I do believe adultery is a forgiveable sin, if confessed, and repented of before the Lord, and
the person also has to confess this to the spouse he committed adultery against. Confess
your sins to one another, that you may be healed.
Of course the confessing has to be done sincerely
toward both.

I can't say that it's o.k. to remarry after adultery, because there is not a clear answer
in scripture. Down through the ages, all clergy
has differing views. This tells me it's not
a clear answer either or they would all have the
same answer. So I believe it's a choice between
two partners if they do remarry. God can bless
any marriage if the couple put him first in it, and in thier lives. It does say in scripture
that if you are loosed from a wife, do not seek
one, but if you do marry you have not sinned.
When I speak this I know there may be someone who comes up with the "I have the better scripture" thats why I don't like to talk about this subject, because there's never a clear answer. Hasn't been all down through the ages, and has been great controversy in the church.
God, why didn't you give us a clear answer about this in scriptures? It would be so much easier.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Ladysheep,

I read your story and my heart ached for you.

I look back on my life from before Jesus and after <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> was I blind, but now I do at first I felt so guilty of how I used to think and that I did go against what God's word is. Then I had to let it go because I'm different, I'm no longer the young lady who didn't know. I've prayed and repented and I've had many many blessings come to my life after giving my life to Jesus.

I went through lots of heartache with my exH and maybe because he wasn't the right man for me. The red flags were there but I loved him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

My H now and I had a pretty serious problem once in our relationship but we've been able to get passed that and I do think that our marriage is blessed. that problem made me seperate myself from him and I was all set to not marry him and walk away from everything. I was in prayer and it's hard to explain but obviously my heart changed I married him. Our wedding was very special, the songs that were played, the Pastor who married us, the scripture that was read, the whole night.

I changed over the last 3 years and I believe my household is reaping the benefits of it and we are being blessed. I don't know if it's because my x was a unbeliever and commited adultery.

This thread has me really thinking so I want to do some serious reading now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . You are very right about different scriptures and why didn't God give us a better answer. I think that will be the first thing I ask when I go to heaven <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ August 09, 2003, 01:45 PM: Message edited by: Purpleroses ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WhenIfindthetime:
<strong>. . . you run your own life, and your punishment, or salvation, or whatever is deemed to come at your passing. . . until then, live your own life the best you can, and make the best choices for yourself under your beliefs, and you will have done the best you can. In the end, all your individual god can ask of you is to do the best you can, because we are all fallible. . .
wiftty</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">While this philosophy may sound logical and appealing, it could not be more destructive. There are answers to the path of life and truth and eternity and God lays them out in his word. We are truly ignorant when we think we can determine this on our own. What is the saying - the road to h*ll is paved with good intentions.

Along the same topic....
This is what disturbs me about this MB site. Anyone can say anthing. There are people in this thread who claim to be religious but are passing out deadly information. Bad advice pervades. And many who do not know better are being exposed to it. I see too many "I think", "I feel", "In my opinion" or "I believe". People are taking scripture completely out of context and using it to twist the topic. I want to see more "I know" followed by "it is written". Otherwise don't waste time trying to get people to "feel" the way you do.
I don't believe in mamby-pamby religion. I believe in solid, Jesus-centered life.

<small>[ August 09, 2003, 03:30 PM: Message edited by: Okieman ]</small>

Well, as usual, I'm late for the party!

Nice discussion going on here. Diamondzzz, I disagree that it's a bad thing to discuss such topics as religion on a public board. I think as long as we maintain a certain level of respect for each others' opinions, there's lots to learn from each other.

I think the points made about what is true repentence: turning back to God, asking for forgiveness, etc. goes a lot further than anything else we can do to show others that our hearts are right is very correct. None of us walk in the others' shoes, so we can't really know what they've been through, NOR can we know their hearts.

That goes back to what I've said before: God is God and WE ARE NOT. (Good thing!)

I guess that's all I really wanted to add, b/c, quite frankly, I am at a crossroads place myself, and trying to "figure it all out."

My final point has to do with Okie's last post:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Okieman:
<strong>[QUOTE]Originally posted by WhenIfindthetime:
[qb I see too many "I think", "I feel", "In my opinion" or "I believe". People are taking scripture completely out of context and using it to twist the topic. I want to see more "I know" followed by "it is written". I don't believe in mamby-pamby religion. I believe in solid, Jesus-centered life.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think I have finally reached a place in my heart where I can truthfully say, "I have no opinion on my future." I hope NOT to have an opinion!! I think there really IS a danger in having an agenda, or wanting God to do a particular thing for us. Because once we have something we want to see happen, then we are not remaining IN HIS PERFECT WILL, but asking HIM to "bless" what WE want to happen! Hope this makes sense to you all.

What I'm trying to say is that I have finally come to a place where it doesn't matter to me what happens.

I wasn't "looking" for a husband when the Lord brought us together. I was perfectly content being single. Yes, I understood that God put us together, and it was His Will.....but I wasn't like a friend of mine, who had been pleading w/God to bring her a H.

So, now it seems I'm coming back to that place I was at some 23,24 yrs ago......I've come to a place where I am thinking, "I'm exactly where God wants me.....I don't have to have a H, I don't have to be M, or be reconciled to my (ex)H, or meet someone else. He has always, and will continue, to provide for ALL my needs, no matter if I am single, or reconciled to (ex)H, or marry someone else."

God knows what my needs are. OBVIOUSLY, He felt that I didn't need my (or any) H right now.....He has brought me to the "back side of the mountain" - set me away, apart, to learn more about Him, to spend my time alone w/Him, to teach me things I wouldn't have time to learn if I was caring for a H and HIS needs.....

There was also a lot of disobedience on my part toward God and H, so of course, I feel I have been "sent to the back side of the mountain" to repent for my many sins over the years of my M, but that's a different point.....

My main point in this post is to ask each of you to realize that NONE of this is occurring without God's express permission. Just like Job, HE knows what we are experiencing, and He is in control of how bad it gets, and what results it brings about.

My .02 only........

Hi purpleroses,

I'm so glad you are happily remarried. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Divorce, I wouldn't wish on anyone, and yes adultery brings so much hurt, pain, anger and more onto the household, including onto the children.

We too had a beautiful church wedding, my dream
wedding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It's amazing how God made everything come together. Truly blessed!!
Our first year wonderful, this past year there
has been a lot of sickness and sometimes I feel like running away from home, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> but can't. In
sickness and in health right??

So happy for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Dancer, whew, there is alot here.

The only thing I want to say in the midst of all that's been said is... be discerning. Okiman said, "This is what disturbs me about this MB site. Anyone can say anthing." I truly agree with this. I have shared very few details (if any at all) of my marriage here because this is a public place basically with alot of hurting people, some very bitter and angry, some not Christian. Of course, some are Christians and some are wise as well.

But, I learned in the beginning of my divorce to seek first the Lord because I took advice from well-meaning, Christian friends but it was not good advice in the end and I made decisions based on that advice rather than what I really should have done. I believe that in such a situatuion as this, the Lord will show YOU His will but probably won't show other people. So when you ask other people what to do, well, God hasn't told them what YOU should do. So, like Okieman, said, they will tell you what you should do based on either 1)the Bible and what it says or 2) based on their own experience and understanding. IF what they are telling you is Biblical advice, then that is good. But if not, well, you need to discern.

God told Abraham to sacrifice his son. He told no one. He did not ask "what should I do." I imagine if he had, he would have been stopped. I think it was wise that he sought no advice but rather simply obeyed the Lord.

In Proverbs it says "guard your heart." I believe we are to guard it because we will hear advice that sounds good but is actually not good. So I won't say what I think is right or wrong with anyone's advice to you here, but do be discerning.

Please check out www.restorem.org and www.rejoiceministries.org (sign up for the free devotional). These are run by very godly couples and there are no message boards. They advise against going to message boards for the very reason Okieman mentioned. I do understand that people feel a need to "vent" and seek advice, but I think alot of times advice is sought from strangers, themselves bitter and hurting, rather than from the Bible or from a professional CHRISTIAN counselor who supports marriage. I used to think that I "needed" to vent until I realized that I actually don't and I have much more peace and joy from "venting" through prayer and not to other people.

Anyways, I am prepared knowing someone will be angry at what I've said. I hope not, but won't be surprised if it happens. It is only my opinion and others will feel differently obviously.

God bless you Dancer and I do pray that God will give you wisdom and discernment and strength during this time.

P.S. Okiman said, "I want to see more "I know" followed by "it is written"." Me too! God's Word is the very first place we ought to get our advice, and sometimes the only place. And that is what is good about those two sites I mentioned. You get Scripture, Scripture, Scripture and that is what ultimately caused me to take my stand for reconciliation. I am sooooo thankful God led me there. He might work in your life (Dancer) in other ways, but I do want to at least tell you about those sites and maybe God will use them in your life. You never know, right. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

God bless.

Singleguy

I agree with you about anger and judgement. Its something I am conscious I need to watch for it daily. Perhaps its respect I dont have for him as it is a battle to discuss anything with him. But I am reminded by you that i need to keep forgiving him for whats happening until i am free of it. Im not so much hurt by him anymore, its more anger, annoyance, frustration in the way he communicates now - he'd say the same thing aboiut me. I used to cry and apologise for stuff i didnt do wenever we had a disagreement but lately i care less emotionally because i dont particulary like who he is at the moment and not attracted to him, i just feel annoyed. I know God could restore my feelings but at the moment i dont want feelings because it hurts so i asked God to dull them.

Dancer

Purplerose,

THank you for your honesty. As I read all these posts I wonder if i really should have brought the issue up as its really none of my business accept that i wonder if i can be motivated by the issue to hang in there for the long haul.
Pastors have such a huge responsibility dont they, its such a big job that will call for ginormous accountability before God...i sensed a renewed conviction to pray for them as they counsel so many broken hearts, with wisdom and discernment.

Dancer

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">While this philosophy may sound logical and appealing, it could not be more destructive. There are answers to the path of life and truth and eternity and God lays them out in his word. We are truly ignorant when we think we can determine this on our own. What is the saying - the road to h*ll is paved with good intentions.

Along the same topic....
This is what disturbs me about this MB site. Anyone can say anthing. There are people in this thread who claim to be religious but are passing out deadly information. Bad advice pervades. And many who do not know better are being exposed to it. I see too many "I think", "I feel", "In my opinion" or "I believe". People are taking scripture completely out of context and using it to twist the topic. I want to see more "I know" followed by "it is written". Otherwise don't waste time trying to get people to "feel" the way you do.
I don't believe in mamby-pamby religion. I believe in solid, Jesus-centered life.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">okie, make sure you don't go out in public often, because if you travel, then you will envounter many types of people who believe differently than you. . .

while your beliefs may be solid and necessary for you, there is NO meaning in the world to anything, unless YOU assign meaning to it. . . everthing is just here by random chance. .. I chose not to assign meaning to religion, and i have even been to jerusalem, and visited the holy sites, and from that i agree that at some point in history, there was a great philosopher that tried to present a religion to bring peace to the middle east and to explain the randomness that couldnot be otherwise explained,

this board is not a religious based site, if you want a religious based site, keep looking. . .

wiftty

Hi Wiffty,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This site is not a religious based site. If you want a relious base sight keep looking. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do believe that we do have a right to post here on our questions of "can an adulterer remarry another woman with God's blessing?"
Because for some of us this is very important
for us this is a very important question, for some it's not that important. And that's o.k.

But we do have a right to express our views as
we see them, and hopefully be respectful of others views as well. When I post I don't expect others to believe as I do, but I am
just expressing my view and feelings.

I believe this sight is to help marriages.
I believe this sight does have some very
spiritual principles to help marriage.

And this site is for all. A variety of
hurting people come here. Some come here
to help. And that's o.k.

I'm glad there is a prayer place here also.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Well, Ive finally read them all and i feel like aplogising for starting this thread. I appreciate all the feedback, especially Lovemyex, so please dont think Im ungrateful. Im not quite sure what to say in case i get misinterpreted.

I deliberately dont read books on divorece and remarriage because I can see everyones points of view and I just need God's. And Im not divorced. I was just wondering what other people thought about the issue I raised. Im just a bit thoughtful that if he divorces me I might want to find another husband and wreck any hope of reconciliation for good...but i trust that God will guide me and speak to me along this journey before i make any important decisions. For now i am married but living alone (with my little one) and making the most out of the situation as God leads. If husband comes back, i trust God will help us work thru it, if husband doesnt come back, i trust God will keep my life focused on loving Him, with or without a partner. Life is too short hey.

So thanks everyone. I hope no one has been offended by any thing said. I will go to some of those sites you guys mentioned and read a little.

Can I request that this be the last post on this thread? I know that sounds a little cheeky seings I'm the one who asked for replys. Ive rethought my question and think ive got better things to dwell on. Please dont be offended. i really do appreciate that some of you put yourselves out to reply to me.

I hope God's richest blessings will be your treasures!

Dancer

Hi Dancer,

Hoping all the best for you at this most difficult time in your life. And hoping you get
the reconciliation, and restoration you so
desire for your marriage.

Blessings, Sent with Love, Ladysheep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WhenIfindthetime:
<strong>[QUOTE]while your beliefs may be solid and necessary for you, there is NO meaning in the world to anything, unless YOU assign meaning to it. . . wiftty</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And then what....?

(Oh, I get it, we all have to assign our own meanings. I'm okay, you're okay. One consequence of everyone doing their own meaning thing is the proliferation of sites like this where everyone is trying to figure out where their pain is coming from. And don't forget the meds.)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And then what....?

(Oh, I get it, we all have to assign our own meanings. I'm okay, you're okay. One consequence of everyone doing their own meaning thing is the proliferation of sites like this where everyone is trying to figure out where their pain is coming from. And don't forget the meds.) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">yep, that's right, and the then what is when each assigns a different meaning, then disagreements come out.

Example: Okie assigns a very high value to religion, i assign no value to religion.

As far as religion, i did not say that one cannot post one's religious view, i said this is not a religious based site, meaning, the basis is marriage building, a marriage based site, not religious discussion. . . religious discussion is secondary. . and i was referring to Okie wanting specific scripture and hard core religion in Christ. . .

wiftty

<small>[ August 10, 2003, 02:39 PM: Message edited by: WhenIfindthetime ]</small>

I think it was Cinderella that suggested on another thread that she put two posters in a timeout room like she does her kids...

Shall we do that here folks? LOL

THIS is the reason I hate discussing "religious" things on this or any site.. Gosh .. why can't people discuss this stuff kindly and respectfully without being RUDE!

Honestly, what comes to mind here is .. "you can win the battle, but lose the war". So we get our points out, but in doing so, we make enemies.

Yeah .. that's really displaying the love of God here .. uh huh .. yep ....

I may not agree with Wiftty in theory, but I think he deserves a little more respect of his opinion too.

I call those people that say they are Christian and followers of Christ to a little higher standard ONLY BECAUSE they themselves (me included) make a declaration that we are following Christ's example.

I was very impressed with another poster on Cinderella's thread because he apologized for his attitude toward someone. He of course, didn't agree with the poster, but he did acknowledge that he spoke in a disrespectful way. In that way, I believe he displayed the true nature of Christ.

Is it any wonder that nonbelievers(and how do we KNOW for certain they are??) are turned off by Christians? Jesus said that they would know us "by our love for one another".

I apologize to anyone here that was spoken to disrespecfully. Yeah I know no one here needs me to defend them, but personally, I think this sux.

THAT'S WHY I don't like to discuss this stuff here. I think it is a recipe for hurting people, and I think totally unappropriate for a public forum.. .. and YEAH .. I do it too ......

Diamonzzz

<small>[ August 11, 2003, 12:55 PM: Message edited by: Diamonzzz ]</small>

Hey Diamonzzz,
I'm still a fan of yours. Don't let opposition get you down. David would have been a nobody if it hadn't been for Goliath. You will ALWAYS have an opposing view somewhere. Accept the fact that they are out there. Jesus knew the religious pharisees were out there long before he began his ministries. BUT SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY. I support you.
Thanks also to you Ladysheep for supporting that belief. I agree that sometimes we need to vent. Finding a listening ear is hard in this day.
Dancer, You should have no regrets starting this post. I think a million people want to know the answers to questions like this. Don't regret doing it.
singleguy

Hey Singleguy. Got this one late. Your right. Like my Dad would say, "and just cuz they say it's SO, don't make it SO". Meaning that just because someone says something a little harsher or louder than others, doesn't mean it is correct. No matter HOW strongly they believe it.

Um, I guess that would go for me and you too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Blessings,
Diamonzzz