</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Jack72:
<strong>I really feel as if I left my heart with my ex and even if she fully let's it go, I lack the ability to pick it back up.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Two years. I would recommend spending two years without a girlfriend to get to know yourself and be happy with yourself. There is a lot of pain in your posts, and not your ex or anyone out there ten times as wonderful as her, can fix you. You have to fix you first.

Think of a relationship as a bridge, and the people in it as the foundations. It takes two strong foundations at either end of the bridge to hold it up. If just one is weak, the bridge will collapse.

I said a bunch of threads ago.....ya dont need to be with either right now jack! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

So, "you don't know Jack" is the summary.... LOL

Jack,

Still shaking my head.

(I'm 33 BTW)

You demonstrated wayward spouse behavior when you were with your fiancee. At a minimum, I suspect an emotional affair with your current gf. I suspect your fiancee views you as a cheater and has basically dumped you.

I also suspect that given that you were having your cake and eating it too that you did indeed feel wonderful. Gee, that's the funny thing about affairs. You're getting all of your needs met by two women. Affairs feel so right until reality seeps into the fantasy bubble and the bubble pops.

You're demonstrating wayward spouse behavior right now as all of your thoughts are for your fiancee.

As far as your IQ is concerned; you say that your gf and you are off by 70 points. If your girlfriend is average, she has an IQ of 100. That means that you would have an IQ of 170. That is well within the genius range and would make you one of the smartest people on the planet. (I don't have a table in front of me, but 170 is extremely high, like one is several million) If you're that smart, why isn't this sinking in?

You will NEVER be happy by behaving the way you currently are. You are a cheater. Relationships with two women at the same time gives you a false sense of one of them being "the one". Both are meeting your needs and you are euphoric. Neither is meeting all of your needs. So, when you're only with one, you're unhappy. Neither is "the one".

Again, do not contact your fiancee and if you're not happy with your gf, let her go.

Be by yourself for a while and get your head screwed on straight. You will NEVER meet the woman who you know can meet all of your needs until you go for a while without any of your needs being met.

I know I'm being a bit harsh. My XW was a WS. She married the OM. Wayward spouses behave in an extremely weird way. We often say that they've been abducted by aliens. Their behavior completely changes. They are in the fog of their affair.

Come out of the fog. Get your head screwed on straight if you have the guts. Let your gf go. Wait at least 3 months and find another woman. If you don't do this, you will continually have problems with relationships and hurt a lot of people along the way.

well said, father of 1!

Father of 1, Husband of 0-

I was never really dating two women at once. Okay, maybe, but well let me explain.

My Ex-fiancee and I had a 3yr relationship. Once she broke up with me (yes as I engineered it) I tried desperately to get her back. I was a fool, was blinded by business success, and other lame excuses. Anyway, I was a fool for trying to get her to leave me versus working on us and loving her (although truly I never did not lvoe her- oh the irony)... Anyway, it wasn;t until my months of effort and patience in trying to get my Ex back that I met current GF.

Essentially my braing went something like this.. "Ok idiot, she keeps tellign you know..You keep hurting..When are you going to wake up - she's gone"..evenetually we all lose hope or have moments of it where we feel we have to move on. Again, after months of trying to get her back I got to that point and started to "look" to se who migth be a replacement mate for me. Current GF was available at the time and took me up on my offer to date.

And that is how it started. So while I didn't have any alone time to heal (and I gwet that) ..I also was not dating my ex and new gf at the same time. No cake and eating it too. Just new cake after the old one left.

Jack

Father of 1, Hsuband of 0-

I must have relayed something incorrect in a previous mesage, because at no ttime was I dating 2 women at one time.

IQ- Mine ranges between 130-155 depending on when take the test it seems. My current GF scored in the 70s on one of them (and I can kind of tell a tad). My Ex would likey have been around 100 or so. ONLY stating this for reasons of analysis.

Despite the dating two women premise being incorrect you still continue to make maany valid points. THANKS AGAIN FOR THE ADVICE AND CANDOR!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I feel sorry for your current GF. Your just using her. Hey she has feelings too. About the IQ thing. Yeah there are really smart people out there and they can be as smart as can be in school or whatever but then when it comes to real life some of them can be as stupid as they come.

depressed-

I would say that in some sense I feel bad for her. Certainly my posting here has shown that I am not ready for a marriage to her. So in that sense I certainly do. But on the other hand you would be surprised how candid & honest I have been with her. Also, she has gotten a lot out of this relationship. In fact we just had a talk awhile back that I brought up becuase hoenstly I was giving & giving in this relationsship with very little reciprocation. I do "feel" bad about this and that is part of the point. I am tired of feeling bad, when deep down I am a good person and 99% of my everyday life truly and authentially reflects that. I just want to feel whole, happy and at peace again. In terms of the IQ thing. I mention it only because it is mentioned as very important (ala Dr. Harley)and I suspect a fairly substantial discrepancy between my Ex and I and even a bigger one between Current GF and I. THANKS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

................. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Why oh why do I miss my ex so much? Even with the realization that we likely will never be. I am so mad at myself for being stupid and feeling this way, but might be even more mad if I fully give up all hope. Make any sense at all?

By the way.. I am aware that do to the way this thread has gone I look like some sort of spoiled player or something. I can assure you that that is not entirly true. I am a good man, with a good heart, whose previous STELLAR relationship went to shiX because I was naive, 1st real relationship, young and got carried away with myself. many mistakes and I believe I have paid for them all at this point.

............................ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Where'd everybody go?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jack,

Sorry If I sounded mean on the last thread I was just trying to tell you that if you aren't over your ex let your GF go because it's not fair to her. She could develop this unconditional love for you and one day you might decide that you don't feel right with her and leave her shattering her world. Don't waste her time and set her up for what alot of people on MB are going through. The pain is horendous and I wish no one the kind of pain I'm going through.


That was all. I hope everyone doesn't abandone you when you feel the need for friends but you did come out a little selfish and conceited.

So, "you don't know Jack" is the summary.... LOL

"I think Jack does not know Jack!"

I think you need time to be alone for maybe 6 months to a year get over both of them.

I don't think you even know what life is all about let alone love.

Get on with your life and just let them find their place in life maybe you will meet down on the road, if it is meant to be you will end up on the same path without looking for each other. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

that is about as realistic as what you think..lol..
keep on trucking. GET A DOG..

"Jack does not no Jack" - perhaps that may be part of it..

More likely though it is "Jack is now old enough and experienced to be extremely cynical about many things - certainly relationships, understand the fact that everyone operates out of selfish reasons (self included), has learned that life is not fair - period, and that life is hard (and gets harder usually). I view those as absolute truths and operating in that new world versus my previous idealistic, just, naive and blistful world continues to be a struggle.

***UPDATE***

I made contact with a mutual friend of my Ex and I's today. SHE IS NOW ENGAGED!! I am taking this (trying my hardest) as Final Closure.

To say this hurts is an understatement. I have been fighting off crying ever since I heard the news today.

I absolutely feel as if a part of me has died today. Makes me mad btw that I feel that way, but I do. I feel as if I am relegated to living an 85% life. The "dream" of reconciliation is over. Writing this sure sucks! I feel I may never be complete again. The sad thing is that my outlook on life leads me to believe that my 85% life will likely be better than most other people. Even a sadder statement I suppose.

This will be a very tough next couple of weeks I fear. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Any one care to respond to any of the above posts by me or others? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ....... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I have been fighting off crying ever since I heard the news today.
Why have you been fighting it off? Why not do it (cry) & get it over with?

The "dream" of reconciliation is over.
And that is exactly what it was, a dream.

The sad thing is that my outlook on life leads me to believe that my 85% life will likely be better than most other people. Even a sadder statement I suppose.
Your life is going to be better than most and that is a sad statement?

Jack
perhaps this is the beginning of a new chapter for you close the book end it and seal it,
cry and go through the emotions you are feeling don't keep them in.

sometimes I have to laugh at you.
I see you as Jack Devero (I use to watch days of our lives) and he was always plotting how to get jennifer back and always bungling things up.

he schemed and plotted and she rejected him..
well some way your living a soap opera type existence stop the drama and be a man and maybe you need to find God in all of this looking for some fulfilling thing you are missing..

If you don't know Him personally nothing will work out right in your life.
Find a bible and read the the book of John and see who Jesus is.
He will fill the hole you have in your heart and besides you will get the morals and wisdom in how to live life read proverbs.

Now I hope you don't go bothering the gf it would be a lie if you were with her later down the line
you would want out and tell her you lived a lie..don't do that to her have some respect for you and her..
take care

Keep on Keeping on

inch by inch life is cinch
yard by yard life is hard

Life is difficult then you die.

The bible says..it is appointed to a man once to die and then the judgement.

You will stand before God all alone to give an account of your life. Will you go to heaven or hell.
it is your choice you have to decide read the bible and make up your mind. pray for wisdom
the best thing to pray for is WISDOM with that you got it made..

So JAck what's up with you now?
are you hanging in there ok?
d
if you need to vent just do it.

I can imagine how disappointed you are right about now. but we all tried to warn you.

why you thought you were all that and a bag of chips I don't know..
did you truly belive she was just waiting for you?

what did you do now go back to the dumb girl?
that was what you tried to have us believe that she was dumb..low IQ

I hope she also moved on, I would think you would use her because she was available on a shelf where you placed her or her cage..and went back to get her...hopefully she has flown far away so that you can grow up and get a sense of reality.

maybe you need to go on one of those game shows on tv..I don't watch tv..I get news via the computer so am not sure if they still have them..but you have alot of time on your hands now..so you could do that survival thing you would probably win it..lol.

be careful who you hitch up with next time and make sure you be honest with her..go read the Harleys books so you will be prepared..next time and give whoever you date an emotional test the test from needs..it is interesting..
I am not even sure if you will be back..I just pray you don't do anything stupid or we will believe you had a lower IQ then you said.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I wish you well and just said a prayer for your health and well being. God bless you,
and keep on keeping on.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />