Hi Ladysheep,
just came back from another blood test, all the counts are still somewhat out. I had to have her in to have her neurological exam. They wanted this due to Vee sleeping for 14 hours at a time, and her eating is still quite down. We didn't understand this request, but everything was fine, as we already knew. We are suppose to have her back to G.R. tomorrow.
All day today Vee has been acting real great, full of energy!!

W had supper with us a few nights ago!! It went great!!!
These past few days its as if maybe she realizes I'm not the monster kind if guy like she thought.
Today she was talking to me again as if i was her friend afterall. I just don't understand!!??

Ladysheep, its actually difficult to refrain from talking to her, especially when we have been having some major conversations about Vee's health and issues. Do you know what i mean? We've been actually doing pretty great, for the first time in a long time!

Ladysheep,
The other day while W and I was discussing the chances of going to a MC.
During this conversation, i asked her for three months, adding that *its never too late,* even if *one* is hated or resented.
I had asked if our marriage was a mistake, and then asked if our children was. Her reply was no.
I explained a few details, I even added that if after three months, she still feels she needs a divorce, that I will walk away. I will walk away from her, and leave our children to and with her. Thats how sure i was.
Anyhow, eventually she changed her mind.
I aslo asked if she was involved with anybody, she said no,,,

While on the phone today, discussing Vee's issues, again we started talking about us,,,

yes,

I'M STILL STANDING!

<small>[ September 25, 2003, 07:56 PM: Message edited by: Stephan ]</small>

Hi Stephan,

It's good to hear from you. I hope Vee is going to be o.k. She has to be a strong little one to get through all she has. God's hand, grace and healing be with her, I pray.

Well I hope things do go well w/ your W. Only
one thing concerned me, and that is that you
told her to give it 3 months, and if then she
wants the divorce, you would walk away, and walk away and give her the children <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . You are using the children as bait, and that is not right Stephan, you should have never brought the children into that negotiation!!
Yeah she probably agreed to that right away, she'll have the kids, and say no to you in 3 months, because that's what you agreed to!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />


I don't know if your wife is being nice again because she wants the kids, or is really being sincere. I can't really tell, but you will know again in time.

What do you think?

Ladysheep

Ladysheep, yes Vee is a strong one!
I have to share something with you. When she was two, one day she woke from her nap, telling me all about Jesus. How Jesus loved her, and me.
I really don't remember all that she did have to say at this time,, but as time went by when we discovered she had that tumor, well I so often think that God was talking to her. Months before we found out about the tumor, she started talking about two people. They had girls names. She would tell us they helped her, played with her, and watched out for her. Eventually Nyjal, came into the picture. Only he wasn't nice.
Thinking back about this, I believe she had two gaurding angels watching over her. After her surgery, she hasn't never mentioned anything about these people. This was the only thing that really disappeared, do you know what i mean?
Besides her motor skills and such. I have asked her several times, even repeated some of her stories, to no avail.

When she was in the hospital, one day she asked the doctor if she could go to church, doc said no. Later doc agreed. Only at this time services were over. The preacher lady heard about this, so she had services especially for Vee. Doc allowed Vee to go to church services, only we set it up in a waiting lounge.

Ladysheep,
With me using the children as bait,, I never added that part of walking away, until after W agreed to MC. I was only trying to show thats how confident i was.
what do i think I'm not sure. I do know that after i added that i'd walk away, leaving her with the kids was when minutes later she said only meant to set it up for joint custody,,
I know I've been able to clear up a few misunderstandings. Recently she commented about some changes in me, then added there are still some needed in other areas??

At times here lately, too many times i think my W is being nice. Like last night she called at about 11p.m. This morning i had an email from her, explaining that she wasn't upset with me,regards to a situation of Vee's. She actually supported me.

Today we get some more lab results, and i'm praying that today will be the end, and the last of any more tests!! That next weeks scheduled tests, will all be voided out!? I hope thats Gods will??
They are suppose to call in about twenty minutes.

Ladysheep, a big special thank you, to you.
THANK YOU! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
and i won't negotiate with the children anymore!!
Steven

<small>[ September 26, 2003, 08:02 AM: Message edited by: Stephan ]</small>

Hi Stephan,

How did the tests come out on Vee, hopefully good. I believe God and angels are watching over her. I don't understand the Nyjal thing,
but I understand angels. Do you think Nyjal
was a demon presence, and the angels fought him
off?

I know a little girl who has the gift of discerning of spirits. She has a horse angle.
She tells me about him. His name is Gallop <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
She said he is a white, bright, shiny, beautiful horse.
He comes most of the time at night, and he
only comes when Jesus gives him permission to come. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
He gives her rides around in the house. But he said he can't take her outside because she is too little. He sings songs to her and w/ her.
She says sometimes he sings so loud, she can't sleep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> One of his songs are the books of the bible song, such as Genesis, Exodus, Deuteronomy, etc...
She told me sometimes when he comes from Heaven to here, he goes through fights w/ bad angels. One time he got his legs/ankle broke and Jesus healed it right away <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .
One time he brought a puppy in a basket from heaven. I always wondered if animals went to heaven. I guess that is my answer. She said that the puppy and mother had got hit by a car and went to Heaven.
One time on summer vacation, Gallop was given permission to come for a whole week. So she was coming here to visit that week, and guess who came w/ her. Yep, Gallop!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> As she and he were here, she could see him and talk to him, but I couldn't see him, but I could feel him, his presence was very strong. I would ask at times what he was doing. At one point he was jumping from the floor clear to the cealing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> He continue to do that and play for a long time.
And she would laugh at him. And I could feel him BIGTIME!!! He has wings, but he doesn't always have to use them. He told her he liked being here and he likes me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm telling you I was in Awe, and I am every time I think about it.
So when you say Vee had some angels come to visit, I believe her. Nyjal, may have been a bad angel/spirit, that the others had to fight off.

I hope and pray she is going to have good reports come back from Dr's.

Ladysheep

Hi Stephan,

Me again. I just want to understand this o.k....
what do I think...I'm not sure. I do know that after I added that I'd walk away leaving her with the kids was when minutes later she said only meant to set it up for joint custody.
o.k., does this mean that if she goes through the MC w/ you for 3 mongths, and if she decides after that 3 months that she wants a divorce, that you will give her joint custody?

Ladysheep

Hi,

yeppers, thats about what I was telling her. I also said that once its gone, its not gone for ever, (neaning her love) even if she hates and resents me, it can be found again. I told her *its never too late,* that all thats required is an *open mind.* That its also a *choice* that can be made. That was when i said give it three months,, and that dating should also be involved.
If she can look me in the eyes, and say that she doesn't love me, then i will walk away, from it all!!! Actually, you probably had it right w/o asking,, yes i was willing to walk away,,, from it all. I actually could NEVER do that. So yes, it would have been agree to joint custody.

I called her yesterday to give her the lab results for Vee, and asked if she wanted the children for the night. When she was here, i asked if she would join us in church, she said she'd think about it. So i suggested that if she could join us, and if she doesn't return them Saturday night, then I will meet them in church. Its now 9p.m. and they're not back.

This morning i also sent her an email saying that i no longer wanted to see her, or talk to her, just leave a message as to when she will be bringing the children home. i also asked her what is she scared of,,, then the last question i asked her, who is he??
Ladysheep, this time i was dead serious with the email! I really can't handle the ups and downs,, and I'm not saying she's doing it, because I'm responsible for myself, you know.
I do believe in the *Open Heart Policy!*

I keep praying, but occassionaly i fall. I keep yelling above, that I'm standing in the gap,, with my Holy hands lifted high.

Now thee ultimate news!!! Vees blood results came back, everything is normal!!! We still have to take her to a specialist the third. But there is no lukemia!!!

My little girl, she sure is a trooper. At age five, she has already experienced soo much,,,
she has had so much handed her way already, in such a short life.

One thing I've always told my children, that our Father God, let me borrow them for their journey here on earth, cuz he knew i would be the best dad for them, that i would do thee best job!!!

TTYL,,,


ttyl,,

<small>[ September 27, 2003, 08:19 PM: Message edited by: Stephan ]</small>

Hi Stephan,

Oh Stephan what a day, huh!!!

This morning I also sent her an e-mail saying that I no longer wanted to see her, or talk to her, just leave a message as to when she will bring the children home. I also asked her what is she scared of...then the last question I asked her who he is? Ladysheep, this time I was dead seious w/the e-mail. I really can't handle the ups and downs.
What happened??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I am so glad Vee's test came back normal. HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

One thing I have always told my children, that our Father God let me borrow them for thier journey here on earth, cuz he knew I would be the best dad for them that I would do thee best job!!
So true Stephan~!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ladysheep

Hi Ladysheep,

She's not right!!! She was suppose to have the children home last night, unless she was going to go to church with us this morning.
They didn't come home last night,, at about 9:30 I became full of HOPE. I was pretty excited,, in fact I didn't sleep much.

This morning i was so full of excitement. As i became closer to the church, I was actually nervous and still full of hope.
Church starts at 10:00a.m. at 10:15 I called her.
I ws informed that by my W that last night Vee said she didn't want to go to church in the morning,,,

So i picked my children up.

When I was there, i was staying awat from her, i went back outside while she finished dressing the children. Eventually she wanted me to come inside.
Regards to the email I sent her, there was no response that i could tell. In the email she sent me this morning, there was no comment in regards to my email telling her i no longer wanted to see, or talk to her. (maybe there was??)

Ny Winformed me she has a 12:30 appointment to see about a different job! Starting her own cleaning service. She really didn't want to tell me this, unless it was going to be a for sure thing. So, i gave her encouraging words, and wished her good luck.

I asked her if she had thought about going to church,,, her answer was what Vee had said. I asked her again,,, still no straight answer.

She started talking about her neck hurting, so i gave her a little neck massage, with a kiss on her head. (I wonder now why she allowed this,my email?)
Maybe I'm wanting to see what I want to see with this more friendly, and letting me massage her neck. Its like i see, or even hear mixed messages from her, even thru last weeks hospital trips.

Ladysheep,,, I don't know how to do this!

Have a g r e a t day!

Hi Stephan,

I hope you had a good day considering.

Yeah, I can see how you recieve mixed messages from her. But at least she was cordial and invited you in. I guess a stable attitude is
going to be the key, being respectful, and considerate of each others feelings. And most of all trust the Lord through it all.

I know it's hard to keep your word when there is anger in the heat of the moment, and you don't want to talk to her, see her or anything. It's understandable, but just let her know how you feel. Let her know that you feel you get mixed messages from her and don't know quite what to think from day to day with her. Let her know it makes communication very difficult. And don't expect to much of a decision from her right now. I know that is the hardest part. It's like when is she going to make up her mind what she wants. Hopefully she will someday. The sooner the better though. It seems she is just somewhat unstable right now. If she's double minded, that's a big problem. And only she and the Lord can deal w/ that together. I pray He will give her wisdom, and help her to make the right decisions in life w/ you and the children.

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

My W just called me, all excited! She has a new job offer. She's giving her two week notice tomorrow. She actually called, to tell me this!?

A month ago when W had questions for me about how and when could we do marriage counselor and such. I gave her a lot of answers and solutions. Her last statement was that she really can't, due to her signing a six month contract with her then new job.
Now she can break her contract, to change jobs.

As we were hanging up, I told her I loved her! I always make some form of a LD, every time we talk.

I don't understand what kind of mother would place her career, before her children. Everybody needs an income, so please don't take me wrong,,
There always ends up being an excuse, and none are legit!? I'll soon be her second X.
Where are thefamily morals, and family values?
MHO, I have always *felt* that with a mother, her children would be placed first??

Cordial? Why after each time of sending or giving her my good bye? I don't know how, or if I even want to be just a friend? Right now my thoughts are I can't. Its like giving the message that her excuses are all ok, that i'm supporting her decision. I can't support a divorce decision. I can respect her decision, just won't support her.

Yes, overall, my day was good, as i hope your was to. Thank you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I need to quit!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Yet, I still feel that i need to continue
STANDING
http://www.rejoiceministries.org
God tells me to be still, to keep the faith, that prodigals do come home.

Hello Ladysheep,
W didn't show up at church. SHe told me she thought about it though.

I sent her a email,saying i di not want to see, her hear her, or anything. I then asked how she will feel when I introduce our children to a certain friend. I actuall had A LOT to finally say.
Anyhow, she called me at 1:30 this morning, we talked for ever an hour. SHe was real pleasant, sweet and such.
I was asked how i knew it was over for sure, adding unless I wanted it to be.
I also recieved a pleasant email from her. iwas erven supported in a few issues from her.

We talked for about twenty minutes today. I asked about her new job possibility. As we were ending, I was thanked for showing an interest, and thanked for calling her.
I'm still standing!

maybe i should be taping my series,,

Hi Stephan,

Do you think it made W think twice when you asked how she would feel about introducing the
children to someone? Maybe she's coming around.
I'm glad she is being supportive of you, that's what she should be. That makes it all special.
I hope so!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ladysheep

Hi,
I really don't know what to think. Other than the fact that I do think too much!
U do think that I sure hope so!
I think its rather confusing. Look at all the ups and downs, you know. There has been a few times I've been serious about just quitting, other times to only like test, every time she has responded. Responded in a way that shows she does care,,, then days later, we'll be back to a chilled wall between us.

I really don't know how to play,,,but overall, i continue,,

to be a STANDER at least!

I do know I believe in my vows, and I know she is my wife, I do love her!

turn the page,,,

Hi Stephan,

I know what you mean. That's all its been is ups and downs. That probably all you can expect
from her right now. Be thankful for the times she is supportive, and thank her and tell her how much that means to you. I know you do test her at times to see if she is sincere, and thats o.k. too. You have to know. But Stephan as long as you are communicating w/ her right now it pretty much all you can expect. Every time
you talk about the "two of you" it gets you reeling, not knowing from one day to the next.
But if she is not involved in an affair then I'm not sure about plan B. Right now you will have
to decide whether you want to go through the roller-coaster rides w/ her. That's up to you.

You did ask her to give it 3 months, so your pretty much tied to an agreement. Then you wrote her that "no communication" letter, that you did not stick to. I don't think she can take you serious, thats why she didn't respond to it. So the ups and downs are visible. The changing of your mind from day to day is visible. You have to have a plan and stick to it. That is the only way you can alleviate some of the problems.

Sent with love, Ladysheep

Ladysheep, that last time i emailed her saying i was done,,, i really had the intent to not call her, no responing to emails,, nothing.

When she phoned me, i suppose I was that hook, lline and sinker person again. As in reeled right back in.

I thought maybe,,, just maybe this time would finally be it, hoping she realized,, shoot, the world knows where i stand!!
Its more like we are still in the conflict stage, and i want to do the steps to move up.
Recently she spoke again about joint custodt,, saying that there was a big chance that maybe if i agreed, then maybe i too would get what i wanted. I did tell her that I didn't trust her, thinking that if i agreed to this custody, that *boom,* she would be off to the races.

Anyhow, yeppers, i do need to do something!! and stick to it! You mentioned something abour Plan B? DId you think thats what I should be doing? Ladysheep, we both kno0w that I'm not one for listening to, or following much advise from anyone in these forums> But this time,,,I think maybe I need to!!! With that email I sent, would that be considered as a plan B letter? And, what should I do at this point? I can't write her another letter, Plan B, can I?

What should I be doing? Besides sending one message one day, and doing the exact extreme opposite the next day!? Sending her the same thing that helps keep me unbalanced, mixed messages, ups and downs, it doesn't work,,

thanks,, steven

i just hung up from talking to my W, she still is being nice, and friendly!
She told me she didn't email me today cuz she had an appointment, it took longer than expected.
Ladysheep, can i ask her about her appointments? If so, can I, or should I ask for any details, results, etc. Or accept what ever she nay or may not offer? thanks again, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ September 30, 2003, 07:22 PM: Message edited by: Stephan ]</small>

Hi Stephan,

Thinking of you!! Haven't been on in a few days. Been very busy. How are you and the children? How are things going w/ you and the wife? Did you decide a plan yet?

Ladysheep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Ladysheep,
The children are doing great!!! Myself, I'm doing ok.
Regards to a plan?? I do know I want to learn which one,,, and *stick* to it! I have made it two days now and sent her no email, and have not called her.

She called this morning, (her week-end) I had children already to go,,
I was informed she had things to do, I was then asked if I had plans, and if so, what times,, she stated she was also concerned if she would be able to have them or not, cuz she had them last week-end. I assured her it was her week-end still. She also had to go back to work this a.m. and have a few contractors over, (estimates on roof) ASking me what times would work for me. The way i replied bothered her. My reply was that if i have plans, thats ok, i can be open, and flexible, to work around her,, i was asked again, and again, finally my reply was yes that I had plans, reassured it was ok, that I can change them, to work with and around her,, for her.
I was just trying to be nice ??
Anyhow, its agreed that we will meet here at 6p.m. to pick up the children.

Dang,, all i was trying to show, was that i was being considerate,,.

Can I ask you, what polan should i be doing, in your opinion?? Should I do the NC??
Every time i have started, i allow myself to be reeled back in, then I act, then its right back to the, whatever its considered.
Vee's scheduled bone marrow appointment was cancelled, her doc called, stating it was not necassary,,, she is fine!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Whatever plan i need to do, I'm sticking to it!!!

thank you, have a wonderful eve,
steven

Hi Ladysheep,
Last night W showed up an hour early to pick up Vee and William. I have been having them ready to go, so that I can leave right away when W gets here. She asked for some coffee, so i made her some, she said she thought she would end up interrupting supper,, and that she hasn't ate all day. SO i asked if she wanted to go get something, or if i could make her something. I already knew the response would be, no. But i ofered anyhow. I NEED to stop! being nice to her, too many deposits! As it turned out, I was here for an hour with her.
I gave her a sweater i bought for her, she was SO excited when I haned it to her she asted as if she was a child getting her most wanted present! She was excited, surprised, and gave appreciation!
Ten minutes later she asked how Will was with pants, suggested that I take the sweater back,, so i asked her to please don't do that.
AS she was leaving I informed her that I was going out of town, planning to be back at 4p.m.Sunday. IF i';m not here by 6, (when she's suppose to return Vee and Will) not to worry, that I should be here shortly after. So she said she would have them back at 4,,,said they needed to be home early, due to Stephanie's B-day yesterday, so they should be home early, so they can rest.
She also commented about me leaving town, and no-one knowing how to get ahold of me if there was an emergency. I asked if she wanted me to call her??? Vee satrted asking questions, and W said you tell him Vee, adding its not right.

So today I plan on coming home, after 4p.m.!!

Have a G r e a t day!

<small>[ October 06, 2003, 04:04 AM: Message edited by: Stephan ]</small>