</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by maw64:
<strong>Ok - I am not going to debate this issue - OK -</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Neither am I.......Have a good day! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

??¬
?\riginally posted by StartinOver:
<strong>Uhh...and saying IM CONFUSED is not rude adgirl48? You do not even really know me. You based your comment about my confusion on a few threads. Im not confused at all......I wanted to keep my first marriage together, my EX wanted to divorce to be with OM........I met someone I fell in love with and remarried.....Where is the confusion???? The fact that Im remarried to someone I love and is much better for me as a spouse? Where is the confusion?</strong>[/QUOTE]

Startin Over. DO YOU READ WHAT YOU WRITE?????? I said you were confused because YOU said you were confused. About what Chris was saying. You did the confused graemlin. SO no, it is not rude to repeat what you yourself said.

Oh.....adgirl48 Im very sorry.....My apology to you......God Bless..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Haven't read nearly all this thread. Just too long!LOL

Chris,
Excuse me for being blunt, but I am curious. You have come off pretty judgemental and mean-spirited, between the "God" lines. (why is it that some of the worst people on boards are the ones touting that they are Christians?) Just pondering that one. Are you married, divored, separated? Has a woman hurt you badly by cheating on you?

Only trying to figure out why you are attacking those who choose to date before their divorce is final.

Chris,
You have come off pretty judgemental and mean-spirited,
How do you classify "mean spirited"?

between the "God" lines
My "God lines" are only in response to others "God lines" meaning I don't bring up God unless they do first.

why is it that some of the worst people on boards are the ones touting that they are Christians?)
That would mean that some of the worst ones are people not touting to be Christians. What's your point?

Are you married, divored, separated? Has a woman hurt you badly by cheating on you?
I'm divorced. My (now ex) wife wife took off after 19 years, leaing me & 2 daughters (8 & 2 then). Sure I was hurt. But marriage is an important part of society. This discussion is based on people who seem to have double standards.

Only trying to figure out why you are attacking those who choose to date before their divorce is final.
Who did I attack? Where did I write attacking an individual for dating prior to divorce?

<small>[ September 12, 2003, 11:54 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Thanks for your response Chris. Didn't have much time to hang out on here and didn't know if you were on.

Your situation with your EXW explains a lot. My EXH left me also with two children and it's not easy raising children by yourself.

By the pondering over "worst people", I DID/DO mean the they ARE the worst people you encounter. Have never figured out why that is? Also, at work, the people who have voicemails that end with "Have a Blessed Day" are always the nastiest to deal with. It doesn't make sense to me. Another tidbit is, told to me by a waiter, that the very worst tippers are the church crowd. Makes me wonder why. We are supposed to be better at understanding and not judging and generally treating others as we would like to be treated.

My opinion only is that if you are divorced in your heart and separated and filed, you can date. Don't ask me to list the reasons. It would be too long to type.

Chris, whether you realize it or not, you are pretty mean in some posts and generally your attitude comes across very negative and picky. Just an observation. Take it or leave it. I'm sure other's read you the same way.

Femine Side, I don't agree that Christians are the "worst." Sure, there are hypocrites and of course, none of us, including Christians, are perfect, but the WORST? First of all, since I am a Christian, your comment is somewhat offensive. Secondly, I don't consider people like Billy Graham or Mother Teresa or JESUS himself as being the "worse." Now people like Osama bin Laden or Sadam Husain or Hitler or others... I'd consider them the "worst." There are also many people who call themselves "Christian" but who really do not know or serve the Lord; thus, they give Chrisitanity a "bad name" (for the record, I do not think Chris is one of those people and don't agree with your assessment of him as "mean," etc).

It sounds actually as if you are prejudice towards Christian by making stereotypical comments about them? The "nastiest" people I know are people who don't know the Lord and don't care about others as a result.

BTW, there is NO SUCH THING as being divorced "in your heart." Try telling the judge and court that. No, she and I are divorced... in my heart, that is. The judge and court would say, "Sorry, you are MARRIED until you have filed and it has been legally decreed that you are divorced." Try claiming it on your income taxes. "Divorced"... well, not on paper, but "in my heart."

I suppose alot of men would like to believe they are divorced "in heart." Heck, that way, they don't have to pay alimony or do anything required by a law that a legal divorce might require them to do. Is that the reasoning behind being "divorced in heart?" That way, you can justify seeing someone and other things. I mean, seriously... you can have a girlfriend and say, "Well, we're divorced in heart." You can decide not to support her and you can kick her out of the house and withold money from her and say, "We're divorced, in heart." You can do many things with that type of reasoning, and many people do. I can't help but wonder what has ever happened to integrity and faithfulness and at least waiting until the divorce is final to date!

<small>[ September 13, 2003, 12:38 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

Hi TSC,

Nice to read your reply. I hear ya about "God's instructions. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I truly believe God will bless you for honoring your marriage vows despite everything and for forgiving your husband. I did read the first link you posted but didn't find your "story." I still have to read the second link and hope to find it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Divorce is brutal. Forgiveness, reconciliation... wow... so hard, but so, so good for our characters, our futures, our hearts. Even for just the one person seeking it. It's been the hardest thing I've ever done but yet also the best because of how it is changing me and making me a better person. I have learned that it is better to suffer but have strong character and maturity (as a result) than to have an "easy" or "happy" life and yet shallow character and immaturity. So while there has been much pain and suffering as a result of seeking reconciliation, I am glad for how God is shaping me as a result of it. I am sure you also have been/are being shaped as a result. I look forward to reading your story!

I hope and pray that God heals all the pains and brokenness in you and your marriage and that He continues to do a good work FAR BEYOND what you can even imagine!! God bless you!

Wow!!!

What a thread. There has been alot of angst within the posts from all sides. I sense strong opinions resounding against other opinions tinged with defiance and perhaps a little justification. Just my take.

I personally think that people should not date until the divorce is final. I think that we live in a society in which laws and customs are flaunted to such a degree that we no longer care about what they represent, it is just what makes us feel good for the moment.

My reasoning is several fold...

First, marriage is an institution in which both parties freely enter, it was NOT real and in effect until the 'piece of paper' was signed. No matter how long you 'lived together or acted as if you were married' in some cases. You WEREN'T married until the paper was signed. So saying that the paper is meaningless does not seem to fit the situation. NOW the MOST important part of marriage is absolutely the combined effect of respect for the marriage. NOT the piece of paper. But, you can't REMARRY until that piece of paper is signed, so to say it is meaningless is ridiculous in my opinion. Even if you are only stating that for the fact that you live in our country.

Secondly, God's rules supercede 'man's law' but that doesn't mean that man's law is nothing. We are to live by it until it deviates from what God wants from us. Man's law says you are married until the paper is signed saying you are not. You can 'ACT' any way you should choose, our WSs have shown that ability in spades. But that doesn't alleviate the REALITY, that you are married still. It just depends on whether it means anything to you. And that is a choice the person must make on his/her own and reap the consequences that are brought about.

Third, perhaps the best reason in my opinion in a general sense, is Just how HEALTHY do you think you are going to be if you are dating before the divorce is even final? How well do you think your choices are going to be made when you are doing something as important as 'choosing another partner' while you still are legally bound to your 'old partner'. In my opinion, people who date while still married are setting themselves up for future heartache or turmoil, Not because of law, God's wrath, etc. But because I really think it is rare (personally nonexistent) that a person can be healed and stable while they are going through a divorce.

And THAT MEANS those 3 or 4 year separations. There is a reason that the person has allowed the separation to linger that long, and in my opinion, that simple fact is what should keep them from dating. Perhaps they are slowly healing... then sever the ties and move on. But the MARRIAGE is a tie that must be cut to be truly healthy in another relationship. I feel that a person who has yet to divorce WILL ABSOLUTELY have issues that will come up later in relationships. And WHY would you want to risk being hurt or HURTING someone else for the fact of a few months? Push it through and heal... date after the divorce is final, when things have been laid to something resembling 'rest'.

Just my opinion... I am not RIGHT... just what I have seen in too many relationships lately. The re-divorce rate is high because hurt parties reenter relationships that are not healthy. They do it with all the right thoughts and desires, but it is the person involved in the relationship that has the hardest time seeing the relationship.

By the pondering over "worst people", I DID/DO mean the they ARE the worst people you encounter. Have never figured out why that is? Also, at work, the people who have voicemails that end with "Have a Blessed Day" are always the nastiest to deal with. It doesn't make sense to me. Another tidbit is, told to me by a waiter, that the very worst tippers are the church crowd.
That is such a broad statement it would have to be false. It may be an opinion but definitely not fact.
Just as a statement such as, “blondes are absolutely the dumbest people” is false.

Now there may be some very bad tippers in the church crowd. There may be some very nasty people who say, “have a blessed day” and there may be some real dumb blondes out there.
Does that mean they are always the worst/dumbest? No.