KK---don't panic. Finding your way in life is a process. If God is in the process, you have to believe He will guide you if you want it. Just think back to previous posts on this thread and PRACTICE communicating with the opposite sex. You do not have to commit to anything. Just get to know some guys who may be interested in the type of person you are.

Praying for you
TW

Thanks Tossed Wave!
The communication at this point is merely answering questions at this point. Then, on to emails (through the website). If I ever decide to divulge my name and phone number, I can, but that can take as long as I want it to.
Plus, I plan on dating several guys (25-30) if possible!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
kk

yo, riffraffe in da house! so did you learn anything 'bout yerself from the profiling? whats that other profiling thing i've seen a couple times in here, the INLF or ILPA or some other such acronym-ialization (now THERE's a word fer y'all) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

how bout a eharmony update there KK22200000222????

Okay, Riff, here's an update for everyone....
I have exchanged questions and answers with 2 guys. I am about to cross off both of them because I am not thrilled about their lists of their 10 must haves, and things they can't stand. See, this is a big step for me, because I am learning to be more assertive, and feel I can be very picky.
I'm still thinking I should have waited on this, but I don't think much is going to come of it anyway.
I have 4 other matches, but they haven't made contact yet. In a way I'm a bit relieved.
Hey, a friend at church today mention "Equally Yoked", another dating thingy. I'll have to look that up.
You know, this sure seems like a lot of work, maybe single isn't so bad after all. Take care everybody.
KK

Riff,

What you are referring to the Keirsey temperament sorter. You can take the Myers-Briggs test (which tells you what you are) at http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm

Basically the acronyms are:

Introvert / Extrovert
iNtuitive / Sensing
Thinking / Feeling
Judging / Perceiving

Write-ups on the personality types can be found at these sites, but might be at more.

http://www.keirsey.com/
http://www.typelogic.com/

Usually, I show up as an INTJ, although by reading the descriptions, I also follow the INTP pattern quite well.

It's all very interesting to me...hope you enjoy.

Well, FC... I followed your suggestion and went to a bookstore. It didn't work so well. Friday evening and there were lots of guys and a few way older women there. No offense to anyone in the prior generation(s), but I don't want to date women who could have daughters that I could also date. ;-)

I guess I need to find a different bookstore or fine tune the time of my visits. I still think it's a good idea FC.

KK---Equally yoked is from 2 Corinthians 6:14 and basically it is a directive to not marry or bind yourself to an unbeliever (like a business partnership). Believers and unbelievers think and do things very differently.

I would hope that the men on eharmony are believers but if not, this is an excellent thing for you to be looking at. My WS is an unbeliever and I became a believer 10 years after we were married and boy, talk about two different journeys. It was most difficult for me but my H benefitted from God's care and love on our family. I am an curious to see if he will feel the results of his rejection of God now that there is no faith in his life.

If you are not feeling ready for dating, I would put your feelings for a relationship on hold. You may not be thinking clearly if you keep feeling hestitant.

TW

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kk2002:
<strong>25-30 people! i'll be lucky to get one date!!!
Interesting.
I'm excited about at least getting started.
kk</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">weeeEEEEeeellllLLL- it 'Soitanly' appears as if yer gettin started, eh???!!!? those squeamish feelings are tellin you 'sumpin' 1) its early 2) they're out there 3) there's time yet 4)'I CAN do this!!! --- God Bless, do ENJOY the ride. 'member those sparks can fly 'early on' so the trepidation you feel is 'prob'ly'a good thing!!!!-- yer favorite riffraffe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> !

Heh heh heh, Lyxa....

You and I definitely went to different bookstores Friday evening. I walked in, actually looking for a book NOT a lady. And that is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH. However, literally before I got through the second set of doors I was absolutely captivated by a beautiful woman.

Now the funny thing is, she was absolutely so NOT made up that it was funny. I was to find out that she had just gotten off work as a waitress. She had a kind of quaint 'tiredness' around her eyes, but they were still bright. She said she had taken her contacts out and put her glasses on, and she had twisted her hair up into a knot and stuck her pen through it. She was wearing the black silk pants and white shirt of a higher end restaraunt, very high end I was to find out. But the funniest thing was, she was wearing a huge haggard, denim jacket and these old, completely 'comfortable ONLY', house slippers. She said she dropped the heels for the slippers when she got in the car. I mean, these things were so worn and used that they had to be comfortable.

But for some absolutely incredible reason, she just absolutely captivated my attention. I was actually a little nervous speaking with her, because she was SO different than most of the other women there. It was obvious she was NOT there to be hit on. She was on her way home, and just needed a book. She even mentioned that she was very surprised, and not just 'a little curious' that I chose to strike up a conversation with her. Anyway, we are going out Wednesday. And I must say, that thus far, she definitely is the most intriguing of the women that I have found so far. I am very excited. Her ease of dress and manner was outstanding, unpretentious, and enthralling. Not to mention that she is absolutely beautiful and I can only imagine what she will look like when I pick her up. Not that it is that important, however, it is what most people find initially interesting. And "even" with a 15 minute conversation, I don't know that much about her.

Remember, you just have to start the talking. And also remember, even the older women can be great to talk with. In fact, they can often times be 'safer' because you don't have any inclination about asking for the number, but you can still involve yourself in the practice and perhaps even make her night with a little light conversation.

<small>[ May 27, 2003, 06:04 AM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

FC -- you sound absolutely twitterpated. ;}

Sorry I don't have much else to add to this thread. I was not looking forward to dating, so I sort of skipped that part after I left my ex. I called up my first love, a man that had always been deep in my heart, and found that he had also been thinking of me. So we just went from there. =D

It's been two wonderful years, sometimes it feels like much longer, and sometimes I can't believe it's been that long already. It's just right.

Wow - I was the one who started this thread and look how far it's gotten?

Questions for those dating again....

What are your biggest challenges emotionally now that you are in a serious relationship?

How do you handle conflict?

Have you caught yourself falling into your old ways?

What have you learned about yourself now that you are interacting with someone other than your ex-spouse?

Thanks,
Llama

Re:
I'm keeping the good in bed part! lol!
It's only been two 1/2 weeks since the last time I had it and I'm goin' nuts!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
In my life even after 10 years the sex was always awesome, it just kept getting better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
No, it can't make a relationship by itself but it sure can make it fun! I like it when my guy walks into the room and he makes my heart skip a beat.

<small>[ May 27, 2003, 12:18 PM: Message edited by: Christine27 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What are your biggest challenges emotionally now that you are in a serious relationship?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not comparing the little things that he does that annoy me to the little things that my ex did that annoyed me. I have a horrible problem with dirty socks on the floor. I coach myself to think "I'm so glad I have someone so special to me that's here to leave his dirty socks on the floor, and they'll be gone when he leaves" instead of "omigawd WHY are his stinkin' SOCKS on the floor AGAIN when he KNOWS I can't STAND that!" ... hee hee

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How do you handle conflict?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is no conflict. In the beginning, I was so not used to no conflict, that I think I subconsciously tried to push him to get him to react, so I could see what it would look like when he got mad at me. It never worked. There just isn't anything worth arguing about.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you caught yourself falling into your old ways?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Only when I'm alone, and I have self-depreciating thoughts. It happens only rarely. When I reflect on how far I've come, it goes away. I have so much to be thankful for, I don't waste much time on how miserable I used to be.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What have you learned about yourself now that you are interacting with someone other than your ex-spouse?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, where to start ... I'm NOT ignorant, I'm NOT worthless, I'm NOT a bad mom, I'm NOT a lot of things the ex used to claim. I DO have some issues of my own to work on; as bad as he was, it wasn't always him at fault for all the problems in our relationship. I am a less selfish person now. I also don't make it my job to try and 'fix' him when he's moody, etc. because I no longer blame myself or worry that it's my fault that he's upset.

It was a rough road in the beginning. If he hadn't known me from high school, he probably wouldn't have put up with the rollercoaster of becoming 'my old self' again. Being in a bad relationship for so long had made me very shielded, distant, cynical. Because of our past he knew what I was really like inside, and put up with the struggle of the real me finally emerging.

You could say that when we were together in high school, we were both caterpillars. When we got back together, we were both in our own cocoons. After a fair amount of being worried if the spirit we knew and loved back then was really wrapped up inside all those layers, we both broke free and spread our wings together. :}

Thanks for your post Princess. I appreciate you sharing your insight.

Anyone else? Would love to hear from you.

Llama

^^^bumping for conversation^^^

It is very interesting dating at 34 rather than 20. I am so much more confident in who I am. One of the best things that I read about dating, and believe me, I have read about everything that I could get my hands on.

I read that when we are older, we go on a date and think, "Do I like her?" while when we were younger we thought, "Does she like me?".

I have found this to be so true. It is nice being able to be myself. I like who I am, and I like people to see who I am and what I am about. I feel no NEED to find someone. I do enjoy the dates I have been going on, however, I know that no one that I have been with has hit me as someone that I really want to know further. It is so extremely liberating to just be able to enjoy another person's company. Although, I must admit, I am getting tired of telling the same stories over and over again. I would kind of like to meet someone that I wanted to date a few times.

Everyone that I have been out with wanted to continue seeing me. However, I knew after our date that while they might have been very nice, they didn't have that "one" potential for me. And I would rather keep enjoying the evenings with new people that might be 'her' rather than begin a relationship with someone that I know isn't.

I don't feel like I am trying to be a player, I am just not settling. I have no need to... I have two wonderful boys, I have a career that is just beginning. I have finally found out who I am after living scared of my shadow for 11 years. I realized just how 'afraid' of my ex I had been when I saw that she had sent me an email, and my stomach got queasy. I thought 'What in the world are you afraid of?' and I realized that I had this feeling on an almost daily basis while I was married. I would worry about setting her off or doing something that would end up in an argument. I no longer have to deal with that on a daily basis.

So, my dating is great. I have been having so many people looking out for me, that I have found that I can actually rely on others. I used to take complete and total responsibility for everything, just to ensure that things were completed. Now, I say, 'Hey, if she isn't there, she just wasn't interested.' But everyone has met me everytime. A difference is that, I would have worried about it before, "What if"...

My biggest problem is that I have been less interested in them at the end of the date, than they have been of me. I don't have the 'let down' skills that I need in order to protect myself and my family. What I mean is, I have an incredible sense of responsibility. It is almost like, "OK, I asked her out, she said yes. She likes me... alot. I like her, but not that much. But since I started the 'relationship', I almost feel responsible to continue it." That was really hard, and had I not had my boys to look out for, I might have continued a couple relationships because of this simple scenario.

Ladies, I do have something to ask you...

How do you think you would best like to hear that a man is not interested in continuing dating? And I mean, if you really liked him... to the point of calling HIM the next day or even that night. Suppose you really like a guy who initiated contact, but doesn't want to see you again. What would you like to hear? I could really use some WORDS... Not 'tell her the truth...' I always strive to tell the truth... in this instance however, I have trouble figuring out how to say it.

FC---I guess it is never easy to tell an interested person that you are not interested but I would like to know the specifics of why a person is not interested.

I just recently had a good friend completely shut me out of her life. I have assumed so many things that "I" could have done wrong that it hurts more to not know the specifics of why she does not want to be friends anymore. I guess telling the date specifically why you are not interested will help the date not assume unnecessarily that she is a loser or the worst person alive. If it is you that can't get interested, she needs to know that instead of thinking she is the problem. Women get their self-esteem from relationships and get emotionally involved with whomever they are with so keep it platonic.

Hope this helps
TW