trust me there is hope. My EX wife left me after 16yrs together and 10yrs of marriage. We have 2 children and had a nice house and 2 new cars. We had problems in our marriage, but she decided to move on to another guy (married) instead of working on us. To make a long story short.....I met someone 10mo. ago and we are engaged to be married. As for the EX she is going thru major drama with the other guy and his wife.....hahahaha.....what a joke. I guess ol dude was worth wreckin a family over....funny part is....I heard he was going to couseling to try and save his marriage. It sure was enjoyable watching the EX cry her eyeballs out at church this easter weekend....she knows NOW that she made a mistake and blew it. There is GOLD at the end of the rainbow those of you who have been dumped!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I don't think I will ever "ENJOY" watching my ex be miserable- I did love him and still do- no matter how much he messed up. I wish happiness for me, but for him as well.

relationships are not about competition.

people are not about competition unless you are in a game with rules.

wiftty

Sounds like my story accept I'm the wife of the man your wife was messing with.
After a few years of trying to work things out with him I'm divorcing him. BOOM!
They deserve each other.
Hope you are finally happy. I know I'm on my way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Aly

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ITSOVER:
<strong>trust me there is hope. My EX wife left me after 16yrs together and 10yrs of marriage. We have 2 children and had a nice house and 2 new cars. We had problems in our marriage, but she decided to move on to another guy (married) instead of working on us. To make a long story short.....I met someone 10mo. ago and we are engaged to be married. As for the EX she is going thru major drama with the other guy and his wife.....hahahaha.....what a joke. I guess ol dude was worth wreckin a family over....funny part is....I heard he was going to couseling to try and save his marriage. It sure was enjoyable watching the EX cry her eyeballs out at church this easter weekend....she knows NOW that she made a mistake and blew it. There is GOLD at the end of the rainbow those of you who have been dumped!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I have never replyed before.
Glad to hear things are working out for you.

I have now been dumped (for another guy) after being together 13 yr---10 1/2 married and 2 little girls (2 & 6).

I have basically died inside (especially after I saw them in action 2 weeks ago--she still denies) and feel like there is no hope. My future, my purpose, my reasons are gone. I will never love nor trust another.

Best of luck

Sorry you feel that way and are happy your ex is miserable.

Your kids must really be in bad shape, especially since she has custody.
Mom is miserable and dad is happy she is that way.

J Sargent,
Hold on. What makes you think we are all like this?
This one woman has that much conrol over you?
You know she has less than a 5% chance with this relationship right?
I know you feel like do do right now.
This happened to me too. No way am I going to let my STBXH (soon to be X husband) ruin the rest of my life.
I've had plenty of chances and plenty of reason to cheat and I just don't have it in me.
I made a life choice a long time ago. Kinda like I won't kill anyone, or rob a bank.
I'm as loyal as the Texas summer days are hot.
We are out here.
Don't give up on happiness. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Aly

I hear what everyone is saying, and I DID feel sorry for her for a split second BUT, the EX treated me like garbage and like a nothing when she was chasing this other guy. As soon as their little fling fell apart she started feeling bad and guilty about ruining our marriage. Problem is .......if she was still hooked up with this guys she would still be treating me like shiit. So, that is why I was like OOOhhhhh Wellll after church sunday. And YES....Im very happy. I met the woman of my dreams. I should have been with someone like her all along. Oh yeah, her husband had multiple affairs on her and she divorced him a year ago.

Also, same here Aly.....I could have had a dozen affairs on my EX, but I just couldnt do it also. I take marriage very seriously. I feel two people can make it through just about any problem in a marriage, but infidelity is definately the hardest.

Aly,
I am sorry if I came across strong. I know there are honest women out there, just not sure one will come my way. I thought one had/I never thought she would turn this way either. I should have listened more when she was saying we were "status quo", instead of saying "this is normal, we can make it".

He was a friend of ours, now he is loving the woman I love. Control over me...yes, guess so as I love her so (have since 1986). Did I love her wrong as times?? Yes. On purpose..No. Make changes/re-prioritize...Yes, but too late per her.

I am scared for my girls. They have been telling me a lot of things that cut deep. I know success rate is low, but she seems convinced he is the one (even though she is hiding. They are both military).

I admit, he was alway a nice guy when we were friends..I liked him..a soft talker, kind & compassionate.

I'm glad you have the strenght & determination.

I am like you, had many chances over the year but it was not me.

My hapiness (part-time I guess) are my girls...that is why I keep fight her for more time.

Thank you for the response. New to this.

And YES....Im very happy. I met the woman of my dreams. I should have been with someone like her all along.
Why do people dismiss everything previous to an affair?

If you thought it was a good decision then but decided it was really a poor decision, how do you know it's not a poor decision now?

<small>[ April 23, 2003, 06:16 PM: Message edited by: Chris (CA123) ]</small>

Excellent point, Chris.

M is NOT a competition, and so DV and life after is not, either.

This is where the concept of unconditional love gets a bad rap. People think that BSs fall victim to a fallacy that they love their WS spouse unconditionally and they'll come back. Then, when they don't, ulove is to blame.

Nope. Loving unconditionally means being happy for them whatever they're doing, be it living with their soulmates or flopping around not quite getting the education that you think they need. Love them if they stay. Love them if they leave. Carry no resentment into your next relationship and certainly not in front of your kids, which will be your X's kids for the rest of their lives, too.

-Qfwfq

CHRIS....first of all you dont know me...and you do NOT know if I dismissed everything before the affair. Now do you?? Stop judging and making blanket statements that you know nothing about. All that matters is that Im finally happy and am about to marry a beautiful, caring, strong woman. Unlike the spoiled, selfish, always complaining unhappy woman I married. Her own parents wonder how I could have stayed married to her for as long as I did. They raised her and admitted they thought she would mature and change........she never did. Have a good day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ April 24, 2003, 08:39 AM: Message edited by: ITSOVER ]</small>

J sargent if your WW and the OM are in the military, they can get kicked out for their infidelity and they would rightly deserve to. INMSHO those two have no place in an honorable institution like the military.

hi ItsOver--When do you plan on marrying? Sounds like you met her during a period of dating after your divorce was final, is that right?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I heard he was going to couseling to try and save his marriage. It sure was enjoyable watching the EX cry her eyeballs out at church this easter weekend....she knows NOW that she made a mistake and blew it.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you think she was crying for her failed marriage, or her affair that hasn't developed into a lasting relationship?

To be honest, although I understand your feelings, the hypocrisy of enjoying her crying on Easter Sunday made me feel very sad.

I too have met that wonderful someone (after a very painful betrayal) and am looking forward to a happy future. We're going slowly.

I guess the point I wanted to make is that I still occasionally have those similarly victorious thoughts - is he hurting? Has he realized yet? Ooooh, that would feel SO good. And, it means I'm not completely over it yet and am unable to give myself entirely to this new relationship. As wiffty said, this isn't a competition. If it's a competition that means you're still in the same race.

I'm looking forward to the day (and boy I sure pray it happens!) when I can forgive him what he did. Not FOR him, but for me.

Thoughts?

TooMuchCoffeeMan

Morning...a coffee man myself.

I am aware & have checked into it,but feel I am in a Catch 22.
She is set to retire in less than 2 year (thus the reason they are being so secretive). I have documented unaccounted for time that correlates to cell calls to him, her days off that correlate w/his days off, when confronted w/her cell calls in Dec--they went out & got joint phones (I don't know this of course) but do I have proof? YES... and more (now innocent comments from my "growing up too fast" 6 yrs old. As she moved out on me unexpectly 2 months ago (same block as her friend...suprise) and file for D

But under UMCJ (Uniform Mil. Code of Justice) I have to prove sexual intercourse. Can I show they most like spent the night together in Denver before a military trip she took..yes. Have I seen them making out like teen in the back of car..unfortunately yes.

But here is the kicker. Filing charges against them does what?? I almost feel like it will only hurt my girls in the long run: 1) retirement pay she is expecting for the rest of her life could be lost, 2) I have now learned she is very controlling & vendictive. She would hold that against me the rest of my life and withhold what I love, my girls.

Even though it is something SHE has done. As you commented about an honorable position. I too feel that way. As I told her in an e-mail...for 13 yrs I believed in her, her integerty, honor and pride. Now I do not know what to belive.

God help my girls and I

Good morning Lucks.....actually I met my fiance through a mutual friend. My divorce was just about final when I initially met her. To be honest with you.....I was dating when we met and my friend would occasionally bring this woman and her son to Peter Piper Pizza or Chuck E Cheese pizza. My kids would be with me also. I thought she was attractive, but did not pursue anything because I was just a friend. Over the next few months this woman gave me hints of wanting to be more than just a friend. I was a knucklehead though and continued to date, not really picking up on the hints. I see the "HINTS" clear as day now. You know....shaking hand to say goodbye and the person holds you hand a bit longer than normal before they let go. Saying things like are you having fun this evening (while at the pizza place) or "see anything you like in here"? I was really a dork. Anyhow, I was on a blind date one night and this woman showed up at a party we were invited to. To make a long story short......my blind date and I had just stopped dancing, and this woman (fiance now) came over and asked my date if she would mind her dancing with me. She said yes and once we starting dancing.....It all came out. My lady told me how much see liked me and that she wanted to be more than friends. She told me how she was attracted to me right from the start, but started to fall in love over the next few months of conversation. She said she knew I was different and could obviously tell I was a good man and father. I took my kids everywhere. Anyhow, we started dating from that point, and we have been together for almost a year. Im not exactly sure of a wedding date, but it will be within the next year. That is just an abbreviated version of how my fiancee and I met. I hope all is well with your new relationship. Anyhow, I said in an earlier post that I was not happy about seeing my EX cry, but I knew she was making a mistake and I could not help but feel like....."I told you so". Even though I know it was not right. To be honest with you.....she treated me like crap when we seperated and when she was haggin with OM. As soon as their relationship faltered....she started feeling bad....missing our family....and the stability she had. Oh well. Its to late now. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I would have taken her back if she would not have signed the divorce papers, but once she did that, I felt she literally gave up on me. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

and you do NOT know if I dismissed everything before the affair.
You are correct. I do not know you or much of your story.
But you posted'"I met the woman of my dreams. I should have been with someone like her all along."

This is dismissing the life you had with your ex, as if it was NEVER any good.

Many people (mostly ws) tend to say the marriage was a farce and never should have happened (I got married too young, I never loved you, the only reason I got married was to get out of my parents house, etc.)

I do know (from your own posts) that you are happy your ex is suffering.
You were dating someone before your divorce was even final.

Anyhow, I said in an earlier post that I was not happy about seeing my EX cry
That is not correct. You said, "It sure was enjoyable watching the EX cry her eyeballs out at church this easter weekend....she knows NOW that she made a mistake and blew it."

If her crying is reason for you to rejoice or feel bad for her then you really aren't over it. If it affects you more than seeing someone else crying, then you never worked through the anger/hate/loss (insert your own verb here) to get over it.

I'm not gonna keep on ya' though. Live & learn as the saying goes.

I hope it all works out for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ April 24, 2003, 11:06 AM: Message edited by: Chris (CA123) ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I'm not gonna keep on ya' though. Live & learn as the saying goes.
QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hahahaha. OK. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />