If it's okay to "date" while married because your spouse left and there is nothing left of the marriage except the paper, then why get married at all?

My "argument" is that until a divorce is final, then don't date.

If a spouse feels a marriage is over and goes out and "dates", why is it wrong?
If the bs then goes out and dates, it's okay?

If you want to date, then get a divorce.

What's wrong with doing this?

If the paper of marriage is the only thing holding the marriage together, then why get married? You answered your own question silly.

(tongue in cheek) Everyone is going to see marriage differently Chris. You know this and I know you know this from your posts. The marriage contract is a piece of paper worth lots and lots in child support and alimony cases... but in a functioning marriage is an invisible thing utterly masked by love, respect, and commitment. When the love and commitment are gone and all hope of recapturing it has fled, the only thing that remains is this document that says, "You are married."

I looked at it and said, "I will not date, but I will try and make friends." That didn't stop me from having crushes and even romantic thoughts but I avoided (probably accidentally) romantic entanglements till the dv decree came through. Others will look at it through eyes of hurt, pain, anger, impatience, even unrequited love...

I do know that the time I was looking at that paper and respecting it, bought me valuable time to sort myself out. In hindsight, I could have used more of it. Wiser people say to wait. I am now one of those people who will say that, but it's very hard to argue marital contract, on either side, when apathetic noncompliance is being flaunted in one's face by the other. That flaunting is what pushes most of us out of Plan B into dv action! In the end, impatience to move on with life is, what I think, what drives most of on into our respective futures...

Chris I agree with what lyxa said......but would like to add this......

You waited on your EX for a good while correct?.........what if by chance, by waiting on her all that time, you missed the opportunity to meet someone perfect for you? In my case, I wasnt willing to risk losing a marvelous woman whom meets all of my needs for a piece of paper that wasnt worth the ink printed on it.........at that time when my EX gave completely up and no longer wanted me. Basically all she was WAITING on was for the divorce to be final. As I have said, when its over, its over.......and sometimes people have to face the facts.

One more thing Chris..........sometimes people make a mistake in getting married. Yes, god hates divorce and wants couples to stay married......but since we have our own free will, alot of time we make mistakes. I for one, made a mistake in marrying my EX........I grew to love her, but we had problems from the start. We argued on our wedding night. NOT a good sign.....with my current wife, I dont think we have argued but once in a whole years time.....and definately NOT since we have been married. Its like we are perfect for each other. If I would have past her up due to a few weeks of waiting for my papers to go through.....I WOULD BE KICKIN MYSELF TO THIS DAY. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Chris,

You look at a M differently than what some others may see it.

Many people see it as a piece of paper; a legal document that can be used manipulated and even disgarded if they "feel" like it.

It is entered into without much thought or consideration (their first mistake). Therefore, it can be tossed to the wayside (their second mistake).

You, on the other hand understand that it to be an unbreakable committment in front of God and the spouse, not to be entered into lightly.

With people coming from those two perspectives, no one will ever see eye to eye. And only God has the ability to give them the same understanding.

I understand your frustration with people not getting it. But don't stop. Obedience is what we are called for not results.

Bless you.

S&C

what if by chance, by waiting on her all that time, you missed the opportunity to meet someone perfect for you?
Then I didn’t lose anything, did I? If I were to “what if” everything, I’d go insane, as would most people.

In my case, I wasnt willing to risk losing a marvelous woman whom meets all of my needs for a piece of paper that wasnt worth the ink printed on it.........at that time when my EX gave completely up and no longer wanted me.
So she (new wife) was meeting all your needs and you knew she was perfect as soon as your (now ex) wife told you she no longer wanted you?

or

And you knew this immediately upon meeting her? After all, you were dating prior to your divorce which was only ~3 months from d-day to final decree, correct? So there wasn’t a whole lot of time to know she was “someone perfect“.

As I have said, when its over, its over.......and sometimes
I guess we differ on “when it’s over.”
So why did you get married again? Why only a piece of paper? Could have saved $20 (marriage license (expensive piece of paper)) plus wedding costs.

If I would have past her up due to a few weeks of waiting for my papers to go through.....I WOULD BE KICKIN MYSELF TO THIS DAY.
But you would NOT have known how great she is and you would not have been in love with her and you would not miss her.

So why don’t you kick yourself today because you didn’t win the lotto? You COULD have picked the right numbers.

Or what if you had waited 30 seconds longer before saying hello to your new wife. If you had waited, she would have found the winning lotto ticket on the ground and then met you. You could have had both..

So sorry for ya’ dude. That would have been so good... Bummer.

<small>[ September 09, 2003, 07:14 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

(from the other thread)

Jill,
we have the ability to think and reason and choose our own way of interpeting what the bible says.
Where in the bible (specifically or generically) did you interpret that it was okay to date while married?

Chris and Steadfast,

I was married by a minister in church. I gave my heart and soul to my ex husband. I was a good wife and mother for 17 years. It was my husband who chose to end the trust by having 2 ow. When I chose to divorce it was the hardest thing in the world for me but I knew that our union was gone. Even my minister told me that I had done all I could and it was time to let go. It was after that, that I felt divorced, when I felt that sadness of losing something I never thought I would lose. When I stood alone in front of the judge that day I felt nothing I was already divorced in my mind and that signature by that man meant nothing.

Someday you may meet a wonderful person, a person who may fulfill your life more than you ever thought possible and it may go through your mind if I had stayed married I would have never met this person.

I always say everything happens for a reason. It just takes some people longer to realize what the reason is. My Fiancee is a wonderful man, I am happier now than I have been my whole life. I used to live in fear, now I live in happiness. I believe God was watching out for me and decided maybe I needed a little happiness.

I hope someday you can find happiness also.

Jill

Chris,

Just how did they divorce in those days?? Do you know?? Was it a long time consuming thing back then or was it a quick one day affair??

I'm sure they did divorce so how was it done. At the time the bible was written I'm sure it was a simple matter. The woman was probably cast out of her house to fend for herself. That seems to be how women were treated then(but that is a whole different debate).

Whoa Chris.......... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I was actually friends with my wife before we started dating, so I did get to know her very well. Anyhow, lets leave her out of this........we are talking about our differences in opinion.

Whats funny is........my EX was/is still in the church.....she is extremely active in the choir, womans ministry and several other things. She was/is having an affair with a married guy at the same church.

Funny how those who are supposed to be saved, still fall quite short. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

My EX turned our marriage into a piece of paper when she chose the other route. YES, that is what I think it is.....a piece of paper. As I have said.....Im very happy now, and do not regret a thing.

God Bless and have a good day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Jill,
we have the ability to think and reason and choose our own way of interpeting what the bible says.
Where in the bible (specifically or generically) did you interpret that it was okay to date while married?

Just how did they divorce in those days?? Do you know?? Was it a long time consuming thing back then or was it a quick one day affair??
Does this mean the bible doesn't "apply" now and it should be "adapted" to our "new" customs/laws?
And if it took only a few days for divorce, that we CAN change the way we interpret the bible because it now takes longer for a divorce? We make the bible fit our lives instead of vice-versa?

SO,
Anyhow, lets leave her out of this........
You brought her up. Time & time again.
I absolutely mean nothing against you or her and wish you nothing but the best.

we are talking about our differences in opinion
Sort of.
You were talking about, "I wasnt willing to risk losing a marvelous woman whom meets all of my needs for a piece of paper that wasnt worth the ink printed on it".

My EX turned our marriage into a piece of paper when she chose the other route. YES, that is what I think it is.....a piece of paper. As I have said.....
Answer the question? Why did you get married again? It's only "a piece of paper."

and from the other thread.
Jim's first post.
My new girlfriend thinks I should file for divorce, and I guess I think so to, afterall, I don't really want her back anymore.
He was dating BEFORE he even decided to divorce.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong>Answer the question? Why did you get married again? It's only "a piece of paper."</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Cmon Chris, I answered that already...........It became a piece of paper after the EX waywards broken vows of adultery.

We will have to agree to disagree.......have a good one.

<small>[ September 10, 2003, 10:08 AM: Message edited by: StartinOver ]</small>

So it's up to your spouse, not you, to define what marriage means to you?

<small>[ September 10, 2003, 10:37 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong>So it's up to your spouse, not you, to define what marriage means to you?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If the spouse strays.....I think they just dictated what marriage is to that couple.

So why not reply to what I wrote instead of making up new stuff?
I italicized you because I was not looking for what marriage is to the couple, but you as an individual. And you let her dictate what your definition of marriage is.

<small>[ September 10, 2003, 11:19 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Why do you always answer a question with a question?

Ahh, now I understand. You are here simply to troll and cause a "ruckus" and are not really concerned with what any of these discussions actually are.

Why do you always answer a question with a question?
I don't understand this. Where do I "always" do this?

Usually I don't ask a question to answer your question. I ask a question of your (non-question) reply to get a clarification.
Such as a previous post in this topic
"what if by chance, by waiting on her all that time, you missed the opportunity to meet someone perfect for you?
Then I didn’t lose anything, did I?"

This is the only reply to you where my answer is a question. And my reply is not really a question, more of a statement.

Hahahahaha...........Have a good one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />