Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?"

"Yes, Bubba, that is true."

"And people are suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries ... is that true, mister lawyer?"

"Sure is; Bubba, but why do you ask?"

"Cause I was thinkin' .... maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've been wakin' up with!"

Here's my contribution to Thursday's funnies. This one was sent to me today by a co-worker:

Little Johnny

Little Johnny came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma,
"Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "they're up in bed." Little Johnny
started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play.

Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma. "Where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied, "They're still up in bed." Again Little Johnny started to giggle
and he ate his lunch and went out to play.

Then Little Johnny came in for
dinner and once again he asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and Dad?" and his
grandmother replied, "They're still up in Bed. " Little Johnny started to
laugh and his grandmother asked, 'What gives? Every time I tell you they're
still up in bed you start to laugh! What is going on here?"

Little Johnny replied, "Well last night Daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the
Vaseline and I gave him super glue."

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L

<small>[ June 12, 2003, 12:13 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

A woman driver is pulled over by a policeman:

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: May I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it for driving drunk four times.
Officer: I see...May I see your vehicle registration papers please?
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?!
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for backup. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, would you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The first officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the second officer. The second officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.


Moral of the story: Women — Don't mess with them.

What was that movie, "The Sweetest Thing"? Where the girl is his, er, equipment hung on something in her mouth and the EMTs arrive and her friend has her do some relaxing exercises and they don't have to cart the duo away in an ambulance.....