Uhhhh God doesnt speak to you? He guides me quite abit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Chris -CA123 said
Never. God let Moses allow divorce ONLY IF adultery is committed nad the betrayed spouse has a heardened heart.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Interesting...so we're all divorced the moment of DDay because then there is both adultry and a hard heart.

I'm being sarcastic. I have lots of scripture supporting divorce and would be happy to share them but it will take a lot of time. I just think most people aren't that interested.

What famous philosopher said,

"You won't know yourself until you have lived alone?"

Henry David Thoreau maybe?

remember before you make your final decision on your next spouse, be sure that your sample size is large enough to be sure that you haven't missed your perfect soul-mate

statistically valid sample size is basically considered 30 for a fairly large population. will you live by yourself long enough to date the expected 30 before making your decision?

wiftty

Interesting...so we're all divorced the moment of DDay because then there is both adultry and a hard heart.
But your heart wasn't (most likely) hardened at d-day. Sure you were hurt, ticked off and everything else under the sun, but you still cared about the spouse. I guess we could argue about "hardening" of the heart but it generally means when there is no concern one way or the other about the spouse.

Okay ITSOVER ... so here's a scenario:

I am the WS and I'm having an affair and I'm CERTAIN beyond a shadow of a doubt that this OP is THE person I was supposed to be with instead of my spouse of 20+ years (i.e. Soul Mate, meant-to-be, etc.)

Because of all these "GOOD FEELINGS" I'm also certain God has blessed this relationship because it feels so RIGHT. And I'm sure He must be guiding me to it, speaking to me, else why would I have met this person. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Jo

p.s. Just to make sure everyone that is new here knows, I AM NOT A WS. This was an example to illustrate a scenario.

You could twist it the other way also....maybe God placed this new person right in your lap.....they seem perfect for you and have everything in common. You say....ahhhh....its too soon and pass on the person. Only to find yourself wondering what could have been with the one that got away. All situations are DIFFERENT! There are no absolutes....if lyxa feel right about dating now and he feels lead that way, what is the big deal? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I didnt read that correctly.....Im NOT talking about WS here at all. Just drop the WS scenario, Im talking about the BS and them dating.

Usually before a divorce is final, you're too vulnerable to be dating. Plus you're still someone's husband or wife. If you feel that you are ready to date before the divorce is final, you'll still feel that way after the divorce is final! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

P.S. Someone posted something about marriages in churches, Vegas, or by a JOP. I was married in a chapel in Vegas by a minister. I see it as being no different in the eyes of God because my vows are very important to me.

Wrong....I totally disagree. You all are mixing up dating on a true to you spouse and wayward spouse.....it completely different. I would never even consider dating someone else other than my current GF.

ITSOVER,

Can you tell me why you're at MARRIAGE BUILDERS? I'm not trying to sound pi$$y but it just doesn't make sense to be in a place that is so pro-marriage and you obviously don't agree with the principals.

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

First of all I am pro marriage. I tried to save my marriage, but I dont think anyone should be a fool though. Ive read many people on this site where they are literally being dumped on. I think some marriages NEED to end. I read one post....cant remember who....where the person was married to a serial cheater and lier and was looking at advise on how to get the wayward spouse to return home. THAT is foolish. One affair is salvagable in my book, but multiple affairs, continued abuse.....figure it out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

ITSOVER,
you said, I think some marriages NEED to end.
Here's a question. I'm not asking just to egg you on, I'm serious.

Why do some marriages NEED to end? WHy not just move out & get on with your life?

<small>[ May 08, 2003, 04:40 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Mitzi,
Good question to its over. Chris, marriage can be dissolved because of adultery because the betrayed spouse has a hardened heart, or the wayward spouse? I am just confused on this, because my heart is not hardened, I love my ex-WH more now because he needs more love and deserves it the least, if that makes sense- but my ex-WH's heart was hardened to me for a while...it isn't anymore, yet he is totally confused.....so my divorce, in God's eyes, is Ok or not ok? What I mean is, I didn't want the divorce, but I am divorced, so if my ex-WH does not change and return to me, am I free to eventually remarry? I thought I was according to Matthew 5:32 AND another verse in Matthew- can't remember right now where it is.

A lot of these posts sound like people trying to justify their behavior--I thought this was about changing for the better, not losing our morals in the process of what the WS did....I might get some grief from people about this opinion. I am prepared though...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong>I think some marriages NEED to end.Here's a question. I'm not asking just to egg you on, I'm serious.

Why do some marriages NEED to end? WHy not just move out & get on with your life?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Chris, I don't understand your last question. First, no marriage NEEDS to end. God did not ordain your marriage so you could go and break it. Chris, are you saying that because people think it is ok to date while still married, that they should just do that instead of getting divorced? I just wondered what you were talking about...I think you were making a point but I am not sure?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

adgirl,

You got it! This is about (1) being true to yourself and your vows until your marriage is emotionally and legally over and (2)bettering yourself and seeing what went wrong in your marriage. And it all takes time. Most people whose spouses cheat on them have extremely low self esteem. It takes time to rebuild that, and usually you're not ready to date until that happens. It's a long process but well worth it!!

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mitzi:
<strong>adgirl,

You got it! This is about (1) being true to yourself and your vows until your marriage is emotionally and legally over and (2)bettering yourself and seeing what went wrong in your marriage. And it all takes time. Most people whose spouses cheat on them have extremely low self esteem. It takes time to rebuild that, and usually you're not ready to date until that happens. It's a long process but well worth it!!

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If your spouse has mutliple affairs............emotionally I call that over. I dont get it here......basically what Im hearing is no matter what save the marriage....is that what Im hearing? Me personally, it would be hard to move on in a relationship if I knew my EX had another mans penis in her....all over her....multiple times. I hate to be blunt, but how can you forget something like that? Especially those whose spouse has had multiple affairs. There could have been hundreds of encouters with multiple partners, but we need to forgive.....heal, get over it and accept the person back. As I have said.....just use common sense, save a marriage if the damage isnt out of this world. That is my opinion.

Thanks Mitzi! And glad to see you are happily remarried. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ May 08, 2003, 04:53 PM: Message edited by: adgirl48 ]</small>

ITSOVER: since you are blunt, I will be too. If you read, Mitzi is remarried to someone else. Sometimes reconciliation is possible, sometimes it isn't. But just because your woman had someone else's penis in her, does not give you the right to just say ok marriage is over even though I am not officially divorced. Or maybe it does give you the right- I guess it depends on how much you believe God has joined you together. And how much you care about your vows. You seem to care more about "She did this to me, so I am moving on and going to date even though I am not divorced yet because God says it is ok" which sounds like fog talk in and of itself. Oh and by the way, yes, knowing that my husband's penis has been in someone else is disgusting and mortifying...it is also forgivable, just like all of our other sins....Jesus died for all of us you know, even those crazy adulterers....And I don't think you understand that while your wife had an affair, there are things about you that could change for the better, just like all BS's- marriage problems are a two way street- affairs are the choice of the WS. I will not blame myself for his affair, but I will certainly evaluate my life and my Christian walk and make sure I am the best wife I can be to the next person I am married to. Whether that be my ex or someone else.

I dont get it here......basically what Im hearing is no matter what save the marriage....is that what Im hearing?
???? Where did you get that idea? Have you actually read any of the previous posts? Or are you just trying to keep this going on?

If you are legally married, don't date. Just because you are not dating in this time does not mean you are wanting/trying to save the marriage?