Oh, I see your point all right, brokenben. I just have a hard time seeing the problem. Your wife is going to have to go through her pain - and her anger, which by your own account seems like it may be justified - in order to get to the other side. Coddling her is not going to help her.

You've got advocates, brokenben. That allows you - the person she has identified as the source of her distress - to stand back and give her space. She needs that space in order to disentangle her own feelings without interference from their proximate cause. You are relieved from your responsibility (as her husband) to hold her accountable for her actions by the fact that there are other people who are willing to take on that responsibility.

It seems to me that by allowing your wife to stay with them, your in-laws are giving her all the support she needs. From where I stand, it's good that they are also trying to give her the accountability she needs.

Well, the weekend has come and gone...I have been completely stressed about this attorney thing..(She has an appt today with an attorney).My wife called friday afternoon and said she would come and get the dog Saturday.When I talked with her, she was "short" and "rude" with me.I know she had plans to meet her prayer partners on satuday morning and I knew she had a meeting to attend saturday night. Therefore, I was exepcting her to get the dog around noon on saturday, however she did not show up until after 4:00...Strang huh? I know how much she wanted to spend time with the dog, so hopefully, she was with her Prayer partners for a LONG time! When she came to get the dog, she was real "mean" acting...She hardly acknowledged me and she would ignore me if I asked her anything..She was also in a BIG hurry to get in and out of the house!.Why would she act like this towards me if she were at peace with her actions? Why be mean?
Yesterday morning, I called her and asked her if couldbring something to her after church..She eventually said no..I then invited her to church and she said no thank you..I asked her if we could sit down and talk sometime and her response was "I dont know" (at least it wasnt no)..Well, I got her a card and book and in the card I poured out my feelings (without whining, begging, promising, etc...)..I stated how I felt and I answered a question that she asked me awhile back...Awhile back, She asked me why I would want to stay married to someone who did not love me.. Well, I thought a lot about that question and here was my answer to her...I said, "because when my actions and words were clearly not loving towards you, you loved me enough to stay devoted to me and to our marriage...And now that the tables are turned, I will love you enough to stay devoted to you and to our marriage..." I told her that I could never promise to be a perfect husband or perfect best friend, but I could be "teachable" and open...I also stated that lots of times in my life, I have learned that true happiness doesnt always come from a change in circumstaneces, but rather form a change in heart! I left the gift on the counter and to my surprise she actually took it with her... Now, if she drove 1 mile and threw it out of the window, Ill never know! At least she took it!I hoping GOD intervences in a mighty way today...PLease pray that the Holy Spirit touches her heart during this "appointment" with an attorney (hopefully it is just a consultation)....

PS: one thing though, she still hasnt taken anything else out of the house...She comes by and gets the dog and then just leaves...takes nothing..