No.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So am I "dating" or "socializing" if I go out for lunch or dinner or dessert with more than one woman at once? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">definately socializing

wiftty

So am I "dating" or "socializing" if I go out for lunch or dinner or dessert with more than one woman at once? My social circle these days seems to be heavily weighted toward interesting young women. Is it my fault if there aren't usually any other guys around?...
I’d say you need to give me a call next time you are going to go out again! I can make sure you keep to the straight & narrow! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Chris - CA123 said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The problem (ALMOST ALWAYS) with long, drawn out divorces, is that the couple are fighting and trying to get the edge or trying to screw over the other. If someone really wants a divorce, it can be done in the minimal time the state requires.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The key phrase is ALMOST ALWAYS.

tmmx said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It might take 2 to fight, but only 1 to delay a divorce. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Very true.

If I wasn't already dating, I'd probably say no, but because I am, and I don't feel that I'm doing anything wrong, I have to say, it depends.

We've been separated 2.5 years. WH has been living with MOW since then. We own a business together which I'm now running alone and supporting him because he hasn't worked since he left.

I filed for divorce about 2 years ago, but I tried hard for the first 1.5 years to save the relationship. We've had absolutely no contact for about a year.

My WH has managed to stall his case involving violating my restraining order for over a year, so far, and he's doing the same with the divorce.

Those are the circumstances. I wasn't looking, I didn't think I wanted to date, I wasn't really over my H, but I met a man, also nursing a broken heart, and we became friends and started dating 8 months ago. He treats me so kindly that's it's helped tremendously to heal the hurt and calm my fears.

LetSTry,
The key phrase is ALMOST ALWAYS.
???
You are simply supporting what I said, not showing something against it. Yours is one of the ALMOST ALWAYS!

My WH has managed to stall his case involving violating my restraining order for over a year, so far, and he's doing the same with the divorce.
Someone is trying to stall it. That is what I said!

If you both wanted the divorce and neither was messing with the other, your divorce would be complete.

Well, I just asked a woman out tonight. First time I have asked anyone out since I was 20. Can't wait until Wednesday...

And I waited completely. Didn't look, didn't talk. Didn't go out really at all. Divorce final a few weeks ago, and bam... everyone is talking to me. I think everyone knew that I wouldn't date at all until it was over. But wow, now that it is over, I feel like I have to slow down a bit. I mean, all of them are nice, and obviously I am not ready to get too tight with anyone right now. It almost makes me wish that I still had the crutch of saying, "I am not completely divorced yet." Life was so much more simple a few weeks ago... in this instance.

My problem now is, how to date??? How do you date more than one person at a time. OR should I??? I mean, I don't want to get heavily into a relationship, but I also don't want to "just one date, your done" kind of thing... And to think a year ago, I thought I would never have to do this again.

I don't know how to date either. I didn't think I would have to so it is weird. I had someone ask me out who is super nice....and also 20 years older than me and very different lifestyle - used to think I would never have to worry about being hit on, now I just worry about WHO is going to hit on me! LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Oh and I am divorced (March) but not fully recovered, in any aspect, and wanting to wait several months to heal myself and make sure reconciliation will never be possible....So I declined the date - but it is funny how people come to you once they know the divorce is over.....at least they know I would wait.

<small>[ May 11, 2003, 12:32 AM: Message edited by: adgirl48 ]</small>

Anna:
To clear up what I said in previous post:
If the husband is saying it"s NOT over, for whatever reason he may have, even if he's lying, this would be a bad situation to get yourself into. This does not apply if the divorce is final, irrespective what he has to say.

I have tried in this time to be super-aware of circumstances I find myself in. Even if a woman I may be interested in indulges too much in "beating up" on her ex, or stbx, I tend to be sceptical, and question her motives, or emotional readiness for anything. I am also consciously aware of being used as a pawn in some twisted menage a trois . My own experience with my ex has also taught me that all may not be what it appears to be on the surface, given that WS's have a "fogged-up" version of reality. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I recently met a woman thru a dating service, who has been separated for more than a year, her stbx lives with his GF,(OW), but have stopped seeing her, when I detected she was overly eager to get really involved with me, given her situation. I felt she was anxious to "have a BF" to show her stbx she was OK & still desirable. I may be wrong, but in this instance I'd rather err on the side of caution. What's the rush, I say. We can re-date when the D is final.

2 more dollars' worth
muzohead

Formerly Confused... I wish I had your problem! LOL

I have learned that there is a difference between dating and "dating" at this level and in this day and age. You can date as many women as you can handle... but you only want to "date" one woman at a time (unless you think you're the heir of Casanova). I think the difference is exclusivity.

I've been relying on my office manager, a sweet woman never married in her 30s. According to her, and she's not Christian, a b/f or g/f means you're having sex; prior to that they're all just friends. Prior to having a b/f or g/f you're pretty free to date as many people as you want so long as you're open about the fact that it's not an exclusive relationship and you're not lying to "protect" the other person's feelings.

My take home from this is that unless you're dating people with similar values, perceived exclusivity and openess about your intentions are probably key... "I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now... I enjoy spending time with you and as time allows, lets keep going out!"

I'd love to hear how things go for you. I'm naturally a bit shy and wonder how I'm ever going to start dating again.

<small>[ May 11, 2003, 09:12 AM: Message edited by: Lyxa ]</small>

Heh heh heh, Lyxa

Believe me, I have always been shy with women. However, I have also always been confident in about everything else I have ever done.

When I became divorced, I just started reading about everything I could find on dating, etc. I realized that I am a pretty good guy. And in fact, I know in my heart that I am a good man, father, and potential mate. I also realized after reading an opening note in one of the books on dating that I could be living secluded in this way for some time, if I didn't change my way of thinking and acting.

The vignette was like this:

The short of it was a man is sitting at a bar alone, waiting for a table to open at his favorite restaurant. A woman moves up to the bar and sits next to him. They smile at each other, but nothing more happens. He wants to say something, but doesn't. He gets his table and eats alone. She gets her's across the room and also eats alone.

At that time I realized that there are alot of wonderful women out there that just need to be approached just like there are alot of shy guys out there that, if they could just get up the gumption, would make GREAT boyfriends.

I realized at that time, that I was going to talk to women at every chance that I got. I do it in the checkout line. I do it at the bookstore. I do it at church. I do it anyplace and anywhere I can. I think of it as practice. Regardless of whether I am really interested in them, or intend to take the conversation further, I talk with them.

Little inoccuous things... my favorite is at the bookstore... Just notice some woman, doesn't matter who she is, someone that catches your eye for any reason. Regardless if she is a raven beauty or plain, this is practice. Pick up a book next to her, notice who the author is that she is looking at, and comment "Have you read anything that you would recommend by 'that author'?" This is a sure fire way to initiate a safe conversation. And best of all, you don't get turned down in any way... At least not that I have found.

Try this, really, really try this. Don't walk up to them thinking they will soon by the future Ms. Just walk up to them with only ONE thing in mind... You are going to say this one line, and allow her answer to lead you to the next question. If all you get is a "No I have never read anything by him/her." Say, "I haven't either... I tend to read (X), but was looking to expand my horizons a bit." That is all, if she says nothing, then No problem, But you have survived intitiating a conversation with a complete stranger. Next time will be easier, and the next. And one of these times, you WILL meet someone that will discuss things a little more...

I did it and WOW it is great. The freedom of just being myself is amazing. And EVEYONE of the women that I have talked with have been very pleasant and open. Just remember, while not everyone of them is there to be picked up or hit on, most people enjoy being noticed, and having their opinions validated. That is all.

Just this morning, I was at the bookstore, getting a book on First dates.... yep, I read everything I can find. Some is bunk, but I figure if I learn just one thing out of a book that I would have had to learn in real life, then it was worth the cost.

Anyway, I noticed a lovely woman wondering around towards the front of the store. She was alone and was not wearing a ring. She seemed to be 'wasting time' so to speak. I was dressed in weekend stuff, T-shirt and jean shorts. Didn't shave this morning, but I like that sometimes. And my shadow doesn't look to bad anyway. But I didn't notice her until I was checking out. I thought about going back in, but decided against it. Thought about her a half dozen times afterwards. Kind of kicking myself for not going back in and talking with her, but it would have been just to blatant. Anyway, went and bought groceries, and as I was checking out, she was at the same store two people ahead in line. I noticed her immediately, and she smiled at me, but quickly left. I thought 'Shoot" twice down.

Anyway, I checked out, and ran by Target to get a few things, and lo and behold, she is in the store. I thought, this is destined... hahaha. Anyway, I walked up to her and just blatantly said... "Hello, I don't usually do this in this manner, however, I noticed you at Barnes and Noble, then at CostCo, and now you are here. I had been kicking myself all morning for not talking to you in the other two places, but I will not spend the rest of the day kicking myself because I didn't talk with you here. Hi, my name is FC..."

Her reply..."Yes, it almost felt like I was stalking you." That is meaning that she felt like she was stalking ME!!!

We talked for a while, and I got her phone number. I had no real inclinations to do this when I went out, as per my attire. But you know, I realized that the worst thing that she could do was say she didn't want to talk with me. But instead, I have a very lovely woman's phone number that I didn't have when I woke up.

I am not a womanizer by any means. But I have definitely had a mindset change since my divorce. I am not afraid of women any longer. They are actually quite nice... You hear that ladies, YOU DON'T SCARE ME!!!.... heh heh heh Well, maybe just a little.

FC... love the anecdote. I hope to be following your footsteps eventually. For now, I'm relying on friends to hook me up with people they know that they might think would work... though I have done this in a music store... ;-)

To all the women out there... you terrify me. LOL.

I have always hated dating. Maybe I'll move to Russia for a while and find one of James Bonds' old flames...

<small>[ May 11, 2003, 09:06 PM: Message edited by: Lyxa ]</small>