would be attractive. But, he got a job as soon as he met her and last night when she got home, he had bought her the pair of shoes she had been dying for. Just bought them.

I guess what I'm saying is that even the most brilliant diamond comes inside a chunk of coal. Don't over look the possibilities in the coal.

I want someone whose quality of life is not solely dependent upon their romantic life. I want someone who can be alone for a while without the need to reach out for a replacement. I want someone who is patient with my own faults.

My STBX was a woman who had a very bubbly and friendly personality in public. However, in private there were two sides to her. Sometimes, she was very fun to be with, at other times she was controlling and manipulative. What attracted me to her was that I felt she was strong. However, after living with her and experiencing this marriage, I now realize that she is strong, but when things get tough, she runs from her problems and will not listen to reason.

I do love her still, but I really have no desire to contact her or see her at this time. Before she moved out, I could feel the knots (not the good kind) in my stomach developing when she was around.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>Hey Ms. O,

Long time no hea from U!!! Howz it?

L.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Same ole, same ole.

It's actually going really good.....haven't popped back to this board for a very looooong time, but good to see some old timers....!! HA!

As you can see from my profile, I'm divored now and even started another relationship at the end of last year, but it didn't pan out too well. I feel like I learned even more from it tho, if that's possible!

You know, when people say this divorce stuff (i.e. pain, issues, etc.) takes 3-5 years to deal with, I'm starting to think they are right.

I feel so much better after 3+ year, tho that it's incredible. And I even entered that last relationship not being afraid to trust...now THAT was a biggie for me!

Anyway, didn't mean to hi-jack this thread. Just wanted to say "Shaka, sistah!"

Aloha,
Ms.O