Ok. The weekend was poopy.

After sobbing for an hour in my saturday night bubble bath, I decided that I will do my best to make the best of things.

With less than forty bucks to my name period, I have made it thus far. It's incredible that he could leave me with nothing and that was part of the good cry I had. Plus on saturday I received a large envelope from the county and it was "victim's rights information" plus they wanted an "impact statement" about the crime and a 3 page questionairre about what went on when Jethro broke in.

I am unable to dismiss charges in exhchange for settlement offer because charges are state of GA vs. Jethro and not me vs. jethro but will find out what I can do. Hey I could write a very decent and kind impact statement and maybe that could be used for leverage plus I do not wish evil things on anybody. Why? Because during that cry I came to understand something...Unless Jethro changes nothing in his life will be better but when I am through with jethro this month, things in my life will already be better. I have proven that I am a stronger and more loving person than I thought I was before. That's ok. I may have crappy credit now due to Jethro. I may have not "lived like a rock star" like Jethro stated in a previous email as he has done. I may not have a GQ live in lover to pat my back and tell me foggy things to make me forget about my family, but I am doing pretty darn well considering these horrid circumstances.

And in knowing I probably can't drop the charges, God has given me a small bit of justice. At least there will be something to follow this. I may settle with Jethro in the next week or so, but I believe the world will know in a way what happened.

Life's really hard right now financially. I know this. But at least I've gotten the car issue out of the way. No payments due until July 25. Gives me a tiny bit of breathing room. Please keep praying for us. Pray harder than before.

I guess during that huge cry and when I didn't want to get out of bed this entire weekend (but I did and am glad) I came to finally accept that my life as I once knew it is over. Dead and gone. My heart is bruised greatly and I want to know so badly that I can love as I once did. That I can let go of everything once and for all. My next door neighbor knew I was down last night and she said to throw a last time pity party and brought me a Celine Dion CD with "All Coming BAck to Me" on it...I had told her earlier that song described my once love with Jethro perfectly. So I had yet another bubble bath last night and listened to it. I cried and cried again.

Heard that one and as well as "My Heart Will Go ON". That was one that made me boo hoo more than ever. But it's true. She had her teenage son make up a whole cd of sappy sad love songs. But the creme de la creme was the Faith Hill song which was the theme from Pearl Harbor. I was boo hooing all the while. That song after listening took the place of the other Celine Dion song that had once described my life.

Think the other reason I cried is because paralegal confirmed that Jethro paid for Family Values' apartment in January which would confirm she had to pay her roommate, which the check was made out to, to get out of her contract.

And now with Jethro moving out of my once dream home, he will probably be moving in with Family Values asap. Guess my once dream last year I had of the divorce being over and Jethro waking up and kicking himself is gone. That there will be no change for Jethro at all after all is said and done. I have now officially decided to not look back at all.

And what's made me so dad gum mad is that the world thinks it's ok that you can shack up with a married man as long as his divorce is pending. That adultery with certain attachments to it is fine. And it makes me want to vomit.

Getting to work today was ok. Getting out of the house was very good. I've got to stretch this $$$ for another 24 hours. I can do it. This is the most broke I've ever been. But it's ok. I will survive. Just don't want to get evicted before I can move out.

There are tons of emotions churning in me and I know this is part of this passage of my life. I know this. God's helped me somehow through it. You guys have been so kind and good to me and my son and I truly thank you.

You know you're really down when you cannot even muster up enough strength to face anybody at church...That's where I've been the last three weeks. And it stinks. I want to find my place, our place, my son and I. Find out where exactly we belong. And find out how to open my heart once again. Please pray that God brings about healing in the end of this divorce for me and my boy. Pray that God gives us strength to close the book on my past and never look back. Pray God gives us hope and a brighter future financially and pray that my heart will go on.

{{{peachy}}}

It sounds like you "let it go". It hurts like the dickens, but after all the crying is over, you will pick up the pieces and go on. This is what makes you stronger, and believe me, things will get better!

I'm trying to do the last bit of letting go in my life; but with the abuse he did to my kids, it's a tough one to do. I let go of Dippy a long time ago, but forgiving his abuse is one I really have trouble with.

You and your son will be much better off without Jethro. Getting the divorce final will be some closure, and will enable you to move ahead more quickly.

People have managed to survive with less than $40 in their pockets, and you can too! When I was training horses I usually made it on $120 per week, and I had an apartment, a truck, a dog, a cat, and a horse to feed, too. It was slim pickings, but I did it for a while. Builds character if nothing else.

You're going to be OK.

Lori

Hi Peach,
It's still morning where I am, and I am praying God will bless you and your son today.

I was wondering you mentioned the questionare you are having to fill out for "victim's rights??
Find out if they have a victims fund in your state
we do here and you get money, it is quite alot in our state, I think it is 10,000.00 or up to that.
don't quoate me on the amount..another thing look into your home insurance read the whole thing and see if it lists something for abuse I remember mine something to do with stuff to do with abuse and domestic violence in the home, something was covered do not remember what..
I am not sure of the house you were at when all this started but if it was your own check it out if you had insurance on it..or even there if you had insurance..

I pray the landlady/man? will have a heart and wait for money and not harrass you.
I was where you were and I was 3 months behind here and they were ready to forclose on me, I had no income because he died, and then I had to wait 6 months for benefits.my daughter made one house payment and a dear friend I met on the internet 7 years ago paid one for me she lives in virginia.
she also paid a back bill on my meds of $1,000.00
and she would not take repay on it.I have met her she came to visit me in March while I was going through the separation....

my brothers knew I needed money I did not ask them, I figure they could of offered, they did't actually I don't hear from them and my mom passed away besides 2 of her sisters and husbands mom and dad before hubby left.
so it seems the stress of everything gets to where you feel like you are drowning..

I am sure you are grieving right now..I remember slinking to my knees in the kitchen and wailing I am not kidding I wailed and wailed it was soooo
weird I shocked myself, it was the most horrible pain I felt, I never want to experience it again.
I do empathize with what you are going through and know you will make it...it will seem like it won't end but honey it will..

Know your friends are praying for you and son and yes also for Jethro at least I am that God will take his heart of stone and give him a heart of flesh after Him.
I am not saying you go back to him..no, I am praying God will show him the error of his ways before it is too late for him..

take care and if you want to scream, cry, vent, do it..you need to get it out or it will poison you.

love ya Peach and I admire your spunk!!!
Keep On Keeping on! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The no contact order is what's going to be your silver lining peach.

I've healed SO MUCH since I haven't had contact with my stbxH... and it was proven today, in court.

You know that place that we all dream of? The one that's the true opposite of love towards our WS's? That "indifference" place? I'm there. And I believe the NC is what helped me get there. And I believe it will be the same for you. For me, it took 5 full months. I am praying that it will take even less time for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Please don't be "easy" on Jethro when you're filling out the form for the police. Just stick to the facts, and try to keep emotions out of it (they mean next to squat in court anyways). Talk about how his actions (by the break in) have affected your life. For example, less sleep, neighbours on the "look out", new security system (if applicable), those extra costs (if applicable), etc.

You COULD be "easy" on him... but you know what? It won't matter to him anyways. If anything, he could throw it back in your face, even if it means hurting himself more. And that's not worth it. When you're dealing with legal issues, you should NOT be the "nice guy"... that won't get you ahead. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Save the "nice guy" stuff for the rest of your life... friends, family, etc. The things that REALLY matter. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Take care,
Karen

I got notice as I walked in door about 30 min. ago that Jethro's attorneys want to depose me on thursday. We haven't deposed Jethro yet as we believed this to go to settlement.

I can't get off of work for that and my attorneys are attempting tomorrow to reschedule as we sent notice of several days ahead of time to depose jethro. His counsel was obviously not courteous like ours.

I told my attorney that we needed at least 10 days to get my patient schedule cleared to have me do that and I cannot take off of work.

Honestly, I will not make it emotionally if I am forced to do this as I have now reached the end of my rope. Period. He didn't pay us and I am in limbo regarding the move and when and to where. This is horrible. Worse damn thing in the world.

I don't know where I am going to move to and it's about 20 days away. The move that is. How does one do that and take care of legalities?

I just don't know.

When this is all over I hope Jethro is a happy felon. I hope it was worth it. Worth everything. Worth the lies, cheating, abuse and becoming a part time father. All for his little jollies. His lusts. His coveting that which wasn't his own. And his denial and betrayal of that which was his own.

It just makes me want to vomit. He's going to try to make me out during deposition to look like an insane, wacked out, psycho religious nut and for a while I was depressed very much. About two years ago this time I was totally losing it, but for much different reasons back then. And then he's gonna try to use any MB attempts I might have used to say we "reconciled" so he could refile later. But we've stayed the course of this divorce and there was trust me, no reconciliation. He will and would do anything to say that no abuse or adultery was the reason for the divorce. But that's just not true.

This divorce is happening and going through. Period.

My attorneys haven't yet deposed Jethro and it would be really interesting. His stuff would be so damning compared to mine.

Bottom line is I am too traumatized from the other day to ever want to walk into a court of law again. I won't ever unless I am forced against my will to.

But I am not going through anymore of this. I am done. Enough. He has done too much.

OK, the attorneys KNOW what you make, know everything because you have been upfront, they are only deposing you because it adds lots of attorney fees and it is another way to mentally beat you down. I know, I went through 2 of them and I was the one being upfront, my ex lies through his teeth to this day.

It is a ploy to make more money and upset you more. If I remember correctly, they should have to be able to find a date that works into your schedule, too, but if you hold off to long they can file something in court to make it look bad.

This is where the courts and the so-called justice system are absolutely non-existant. It is all about money for attorneys.

If Jethro was late paying again, doesn't that set him up for more jail time? If he's in jail it is hard to hold a deposition.

After 3 years of all this stupid divorce stuff, I am so ready to be able to live my life again. I heard that ex and his housemate have decided to try and take away my business. I just laughed. Whatever happens is going to have a reason for it, I just know I am way better off without that man anywhere in my or my children's lives.

Wouldn't say I am indifferent yet... I absloutely detest the jerk and wouldn't walk across the street to pee on him if he was on fire. I think the kids and I will only feel relieved when he is dead and buried, and since he's just about 40, it may be a long time yet.

Lori

{{{{{notpeachy}}}}}

I don't always reply to you, but I always read your posts and relate to your story. I am so sorry you are having to go through the mess (some other non-MB-approved words come to mind) you are going through. For me, detaching and letting go has been the hardest part. Like you, I once truly loved this man who has proved himself time and time again to be abusive, deceitful, manipulative, and self-centered, and did everything I could to try to save our marriage.

I even told my lawyer during our first meeting, that I wanted to be fair and I didn't want to spend a lot of money or drag the Dv out forever. My STBXH, like yours, had other ideas. Being "nice" only gave him the opportunity to take advantage of me and I've finally reached the point where I can't take it anymore. I don't feel vengeful, I finally feel like I'm worth fighting for and that I deserve better than I've been getting. Today I told my lawyer that the gloves are off and I'd rather spend the money on him than give it to my STBX.

I don't want to tell you what to do, but my instincts tell me that you need to do whatever it takes to look out for yourself and your son. As Karen said, no contact is crucial. I've had over a year of no contact and it's helped immensely. Being "nice" to someone like Jethro only gives him an opportunity to gain the upper hand. What has he done recently to be "nice" to you? From your posts it sounds like everything he's done has been selfish and/or intended to hurt you. You don't have to prove to any of us here that you're a strong, loving, fair, and caring person. We already know that! You will NEVER convince Jethro of this and you need to get over caring what he thinks!

I've tried for the 2.5 years since my H moved in with the MOW to consider my H's "disease," to be fair, considerate, and loving. Why? Plan A? To win him back? To show that I was morally superior? My reasons were unhealthy for me. Now I'm where Lori's at: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Wouldn't say I am indifferent yet... I absolutely detest the jerk and wouldn't walk across the street to pee on him if he was on fire.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm so sorry you have to appear at a deposition. I know you'll be okay. Don't let it wear you down. You have nothing to hide. One day this will all be behind you (us) and you'll be able to get on with your new life. Remember your blessings: your son, your career, all your talents and abilities.

Thanks Let'sTry and Lori...

Well things are definitely a bit different today. I was served with papers to begin the eviction process. The sheriff was very rude and blocked in my car as I was leaving the house in my scrubs to go to work. HE said "I don't care if the man owes you a million dollars, I have to do this."

I was crying. Cried all the way to work. I am better now. Still shaky and feeling horrible basically.

And yes, you are right if Jethro doesn't pay me by Wednesday, there will be another emergency hearing on Wednesday and he will go to jail again. I have about 14 days to get something done. I think I can hopefully. I am praying and going to try.

And you're right about the cost of the deposition. My attorney will notify his office today of my inability to make it on thursday as I cannot get off for work then and can't even make it should a trial be scheduled for wednesday--attorneys said I don't need to be there as it will be handled immediately.

And it's definitely a ploy. We are going to say to them today, "hey money is a huge issue and we have these huge court costs. Do you want to settle or not? Before we spend another dime, let's see if we can begin negotiations." IF they will not reschedule me we will immediately depose JEthro and slam him.

Also we are pushing the thought that we also have the 3 page vitim's right's statements that need to be filled out and will GO DIRECTLY TO THE MAGISTRATE JUDGE about Jethro's conviction of 1)criminal trespassing and 2)fleeing from an officer.

That is huge. They can have us on their side or not. Choice is theirs.

Now here's the bad part. I can't stop being shaky. Feel like I have to pretend always that everything is ok at work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I've got two small but painful (nobody can really see them, just looks like the corners of my mouth cracked) cold sores as of thirty minutes ago from incredible stress. I've dropped four pounds and have seven dollars left to my name. However get paycheck auto deposited at midnight today so I am somehow going to make this.

I am totally losing it. I am on the inside anyway. I am going to hold it together for my son, who doesn't yet know we are moving. Talk about confusion. And the move is not yet confirmed. We may have no place to go. He's ruined my credit and with him owing over 12k now, it's not likely I can put dough down on a new place. I pray and hope that he will move out of the house so my son and I can move in. But then he'll make up some story about me living rent free and his hardships (which he will probably move in with Family Values) and tell the judge that I deserve EVEN LESS CHILD SUPPORT. Who knows.

I just know that 1)we need some relief financially2)I am working as many hours as I am allowed to work3)am actively applying for better job4)not going to go to the deposition. By the time they try to go through court system, it will be trial date 5)going to press for settlement as I can't take it anymore 6)force the issue of JEthro moving out of my former dream home 7)force issue of victim's right statement to use as a coercive maneuver towards a decent settlement.

He can have it two ways 1)where I write a statement about forgiving him and about how he must be dealing with incredible stress and asking for only some clinical help /counseling instead of jail time and minimize the horrors he's really put me through down to nothing on the paper or 2)really tell the truth to the judge about how he's made my life a living hell these last 3 years with adultery, spousal abuse (legally documented with one report filed week before I filed for divorce), mental and emotional cruelty and his incessant desire for controlling everyone around him. And his desire in entering my home illegally was to steal documents to further abuse me mentally and financially during the divorce that's around the corner. He can have two ways. He can pick either.

Please pray. I never believed I would ever place or hang anything above anybody's head. It is sooo unlike me. But he's forced my hand.

Pray for a peaceful resolution to everything and for some answers to our prayers asap. Honestly, my worst fear is that because of this stress, I will have some sort of lasting heart problem like my dad did. HE passed away four years ago today. Four years ago today I lost my protector, my friend and the man I love so much. I lost him to heart failure. He would absolutely roll over in his grave if he knew what his son in law had done to his daughter and grandson.

So much going through my mind and heart that it is amazing. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Notpeachy:

I don't believe I have ever posted on any of your threads but have followed them closely. I am an attorney by profession (not a divorce lawyer, though), BS in marriage. When I read your most recent post, something jumped up and grabbed me that I would like you to pass on to your attorneys: Yes, it is very short notice for a deposition. Why? My reaction was that he is doing this (using your deposition) to get information that will help him defend his criminal charges or to intimidate you into not cooperating w/ the DA's office with regard to those charges. In most states, you cannot use civil proceedings to obtain discovery for criminal proceedings. Your attorneys need to be primed to expect that, object if anything even remotely related to the breaking and entering comes up (including questions re: whether Jethro has stuff at the house, ever lived there, has his name on the lease, anything, anything, anything that they could use), and to cut off the deposition immediately and take it to the judge if they try.

Regards,

Brit's Brat/BS-42
WH-43
DS-20 months
Status: Separated

Peachy, you and your son are in my prayers.
I'm sorry it's getting worse. You are taking the right steps now.
Can you ask anyone for financial help? What about your church? You can't be more humiliated than Jethro has already done, esp. in his orange suit. Maybe you can get enough money to prevent eviction.

God bles you and your family.

peachy,
Are you in default on the credit cards too? Is there anything you can tap into there? There's a 90-day period of defaulting before anything is sent to the credit reporting agencies. Given the choice between defaulting on the rent and defaulting on a credit card, choose the credit card every time. It's unsecured debt. Your housing, utilities, transportation and food are THE most important things. I used cash advances many a time to pay for the essentials. It's not ideal, of course, and I could have avoided my whole financial disaster if I'd gotten smarter faster. It's a path I should have avoided from the get go, but I didn't. You're in a spot created by someone else and you have a son to protect. Tis better to skate on thin ice than go crashing through IMHO. Tap every last penny of credit you can if it's available. You're a woman of faith and that faith gets rewarded when we trust during the darkest periods. You have a potential best case scenario where you can eek out of the jaws of bankruptcy in the not too distant future.

Opposing attorney got the check today from Jethro. Is mailing it to me today. That is huge. Good prayer answered. And he still hasn't paid us for June either child support or spousal.

But that's to come with the settlement being so near. Withholding $$$ at the end before settlement is always a tactic.

This gives me a few days to figure out what I am going to do with June's rent.

Brit: Thanks for the idea. We are going to use that idea in reverse to see if we can get him to settle a bit in our favor. I will definitely pass this information along to my attorneys. God bless you and glad to hear from you.

Newly, thanks. Thanks..Prayers matter so much.

Lonesome, there's no more cc to tap. Just went into default last mo. He left me with about 45k in cc debts (joint) but with me as primary. We had NO debt two years ago at this time. All happened when he began "living like a rock star".

I am really scared still. Each day brings new poop which is really piling up. Pray please please please. I want this over. He did so much to me. So damn much to us. And he's not done. He is evil.

His attorney told my papalegal today and alluded that Mrs. Jethro was the one to call the police etc...Just like I thought. Blamed me for something that I was not even there to do. My paralegal told him that "she wasn't even home when it happened. The neighbors are the ones who called police. She was shocked and at work when this went on."

So my speculations were true. Jethro blames me for his jail time. Blames me. I didn't do anything. He did. It was all him. And his attorneys were even blaming me for his being arrested. Like I set him up or something. No such thing happened. He wanted to break in and either steal a piece of jewelry or get some legal information to use.

I am sick of his spin and blame game. I am sick of him. He is so lost and it's so sad. He cannot see the forest ahead of him for all of the trees stuck in the way.

When does a WS ever take responsibility for their actions? When? Ever? I don't think so. Think once they start dancing down Sin Avenue that they are done for, until a huge life change comes about...LIke maybe incarceration?

Peach,

I always look for your posts first when I "check" MB. I'm rooting for you.

I'm so glad you've gotten some financial relief.

Can you get somebody - maybe your paralegal to go over and pick up that check? It would be stoopid of the attourney's to play games with "lost in the mail", but right now, I wouldn't want to take any chances.

I don't think it matters who called the police. Breaking in is breaking in. Running from the police is running from the police.

You are going to be alright.
You are going to be alright.
You are going to be alright.

Excuse me if I throw out a few ideas. Probably you've been through them before - maybe even here, but just in case you haven't...

Have you got any friend of coworker who would put you up for a few days if you need it? Do you know anybody with a temporarily unused house or appartment - somebody who went to Europe for a month or is in the middle of a move or on a temp assignment or something? Line up some fallbacks in case you need them.

You mentioned that Jethro might have been trying to steal some jewelry or something. Do you still have any? Why not sell or hock it? Do you have anything else of value you could sell? You've never been "down and out", so you have to learn the skills.

I forget. What's the deal on your SUV. Maybe you could get into a cheaper car and give yourself some financial air down the road. Getting to July 1st is not the end of this. I sense that you are still going to have to make serious downscale adjustments even after you get the settlement. All the settlement will do is leave you in a situation where you have to worry every month about whether or not Jethro will pay. Of course, he should pay, but you also need to protect yourself financially by going downmarket as much as possible.

Probably there are a lot of families who live on less than you make now. You can too. And all the really important things you can't buy anyway.

-AD

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> His attorney told my papalegal today and alluded that Mrs. Jethro was the one to call the police etc...Just like I thought. Blamed me for something that I was not even there to do. My paralegal told him that "she wasn't even home when it happened. The neighbors are the ones who called police. She was shocked and at work when this went on." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is exactly what I suspected and why I think they are trying to depose you on such short notice. You absolutely MUST bring this to the attention of your attorneys. Jethro is the epitomy of jerks and it doesn't surprise me he would pull a tactic like this.

Regards,

Brit's Brat

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by notpeachyinga:
<strong>
So my speculations were true. Jethro blames me for his jail time. Blames me. I didn't do anything. He did. It was all him....

.....When does a WS ever take responsibility for their actions? When? Ever? I don't think so. Think once they start dancing down Sin Avenue that they are done for, until a huge life change comes about...LIke maybe incarceration?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My H blames me too. He cannot see how any of his actions could possibly be the cause of his troubles. What fools they are! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Just like with your H, I did not press charges against him, but the country did. And yet somehow I'M to blame for that??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> (gee, in my case, that would mean I was also responsible for the "Criminal Code of Canada"!!!).

Here's hoping the incarceration will work... for both of them! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Try to stay strong. What works for me, is knowing that the truth always comes out in the end (eventually).

((((((((( Peachy )))))))))))

Karen

Peachy
are you on good terms with a bank?
you could ask them to do a promissary note.

If you own your vehicle you can get a collatoral loan.

you can try to go to the president of the local bank the one you have used..ask them to give you a loan. explain your situation.

you can also try and get a small business loan and use part of it for what you need now..don't they have special business loans right now for women?

is there a business you could run?
then this is the time to pull it off..it will take the time to get it going..but you have time..you need the money..just a thought..

also the things jethro bought on credit you should be able to sell can't you if you get stuck with the debt why should he get to keep the things
have a garage sale after the divorce is over..

oh well my 2 cents for what it is worth probably nothing lol..

but I do know God hears prayer..that one check came through for you..now He will have to work out the stuff on the rest of these things...

told faith we need a wives club to help others..
but this is epidemic beyond what we can imagine..

did you hear on dr dobson they talked about a bill gettin passed in canaga for it to be legal to have 3 somes..and it is going to get voted on in the United states in aug..isn't that sick..

you can go listen to yesterdays program it talks about it online focus on the family is what to copy and paste..

take care and God bless you with good health..
btw I do have heart failure..didn't before the crapola... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Peachy,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Lonesome, there's no more cc to tap. Just went into default last mo. He left me with about 45k in cc debts (joint) but with me as primary. We had NO debt two years ago at this time. All happened when he began "living like a rock star". </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wait a second, the man used JOINT cards after seperation and drew up all that debt? NO, NO, NO... Jethro should be responsible for paying that off and it will be part of the settlement.

Once he left, you should have cancelled him off of any card you were primary holder of. Just helps keep that spending to a minimum. I know, hind sight's 20/20. Anyway, he should be liable for every monetary item plus interest that he ran up.

OK, getting it from him is another story <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> To get what my ex owes me, my attorney will probably just garnish his checking account and take what is due. Yes, attorneys can do that when things are settled.

Lori

No good terms with a bank. Remember I am a stranger in a strange land. Plus a bank where I bank at will not do business with someone with a zero balance as of today.

And found this out....JETHRO TOOK SON TO THE COUNSELOR I ONCE SAW TWO YEARS AGO. Tried to get her to talk about 1)my house is dirty? and 2)did daddy really push mommy down?

This is the counselor I saw when I was in plan a. I tried to work on me and never said anything about Jethro except that he was cheating. Anyway I signed something then so she could discuss things with Jethro when he came in for his one session. One session. He waltzed into the door to see this woman and he brought with him a microcassette recorder and played for her "peachy being hysterical" when I ahd left him vmails on d days..Here is this sociopath lying and appearing all together and perfect. But little did she know he was a wife abuser, etc. My attorneys said that then I needed to quit seeing her which I did. He convinced this woman that he was the stable one and I was the one unstable.

Anyway, all that hoo hah was disproved when I saw another counselor. She said that those kinds of people are grand manipulators and will always hide or manipulate the truth period.

The other counselor wrote a letter and had it notarized and it's used as evidence of my being totally sane.

I told the attorneys he's trying to depose me first and dig up the only dirt on me which he can. That I was depressed two years ago..And I wonder why? Hmmm. Any guesses here? Plan A almost drove me nuts. IT wasn't for me that's for sure. I don't think many can do a good plan A for long. I tried for 6 mos. and it almost tore me down.

So this is his only recourse. To show me as a wacko. Yea right. Who's the one wearing orange?

Any ideas? BritB any ideas on what he's up to? He is angry that he was arrested period.

That's all. He is thinking that I had him arrested when I did not. Did not at all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

ohhh why didn't I think of that..if it is in both your names you both are responsible..
So BINGO call them and ask them for an itemised list of everything bought back to the date you need it..and have them fax or go online to get it..

see also what kind of extra insurance you paid on cards.some were offering life ins and also some new ins to protect you if you get divorced..think they give you time to repay and allow you to miss..see what you were paying extra for..look at the latest bills.

hugs..then if you were married..ten years you can collect on his social security when he dies even if you are divorced..but you had to be married 10 years even if you worked if his is higher take his.but if yours end up higher when you work the use yours..see how much you would get call them.

hey all you women married over 10 years you can call them anytime look it up..call them social security office give them hubbys social security # tell them you want to know what you would get now..or in the future..they will tell you..so you will know..
take care...
then if you do find out let me know..

{{{{{notpeachy}}}}

No wonder you feel like you're losing it! He's doing everything he can to drive you crazy. I know you keep insisting that you didn't press charges, but what difference does that make? Even if you had, you would've had every right to do so.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I never believed I would ever place or hang anything above anybody's head. It is sooo unlike me. But he's forced my hand. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's an understatement if I ever heard one! Don't let him make you feel guilty for defending yourself against his continued abuse, whatever form it takes. I'm glad you're getting some good legal and financial advice here. I, too, feel very vulnerable in these areas.