Oh thank you broken,notebook,resliaint, sue,topie, faithful, bangarra, let'stry, lyxa,cindy, k and a,jacky,41, mayflower, faith4me,...

Oh Mayflower brings up some important issues that I have been tossing in my head. No. His mom was the seemingly dominant one. Very large lady, larger than his dad, bossy, very boyish looking. And his sister is the same way. His dad could on accounts loose his temper horribly and is alot like stbxh. Wierd stuff in that family. Two years ago discovered father's unfaithfulness and cheating for years on his mom. Mom knew and always took him back. Very devious. Like the dad having OW on their property in the country (have two houses, main house and a hunting cabin/trailer about a quarter of a mile down the road away). Had OW in the hunting house while his entire family was visiting one quarter mile away. Said he was going hunting. Then his dad tries to kill himself when it was revealed. This is the same man who was a Baptist deacon. Very twisted pathology. I don't know who stbx is rebelling against, maybe even God. But nothing has been normal for years. Even with his family. His own sister had an internet affair with a guy and was getting necked (our suthurn way of saying it) pictures of the guy over the internet when her H walked in. Bro in law is a normal guy btw. He left her. Left for almost two months.

Nobody in the family is 100% faithful as it would seem, except for the mom. But she is the leader. Bossy, manipulative. Not someone at all I would have envisioned for my mom in law. Not someone I could call up and say, "let's go shopping." There was always a "better" way to do things and can always remember her saying "let mom show you how and see if this is better." Nothing I could do was right. There was always a better way to do everything.

And I wouldn't want part of his business right now. Not at all. SEC has the co. under investigation. He was ordered not to sell in TN anymore and my not be able to in GA, thus his trip to SC and CA. I am going to ask attorneys how to handle this.

And funny thing, he is involved with other court cases right now with his business and its "supposed" wrongdoings...He sees court as something to be "up against". Doesn't see it as anything except a way to punish him and he is damn and determined to not do what they want. Not give in. He is slick and is defiant. And not sure why.

But it may come from the simple fact he is a narcissist and cannot HANDLE IT WHEN SOMEONE TELLS HIM NO OR DEFIES HIS WILL. I think it may just be that and only that period.

Think maybe THERE IS NO RIGHT AND WRONG FOR HIM..JUST HIS WAY AND THE HARD WAY.

Please pray. I am doing all I can do.

Contacted attorneys today. About his noncompliance with the ruling. They are calling his lawyer to see if lawyer can snap him out of it (thick, thick fog) and if not we will file another motion against him tomorrow for contempt again. This judge will put him away. He has done less for men who have lost their jobs and not be able to pay so what's to say for a playboy who just doesn't feel like helping his family or meeting an obligation or promise?

Mediation is friday and firm. I am off of work. They were actually ok about it. Then I got another IM from stbxh. I almost clicked off. He asked about son and if son was better. I responded briefly and to the point and nice. He asked if he can call son in about fifteen minutes. I agreed. I am decent, mind you.

Mediation will be, btw, AT MY LEAD ATTORNEY'S OFFICE, and with a friend of my lead attorney serving as the mediator. Very much in my corner here. And on our home turff. So good from an odds perspective.

I am trying very hard to detach from this guy and just work on me and continue to move ahead. It is hard. God I wanted to believe there is this all consuming problem which has him in its grips and has made him to do these horrible things. But the realization is that these could be just his choices. But there is lots of alcohol involved and that is well documented. He has been abusive when returning home after drinking with his "friends" before.

But I am getting ready to go to the gym in a bit. Son and I are going to have a good day if it kills me..ha ha...That was a joke.

I am still hurt by last week. I don't know if I can ever really get that shock outta my soul. But it should lessen in maybe ten to twenty years. I just want my heart to be free and want to be able to love again. I feel like it's locked away in a golden cage and that the key was stolen by someone who will never return. What I have to remember is that I have a duplicate key and when I feel safe enough I will let my heart out again.

I want to start over. I want this. He is not the same. The whole new Linkin Park CD almost tells my whole story. Maybe I think their lead singer or writer has had a more difficult time than even me.

I am still reeling here a week later almost. And this friday is coming soon. More drama again and I want no more. No part of it. I am done with this. He has to deal with the crap and the lies and the destruction. It's not my deal. I did not want it. It's his thing now. Not mine. I think if I write this enough here, I will believe it soon. I am hopeful at least.

Peachy - seems you are trying, and seems you are getting more down. Hon, you have the most precious gift, your son. He loves his mother, and hates what is going on. As your statements have stated. Depression takes all different courses, and requires self-intuition. Doing things with your son is wonderful. Having lunch with buddies is wonderful. Look out for yourself, cause once agian the wayward spouse only sees for themself, and no one else.

Yes, your husband is pushing your buttons. After all these years, he knows what to do. And he continues to do it. I am in the same situation, but the one things now, is I am not letting him push my buttons. He does things in front of me that he knows affects me, but I don't let it bother me anymore. This man is not the man I married. And the man in front of your eyes is not the man you married. They are selfish, and will do things to hurt you, cause they know it hurts. You have to put a shield up, and you are doing the right thing on sending e-mails to your lawyers. I should of done that in the beginning. But I was being threatened by my husband. The e-mails I don't read now. I delete, and move on. If the e-mails that were sent to you were respectable and caring, that would be different. But seems they can't stop from belittling their spouse. That is why I decided to ignore my hsubands e-mails. If they showed any repsect, any thoughtfulness, that would of been different. But like you state, they only see the ugliness in us. There is nothing said about our caring and loving.

You are expressing hurt and anger. Your feelings are for real. The hurt, is deep inside, cause this is the man you made vows to at the altar, and it hurts, that vows mean nothing to them. Also, the anger, is that he is leaving you in a disrespectful way. May God be with you and guide you, as you try to heal.